Breaking Free From Co-Dependency

After reading a book called “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, my life has been forever shifted and will continue to be. Growing up and going to church, I have often heard the verse from John 13:34, “Love others as I have loved you”. I would say many Christians try to live their life being mindful of this verse. When we think of a few of Jesus’s characteristics we are reminded of his unconditional love, laying down his life for us, selflessness, and forgiveness. But have you ever paused and reflected on the thought, “Do I take this to a place that is unhealthy; further than God has called me to?” That is a question that we may not ever ask ourselves. Upon reading this book, I soon realized that the love we start out with in relationships can at times become messy, unhealthy, full of fear, and misplaced responsibility. 

So what is Codependency? 

Codependency is defined by feeling overly responsible for another person’s emotions, actions, or well-being. This often looks like: saying yes out of guilt, feeling guilty for things we cannot control, avoiding conflict to keep the peace but in turn neglecting our own needs, and losing our identity in the needs of others. The list could go on and on. Honestly, if you were to step into most conversations with middle school or high schoolers, odds are you will likely see codependent relationships;  thanks to social media, snap chat, texting, and quite possibly the lack of parental role modeling when it comes to relationships. 

I recently was in a conversation with a student and they stated that they were supposed to spend the weekend with their friend. When the time came, the student felt that they wanted to stay home and have time to themselves to decompress (totally appropriate and valid). However, when they relayed this conversation to their friend, their friend immediately made them feel guilty and relayed how disappointed they were. In return, the student spent what should have been a restful weekend at home, proving to their friend how much they cared. Maybe when you read this, you were reminded of times you have been here! ME TOO! If we as adults are not stopping these codependent relationships/behaviors, then our children are learning them from us! As I was reading through Bible verses, several different ones stood out to me: 

• Matthew 6:33 tells us to “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness….” When we make people’s approval our priority, we drift from God’s best for us. Healthy relationships honor God, not replace Him. 

• Jesus loved people deeply, yet He often withdrew to pray (Luke 5:16), said no to demands (Mark 1:35-38), and refused to be manipulated (Luke 4:28-30). He did not allow guilt or pressure to dictate His actions—He followed the will of the Father.

If this is something that is very ingrained in your identity and persona (as it was me), then I would highly encourage you to schedule time with a Christian Counselor, mentor, or pastor and have a vulnerable conversation; this will lead to growth and redemption for your life! Boundaries are one of the foundational blocks we believe and educate on at Rock Solid Families, we would be happy to provide support.

Steps for Eliminating Codependency:

1. Acknowledge the Problem: Pray and ask God to reveal this to you. Be honest about where fear, guilt, and insecurity could be driving your actions.

2. Say No: this does not make you a bad person, but a healthy friend with healthy boundaries. I’d highly recommend reading the book, “My Best Yes” by Lysa TerKeurst

3. Trust God with Others: It is not our responsibility to fix someone; that is God’s.

4. Surround Yourself with Healthy Community: only befriend people who also exhibit this time of healthiness and not codependent behaviors. 

5. Redefine Love: Boundaries are an action of love, not rejection
   

We believe that breaking free of codependency gives you the ultimate freedom that God has called you to walk in. This allows God to be God, and we take the place as his servants - not the savior of others. 

www.rocksolidfamilies.org

Well?? Do You Want to Get Well?

Almost four years ago, I wrote a blog originally titled “Do You Want to Get Well?” Since that article first posted, we have had the privilege of working with thousands more individuals, couples and families over the past six years of opening our doors at Rock Solid Families. When this article was originally published, COVID-19 wasn’t even a word in our vocabulary yet.

So yes, things have changed in the past four years including the state of many people’s personal wellness. What I wrote four years ago, however, still rings true. As a matter of fact, the need for healthy has never been greater. Every day, our phone rings with folks hurting physically, emotionally, and spiritually desperate for HELP and HOPE.

Sometimes, the need comes from a client’s choices like addiction or infidelity. Other times, it’s at the hands of someone else who has hurt them leaving them feeling betrayed, abused, or abandoned. In many instances, our clients come in feeling stuck and unable to see any way out, and then there are the few who don’t even want to try anymore. For them, things have gotten so hopeless they can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel.

