Well?? Do You Want to Get Well?

Almost four years ago, I wrote a blog originally titled “Do You Want to Get Well?” Since that article first posted, we have had the privilege of working with thousands more individuals, couples and families over the past six years of opening our doors at Rock Solid Families. When this article was originally published, COVID-19 wasn’t even a word in our vocabulary yet.

So yes, things have changed in the past four years including the state of many people’s personal wellness. What I wrote four years ago, however, still rings true. As a matter of fact, the need for healthy has never been greater. Every day, our phone rings with folks hurting physically, emotionally, and spiritually desperate for HELP and HOPE.

Sometimes, the need comes from a client’s choices like addiction or infidelity. Other times, it’s at the hands of someone else who has hurt them leaving them feeling betrayed, abused, or abandoned. In many instances, our clients come in feeling stuck and unable to see any way out, and then there are the few who don’t even want to try anymore. For them, things have gotten so hopeless they can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel.

One of our goals in our faith based coaching work is to help clients see that there is HELP and HOPE available. It’s promised in God’s word. Romans 8:28 reminds us of his promise, that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him and have been called according to his purpose. But for many clients, that truth is hard to even fathom in their current circumstances. It’s hard to imagine anything good coming out of their pain and tears. Some have been dealing with their past trauma or living as a victim for so long, their pain has almost become part of the family. 

That was the case for a lame man back in Jesus’ day who was lying by a healing pool in Bethesda. The pool from time to time would stir as the angel of the Lord came and healed whoever made it in first. This particular man had been paralyzed for 38 years and when Jesus met him by the pool,  he had been there for a very long time waiting for someone to help. Can you imagine?  In John 5, we see Jesus coming on the scene asking the lame man the all important question, “DO YOU WANT TO GET WELL?”  The invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” 

Aren’t we a lot like that lame man in Jesus’ day? I know I can be at times. There are days I just want to sit there with my “victim” badge and cry “Someone, anyone, please feel sorry for me! It’s a lot easier to wallow in my circumstances and sit in my pain than do the work to change my situation. It would almost be like losing a little piece of my identity. The invalid had excuse after excuse for Jesus why he hadn’t gone in that water to be healed.  It had been 38 years, for goodness sake! You’d think that would be motivation enough to crawl or beg your way to the pool and be healed.

What about you? How long are you going to wear your “victim” badge? After all, everyone’s got something. Maybe you experienced abuse as a child or were bullied in school. Maybe, you struggle to this day with an addiction or learning disability. Maybe you are like many of our clients who have made some really bad decisions in the past and are still reeling from the natural consequences of their choices. That “ailment” doesn’t have to define you. You don’t have to be “lame” or “blind” forever. Jesus Christ asks us the same question he asked the paralyzed man by the pool thousands of years ago-”Do YOU want to get well?” And he extends the same offer of hope and healing to us today. 

Choosing to pursue healthy and healing is not only important personally, but it’s also critical if you are a parent. What are your children seeing in you-a victim or victor? I ask my clients who are also parents that question all the time. We are raising too many victims in our world today. “It’s not my fault” or “No one will help me” are only excuses that perpetuate victimhood. Don’t let yourself or your children play the blame game any longer. It’s time to search your heart and ask yourselves the all important question-”Do I want to get well?” Then, in faith, pick up your mat and start walking

If you don’t know where to start, give us a call at 812-576-7625 (ROCK) and take that first step. We’re here to help!

How do you share the Good News with a friend?

It is more than likely that we all have someone in our lives that we can share our faith with. A friend, neighbor, co-worker, or family member who doesn’t know Jesus Christ or who may be in a season of hopelessness. But how do we do that? Some of us aren’t confident enough, aren’t bold enough, or maybe want to do it for selfish reasons of bringing someone to Christ versus doing it because the Holy Spirit laid it on our hearts.

Before we share our own faith, it is important we ask ourselves a few questions first to help evaluate our hearts and intentions…

• Am I modeling an authentic relationship with Christ myself? Am I leading my example? James 2: 14 - 17 reminds us faith without action is dead.

• Have I prayed for this person in your life? Ask God for an open door to share your faith with them. Invite the Holy Spirit into the process. Mark 13: 10 - 12 tells us not to worry about finding the words to say, because God will give us the words to say through the Holy Spirit. Be sure your heart is also open to accepting the Holy Spirit’s guidance, and that your intentions are pure and not selfish.

