Creating a Life of Proactivity & Not Passiveness

Many Christians struggle with the idea of setting boundaries simply because they fear they might not appear Christ-like. The underlying reason for this could be due to the fear of hurting others, causing conflict, or even appearing unkind. So, instead of setting healthy boundaries to eliminate these “reasons”, we tend to passively endure unhealthy situations. Have you been there? This cycle is not biblical. Within this blog we will be unpacking what it looks like to set boundaries out of love, wisdom, and truth;  NOT out of fear, guilt, or anger. 

If you’re reading this and wondering where you might be more reactive than proactive, I want you to reflect on your parenting style, friendships, and even work relationships. More often than not, whenever we see families in our office, they have arrived at a place where they have been functioning out of reactivity, feeling hopeless, throwing in the towel, and defeated. We recently did a podcast “Do Your Kids Know Your Soft Spots?”. This podcast episode provides you with clear action steps along with relatable stories on how you might be feeling. I’d recommend checking it out if you feel like your kids are calling the shots!

Many times when people hear the word boundaries, it means being harsh, aggressive, or selfish. However, boundaries come from a place of security in Christ, not from a reaction to others. I want you to pause and reflect on that; NOT from a reaction to others. How many times have you found yourself there? When you are making decisions based on emotions or the reaction to a situation that happened? Red flag! This is you functioning in reactivity. Moving forward, we will be talking about how you can take ownership of your life without blaming others. 

• A reactive person avoids conflict, suppresses feelings, and lets resentment build. Eventually you will see them lash out in anger or withdraw completely. 

• A proactive person prayerfully sets boundaries, communicates with wisdom, and lives in peace. 
  

Personally, I have been this reactive person before. For me, this looked like over-committing to try to “prove myself”, whenever that was never needed. This over-committing lifestyle happened in my career and relationships. I remember when I first got married, up until having a baby, I would be busy every night with getting together with friends to prove that I cared about them. This all came to an uncomfortable realization when my baby was born and I was stuck at home with doctor’s orders that I could not walk or drive for 3 weeks. This led to me having a wake-up call to see how I was finding my identity in what everyone else thought of me and not what God thinks of me.  Boy did I have priorities all wrong! Thank God for his grace and patience to show me how he calls me to prioritize my life. This is something I’m learning daily. God gives me the same power as he does you to set healthy boundaries!

2nd Timothy 1:7 “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

Steps Towards being Proactive VS Reactive:

1. Recognize and Process Your Emotions: Before setting boundaries, identify what you’re feeling. 

2. Set Boundaries Before You Feel Overwhelmed: Set limits when you are calm and clear, not when you are angry or hurt. 

3. Communicate Clearly and Kindly: Practice assertive and loving communication:

Examples: 

a.)  “I’m tired of you taking advantage of me.” vs. “I value our friendship, but I cannot commit to this right now.” 

b.) "You’re always dumping your problems on me, and I can’t take it anymore!" vs.
"I care about you, but I can’t be your only source of emotional support. Have you considered talking to a counselor or support group?"

c.) "I can’t believe you expect me to drop everything for you! It’s so unfair!" vs.
"I love our family, but I also need to set some personal boundaries to balance my time and commitments."

d.) "You’re always late! You clearly don’t respect me or my time!" vs.
"I’d love to meet with you, but I can only wait for 15 minutes. If you’re running late, let’s reschedule."

e.) "You’re so negative all the time! I can’t stand being around you!" vs.
"I value our relationship, but I need to surround myself with more positivity. If you ever want to talk about solutions instead of just problems, I’d love to listen."

f.) "You never listen to me! I’m done talking to you!" vs.
"I want to have a healthy conversation, but I need to be spoken to with respect. Let’s continue when we can both listen to each other calmly."

4.) Let Go of the Fear of Displeasing Others: Proactive people are NOT people pleasers. 

1. Galatians 1:10 “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” 

5.) Trust God with the Outcome: Whenever people receive the boundary, they might respond negatively; that is not your responsibility to carry.

I pray that this encourages you to live a life of freedom that only God can provide, and not living under the pressure of others opinions or juothers’dgements. You have what it takes to be proactive and live a healthier life!

WWW.ROCKSOLIDFAMILIES.ORG

Well?? Do You Want to Get Well?