One of our goals in our faith based coaching work is to help clients see that there is HELP and HOPE available. It’s promised in God’s word. Romans 8:28 reminds us of his promise, that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him and have been called according to his purpose. But for many clients, that truth is hard to even fathom in their current circumstances. It’s hard to imagine anything good coming out of their pain and tears. Some have been dealing with their past trauma or living as a victim for so long, their pain has almost become part of the family. 

That was the case for a lame man back in Jesus’ day who was lying by a healing pool in Bethesda. The pool from time to time would stir as the angel of the Lord came and healed whoever made it in first. This particular man had been paralyzed for 38 years and when Jesus met him by the pool,  he had been there for a very long time waiting for someone to help. Can you imagine?  In John 5, we see Jesus coming on the scene asking the lame man the all important question, “DO YOU WANT TO GET WELL?”  The invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” 

Aren’t we a lot like that lame man in Jesus’ day? I know I can be at times. There are days I just want to sit there with my “victim” badge and cry “Someone, anyone, please feel sorry for me! It’s a lot easier to wallow in my circumstances and sit in my pain than do the work to change my situation. It would almost be like losing a little piece of my identity. The invalid had excuse after excuse for Jesus why he hadn’t gone in that water to be healed.  It had been 38 years, for goodness sake! You’d think that would be motivation enough to crawl or beg your way to the pool and be healed.

What about you? How long are you going to wear your “victim” badge? After all, everyone’s got something. Maybe you experienced abuse as a child or were bullied in school. Maybe, you struggle to this day with an addiction or learning disability. Maybe you are like many of our clients who have made some really bad decisions in the past and are still reeling from the natural consequences of their choices. That “ailment” doesn’t have to define you. You don’t have to be “lame” or “blind” forever. Jesus Christ asks us the same question he asked the paralyzed man by the pool thousands of years ago-”Do YOU want to get well?” And he extends the same offer of hope and healing to us today. 

Choosing to pursue healthy and healing is not only important personally, but it’s also critical if you are a parent. What are your children seeing in you-a victim or victor? I ask my clients who are also parents that question all the time. We are raising too many victims in our world today. “It’s not my fault” or “No one will help me” are only excuses that perpetuate victimhood. Don’t let yourself or your children play the blame game any longer. It’s time to search your heart and ask yourselves the all important question-”Do I want to get well?” Then, in faith, pick up your mat and start walking

If you don’t know where to start, give us a call at 812-576-7625 (ROCK) and take that first step. We’re here to help!

Peace over Perfection at Christmas Time

As you’re reading this blog, it could be at a time when you are trying to relax, laying in bed, or even when you’re “doom scrolling”/zoning out on your phone to procrastinate on all of the responsibilities that are being thrown at you as you prepare for Christmas. If you relate to this you might be in a position where you are in the weeds of the details and logistics of planning for Christmas. But is this the true meaning of Christmas? If we are blatantly honest with ourselves, the meaning of Christmas isn’t about all of the fluffy extras: gifts, perfect home decor, best outfit, everyone getting along… you see where I’m going with this. It is about reflecting and meditating on the miracle of Jesus coming to us in the flesh in a manger to showcase his love for us. Jesus’ birth fulfilled God’s promise of a Messiah, bringing hope, peace, and joy to a broken world. His arrival marked the beginning of God’s plan to reconcile us to Himself through His life, death, and resurrection! I’m not saying that the fluffy extras are bad, but they should not be what is the driving factor for you in celebrating Christmas.

Let go of perfection:

I recently read a great way to describe the pressure that the world puts on us as we prepare for Christmas; to make everything perfect. However, if we pause and remember why we celebrate Christmas in the first place we are reminded that Jesus entered our imperfect world in a humble stable, not a five-star inn. If your tree is lopsided or the cookies burn, let it be a reminder that God’s grace meets us in our imperfections.

Consider the story of Martha and Mary in Luke 10:38-42. While Martha was distracted by preparations, Mary chose to sit at Jesus' feet and listen to Him. Jesus gently reminded Martha that Mary had chosen what was better. This story teaches us that it’s more important to focus on Christ’s presence than on perfect appearances.

