Peace That Surpasses All Understanding

I think it is easy to say that we have all found ourselves in the midst of a season where we are feeling like we are stuck or just waiting on God to move. Singleness, Infertility, Cancer Diagnosis, and the list can go on and on. 

All of us go about our days carrying something, but what do we do when life gets heavy?

Well I can tell you from personal experience that sitting in it, sulking around, thinking “woe is me”, has not been the best option for me. It never leads me to feel filled with joy from God or even be thankful for what is right in front of me. I’m sure you can relate. It’s often easier to just sit on the couch and google things to hopefully convince you that you will be okay. Even worse, maybe you scroll on your phone through social media to get lost in everyone else’s life so you don’t have to deal with yours. Man, I hate that Satan knows just how to be a thorn in our side. It’s exhausting, but what if we are just not putting our eyes on the right prize or standing in the right posture? When I find myself in these moments, I can promise you one thing.  My posture and my eyes are not set on God and his truth.

Fear, doubt, and shame are not adjectives or emotions that are from God or emotions he wants us to feel. Instead, these are always the emotions I feel when I choose the actions I mentioned above. 

Something that has been so powerful to me lately is just pausing, sitting in quiet without any distractions, and asking God, “Where are you in this room with me?” “What are you trying to tell me right now”. This was a new practice that was introduced to me a few years ago. God wants to meet us where we are at.  He wants us to fall on him.  He wants us to run to him and not our phones or devices. 

Powerful Verses to Meditate on

Philippians 4:4 “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

These next verses are so powerful:

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is notable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or see in me - put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. 

Growing in Him

You will notice that not once did God say to run to your phone, run to social media, run to google. He said to spend time with HIM.  Learn and grow in HIM. Be in a community with people who are like HIM. We cannot keep living the ways of this world where we take everything into our own hands. The Bible says when we come to know Jesus we must die to ourselves. (Luke 9:24) If this feels too hard to do, then please put boundaries in place. For example, invite some accountability partners into your life or limit your time on social media. I know for me a lot of time social media takes me to an unhealthy place. I literally feel my heart start racing the second I view a reel, and I believe I’m not the only one who feels this way. We have to step back and run to Jesus! We have to choose to THINK about the things that God teaches us instead of what the world is showing us. When we step into this way of thinking, strongholds WILL break. I’ve seen it happen!  Anxiety or Depression does NOT have to define us. Let God do that!

Walking It Out:

• Take the time to memorize the verses in Philippians 4:8-9 and the peace and promises God has for us.

• Make the effort to put some healthy boundaries into place this week to move closer to the life God has planned for you. 

• Take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. Memorize 2 Corinthians 10:5. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.  It will help you fix your eyes on God and not on your own worries and control.

Put away the distractions of the day. Carve out a few moments and listen to the words of this song, and let the Lord speak to you.  I Speak Jesus by Charity Gayle and Steven Musso

LOOKING FOR A COACH OR NEED SOME GUIDANCE? CALL the ROCK SOLID FAMILIES OFFICE AT 812-576-ROCK (7625) OR VISIT OUR WEBSITE AT WWW.ROCKSOLIDFAMILIES.ORG.

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Does Therapy Really Work?

If you go to the car shop your mechanic is going to diagnose your car with visual observation, measurement, and even computer diagnostic equipment. When he is finished, he's going to have a good idea of what's wrong with the car. When you go to the doctor because you're not feeling well, they are going to begin the diagnostic process with blood work, scans, and monitoring equipment to get the best feedback possible to make their diagnosis. Perfect? No, but much more reliable than what you're going to see in the mental health field. This is not to blame mental health professionals; most are doing the best they can with what tools they have. However, mental health simply lacks testing processes and equipment to deliver reliable diagnoses.

Over the past 20 years, there has been an explosion of people seeking mental health therapy. Children, men, women, couples, you name it, they're trying it. But more recently the results have been scrutinized.

On Episode 298 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda Hutchinson answer the question many of us want to know the answer to… Is therapy effective? Does it actually work?

The answer is not clear-cut. Way too often there is little to no benefit and even more harm is done than good. For this reason, people should take a closer look at therapy and know what to look for and what their part of the process is going to be in order to increase their chances of success.

On this episode of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda unpack the difference between counseling and coaching, the importance of getting the right therapist for the job, the hard work that is required of the client to move toward healing, and the most powerful healer in the room - God. They remind us that God wants better for us, but we have to want to include him in the process. This is where our humility or coachability comes into play. ARE YOU COACHABLE?