• Do you know their faith background? Maybe they dont have a faith background, or maybe they have a broken background. Understanding this will help you know where to start in a conversation about faith.

When sharing our faith with others, we need to be BOLD, but also remember that “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Proverbs 12:18) So approach these conversations with sensitivity, understanding, and wisdom knowing that with friendship comes trust, and it takes a lot of trust to openly discuss faith with others around you.

Once you’ve asked yourself the questions above and evaluated your intentions, you can approach the conversation about faith with family and friends by following six simples steps:

1.) Pick a time when you can talk without any distractions and a place that favors good conversation. This may be over coffee or lunch, walking around the park, or a long drive in the car.

2.) Start by acknowledging how important their friendship is. This will help set the grounds that the conversation to follow is happening out of LOVE and not judgment or condemnation.

3.) Ask open-ended questions. This allows them to answer on a level they are comfortable with and helps you know how to engage on their level. A great example might be, “We don’t talk much about faith, and I’m curious where you stand or what your experience has been.”

4.) Use your own life experience to relate to them and explain how your faith impacted those struggles and experiences. Doing this offers empathy and understanding in the relationship.

5.) Recognize that there are going to be differences in everyone’s walk of faith. Just because you had the conversation and planted the seeds doesn’t mean they will automatically catch up to where you are on your own journey or even have the same faith background. It’s okay to disagree, but be sure to always keep the friendship in good standing.

6.) Offer resources. Invite them to church, recommend books to read, or ask if they need prayer.

All of these steps plant practical seeds in their lives and although we plant seeds, we may not see the fruit of our labor. The walk of faith is a process, not a rush. We must trust that God’s plan and timing are better than ours and that His living water will continue to water the seeds that we have planted in our family and friends.

Remember that our own testimony is the most powerful tool to bring others to Christ, so we must protect our faith and not give into the ways of the world. We challenge you to be BOLD and COURAGEOUS and to share your faith with someone in your life.

To hear more about sharing faith with those around you, listen to episode # 295 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, where Merrill and Linda Hutchinson dive deeper into this topic and provide real-life applications and share experiences from their own walks of faith.

For more content like this, focusing on faith, family, fitness, and everything in between, subscribe to the Rock Solid Families Podcast on Youtube, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts.

www.rocksolidfamilies.org

Are We Teaching Our Kids to be Consumers or Producers?

We are all naturally both a consumer and a producer, but our mindset determines what energy we put back into the world around us - Are we a giver or a taker? It is easy to be consumer-minded with all of the instant gratification and access to all sorts of resources at our fingertips. (Think Amazon same day or next day delivery…talk about on-demand! )

Our kids are also experiencing this commercialized consumer mindset. They tend to demand more and more as they get older, trying to stay on top of the trendiest shoes and clothing, “needing” a new car on their sixteenth birthday, wanting more freedom, and the list goes on. But what they don’t always think about is that these demands and freedoms come with having more responsibilities. By giving in to our children’s every demand and desire, we are encouraging a consumer mindset, avoiding their responsibilities, and setting them up for failure.

As parents, it is our job to help them understand what is involved with their wants and needs. How much something costs, the time needed to make it happen, necessary resources, etc. This teaching should start in the leadership season of parenting, when children are between the ages of 3 - 13, and be reinforced during the mentoring season (Ages 13-18).

In episode # 288 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda Hutchinson provide us with 10 simple ways we can ensure we are raising producers (givers/servers) and not consumers (takers).

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1.) Make sure you are unified as parents.
It is important to be on the same page as your spouse and make sure that the family values are established. Oftentimes kids will try to put mom and dad against each other, and when it falters, it can lead to resentment between parents and becomes more of a marital issue than a parenting issue.

2.) State what you want for your kids.
Not in the current moment, but in the long run. Who do you want them to be when they are around the age of 18-21? What do you want them to be like?

3.) Teach them the importance of contributing to the family.
Whether it is doing daily or weekly chores, helping set up or clean up the dinner table, or attending family outings or activities. Family comes first and its beneficial to reflect on how their actions affect the family as a whole - is it impactful or hurtful?

4.) Let your kids know the cost of things that they consume and what it takes for you to provide those things.
Don’t use this to guilt them or when you have given something or done something as a gift. Instead, use this to teach them the cost of items in terms of hours of work or time spent to achieve the goal.