Healthy Boundaries this Christmas:

Christmas is also a time to be intentional about how you spend your time. It’s important to ask yourself, are you able to spend time with God if you are running around to all of the places, possibly out of guilt? Or maybe you find yourself in situations feeling obligated to be there because you do not want to hurt someone’s feelings. Holidays can be a little tricky as so many people are usually involved. However, I want to remind you that at the end of the day, YOU are responsible for your feelings, behaviors, and attitudes, NOT for others. Of course, you should still care for others, BUT you should not sacrifice your boundaries, your peace, and your own time in the midst of caring for others. 

As you navigate the Christmas season, remember that peace isn’t found in perfectly executed plans but in the presence of Christ. By keeping your eyes on Him, you can experience a Christmas filled with peace and joy that only He can provide. Let this be the year you truly embrace this! You are the only one in control of what you say yes and no to!

www.Rocksolidfamilies.org

Striving For Identity in Christ Verses Identity in This World

Identity is one thing that I think we all wrestle with at some point in our lives. Everywhere we turn people have opinions on what we are doing or the world is telling us how we should be doing something. Don’t even get me started on finding identity in the world based on what people say/think about you, that’s a whole other beast. What a defeating mountain we constantly climb. Over the past year, I have started surrounding myself with a community of women where we press into learning what God says our identity is. This is something that needs to be at the forefront of our minds. I struggle with this daily.

If I were to ask you how you would describe yourself in three words, what would it be? Would it be related to acts that you have done? Right out of the gate, we are trained to turn to how the world defines us. Next time you introduce yourself to someone, notice that you say your name and then you say what your occupation is. One thing that I have discovered about myself over the past year through vulnerable conversations with my family/friends is that I was in a place where what people thought of me and or compliments they gave me outweighed what God has always said about me. For me, I struggle with keeping how God defines me at the front of my mind because it's not outwardly spoken to me every day, or so I thought. 

What if the question we are asking ourselves daily is “Who does God say that I am?” God says that we are: Righteous, Made New, Freely Forgiven, Chosen, and Deeply Loved. What an introduction that would be next time you meet someone new to say your name and then follow by who God says you are. That’s just not something we see very often. I struggled with believing and accepting in my heart how God defines me because I was immediately seeking outward approval and not declaring Bible verses where God says this to us. Maybe you can relate. You go to work and put in so much effort and then feel like you’re on top of the world when someone notices. Eventually, that fuels the fire and you keep working so hard until you have lost a sense of who you are. I’m not saying to not work hard and to not do your job, I’m challenging you to do these things but with your heart in the place of doing it for no other reason than God giving you the ability to use your God-given gifts in a meaningful way. That’s right, I did not say to do it to seek approval and praise. 

I believe that the more we fall into how the world defines us, the more we are wiring our brains to believe this about ourselves. Before we know it, our autobiography is made up of words that the world has chosen for us or what our coworkers have to say about us. This is a dangerous place to fall into. I would love for you to deep dive into this in your life right now. Examine what God says about you to be true and rest in it. This can be so radical in your life to take back the identity that Christ has always said over your life. I recently went through a bible study called “Father’s House” and the writers say it best by stating, “It is not about how good I am, but it’s about how good my God is.”

Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” 

Friends, I’m permitting you to relax and stop striving. That’s right I said to stop striving. Stop striving for everyone else’s words of affirmation for you. Stop striving for your identity to be made up in this world. Rest in the fact of what God says about you. 

1 Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”

I challenge you this week to identify a Bible verse that talks about your identity and memorize it. Write it down and hang it up in your house or car. Speak this over yourself multiple times a day. We have to run to our identity in Christ and not run to the world to identify us.

Want to dive deeper into this topic, check out episode # 313 of the Rock Solid Families “Girl Power Half Hour” Podcast where Bridgitte, Jenna, and Linda dive into staying true to your identity in Christ and not giving into the temptations of the world around us. (Lulu Lemon, four eyes, social media trends…. they talk about it all!)

For additional content regarding faith, family, fitness, and everything in between, listen to the Rock Solid Families podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube, or follow Rock Solid Families on Facebook & Instagram.

www.rocksolidfamilies.org

Love & Respect from your spouses perspective

The topic of Love and Respect is one Rock Solid Families has covered before. But this time we are approaching it from two very different perspectives - A husband’s perspective and a wife’s perspective.