Almost four years ago, I wrote a blog originally titled “Do You Want to Get Well?” Since that article first posted, we have had the privilege of working with thousands more individuals, couples and families over the past six years of opening our doors at Rock Solid Families. When this article was originally published, COVID-19 wasn’t even a word in our vocabulary yet.

So yes, things have changed in the past four years including the state of many people’s personal wellness. What I wrote four years ago, however, still rings true. As a matter of fact, the need for healthy has never been greater. Every day, our phone rings with folks hurting physically, emotionally, and spiritually desperate for HELP and HOPE.

Sometimes, the need comes from a client’s choices like addiction or infidelity. Other times, it’s at the hands of someone else who has hurt them leaving them feeling betrayed, abused, or abandoned. In many instances, our clients come in feeling stuck and unable to see any way out, and then there are the few who don’t even want to try anymore. For them, things have gotten so hopeless they can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel.

One of our goals in our faith based coaching work is to help clients see that there is HELP and HOPE available. It’s promised in God’s word. Romans 8:28 reminds us of his promise, that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him and have been called according to his purpose. But for many clients, that truth is hard to even fathom in their current circumstances. It’s hard to imagine anything good coming out of their pain and tears. Some have been dealing with their past trauma or living as a victim for so long, their pain has almost become part of the family. 

That was the case for a lame man back in Jesus’ day who was lying by a healing pool in Bethesda. The pool from time to time would stir as the angel of the Lord came and healed whoever made it in first. This particular man had been paralyzed for 38 years and when Jesus met him by the pool,  he had been there for a very long time waiting for someone to help. Can you imagine?  In John 5, we see Jesus coming on the scene asking the lame man the all important question, “DO YOU WANT TO GET WELL?”  The invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” 

Aren’t we a lot like that lame man in Jesus’ day? I know I can be at times. There are days I just want to sit there with my “victim” badge and cry “Someone, anyone, please feel sorry for me! It’s a lot easier to wallow in my circumstances and sit in my pain than do the work to change my situation. It would almost be like losing a little piece of my identity. The invalid had excuse after excuse for Jesus why he hadn’t gone in that water to be healed.  It had been 38 years, for goodness sake! You’d think that would be motivation enough to crawl or beg your way to the pool and be healed.

What about you? How long are you going to wear your “victim” badge? After all, everyone’s got something. Maybe you experienced abuse as a child or were bullied in school. Maybe, you struggle to this day with an addiction or learning disability. Maybe you are like many of our clients who have made some really bad decisions in the past and are still reeling from the natural consequences of their choices. That “ailment” doesn’t have to define you. You don’t have to be “lame” or “blind” forever. Jesus Christ asks us the same question he asked the paralyzed man by the pool thousands of years ago-”Do YOU want to get well?” And he extends the same offer of hope and healing to us today. 

Choosing to pursue healthy and healing is not only important personally, but it’s also critical if you are a parent. What are your children seeing in you-a victim or victor? I ask my clients who are also parents that question all the time. We are raising too many victims in our world today. “It’s not my fault” or “No one will help me” are only excuses that perpetuate victimhood. Don’t let yourself or your children play the blame game any longer. It’s time to search your heart and ask yourselves the all important question-”Do I want to get well?” Then, in faith, pick up your mat and start walking

If you don’t know where to start, give us a call at 812-576-7625 (ROCK) and take that first step. We’re here to help!

Striving For Identity in Christ Verses Identity in This World

Identity is one thing that I think we all wrestle with at some point in our lives. Everywhere we turn people have opinions on what we are doing or the world is telling us how we should be doing something. Don’t even get me started on finding identity in the world based on what people say/think about you, that’s a whole other beast. What a defeating mountain we constantly climb. Over the past year, I have started surrounding myself with a community of women where we press into learning what God says our identity is. This is something that needs to be at the forefront of our minds. I struggle with this daily.

If I were to ask you how you would describe yourself in three words, what would it be? Would it be related to acts that you have done? Right out of the gate, we are trained to turn to how the world defines us. Next time you introduce yourself to someone, notice that you say your name and then you say what your occupation is. One thing that I have discovered about myself over the past year through vulnerable conversations with my family/friends is that I was in a place where what people thought of me and or compliments they gave me outweighed what God has always said about me. For me, I struggle with keeping how God defines me at the front of my mind because it's not outwardly spoken to me every day, or so I thought. 

