Does Therapy Really Work?

If you go to the car shop your mechanic is going to diagnose your car with visual observation, measurement, and even computer diagnostic equipment. When he is finished, he's going to have a good idea of what's wrong with the car. When you go to the doctor because you're not feeling well, they are going to begin the diagnostic process with blood work, scans, and monitoring equipment to get the best feedback possible to make their diagnosis. Perfect? No, but much more reliable than what you're going to see in the mental health field. This is not to blame mental health professionals; most are doing the best they can with what tools they have. However, mental health simply lacks testing processes and equipment to deliver reliable diagnoses.

Over the past 20 years, there has been an explosion of people seeking mental health therapy. Children, men, women, couples, you name it, they're trying it. But more recently the results have been scrutinized.

On Episode 298 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda Hutchinson answer the question many of us want to know the answer to… Is therapy effective? Does it actually work?

The answer is not clear-cut. Way too often there is little to no benefit and even more harm is done than good. For this reason, people should take a closer look at therapy and know what to look for and what their part of the process is going to be in order to increase their chances of success.

On this episode of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda unpack the difference between counseling and coaching, the importance of getting the right therapist for the job, the hard work that is required of the client to move toward healing, and the most powerful healer in the room - God. They remind us that God wants better for us, but we have to want to include him in the process. This is where our humility or coachability comes into play. ARE YOU COACHABLE?

Here are 5 things you can do to ensure your coaching/therapy works effectively:

CHECK YOUR MINDSET:

In John 5: 6-9, Jesus approaches a man who has been lying near a healing pool for 28 years but still hasn’t been healed. He was making excuse after excuse, and waiting for those passing by to help him. Jesus approaches this man and asks him, “Do you want to get well?” Seems like a pretty silly question, right? But what we learn here is that if you want healing, you want to get better, you have to believe that YOU can do something about it. No one else can do it for you. You have to bring yourself to make an appointment and then walk into the counselor's office… not your mom, not your friend, not your sister. You have to want it for yourself.  

FIND THE RIGHT THERAPIST OR COACH:

After the initial discussion with your counselor/coach/therapist, you should be able to tell if you are going to like working together. Effectiveness is diminished if the relationship isn’t one of good faith and trust. You have you believe that your therapist/coach has your best interest in mind and you have to like them enough to partner together for the greater good of improving your health. This doesn’t mean that you are going to like or agree with everything they say, because sometimes they will say things you may not want to hear. However, relationship and rapport are important in the client-therapist relationship.

PREPARE FOR HEAVY LIFTING:

Counseling/ coaching is some of the hardest work you’ll ever do. What you do in the office is minimal, but the action plan/homework is where the heavy lifting comes in. This may look like making apologies, admitting you are wrong, having tough discussions, breaking habits, holding boundaries, etc. When it comes to counseling or coaching, the coach should not outwork you. Take what the resources they give you, set an action plan, and get to work!

FIND THE RIGHT TOOLS:

When it comes to our mental and personal health, there are a lot of different avenues we can take to get help or move towards healing. You need to figure out what tool will work best for you. Is it coaching? Medication? Licensed therapy? Talking to a friend? Once you find the right tool, start using it! Don’t just leave it in your “toolbox” until it's too late.

ASSESS THE PROGRESS:

If you don’t get a report card from school, how do you know how your kid is doing in class? The same goes for counseling – you should assess what is working, what isn’t, what is confusing, are any resources or pieces missing, and whether you need any additional support Be sure to communicate any additional needs with your therapist or coach so that they can best support you and your healing. There have been some cases where a counselor doesn’t provide a client with tools and resources because they want to keep a client longer in order to make more money. If you find a counselor who is NOT providing you with tools and resources to help you and empower you, you may need to consider finding a new one.

Looking for a coach or need some guidance? Call our office at 812-576-ROCK (7625) or visit our website at www.Rocksolidfamilies.org

For more content related to faith, family, fitness and everything in between, subscribe to the Rock Solid Families Podcast on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.

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Are We Teaching Our Kids to be Consumers or Producers?

We are all naturally both a consumer and a producer, but our mindset determines what energy we put back into the world around us - Are we a giver or a taker? It is easy to be consumer-minded with all of the instant gratification and access to all sorts of resources at our fingertips. (Think Amazon same day or next day delivery…talk about on-demand! )

Our kids are also experiencing this commercialized consumer mindset. They tend to demand more and more as they get older, trying to stay on top of the trendiest shoes and clothing, “needing” a new car on their sixteenth birthday, wanting more freedom, and the list goes on. But what they don’t always think about is that these demands and freedoms come with having more responsibilities. By giving in to our children’s every demand and desire, we are encouraging a consumer mindset, avoiding their responsibilities, and setting them up for failure.

As parents, it is our job to help them understand what is involved with their wants and needs. How much something costs, the time needed to make it happen, necessary resources, etc. This teaching should start in the leadership season of parenting, when children are between the ages of 3 - 13, and be reinforced during the mentoring season (Ages 13-18).

In episode # 288 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda Hutchinson provide us with 10 simple ways we can ensure we are raising producers (givers/servers) and not consumers (takers).

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1.) Make sure you are unified as parents.
It is important to be on the same page as your spouse and make sure that the family values are established. Oftentimes kids will try to put mom and dad against each other, and when it falters, it can lead to resentment between parents and becomes more of a marital issue than a parenting issue.

2.) State what you want for your kids.
Not in the current moment, but in the long run. Who do you want them to be when they are around the age of 18-21? What do you want them to be like?

3.) Teach them the importance of contributing to the family.
Whether it is doing daily or weekly chores, helping set up or clean up the dinner table, or attending family outings or activities. Family comes first and its beneficial to reflect on how their actions affect the family as a whole - is it impactful or hurtful?

4.) Let your kids know the cost of things that they consume and what it takes for you to provide those things.
Don’t use this to guilt them or when you have given something or done something as a gift. Instead, use this to teach them the cost of items in terms of hours of work or time spent to achieve the goal.

5.) Encourage opportunities for them to be responsible.
Simple chores offer opportunities for children to be held responsible and are a great way to start contributing to the greater good of the family unit. Whether it is feeding the dog, taking out the trash, doing the dishes, or cleaning their rooms, it helps them see the world outside of themselves, and how what they do impacts not just themselves, but others around them.

6.) Teach them to serve and give while using their time, talents, and treasures.
Serving others with your time and talents helps create leaders! If you aren’t sure what your gifts or talents are, you can take this spiritual gifts assessment and it will provide you with ways that you might enjoy or excel at while serving others.

7.) Teach them to appreciate the things they have.
We can’t expect our children to naturally have an appreciation for the things they have. We need to teach them to appreciate their things by taking care of our stuff and being thankful. This can be taught by making sure they have some investment in the things they have. This could look like them saving up to help pay for an expensive electronic they really want, cleaning their car (inside and out!), or cleaning up and selling that dirt bike they just HAD to have 2 months after buying it because it wasn’t as fun as they thought it would be.

8.) Don’t do things for them that they are capable of doing themselves - Yes, I’m talking to you too, Moms!
It’s so easy to fall into this trap of doing things for our children because it’ll get done quicker, it’ll get done correctly, and it will get done the first time we ask. But children are usually capable of doing more than we think. I challenge you to stretch what you think they are capable of and then ask them to do it. If we do everything for them, they won’t learn to do things for themselves and will be stuck in this consumer mindset thinking that “someone else will do it.” or “its not my job to do that.”

9.) Give them examples of people who have chosen a dominant life as consumers as well as those who have chosen to be producers.
The story of Elvis Presley comes to mind on this one. On the outside, he seemed to have it all together - he had the fame and the fortune. He was well-known and well-liked by his fans but behind the scenes, he was narcissistic and rude to his staff and crew. Turns out, he grew up poor and with an overprotective mom who did everything for him as a way of her coping with the loss of another child.

10.) Let them know that you did not invent this function of parenting.  It was invented by Christ!
Mark 10:45 says, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for man.” It is God’s will for us to live a life like Jesus and for Jesus. Jesus was the perfect example of how we should live, and if he lived to serve others, we should too!

Click HERE to watch the full episode from Rock Solid Families on raising producers verses consumer.

For more content on topics of faith, family and fitness, subscribe to Rock Solid Families Podcast on youtube or listen on apple podcast and spotify.