Understanding what love and respect mean to your spouse is like learning an entirely new language. Things you thought you understood may come back to only cause more confusion and conflict. Emerson Eggerich, author of the book Love and Respect, explains that the different languages between husbands and wives are not necessarily right or wrong, they are just different. The key to success in the relationship is understanding the language differences and how to be a better interpreter.

Ladies, when it comes to understanding our man's perspective of love & respect, we can follow the language of the C.H.A.I.R.S:

C – Conquest & compliments. Men want to conquer, or overcome, something. Saying things like, “I really appreciate how hard you work to make sure our family is taken care of” means a lot to them. Men have a natural desire to provide for their family. Wives, if you are the bread winner, focus of how well he takes care of the kids, his handiwork projects, etc. Compliment your man’s work not only to him, but also in front of other people. Fill his desire to be the knight in shining armor.

H – Hierarchy. This is the level of position or authority. Biblically, the man is the head of the wife like Christ is the church. He is the last step of authority when it comes to raising and disciplining kids. If women dismiss the man’s authority, the man will start to pull away from situations where he feels his decisions and authority is being questioned or taken away, and he will shut down. Women, empower your man to feel like they are the provider, protector and spiritual leader.  

A – Authority. Don’t undermine, or take his voice away in the household. This runs hand in hand with hierarchy. If a man is not doing a good job with his authority (cowering, easily manipulated by kids, etc.) he’s not being firm. Encourage your husband to be the authority. And if you don’t agree with something he is doing or saying, work it out privately so kids don’t think you are questioning their dads’ authority.

I – Insight. Insight that a man brings to the decision-making process. (perspective) Don’t think your ideas or thoughts are more important or always right. Bickering over things that don’t really matter, or are simply your preferences won’t get you anywhere. Allow the back and forth, but allow his input. Don’t demean or dismiss his input/ thoughts, or this shuts him out and he doesn’t want to participate in conversation anymore. If you need him to just listen, tell him you just want him to listen, or else he will try to fix it.

R – Relationship. Beyond being married, are you friends? Do you value our time together? Do you connect on a variety of interest? Kids cannot be your only glue! Find something you have in common to enjoy together. She sheds and man caves are dangerous – it brings disconnection because often men and women will retreat to these places and it gives a message you don’t want anyone else in your space. Time together is encouraged. Men are okay with shoulder-to-shoulder relationship, which is having their wife sitting near them and not even necessarily talking, just simply being nearby.

S – Sexuality. God wired us differently, Thank God! Work out what healthy intimacy looks like for your marriage. Discuss this with your husband and come up with a plan that’s maintainable and healthy. This could be daily or 2-3 times a week. Ladies, it is important that you try to initiate more often and respond more joyfully. I know, you’re saying “It’s hard sometimes!”, But acknowledge that there are temptations, and you should support him intimately to keep his eyes and temptations towards you. Just acknowledge that you want to be intimate and will work with him on doing so in a way that works for both of you.

Men, you’re probably nodding your head in agreeance after reading through the CHAIRS acrostic, but now you’re in the hot seat! How do you make sure your wife feels loved & respected? When it comes to speaking our wife’s language of Love & Respect, we should follow the acrostic COUPLE:

C – Closeness. This could look as simple as hand holding in public. Don’t dismiss your woman wanting to feel connected, or that your lady might want you to be proud of being with her. Physical touch should NOT always lead to sexual engagement.  Non-sexual touches carry great values with the ladies.

O – Openness. This is when a woman feels confident in knowing how YOU feel. You being open with her about your feelings, and communicating so she doesn’t have to guess is important. On the flip side, she wants you to ask her how she is doing and feeling also. Ladies & Gents, pick your time wisely – don’t ask these types of questions as he is walking out the door, or as she is falling asleep.

U – Understanding. Women need men to understand and empathize with them. Show that you appreciate all we do. In episode # 307 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda use the example of Christmas dinner… Typically the woman will cook, clean the house, do the shopping, wrap everyone’s gifts, and the man might carve the turkey. Women, you can’t assume that men know what else needs to be done, so be open and tell them how they can help.