Here are 5 things you can do to ensure your coaching/therapy works effectively:

CHECK YOUR MINDSET:

In John 5: 6-9, Jesus approaches a man who has been lying near a healing pool for 28 years but still hasn’t been healed. He was making excuse after excuse, and waiting for those passing by to help him. Jesus approaches this man and asks him, “Do you want to get well?” Seems like a pretty silly question, right? But what we learn here is that if you want healing, you want to get better, you have to believe that YOU can do something about it. No one else can do it for you. You have to bring yourself to make an appointment and then walk into the counselor's office… not your mom, not your friend, not your sister. You have to want it for yourself.  

FIND THE RIGHT THERAPIST OR COACH:

After the initial discussion with your counselor/coach/therapist, you should be able to tell if you are going to like working together. Effectiveness is diminished if the relationship isn’t one of good faith and trust. You have you believe that your therapist/coach has your best interest in mind and you have to like them enough to partner together for the greater good of improving your health. This doesn’t mean that you are going to like or agree with everything they say, because sometimes they will say things you may not want to hear. However, relationship and rapport are important in the client-therapist relationship.

PREPARE FOR HEAVY LIFTING:

Counseling/ coaching is some of the hardest work you’ll ever do. What you do in the office is minimal, but the action plan/homework is where the heavy lifting comes in. This may look like making apologies, admitting you are wrong, having tough discussions, breaking habits, holding boundaries, etc. When it comes to counseling or coaching, the coach should not outwork you. Take what the resources they give you, set an action plan, and get to work!

FIND THE RIGHT TOOLS:

When it comes to our mental and personal health, there are a lot of different avenues we can take to get help or move towards healing. You need to figure out what tool will work best for you. Is it coaching? Medication? Licensed therapy? Talking to a friend? Once you find the right tool, start using it! Don’t just leave it in your “toolbox” until it's too late.

ASSESS THE PROGRESS:

If you don’t get a report card from school, how do you know how your kid is doing in class? The same goes for counseling – you should assess what is working, what isn’t, what is confusing, are any resources or pieces missing, and whether you need any additional support Be sure to communicate any additional needs with your therapist or coach so that they can best support you and your healing. There have been some cases where a counselor doesn’t provide a client with tools and resources because they want to keep a client longer in order to make more money. If you find a counselor who is NOT providing you with tools and resources to help you and empower you, you may need to consider finding a new one.

Looking for a coach or need some guidance? Call our office at 812-576-ROCK (7625) or visit our website at www.Rocksolidfamilies.org

For more content related to faith, family, fitness and everything in between, subscribe to the Rock Solid Families Podcast on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.

WWW.ROCKSOLIDFAMILIES.ORG

You're Not Enough, But God Is!

The endless search for contentment and completion in life can be exhausting. Looking for people and things that make us feel like we finally have it all together is the great quest, but is this the quest we were meant to take? Merrill and Linda break this down for us in Episode # 285 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast.

The great philosophers have repeated over and over that we can not find life happiness in people and things. We must go elsewhere. But where is the elsewhere? To put it simply, we start our journey to completion and contentment by grounding ourselves in the knowledge that we are created by God, on purpose, and for a purpose - to glorify Him. To say or think that we are “not enough” is a slap in God’s face, because he doesn’t make mistakes, and he doesn’t create “junk.” We were never created to be enough, nor were we created to do life alone! We need God, and we need to be in community with other people who have different gifts and talents from us. No one can do life alone. We are to be in service and adoration of all that He desires for our lives, not what we desire.

Mankind has been pursuing their own desires all the way back to the fall of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. It’s trying to chase something of greater value within ourselves rather than chasing God. Satan tells us that if we have money, power, prestige, or certain people in our lives, then we will be complete. But, Satan is also the author of all lies! Philippians 4:13 reminds us that we can do all things through Christ’s strength, not our own!

I encourage you all to take the time to reflect on how you have chased after things that are more about you than God. How can you better use your time and talents to serve Him versus serving yourself or the world? When we start to figure this out for ourselves, we begin to recognize contentment in knowing who we are in Christ, and in our God given purpose.