What if the question we are asking ourselves daily is “Who does God say that I am?” God says that we are: Righteous, Made New, Freely Forgiven, Chosen, and Deeply Loved. What an introduction that would be next time you meet someone new to say your name and then follow by who God says you are. That’s just not something we see very often. I struggled with believing and accepting in my heart how God defines me because I was immediately seeking outward approval and not declaring Bible verses where God says this to us. Maybe you can relate. You go to work and put in so much effort and then feel like you’re on top of the world when someone notices. Eventually, that fuels the fire and you keep working so hard until you have lost a sense of who you are. I’m not saying to not work hard and to not do your job, I’m challenging you to do these things but with your heart in the place of doing it for no other reason than God giving you the ability to use your God-given gifts in a meaningful way. That’s right, I did not say to do it to seek approval and praise. 

I believe that the more we fall into how the world defines us, the more we are wiring our brains to believe this about ourselves. Before we know it, our autobiography is made up of words that the world has chosen for us or what our coworkers have to say about us. This is a dangerous place to fall into. I would love for you to deep dive into this in your life right now. Examine what God says about you to be true and rest in it. This can be so radical in your life to take back the identity that Christ has always said over your life. I recently went through a bible study called “Father’s House” and the writers say it best by stating, “It is not about how good I am, but it’s about how good my God is.”

Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” 

Friends, I’m permitting you to relax and stop striving. That’s right I said to stop striving. Stop striving for everyone else’s words of affirmation for you. Stop striving for your identity to be made up in this world. Rest in the fact of what God says about you. 

1 Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”

I challenge you this week to identify a Bible verse that talks about your identity and memorize it. Write it down and hang it up in your house or car. Speak this over yourself multiple times a day. We have to run to our identity in Christ and not run to the world to identify us.

Want to dive deeper into this topic, check out episode # 313 of the Rock Solid Families “Girl Power Half Hour” Podcast where Bridgitte, Jenna, and Linda dive into staying true to your identity in Christ and not giving into the temptations of the world around us. (Lulu Lemon, four eyes, social media trends…. they talk about it all!)

For additional content regarding faith, family, fitness, and everything in between, listen to the Rock Solid Families podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube, or follow Rock Solid Families on Facebook & Instagram.

www.rocksolidfamilies.org

Peace That Surpasses All Understanding

I think it is easy to say that we have all found ourselves in the midst of a season where we are feeling like we are stuck or just waiting on God to move. Singleness, Infertility, Cancer Diagnosis, and the list can go on and on. 

All of us go about our days carrying something, but what do we do when life gets heavy?

Well I can tell you from personal experience that sitting in it, sulking around, thinking “woe is me”, has not been the best option for me. It never leads me to feel filled with joy from God or even be thankful for what is right in front of me. I’m sure you can relate. It’s often easier to just sit on the couch and google things to hopefully convince you that you will be okay. Even worse, maybe you scroll on your phone through social media to get lost in everyone else’s life so you don’t have to deal with yours. Man, I hate that Satan knows just how to be a thorn in our side. It’s exhausting, but what if we are just not putting our eyes on the right prize or standing in the right posture? When I find myself in these moments, I can promise you one thing.  My posture and my eyes are not set on God and his truth.

Fear, doubt, and shame are not adjectives or emotions that are from God or emotions he wants us to feel. Instead, these are always the emotions I feel when I choose the actions I mentioned above. 

Something that has been so powerful to me lately is just pausing, sitting in quiet without any distractions, and asking God, “Where are you in this room with me?” “What are you trying to tell me right now”. This was a new practice that was introduced to me a few years ago. God wants to meet us where we are at.  He wants us to fall on him.  He wants us to run to him and not our phones or devices. 

Powerful Verses to Meditate on

Philippians 4:4 “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

These next verses are so powerful:

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is notable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or see in me - put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. 

Growing in Him

You will notice that not once did God say to run to your phone, run to social media, run to google. He said to spend time with HIM.  Learn and grow in HIM. Be in a community with people who are like HIM. We cannot keep living the ways of this world where we take everything into our own hands. The Bible says when we come to know Jesus we must die to ourselves. (Luke 9:24) If this feels too hard to do, then please put boundaries in place. For example, invite some accountability partners into your life or limit your time on social media. I know for me a lot of time social media takes me to an unhealthy place. I literally feel my heart start racing the second I view a reel, and I believe I’m not the only one who feels this way. We have to step back and run to Jesus! We have to choose to THINK about the things that God teaches us instead of what the world is showing us. When we step into this way of thinking, strongholds WILL break. I’ve seen it happen!  Anxiety or Depression does NOT have to define us. Let God do that!