P – Peacemaking. Men, just admitting when you are wrong can make a huge difference. Acknowledge when you are wrong or mess up, but also offer forgiveness when your wife has messed up or is wrong. It goes a long way. “Just own it!” – Jocko Willink. If you say sorry, you need to also change your actions – that’s the difference between peace making and peace keeping.

L – Loyalty. Women feel loyalty from men when they don’t look at other women, watch pornography, when they speak positively to them and about them. If you as a man are bouncing eyes at other women, throwing your wife under the bus, threatening / joking about divorce, poking fun at her expense… it undermines the feeling of loyalty. Women want to feel like you aren’t going anywhere. Women feel loved when they feel that their men are loyal. Loyalty = Security.

E – Esteem. This is when wives feel treasured, honored, cherished. Be her cheer leader, verbally support her, honor her, praise her, make her feel valued. The opposite of this would look like you throwing her under the bus, making her the bud of all your jokes. Eventually it will wear her down and she won’t feel that same honor or praise of being your wife.

Check out the 2-episode series “love & respect” on the Rock Solid Families Podcast to get more in depth about how husbands and wives can best show their love & respect for each other. Episode one covers this topic from the man's perspective, talking about how husbands interpret the language of love and respect and how the ladies can do better to understand his language. Episode two covers the topic from the woman's perspective, and how her interpretation of love and respect is different than the men, but not in a better or worse way. You can listen to both episodes by clicking HERE!

A Family's Guide to Memorizing Scripture and Growing Together in Faith

Memorizing Scripture is an essential part of a person's faith journey. Knowing scripture helps us fight spiritual battles by guarding our hearts, guarding our minds, and by helping us keep our thoughts and actions aligned with God's truth. Even during seasons of depression, anxiety, or when we question our self-worth, scripture reminds us where we find our strength and purpose - in Jesus Christ! In times of grief or uncertainty, memorizing scripture also helps us remember that God is our source of peace that surpasses all understanding. Only He has the power to take away our worries and replace them with peace and reassurance.

My family started practicing memory verses when my son started preschool. The teachers at his school would come up with a memory verse to practice as a class each month and the class would recite it together daily and read about it in the Bible. Our son was so excited about his ability to memorize scripture that he’d walk into the office at the end of the day to recite his verse and earn a sticker! So, to encourage him and his love for God's word, we started memorizing it at home as a family. When he left preschool and started kindergarten at our local public school, we implemented our own memory verse of the month as a way to continue his, and ours, spiritual growth.

When we are confident in our knowledge of Scripture, we are more prepared to share God’s truth with others, helping to create new believers and grow His kingdom. To put it simply, memorizing Scripture not only strengthens our own faith, but also empowers us to be effective witnesses of God’s love and truth in the world.

I encourage your family to start memorizing scripture together! Reading and knowing God's word lays a firm foundation for a lifelong journey of faith not only in yourself, but your family and friends as well. When children learn Bible verses early on, they start to internalize God’s truth earlier in their lives. This helps shape their character and guide their choices and actions as they grow into adults. Knowing God's word can also give children (and adults) a sense of security and confidence, knowing they can turn to God’s Word for comfort and wisdom in any situation. As your family grows both physically and spiritually, the verses they've memorized will be a source of strength and peace. By planting these “seeds” of truth early, you are helping ensure that their faith is deeply rooted and capable of withstanding life's storms.

Here are 10 different verses that are short, but impactful, and easy for family members of all ages to memorize:

(These verses were sourced from various translations of the Bible)

1. 1 Peter 5:7 - Give all your worries to Him because He cares for you.

2. Proverbs 17:17 - A friend loves you all the time. 

3. Psalm 56:3 - When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

4. Ephesians 4:32 - Be kind to one another.

5. John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son. 

6. Matthew 4:19 - “Come and follow me”, Jesus said.

7. Psalm 150:6 - Let everything that breathes praise the Lord.

8. Proverbs 16:24 - Pleasant words are like honeycomb. They make a person happy and healthy. 

9. Proverbs 4:23 - Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

10. Colossians 3:23 - Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.

And for fun, here is a bonus verse for parents to teach their children: 

Ephesians 6:1 - Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 

I recognize that memorizing scripture is sometimes easier said than done. So I want to provide you with 5 tips to help you memorize scripture:

• Start small. Don’t feel like you need to memorize a full chapter of the Bible. There are plenty of short verses that are impactful, maybe start there! 