If you find yourself struggling to find contentment in your life and need help, please reach out to Rock Solid Families. Our desire for you is that you learn to align yourself with God's way and experience contentment that goes beyond human understanding.

www.rocksolidfamilies.org

Maximizing Work Capacity - Functional Fitness for Every Day Life.

Are you fit enough to do everyday life?

We often hear about people going to the gym to build muscle and sculpt the picture-perfect body, but the truth is many of us don't have the time or interest to build the perfect body, we just want to be more active and healthy. In other words, we want to build a healthy work capacity.

Work capacity is our ability to do work. Work by definition is Force x Distance. That means you apply a certain amount of force in order to move an object or complete a task. Work Capacity is simply how much or even how long you can carry out or perform the workload. Going to the gym to build bigger muscles does not necessarily equate to helping you be more functional in your daily life. Doing heavy reps and then walking around and resting in between sets does little to enhance our ability to sustain activity in our daily lives.

Cutting the grass, running a chainsaw, mopping the floors, and washing the windows are tasks that require us to start the job and carry out the workload associated with that job until it's finished. This means we have to sustain work over a period of time. In order to become more functionally fit, it is important to incorporate movements and workouts that closely replicate daily living. Bending over to pick up a heavy bag of groceries, climbing a flight of stairs, loading and unloading a truckload of mulch, carrying baskets of laundry up the steps… these are the types of patterns and weight we want to incorporate into our workouts. On top of this, we want to set a goal of sustaining the pattern over time. This constant movement requires the most vital organ of our body to work and strengthen - our heart.

Linda and Merrill specifically use a piece of fitness equipment called the Kettle Bar, which was invented by Merrill himself. The Kettle Bar came to fruition because Merrill saw that building overall fitness and work capacity was the desire of not only himself but many of the clients he works with. The Kettle Bar can be used in many ways that replicate the movements that are often required of us in our everyday lives.

On our Rock Solid Families Podcast, Episode # 282, Merrill and Linda talk about work capacity, functional fitness for our everyday lives, and demonstrate how to incorporate the Kettle Bar into your fitness routine to increase your ability to perform everyday tasks.

Watch the podcast video here: https://youtu.be/YauadyydAJo?si=xLLuxzfKmIy-iyRb

For more information on the Kettle Bar and how to incorporate it into your fitness routine, visit https://www.kettlebarfitness.com/.

For more information on scheduling faith-based coaching or fitness classes with Rock Solid Families, please visit http://rocksolidfamilies.org.

Life Giving Grit - Do You Have It?

For whatever reason, I have lately been very interested in learning and hearing more about what I’m calling “Life-Giving Grit.”  You’ve heard these stories before.  The person who suffers devastating blows only to never give up and finally prevail in the end.  The movie “Rocky” comes to mind.  I have also been reading a couple of different books about Holocaust survivors - Wow!  Some incredible stories of survival have come out of that tragedy.  Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Elie Wiesel, and Oskar Schindler are just some of the heart-moving stories that continue to live on. 

I also have more than a couple of friends and family who are in the long-haul battle for their lives against cancer or other illnesses.  I watch as they pull themselves from one treatment to the next with no guarantees that anything is actually going to work.  Nonetheless, they carry on.  Some of them have lived and continue to live with such grace and strength that inspires others.  This has challenged me to ask, “What would I do in these situations?”

To be clear, none of us want to invite tragedy or hardship into our lives just to see if we can pass the test.  But, as life would have it, many of us will be tested.  I wonder how I would stand up to the test.  I wonder how strong my faith and hope would truly be.  How about you?  How strong would you walk through the darkness?  

I have taken a little time to study and observe more about these enduring characters.  What is it about them that sets them apart, what traits do they have or what actions do they take to move on with such grace?  My list is not intended to be the final say on survival, but rather some suggestions and ideas that maybe all of us could benefit from whether in difficult times or not. 

Here are five different things I’ve noticed. See what you think. 

1.    The Eye of David - You’ve heard about the “tiger’s eye”.  I have thought about the story of David and Goliath and tried to imagine what David actually looked like when he stepped into the ring against Goliath.  Against all odds, and staring into the face of a giant, David must have had a certain “look” to him.  I think of that as the look of the tiger, the “tiger’s eye”. That look of absolute focus on the matter at hand, likely to be tunnel vision, where nothing else really matters at the moment.  That look is only fueled by eliminating all other possible outcomes other than a triumphant win.  David could not have looked at Goliath with fear and trembling.  He had to look at him with determination and faith that he would prevail. 