Walking It Out:

• Take the time to memorize the verses in Philippians 4:8-9 and the peace and promises God has for us.

• Make the effort to put some healthy boundaries into place this week to move closer to the life God has planned for you. 

• Take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. Memorize 2 Corinthians 10:5. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.  It will help you fix your eyes on God and not on your own worries and control.

Put away the distractions of the day. Carve out a few moments and listen to the words of this song, and let the Lord speak to you.  I Speak Jesus by Charity Gayle and Steven Musso

LOOKING FOR A COACH OR NEED SOME GUIDANCE? CALL the ROCK SOLID FAMILIES OFFICE AT 812-576-ROCK (7625) OR VISIT OUR WEBSITE AT WWW.ROCKSOLIDFAMILIES.ORG.

FOR MORE CONTENT RELATED TO FAITH, FAMILY, FITNESS AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN, SUBSCRIBE TO THE ROCK SOLID FAMILIES PODCAST ON YOUTUBE, APPLE PODCASTS, OR SPOTIFY.

Does Therapy Really Work?

If you go to the car shop your mechanic is going to diagnose your car with visual observation, measurement, and even computer diagnostic equipment. When he is finished, he's going to have a good idea of what's wrong with the car. When you go to the doctor because you're not feeling well, they are going to begin the diagnostic process with blood work, scans, and monitoring equipment to get the best feedback possible to make their diagnosis. Perfect? No, but much more reliable than what you're going to see in the mental health field. This is not to blame mental health professionals; most are doing the best they can with what tools they have. However, mental health simply lacks testing processes and equipment to deliver reliable diagnoses.

Over the past 20 years, there has been an explosion of people seeking mental health therapy. Children, men, women, couples, you name it, they're trying it. But more recently the results have been scrutinized.

On Episode 298 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda Hutchinson answer the question many of us want to know the answer to… Is therapy effective? Does it actually work?

The answer is not clear-cut. Way too often there is little to no benefit and even more harm is done than good. For this reason, people should take a closer look at therapy and know what to look for and what their part of the process is going to be in order to increase their chances of success.

On this episode of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda unpack the difference between counseling and coaching, the importance of getting the right therapist for the job, the hard work that is required of the client to move toward healing, and the most powerful healer in the room - God. They remind us that God wants better for us, but we have to want to include him in the process. This is where our humility or coachability comes into play. ARE YOU COACHABLE?

Here are 5 things you can do to ensure your coaching/therapy works effectively:

CHECK YOUR MINDSET:

In John 5: 6-9, Jesus approaches a man who has been lying near a healing pool for 28 years but still hasn’t been healed. He was making excuse after excuse, and waiting for those passing by to help him. Jesus approaches this man and asks him, “Do you want to get well?” Seems like a pretty silly question, right? But what we learn here is that if you want healing, you want to get better, you have to believe that YOU can do something about it. No one else can do it for you. You have to bring yourself to make an appointment and then walk into the counselor's office… not your mom, not your friend, not your sister. You have to want it for yourself.  

FIND THE RIGHT THERAPIST OR COACH:

After the initial discussion with your counselor/coach/therapist, you should be able to tell if you are going to like working together. Effectiveness is diminished if the relationship isn’t one of good faith and trust. You have you believe that your therapist/coach has your best interest in mind and you have to like them enough to partner together for the greater good of improving your health. This doesn’t mean that you are going to like or agree with everything they say, because sometimes they will say things you may not want to hear. However, relationship and rapport are important in the client-therapist relationship.

PREPARE FOR HEAVY LIFTING:

Counseling/ coaching is some of the hardest work you’ll ever do. What you do in the office is minimal, but the action plan/homework is where the heavy lifting comes in. This may look like making apologies, admitting you are wrong, having tough discussions, breaking habits, holding boundaries, etc. When it comes to counseling or coaching, the coach should not outwork you. Take what the resources they give you, set an action plan, and get to work!