• Put hand motions to the words. Here is an example of what hand motions for Matthew 4:19 might look like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXq2IhZdlX4 

• Write the verse on a piece of paper and put it somewhere where you will see it often. This may be on a post-it note at your desk, a note stuck on the side of the fridge, or a sign hanging next to the front door so you see it every day on your way to work and school. 

• Say the verse out loud 2 times a day with a family member or a friend. 

• Sing the words of the verse to the rhythm of a song that you enjoy. 

I hope you found this blog insightful, helpful, and that you feel encouraged to impress the word of God on your heart and the hearts of those you love.

For more content related to faith, family and everything in between, Follow Rock Solid Families on social media and check out the Rock Solid Families Podcast on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts. 

www.Rocksolidfamilies.org

Peace That Surpasses All Understanding

I think it is easy to say that we have all found ourselves in the midst of a season where we are feeling like we are stuck or just waiting on God to move. Singleness, Infertility, Cancer Diagnosis, and the list can go on and on. 

All of us go about our days carrying something, but what do we do when life gets heavy?

Well I can tell you from personal experience that sitting in it, sulking around, thinking “woe is me”, has not been the best option for me. It never leads me to feel filled with joy from God or even be thankful for what is right in front of me. I’m sure you can relate. It’s often easier to just sit on the couch and google things to hopefully convince you that you will be okay. Even worse, maybe you scroll on your phone through social media to get lost in everyone else’s life so you don’t have to deal with yours. Man, I hate that Satan knows just how to be a thorn in our side. It’s exhausting, but what if we are just not putting our eyes on the right prize or standing in the right posture? When I find myself in these moments, I can promise you one thing.  My posture and my eyes are not set on God and his truth.

Fear, doubt, and shame are not adjectives or emotions that are from God or emotions he wants us to feel. Instead, these are always the emotions I feel when I choose the actions I mentioned above. 

Something that has been so powerful to me lately is just pausing, sitting in quiet without any distractions, and asking God, “Where are you in this room with me?” “What are you trying to tell me right now”. This was a new practice that was introduced to me a few years ago. God wants to meet us where we are at.  He wants us to fall on him.  He wants us to run to him and not our phones or devices. 

Powerful Verses to Meditate on

Philippians 4:4 “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

These next verses are so powerful:

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is notable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or see in me - put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. 

Growing in Him

You will notice that not once did God say to run to your phone, run to social media, run to google. He said to spend time with HIM.  Learn and grow in HIM. Be in a community with people who are like HIM. We cannot keep living the ways of this world where we take everything into our own hands. The Bible says when we come to know Jesus we must die to ourselves. (Luke 9:24) If this feels too hard to do, then please put boundaries in place. For example, invite some accountability partners into your life or limit your time on social media. I know for me a lot of time social media takes me to an unhealthy place. I literally feel my heart start racing the second I view a reel, and I believe I’m not the only one who feels this way. We have to step back and run to Jesus! We have to choose to THINK about the things that God teaches us instead of what the world is showing us. When we step into this way of thinking, strongholds WILL break. I’ve seen it happen!  Anxiety or Depression does NOT have to define us. Let God do that!

Walking It Out:

• Take the time to memorize the verses in Philippians 4:8-9 and the peace and promises God has for us.

• Make the effort to put some healthy boundaries into place this week to move closer to the life God has planned for you. 

• Take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. Memorize 2 Corinthians 10:5. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.  It will help you fix your eyes on God and not on your own worries and control.

Put away the distractions of the day. Carve out a few moments and listen to the words of this song, and let the Lord speak to you.  I Speak Jesus by Charity Gayle and Steven Musso

LOOKING FOR A COACH OR NEED SOME GUIDANCE? CALL the ROCK SOLID FAMILIES OFFICE AT 812-576-ROCK (7625) OR VISIT OUR WEBSITE AT WWW.ROCKSOLIDFAMILIES.ORG.