2.            “Pick Me” Mindset - They are the “all in” volunteers.  They invite opportunities to walk through hardship because they have faith that something better will come. 

3.            No Paralysis From Analysis - We have all been around people who are terrible about making decisions.  They overthink and second-guess every possible solution.  They use excuses such as, I’m still gathering information or I’m praying about it, way longer than is beneficial.  Instead, these people make a decision and then go with it.  It may not be the perfect answer, but they are willing to live with the responsibility and consequences of their decisions.  They are not afraid. 

4.            Problem Solvers, Not Statement Makers- They ask great questions that lead to powerful answers.  “What can I do about this?”  Many of us get stuck in stating the obvious. We make a statement about a given problem and then we leave it sit.  “I have cancer.”  That may be a true statement, but if left there, it is nearly worthless.  Problem Solvers say, 'I have cancer, what am I going to do about it?’  Asking a question of self-empowerment is the fuel to get things moving. Remember, this has nothing to do with whether or not your solution is going to work.  It simply means that you are not stuck and stranded without options.

5.            Action Figures - Finally, people of great survival stories are people that are movers and shakers.  They are action figures. They don’t sit back, they do!   I’m reminded of Todd Beamer, the man who tragically lost his life as a victim on United Airlines Flight 93. The plane was hijacked and ran directly into the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. Todd recognized that things did not look good for him and all the other passengers on that flight.  Rather than sit in his chair and cry, which would have made perfect sense, he corralled a group to storm the cockpit of the plane.  The possible outcomes were not good no matter what happened, but going down without a fight was not an option.  When they got their plan together, Todd Beamer was heard saying. “Let’s Roll”.  In other words, it is time to go to work.

As I mentioned earlier, none of us want to be tested in such life-or-death situations, but it is only through adversity that we truly learn who we are and what we stand for. My challenge is to know who I want to be prior to finding myself in the battle for my life. How about you?

Finishing Strong!

— Merrill Hutchinson

President of Rock Solid Families, a faith based marriage and family coaching organization in St. Leon, IN. For more information, contact 812-576-ROCK.

Pleasure over Pain, Please!

How comfortable are you with uncomfortable conversations? How well do you handle stressful situations? Do you find yourself avoiding your boss at work, because he seems to only point out your flaws, rather than acknowledge what you’ve successfully accomplished? When situations get serious, do you tend to crack a joke to break the uneasy tension? How often do you scroll aimlessly through social media or binge watch a television series to escape reality? Of course we’d much rather receive praise over criticism, laugh instead of cry, and distract ourselves rather than ruminate on our daily stressors. Given the choice, we would choose comfort over discomfort every time. 

It’s a No-Brainer
Pleasure over pain, please! Oh the things we do to protect ourselves from feeling discomfort. This is such an innate reaction for us that we don’t even realize how often we are doing it.  Everyday we combat distressing thoughts and feelings through defense mechanisms. A defense mechanism is an unconscious means to decrease internal stress. We don’t even have to think about it, our brains just activate into protection mode. The limbic system plays a major role in this, which involves the part of our brain responsible for behavioral and emotional responses, especially when it comes to our survival instincts, such as fight or flight. We are literally wired to protect ourselves. 

Formed from Emotional Wounds
Although we all have this innate reaction to defend ourselves, the more emotional wounds we’ve endured, the stronger our defenses become. When experiencing frequent or repeated emotionally distressing events, defenses can become really strong in order to protect from feeling emotional discomfort or pain. Think of it as building this brick wall around your heart or wearing full body armor like a knight. You’ve been emotionally hurt to the point you refuse to let anyone or anything even have the chance to cause you pain. 

For individuals who have experienced a lot of hurt or loss, especially throughout their early childhood, defense mechanisms can become so hardwired that they present themselves in situations we rationally do not need defending. It’s as if our brain perceives a “threat” that actually isn’t there. An example of this would be if you’ve experienced abandonment in your past and you start to avoid your friend who hasn’t spoken to you in a few weeks. In reality, your friend has been busy with a new job, however your past abandonment wounds perceive she is leaving you, so your defenses come up to protect from the possibility of getting hurt. Although defense mechanisms initially serve to protect us, over time they can create major barriers in our relationships and hinder our personal growth. Ultimately, continuing to live from our defense mechanisms may be hindering our relationship with God and living out the life He intended for us. 

How to Let Your Guard Down
Awareness is key. We can’t change something if we aren’t aware it exists. What are common defense mechanisms you may be using? Avoidance, distraction, deflection, denial, or humor? Click HERE to check out our handout of defense mechanisms and see which ones stand out to you. Once you’ve identified your go-to defenses, be curious why these defenses are coming up for you. What are you attempting to protect yourself from?  What emotions are you feeling when these defenses arise? Are there emotional wounds you haven’t dealt with yet? 

If you are thinking to yourself right now, “Psh, I don’t have any emotional wounds”, I gently encourage you to reference the “denial” defense mechanism; Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world and we ALL have been hurt at some point in our lives. After you’ve identified your defenses and start to uncover where they stem from, I encourage you to seek trusted support to process through your emotional wounds. The world teaches us that being emotional is a weakness. “Suck it up and move on.” The truth is, until we allow ourselves to sit with our emotions and process through them, they will continue to control us.

From Defensive to Defended
This fallen world has wired us to defend ourselves, but this isn’t the life God intended for us. God is our defender, shelter, shield, and our rock. The Lord guards our hearts and our minds (Philippians 4:7). We are hidden in Him (Colossians 3:3), and we are more than conquerors through Him (Romans 8:37). We aren’t meant to carry our burdens (Psalm 55:22), and we aren’t supposed to fight this battle on our own (Deuteronomy 3:22). “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:14). I want to encourage you to take off the armor you’ve created from the hurts of this world, and put on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6). Seek His help and comfort in times of distress, and allow Him to heal your emotional wounds of the past.

A Different Kind of Freedom

Have you had the chance to see the movie Sound of Freedom yet? Wow! The movie was such a difficult one to watch but such an important one to see about the horrific reality of human trafficking in our world today. I left the movie theatre feeling more convicted than ever that God’s children are not for sale, and we must do whatever we can to help eradicate such atrocities. So if you have a chance to see it in a theatre or stream it at home, please take the time to do so.

Chained by the Past?
Human trafficking is an unspeakable tragedy in our world today and should never be tolerated, but in this article we are talking about a different kind of freedom. With this kind of freedom, YOU hold the key! In our life coaching ministry, we work with so many clients held captive by the chains of their past mistakes or stuck in the pain caused by someone else. Some will say they literally feel imprisoned by the shame. Others come to us feeling haunted by childhood trauma and paralyzed by the fear.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom
There’s a song by Jesus Culture that describes it perfectly.  It’s called “Freedom”. The popular song incorporates a familiar passage of scripture into its lyrics- 2 Corinthians 3:17.  This verse says, now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  

The song, Freedom, starts with the lyrics, Step out of the shadows, step out of the grave. Break into the wild and don't be afraid. Run into wide open spaces, grace is waiting for you. Dance like the weight has been lifted, grace is waiting.Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. 

Hidden in the Dark
What’s holding you captive? Isaiah 61:1 tells us that the Lord has proclaimed freedom for the captives and released the prisoners from darkness. For some it’s their past. Maybe that’s you. Are there things in your past you have never dealt with or still feel ashamed of that keep you trapped?

Whatever you keep secret in the dark, Satan uses against you. He is the one that keeps you bound in chains. A couple months ago, we shared stories of hope and transformation on our Rock Solid Families Podcast, and we shared the story of “Shannon”. (Our client’s name has been changed to protect her privacy)

Shannon’s Story
Shannon came to Rock Solid Families last fall feeling stuck, broken, fearful, and ashamed. Those were her exact words. It took months before she finally felt safe enough to share the darkest part of her story.  She had stuffed the pain and shame of her childhood sexual trauma so deep; her husband was the only one she had ever told in over 40 years. Over the course of two years, Shannon had suffered sexual abuse from a family member when she was just 8 years old. It took her husband finally saying to her “it’s time”, before she ever shared about her childhood trauma in a coaching session.  It was obvious there was something holding her captive, but she was too fearful to share. 

No Longer a Slave to the Secret
Once the “secret” was out, Shannon began to unpack the trauma and heal those deep, infected wounds God’s way. Through God’s divine help, Shannon’s life looks radically different today because of God’s healing power and her courage to come out of the dark. She has finally found her voice and that fear and shame no longer hold her captive. Shannon is feeling hopeful again. She would say she is finally finding that freedom she had always heard about. 

Who Has a Hold Over You?
Maybe it's not trauma or past mistakes that hold you captive. Maybe it’s the words, actions, or attitude of a difficult person in your life that you have allowed to have control over you. Who do you allow to push your buttons? We can’t control others, but we CAN control our response. Our response is OUR responsibility. Don’t let someone else enslave you and hold you captive. Decide today…I will no longer allow that person to have a hold over me. I hold the key to set myself free! Find lasting freedom by setting healthy boundaries around that toxic relationship. Remember the words to the song Freedom we referenced earlier. Dance like the weight has been lifted… Bring all those burdens...bring all those scars. Grace is waiting for you. 

Experiencing a Different Kind of Freedom
Maybe it’s not the mistakes you’ve made or the toxic people around you, but the loss you’ve experienced. Maybe you have been held captive by grief for so long, you don’t even know what it means to experience joy and freedom again. What it means to laugh and smile again. Maybe you have been weighed down by the heaviness of loss...whether it be the death of a loved one or the death of a marriage. Maybe it is the loss of a career or livelihood due to an illness or accident. Maybe the grief has been so intense, you almost feel dead inside.

That same song says, step out of the grave. Break into the wild and don’t be afraid. Run into wide open spaces, grace is waiting for you.  Don’t know how to break free from those chains? Seek professional help. Reach out to us at Rock Solid Families. You don’t have to live as a captive any longer. But remember, what we said from the beginning; this is a different kind of freedom. Freedom is possible, because you my friend hold the key!

Are You Ready For a Vacation?

Spring has sprung, and you know what that means? It's time to start making some summer vacation plans with your family. With only a few years left with our two youngest at home, we’ve tried to be intentional about making memories together. Last summer we went out west and visited places like Sedona and the Grand Canyon. This summer, we are thinking of trying somewhere new, maybe on the northeast coast somewhere.  

Recently, our family spent some time away visiting my parents in Florida over spring break. It’s always fun to escape the dreary March weather and have some fun in the sun. A vacation is defined as a “period of time spent away from home or business-a respite”. Is there such a thing as a respite when you’re vacationing with a junior high boy? I’m just asking for a “friend”. My idea of a vacation is a good book, a cold ice tea, and a comfy lounge chair by the pool. I’ve got our 16 yr old daughter convinced, but that is definitely not the kind of vacation our 14 yr old son enjoys. 

On one of our days in Florida this past spring break, my husband and our teenage son went mountain biking for the afternoon. That guy adventure provided a perfect time for the girls to relax in the pool. It was an amazing day floating on rafts chit chatting with each other while enjoying the calm water and warm sun. That was until we heard the guys return from their adventure and walk through the door. We knew what that meant. Our quiet, relaxing afternoon was about to get cannon balled by a 14 yr old teenager. As we made a beeline for the stairs, our son noticed our quick exit and appeared to get offended. He couldn’t understand why the ladies didn’t want to stay in the pool. He was ready to “have some fun”. So much for the respite!

How about you? Are you an “adventure vacationer” who wants a full itinerary every day of new places to visit and new sites to see? Or are you the “relaxed vacationer” who wants no agenda for your time away? Either way, it’s important that we are intentional about taking vacations and resting our minds. We all need to create some white space or margin in our day, week, and year. Whether it be hiking the Appalachian Trail, cruising the Caribbean or sitting on the beach with a good book, we all need time to relax and reset our mind, body, and spirit.

Like never before, Americans are overworked and sleep deprived. More and more employers are expecting 24 hour access to their employees. Back in the 1940’s, Americans got an average of 7.9 hours of sleep. Now, over 40% of Americans get 6 hours or less of sleep per night. Fifty-four percent of American workers admit to not using all their given vacation time. One fourth of American employees don’t get any paid vacation time at all. Many people are convinced that there are just too many demands, too many responsibilities, too many bills, and too many emergencies to take a vacation. We are living in such a fast-paced, results-oriented world that many people feel like they can’t afford to take time off. They are afraid they’ll be left behind. 

At Rock Solid Families, we are here to say, you can’t afford NOT to take a vacation. Taking time off from the normal stressors of life is essential to your physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, professional, and relational health. Every aspect of our lives is negatively affected when our bodies are under a high level of stress. So make a commitment today to get in a better rhythm for your life. Prioritize at least one hour a day, one day a week, and at least one week a year where you will step away from the stressors of life, unplug, and focus on relaxing and unwinding. Maybe, it’s a daily stroll with your spouse. Maybe it’s a weekly church service with your family. Maybe, it’s a mountain bike adventure with your son, or a poolside afternoon with your daughter. Whatever it is, take the time and enjoy the ride. You can’t afford NOT to!

5 Steps to Finding Your Identity and Purpose

She could hardly look up at me, as I we sat in my office on that hot summer day. She was so weighed down by the guilt and shame from her past, she had no idea how to even answer my questions. “Who is Dawn*, and why is she here?” All she could do was cry…and cry…and cry. It was an ugly cry. It was a couple sessions of ugly cries, but after she had a chance to let the pain go, it was time to begin the healing process. It was time to discover the answers to those two all important questions that would change her life forever-”Who are you?” and “Why are you here?”

Identity and Purpose
I don’t know what the weather is like where you are right now or where you are in life, but I want to talk to you for a moment about two things that are important in any season of our lives- Identity and Purpose. My husband and I have worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and families over the past 30 years who have struggled with one or both of these things. Honestly, identity and purpose are so closely connected, it’s hard to even separate the two. It’s hard to have one without the other.

What About You?
I didn’t just ask Dawn those two questions on that hot July day. I’m asking you, too. “Who are you and why are you here?” It doesn’t matter your age either. You can be an 18 year old young woman and have a very clear vision of your identity and purpose, or you can be a 50 year old man and have no idea. If we were sitting in my office together right now, and I asked you those questions, what would you say?

Not Enough
I can still see the look on one teenage girl’s face not too long ago when I asked her those same two questions. Her answers made my heart sink. “Who am I you ask? Well, I’m not pretty enough, smart enough, or good enough”, she said. That’s all she could give me. No wonder she struggled with anxiety, depression, and hopelessness. In her mind, she couldn’t even think of a reason for her to still be here.

Don’t Leave Your Heart Unprotected
You see when we don’t know who we are and why we are here, we set ourselves up for disaster. We allow our minds and hearts to be unprotected and we get wounded and offended easily. We allow the world or someone around us to define us and determine our worth and purpose. Not understanding our identity and purpose is causing one of the greatest epidemics today especially in our children and young adults. It is what is causing this huge crisis in the areas of: gender identity, self harm, hate, division, divorce, suicide, depression, anxiety-you name it.

Starts With You
So what can we do to combat this crisis? How can we help ourselves and those we love from falling into this deadly trap? I’m glad you asked. It starts with YOU. You can’t give someone else something you don’t have yourself. So here are five easy steps to finding YOUR identity and purpose.

Five Steps to Finding Your Identity and Purpose

1. Stay Away From the Lies. Make sure you don’t fall for the lies of identity. These are some common lies we all are tempted to believe when it comes to who we are. They are all sinking sand…

   • I am what I have

   • I am what I do

   • I am what other people say or think of me

   • I am nothing more than my worst mistake

   • I am nothing less than my best accomplishment

2. Commit to an Abundant Mindset-Commit to healthy, positive self talk for yourself and those you care about. Don't be a victim of your circumstances and focus on what you don’t have. Live in an abundant mindset and focus on what you do have. Fix your eyes on being content and grateful for what God has given you and what he has already done in your life. God can take the ugliest of circumstances and create some of the most beautiful victories. 

3. Build on a Strong Faith Foundation-Build an identity and purpose on something that doesn't change like the lies mentioned above. This is where a faith foundation can be critical to a healthy, positive identity and purpose for your life. God created you on purpose for a purpose! Build on His truths.

4. Surround Yourself With Healthy People-Surround yourself with people who will help you. Maybe it’s a mentor, pastor, coach, counselor, healthy friend, someone who will walk alongside you in this journey of self discovery and awareness. Let go of relationships who hold you back from your true identity and purpose. 

5. No More Excuses-Decide today to make this the year you find your identity and purpose in life. Stop floundering and letting everyone else decide who you are and why you are here on this earth. Once you discover who God has created you to be and the amazing plans he has for your life, it won’t matter the circumstances around you. You will have built your life on something that is unshakable even in the middle of the most intense storm. Once you start to understand who you are and why you are here, you will experience a contagious peace and joy that can never be taken away. That, my friends, is the kind of pandemic we need in our world today! 

   *Name changed to protect confidentiality