5.) Encourage opportunities for them to be responsible.
Simple chores offer opportunities for children to be held responsible and are a great way to start contributing to the greater good of the family unit. Whether it is feeding the dog, taking out the trash, doing the dishes, or cleaning their rooms, it helps them see the world outside of themselves, and how what they do impacts not just themselves, but others around them.

6.) Teach them to serve and give while using their time, talents, and treasures.
Serving others with your time and talents helps create leaders! If you aren’t sure what your gifts or talents are, you can take this spiritual gifts assessment and it will provide you with ways that you might enjoy or excel at while serving others.

7.) Teach them to appreciate the things they have.
We can’t expect our children to naturally have an appreciation for the things they have. We need to teach them to appreciate their things by taking care of our stuff and being thankful. This can be taught by making sure they have some investment in the things they have. This could look like them saving up to help pay for an expensive electronic they really want, cleaning their car (inside and out!), or cleaning up and selling that dirt bike they just HAD to have 2 months after buying it because it wasn’t as fun as they thought it would be.

8.) Don’t do things for them that they are capable of doing themselves - Yes, I’m talking to you too, Moms!
It’s so easy to fall into this trap of doing things for our children because it’ll get done quicker, it’ll get done correctly, and it will get done the first time we ask. But children are usually capable of doing more than we think. I challenge you to stretch what you think they are capable of and then ask them to do it. If we do everything for them, they won’t learn to do things for themselves and will be stuck in this consumer mindset thinking that “someone else will do it.” or “its not my job to do that.”

9.) Give them examples of people who have chosen a dominant life as consumers as well as those who have chosen to be producers.
The story of Elvis Presley comes to mind on this one. On the outside, he seemed to have it all together - he had the fame and the fortune. He was well-known and well-liked by his fans but behind the scenes, he was narcissistic and rude to his staff and crew. Turns out, he grew up poor and with an overprotective mom who did everything for him as a way of her coping with the loss of another child.

10.) Let them know that you did not invent this function of parenting.  It was invented by Christ!
Mark 10:45 says, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for man.” It is God’s will for us to live a life like Jesus and for Jesus. Jesus was the perfect example of how we should live, and if he lived to serve others, we should too!

Click HERE to watch the full episode from Rock Solid Families on raising producers verses consumer.

For more content on topics of faith, family and fitness, subscribe to Rock Solid Families Podcast on youtube or listen on apple podcast and spotify.

Embracing Chaos: Finding Purpose in Disaster Relief - Featuring Darin Kroger

“Bringing Help and Hope to Those Who Are Hurting" is the first thing you will see when you visit the Masters of Disaster website. On this week’s Strong Dads podcast (Episode # 231), guest Darin Kroger talks about how he felt nudged by God to swap out comfort for chaos when he switched his career path from IT to operating his non-profit, Masters of Disaster, providing faith-based disaster relief and resources to communities impacted by severe weather -AKA acts of God!

In this episode, Darin shares with us what happened when he began to surrender his heart and talents to the nudging of the Holy Spirit.  Darin had what most of us would think of as a "good life" and by his own admission, it was a good life, but he continued to recognize an itch that wasn't being scratched. An itch for something more. Something that he really had no clue of what it looked like, other than it kept begging his attention.  This itch was in the arena of disaster relief.

Darin has always enjoyed following stormy and severe weather. The kind of weather that can change a person's life in a matter of seconds - tornados, floods, fires, and hurricanes. Most people watch this type of weather unfold from the comfort of their homes while watching the news. We sit back in our recliner and say a prayer for all the people who have been affected. Not to diminish the importance of prayer (because the Bible tells us that the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective!) but GOD WANTS US TO DO MORE!  He wants our hearts to be filled with compassion to serve the needs of others and then our hands to carry it out. 

Darin, along with his volunteers, began to operate the Masters of Disaster organization several years ago. Now it is a full-time disaster relief resource for areas within a 4-hour radius of the Greater Cincinnati area.

Darin and his team desire to serve those who are in their greatest time of need by offering emotional & spiritual care, chain sawing, roof tarping, flood redemption, debris clean up, and rebuilding & repair services. Masters of Disaster survival resources and actions are first on the list, then comforts and even wants can begin to fill in the void. Not only do Darin and his team restore the essentials, but as a result, they restore hope in individuals and communities as well.