FOR MORE CONTENT RELATED TO FAITH, FAMILY, FITNESS AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN, SUBSCRIBE TO THE ROCK SOLID FAMILIES PODCAST ON YOUTUBE, APPLE PODCASTS, OR SPOTIFY.

Does Therapy Really Work?

If you go to the car shop your mechanic is going to diagnose your car with visual observation, measurement, and even computer diagnostic equipment. When he is finished, he's going to have a good idea of what's wrong with the car. When you go to the doctor because you're not feeling well, they are going to begin the diagnostic process with blood work, scans, and monitoring equipment to get the best feedback possible to make their diagnosis. Perfect? No, but much more reliable than what you're going to see in the mental health field. This is not to blame mental health professionals; most are doing the best they can with what tools they have. However, mental health simply lacks testing processes and equipment to deliver reliable diagnoses.

Over the past 20 years, there has been an explosion of people seeking mental health therapy. Children, men, women, couples, you name it, they're trying it. But more recently the results have been scrutinized.

On Episode 298 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda Hutchinson answer the question many of us want to know the answer to… Is therapy effective? Does it actually work?

The answer is not clear-cut. Way too often there is little to no benefit and even more harm is done than good. For this reason, people should take a closer look at therapy and know what to look for and what their part of the process is going to be in order to increase their chances of success.

On this episode of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda unpack the difference between counseling and coaching, the importance of getting the right therapist for the job, the hard work that is required of the client to move toward healing, and the most powerful healer in the room - God. They remind us that God wants better for us, but we have to want to include him in the process. This is where our humility or coachability comes into play. ARE YOU COACHABLE?

Here are 5 things you can do to ensure your coaching/therapy works effectively:

CHECK YOUR MINDSET:

In John 5: 6-9, Jesus approaches a man who has been lying near a healing pool for 28 years but still hasn’t been healed. He was making excuse after excuse, and waiting for those passing by to help him. Jesus approaches this man and asks him, “Do you want to get well?” Seems like a pretty silly question, right? But what we learn here is that if you want healing, you want to get better, you have to believe that YOU can do something about it. No one else can do it for you. You have to bring yourself to make an appointment and then walk into the counselor's office… not your mom, not your friend, not your sister. You have to want it for yourself.  

FIND THE RIGHT THERAPIST OR COACH:

After the initial discussion with your counselor/coach/therapist, you should be able to tell if you are going to like working together. Effectiveness is diminished if the relationship isn’t one of good faith and trust. You have you believe that your therapist/coach has your best interest in mind and you have to like them enough to partner together for the greater good of improving your health. This doesn’t mean that you are going to like or agree with everything they say, because sometimes they will say things you may not want to hear. However, relationship and rapport are important in the client-therapist relationship.

PREPARE FOR HEAVY LIFTING:

Counseling/ coaching is some of the hardest work you’ll ever do. What you do in the office is minimal, but the action plan/homework is where the heavy lifting comes in. This may look like making apologies, admitting you are wrong, having tough discussions, breaking habits, holding boundaries, etc. When it comes to counseling or coaching, the coach should not outwork you. Take what the resources they give you, set an action plan, and get to work!

FIND THE RIGHT TOOLS:

When it comes to our mental and personal health, there are a lot of different avenues we can take to get help or move towards healing. You need to figure out what tool will work best for you. Is it coaching? Medication? Licensed therapy? Talking to a friend? Once you find the right tool, start using it! Don’t just leave it in your “toolbox” until it's too late.

ASSESS THE PROGRESS:

If you don’t get a report card from school, how do you know how your kid is doing in class? The same goes for counseling – you should assess what is working, what isn’t, what is confusing, are any resources or pieces missing, and whether you need any additional support Be sure to communicate any additional needs with your therapist or coach so that they can best support you and your healing. There have been some cases where a counselor doesn’t provide a client with tools and resources because they want to keep a client longer in order to make more money. If you find a counselor who is NOT providing you with tools and resources to help you and empower you, you may need to consider finding a new one.

Looking for a coach or need some guidance? Call our office at 812-576-ROCK (7625) or visit our website at www.Rocksolidfamilies.org

For more content related to faith, family, fitness and everything in between, subscribe to the Rock Solid Families Podcast on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.