FIND THE RIGHT TOOLS:

When it comes to our mental and personal health, there are a lot of different avenues we can take to get help or move towards healing. You need to figure out what tool will work best for you. Is it coaching? Medication? Licensed therapy? Talking to a friend? Once you find the right tool, start using it! Don’t just leave it in your “toolbox” until it's too late.

ASSESS THE PROGRESS:

If you don’t get a report card from school, how do you know how your kid is doing in class? The same goes for counseling – you should assess what is working, what isn’t, what is confusing, are any resources or pieces missing, and whether you need any additional support Be sure to communicate any additional needs with your therapist or coach so that they can best support you and your healing. There have been some cases where a counselor doesn’t provide a client with tools and resources because they want to keep a client longer in order to make more money. If you find a counselor who is NOT providing you with tools and resources to help you and empower you, you may need to consider finding a new one.

Looking for a coach or need some guidance? Call our office at 812-576-ROCK (7625) or visit our website at www.Rocksolidfamilies.org

For more content related to faith, family, fitness and everything in between, subscribe to the Rock Solid Families Podcast on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.

WWW.ROCKSOLIDFAMILIES.ORG

You're Not Enough, But God Is!

The endless search for contentment and completion in life can be exhausting. Looking for people and things that make us feel like we finally have it all together is the great quest, but is this the quest we were meant to take? Merrill and Linda break this down for us in Episode # 285 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast.

The great philosophers have repeated over and over that we can not find life happiness in people and things. We must go elsewhere. But where is the elsewhere? To put it simply, we start our journey to completion and contentment by grounding ourselves in the knowledge that we are created by God, on purpose, and for a purpose - to glorify Him. To say or think that we are “not enough” is a slap in God’s face, because he doesn’t make mistakes, and he doesn’t create “junk.” We were never created to be enough, nor were we created to do life alone! We need God, and we need to be in community with other people who have different gifts and talents from us. No one can do life alone. We are to be in service and adoration of all that He desires for our lives, not what we desire.

Mankind has been pursuing their own desires all the way back to the fall of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. It’s trying to chase something of greater value within ourselves rather than chasing God. Satan tells us that if we have money, power, prestige, or certain people in our lives, then we will be complete. But, Satan is also the author of all lies! Philippians 4:13 reminds us that we can do all things through Christ’s strength, not our own!

I encourage you all to take the time to reflect on how you have chased after things that are more about you than God. How can you better use your time and talents to serve Him versus serving yourself or the world? When we start to figure this out for ourselves, we begin to recognize contentment in knowing who we are in Christ, and in our God given purpose.

If you find yourself struggling to find contentment in your life and need help, please reach out to Rock Solid Families. Our desire for you is that you learn to align yourself with God's way and experience contentment that goes beyond human understanding.

www.rocksolidfamilies.org

Maximizing Work Capacity - Functional Fitness for Every Day Life.

Are you fit enough to do everyday life?

We often hear about people going to the gym to build muscle and sculpt the picture-perfect body, but the truth is many of us don't have the time or interest to build the perfect body, we just want to be more active and healthy. In other words, we want to build a healthy work capacity.

Work capacity is our ability to do work. Work by definition is Force x Distance. That means you apply a certain amount of force in order to move an object or complete a task. Work Capacity is simply how much or even how long you can carry out or perform the workload. Going to the gym to build bigger muscles does not necessarily equate to helping you be more functional in your daily life. Doing heavy reps and then walking around and resting in between sets does little to enhance our ability to sustain activity in our daily lives.

Cutting the grass, running a chainsaw, mopping the floors, and washing the windows are tasks that require us to start the job and carry out the workload associated with that job until it's finished. This means we have to sustain work over a period of time. In order to become more functionally fit, it is important to incorporate movements and workouts that closely replicate daily living. Bending over to pick up a heavy bag of groceries, climbing a flight of stairs, loading and unloading a truckload of mulch, carrying baskets of laundry up the steps… these are the types of patterns and weight we want to incorporate into our workouts. On top of this, we want to set a goal of sustaining the pattern over time. This constant movement requires the most vital organ of our body to work and strengthen - our heart.

Linda and Merrill specifically use a piece of fitness equipment called the Kettle Bar, which was invented by Merrill himself. The Kettle Bar came to fruition because Merrill saw that building overall fitness and work capacity was the desire of not only himself but many of the clients he works with. The Kettle Bar can be used in many ways that replicate the movements that are often required of us in our everyday lives.

On our Rock Solid Families Podcast, Episode # 282, Merrill and Linda talk about work capacity, functional fitness for our everyday lives, and demonstrate how to incorporate the Kettle Bar into your fitness routine to increase your ability to perform everyday tasks.

Watch the podcast video here: https://youtu.be/YauadyydAJo?si=xLLuxzfKmIy-iyRb

For more information on the Kettle Bar and how to incorporate it into your fitness routine, visit https://www.kettlebarfitness.com/.

For more information on scheduling faith-based coaching or fitness classes with Rock Solid Families, please visit http://rocksolidfamilies.org.

Life Giving Grit - Do You Have It?

For whatever reason, I have lately been very interested in learning and hearing more about what I’m calling “Life-Giving Grit.”  You’ve heard these stories before.  The person who suffers devastating blows only to never give up and finally prevail in the end.  The movie “Rocky” comes to mind.  I have also been reading a couple of different books about Holocaust survivors - Wow!  Some incredible stories of survival have come out of that tragedy.  Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Elie Wiesel, and Oskar Schindler are just some of the heart-moving stories that continue to live on. 

I also have more than a couple of friends and family who are in the long-haul battle for their lives against cancer or other illnesses.  I watch as they pull themselves from one treatment to the next with no guarantees that anything is actually going to work.  Nonetheless, they carry on.  Some of them have lived and continue to live with such grace and strength that inspires others.  This has challenged me to ask, “What would I do in these situations?”

To be clear, none of us want to invite tragedy or hardship into our lives just to see if we can pass the test.  But, as life would have it, many of us will be tested.  I wonder how I would stand up to the test.  I wonder how strong my faith and hope would truly be.  How about you?  How strong would you walk through the darkness?  

I have taken a little time to study and observe more about these enduring characters.  What is it about them that sets them apart, what traits do they have or what actions do they take to move on with such grace?  My list is not intended to be the final say on survival, but rather some suggestions and ideas that maybe all of us could benefit from whether in difficult times or not. 

Here are five different things I’ve noticed. See what you think. 

1.    The Eye of David - You’ve heard about the “tiger’s eye”.  I have thought about the story of David and Goliath and tried to imagine what David actually looked like when he stepped into the ring against Goliath.  Against all odds, and staring into the face of a giant, David must have had a certain “look” to him.  I think of that as the look of the tiger, the “tiger’s eye”. That look of absolute focus on the matter at hand, likely to be tunnel vision, where nothing else really matters at the moment.  That look is only fueled by eliminating all other possible outcomes other than a triumphant win.  David could not have looked at Goliath with fear and trembling.  He had to look at him with determination and faith that he would prevail. 

2.            “Pick Me” Mindset - They are the “all in” volunteers.  They invite opportunities to walk through hardship because they have faith that something better will come. 

3.            No Paralysis From Analysis - We have all been around people who are terrible about making decisions.  They overthink and second-guess every possible solution.  They use excuses such as, I’m still gathering information or I’m praying about it, way longer than is beneficial.  Instead, these people make a decision and then go with it.  It may not be the perfect answer, but they are willing to live with the responsibility and consequences of their decisions.  They are not afraid. 

4.            Problem Solvers, Not Statement Makers- They ask great questions that lead to powerful answers.  “What can I do about this?”  Many of us get stuck in stating the obvious. We make a statement about a given problem and then we leave it sit.  “I have cancer.”  That may be a true statement, but if left there, it is nearly worthless.  Problem Solvers say, 'I have cancer, what am I going to do about it?’  Asking a question of self-empowerment is the fuel to get things moving. Remember, this has nothing to do with whether or not your solution is going to work.  It simply means that you are not stuck and stranded without options.

5.            Action Figures - Finally, people of great survival stories are people that are movers and shakers.  They are action figures. They don’t sit back, they do!   I’m reminded of Todd Beamer, the man who tragically lost his life as a victim on United Airlines Flight 93. The plane was hijacked and ran directly into the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. Todd recognized that things did not look good for him and all the other passengers on that flight.  Rather than sit in his chair and cry, which would have made perfect sense, he corralled a group to storm the cockpit of the plane.  The possible outcomes were not good no matter what happened, but going down without a fight was not an option.  When they got their plan together, Todd Beamer was heard saying. “Let’s Roll”.  In other words, it is time to go to work.

As I mentioned earlier, none of us want to be tested in such life-or-death situations, but it is only through adversity that we truly learn who we are and what we stand for. My challenge is to know who I want to be prior to finding myself in the battle for my life. How about you?

Finishing Strong!

— Merrill Hutchinson

President of Rock Solid Families, a faith based marriage and family coaching organization in St. Leon, IN. For more information, contact 812-576-ROCK.

Pleasure over Pain, Please!

How comfortable are you with uncomfortable conversations? How well do you handle stressful situations? Do you find yourself avoiding your boss at work, because he seems to only point out your flaws, rather than acknowledge what you’ve successfully accomplished? When situations get serious, do you tend to crack a joke to break the uneasy tension? How often do you scroll aimlessly through social media or binge watch a television series to escape reality? Of course we’d much rather receive praise over criticism, laugh instead of cry, and distract ourselves rather than ruminate on our daily stressors. Given the choice, we would choose comfort over discomfort every time. 

It’s a No-Brainer
Pleasure over pain, please! Oh the things we do to protect ourselves from feeling discomfort. This is such an innate reaction for us that we don’t even realize how often we are doing it.  Everyday we combat distressing thoughts and feelings through defense mechanisms. A defense mechanism is an unconscious means to decrease internal stress. We don’t even have to think about it, our brains just activate into protection mode. The limbic system plays a major role in this, which involves the part of our brain responsible for behavioral and emotional responses, especially when it comes to our survival instincts, such as fight or flight. We are literally wired to protect ourselves. 

Formed from Emotional Wounds
Although we all have this innate reaction to defend ourselves, the more emotional wounds we’ve endured, the stronger our defenses become. When experiencing frequent or repeated emotionally distressing events, defenses can become really strong in order to protect from feeling emotional discomfort or pain. Think of it as building this brick wall around your heart or wearing full body armor like a knight. You’ve been emotionally hurt to the point you refuse to let anyone or anything even have the chance to cause you pain. 

For individuals who have experienced a lot of hurt or loss, especially throughout their early childhood, defense mechanisms can become so hardwired that they present themselves in situations we rationally do not need defending. It’s as if our brain perceives a “threat” that actually isn’t there. An example of this would be if you’ve experienced abandonment in your past and you start to avoid your friend who hasn’t spoken to you in a few weeks. In reality, your friend has been busy with a new job, however your past abandonment wounds perceive she is leaving you, so your defenses come up to protect from the possibility of getting hurt. Although defense mechanisms initially serve to protect us, over time they can create major barriers in our relationships and hinder our personal growth. Ultimately, continuing to live from our defense mechanisms may be hindering our relationship with God and living out the life He intended for us. 

How to Let Your Guard Down
Awareness is key. We can’t change something if we aren’t aware it exists. What are common defense mechanisms you may be using? Avoidance, distraction, deflection, denial, or humor? Click HERE to check out our handout of defense mechanisms and see which ones stand out to you. Once you’ve identified your go-to defenses, be curious why these defenses are coming up for you. What are you attempting to protect yourself from?  What emotions are you feeling when these defenses arise? Are there emotional wounds you haven’t dealt with yet? 

If you are thinking to yourself right now, “Psh, I don’t have any emotional wounds”, I gently encourage you to reference the “denial” defense mechanism; Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world and we ALL have been hurt at some point in our lives. After you’ve identified your defenses and start to uncover where they stem from, I encourage you to seek trusted support to process through your emotional wounds. The world teaches us that being emotional is a weakness. “Suck it up and move on.” The truth is, until we allow ourselves to sit with our emotions and process through them, they will continue to control us.

From Defensive to Defended
This fallen world has wired us to defend ourselves, but this isn’t the life God intended for us. God is our defender, shelter, shield, and our rock. The Lord guards our hearts and our minds (Philippians 4:7). We are hidden in Him (Colossians 3:3), and we are more than conquerors through Him (Romans 8:37). We aren’t meant to carry our burdens (Psalm 55:22), and we aren’t supposed to fight this battle on our own (Deuteronomy 3:22). “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:14). I want to encourage you to take off the armor you’ve created from the hurts of this world, and put on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6). Seek His help and comfort in times of distress, and allow Him to heal your emotional wounds of the past.