To listen to episode # 231 of the Strong Dads podcast, visit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81ghL7QnmG0

For more information about Masters of Disaster, contact them at https://mod-usa.org/contact-mod/.

To learn more about Rock Solid Families and Strong Dads, Visit http://rocksolidfamilies.org.

Life Giving Grit - Do You Have It?

For whatever reason, I have lately been very interested in learning and hearing more about what I’m calling “Life-Giving Grit.”  You’ve heard these stories before.  The person who suffers devastating blows only to never give up and finally prevail in the end.  The movie “Rocky” comes to mind.  I have also been reading a couple of different books about Holocaust survivors - Wow!  Some incredible stories of survival have come out of that tragedy.  Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Elie Wiesel, and Oskar Schindler are just some of the heart-moving stories that continue to live on. 

I also have more than a couple of friends and family who are in the long-haul battle for their lives against cancer or other illnesses.  I watch as they pull themselves from one treatment to the next with no guarantees that anything is actually going to work.  Nonetheless, they carry on.  Some of them have lived and continue to live with such grace and strength that inspires others.  This has challenged me to ask, “What would I do in these situations?”

To be clear, none of us want to invite tragedy or hardship into our lives just to see if we can pass the test.  But, as life would have it, many of us will be tested.  I wonder how I would stand up to the test.  I wonder how strong my faith and hope would truly be.  How about you?  How strong would you walk through the darkness?  

I have taken a little time to study and observe more about these enduring characters.  What is it about them that sets them apart, what traits do they have or what actions do they take to move on with such grace?  My list is not intended to be the final say on survival, but rather some suggestions and ideas that maybe all of us could benefit from whether in difficult times or not. 

Here are five different things I’ve noticed. See what you think. 

1.    The Eye of David - You’ve heard about the “tiger’s eye”.  I have thought about the story of David and Goliath and tried to imagine what David actually looked like when he stepped into the ring against Goliath.  Against all odds, and staring into the face of a giant, David must have had a certain “look” to him.  I think of that as the look of the tiger, the “tiger’s eye”. That look of absolute focus on the matter at hand, likely to be tunnel vision, where nothing else really matters at the moment.  That look is only fueled by eliminating all other possible outcomes other than a triumphant win.  David could not have looked at Goliath with fear and trembling.  He had to look at him with determination and faith that he would prevail. 

2.            “Pick Me” Mindset - They are the “all in” volunteers.  They invite opportunities to walk through hardship because they have faith that something better will come. 

3.            No Paralysis From Analysis - We have all been around people who are terrible about making decisions.  They overthink and second-guess every possible solution.  They use excuses such as, I’m still gathering information or I’m praying about it, way longer than is beneficial.  Instead, these people make a decision and then go with it.  It may not be the perfect answer, but they are willing to live with the responsibility and consequences of their decisions.  They are not afraid. 

4.            Problem Solvers, Not Statement Makers- They ask great questions that lead to powerful answers.  “What can I do about this?”  Many of us get stuck in stating the obvious. We make a statement about a given problem and then we leave it sit.  “I have cancer.”  That may be a true statement, but if left there, it is nearly worthless.  Problem Solvers say, 'I have cancer, what am I going to do about it?’  Asking a question of self-empowerment is the fuel to get things moving. Remember, this has nothing to do with whether or not your solution is going to work.  It simply means that you are not stuck and stranded without options.

5.            Action Figures - Finally, people of great survival stories are people that are movers and shakers.  They are action figures. They don’t sit back, they do!   I’m reminded of Todd Beamer, the man who tragically lost his life as a victim on United Airlines Flight 93. The plane was hijacked and ran directly into the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. Todd recognized that things did not look good for him and all the other passengers on that flight.  Rather than sit in his chair and cry, which would have made perfect sense, he corralled a group to storm the cockpit of the plane.  The possible outcomes were not good no matter what happened, but going down without a fight was not an option.  When they got their plan together, Todd Beamer was heard saying. “Let’s Roll”.  In other words, it is time to go to work.

As I mentioned earlier, none of us want to be tested in such life-or-death situations, but it is only through adversity that we truly learn who we are and what we stand for. My challenge is to know who I want to be prior to finding myself in the battle for my life. How about you?

Finishing Strong!

— Merrill Hutchinson

President of Rock Solid Families, a faith based marriage and family coaching organization in St. Leon, IN. For more information, contact 812-576-ROCK.