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Six ways to start the new school year off strong!

The start of a new school year comes with many feelings and emotions for both students and teachers. Some students are excited to get their new backpacks, school supplies, new shoes, and to see their friends. Others are anxious about starting a new school, a new sport, or riding the school bus. This goes for teachers too as they prepare for new students, work with new families, and prepare curriculum.

On episode # 297 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda Hutchinson dive into the topics of setting routines, holding boundaries, managing schedules, and the importance of communication. Believe it or not, all of these things relate to the start of the school year and can make or break your student’s experience when going back to school. Below, we list Merrill and Linda’s top six tips for starting the school year off on the right foot.

six ways to ensure you start the school year off on the right foot:

1. Find and implement consistent routines. For some, this may be starting bedtime a bit earlier, turning screens off an hour before bed, or reading with their kids before bed to relax. Another great routine to practice is eating dinner as a family together each night. This time can be used to talk and unpack how everyone's day went, discuss how your kids are feeling about school or sports, and is an extra time to connect in a tech-free environment. It is also important to have your students participate in these new routines, whether it’s setting out their own clothes the night before school or helping pack lunches before getting ready for bed. This helps alleviate the chaos of getting out the door in the morning and helps teach them independence and responsibility. 
   

2. Set your priorities early. This piggybacks off of our first point… oftentimes our culture tells us that busy/full calendars = good parenting. This is a lie from the enemy! Most of the time, when our students have an overly busy schedule, it leads to anxiety and burnout, especially in our elementary-aged students. To avoid these unnecessary anxieties or burnout, we recommend prioritizing your family and marriage over filling your time with activities. Having time set aside for family will help your students recognize their safe place where they can unwind, relax, and feel safe.
   

3. Don’t get consumed by all the “extras”. This goes beyond the extracurricular activities and sports practices, especially for our middle school and high school students. We hear all the time about parents who are working multiple jobs or working 60+ hours a week just so their kid can play on traveling sports teams, have the nicest back-to-school clothes, have the name-brand cleats and helmets for sports, the best electronics and accessories, or whatever the next best thing is. Providing all of these “extras” can often lead to burnout and anxiety for parents, and ultimately it distracts the students from what is actually important - their education. 
   

4. Teachers need your partnership. We encourage you to get to know your kids teachers, counselors and coaches. Support them and partner with them throughout the year to build a relationship and trust. This helps them know that you are on their team and have the same goal of making sure your kid has the best experience possible. 
   

5. Teach your kids to connect with their teachers. A simple “Good Morning Mrs. Smith, how are you today?” not only teaches your kids how to build connections with other people, but helps them develop skills to recognize the feelings, emotions, and needs of others around them. This is the same for teachers as well. Once that relationship with your student is built, they may recognize different reactions or responses from your student that tell them your kid has had a bad morning, is tired, or is having a great day! 
   

6. Set the tone for how the school year should be approached. There are 3 ways we can set the tone - In a negative way, a neutral way, or a positive way. A negative tone for school might be set when your student hears you complaining about the administration or rules set by the district.  Or maybe you didn’t like school growing up, so you dont think your children should take it so seriously. A neutral tone would be if parents aren’t invested in their students' school life outside of the required meetings and signed paperwork. A positive tone is set when you encourage your children by saying things like “Your teacher is trying their best!” or “It's going to be a great day at school today!”  We recommend that if you have any issues with the staff, administration, or teachers, you use the Matthew 18 principle and go directly to them to work out whatever the issue is. If they don’t respond, grab another staff member or administrator and have them go with you to talk through the issue.

This school year, we encourage you to lean into your children. Talk to them about their days and reassure them that the anxieties they may be feeling around school, sports, or riding the bus can be resolved either as a family or by partnering with the school. Teachers and coaches are there to support you as parents and make the transition into a new year easier. If you need to talk through the anxieties or struggles that your family is facing at the start of a new school year, please give us a call at 812-576-7625 and we can chat and provide you with additional resources and support to make sure your child's school year starts on the right foot! 

To listen to the full “Back To School” podcast episode from Rock Solid Families, Click HERE

For more content related to faith, family, and fitness, subscribe to the Rock Solid Families Podcast on YouTube, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts.