A Family's Guide to Memorizing Scripture and Growing Together in Faith

Memorizing Scripture is an essential part of a person's faith journey. Knowing scripture helps us fight spiritual battles by guarding our hearts, guarding our minds, and by helping us keep our thoughts and actions aligned with God's truth. Even during seasons of depression, anxiety, or when we question our self-worth, scripture reminds us where we find our strength and purpose - in Jesus Christ! In times of grief or uncertainty, memorizing scripture also helps us remember that God is our source of peace that surpasses all understanding. Only He has the power to take away our worries and replace them with peace and reassurance.

My family started practicing memory verses when my son started preschool. The teachers at his school would come up with a memory verse to practice as a class each month and the class would recite it together daily and read about it in the Bible. Our son was so excited about his ability to memorize scripture that he’d walk into the office at the end of the day to recite his verse and earn a sticker! So, to encourage him and his love for God's word, we started memorizing it at home as a family. When he left preschool and started kindergarten at our local public school, we implemented our own memory verse of the month as a way to continue his, and ours, spiritual growth.

When we are confident in our knowledge of Scripture, we are more prepared to share God’s truth with others, helping to create new believers and grow His kingdom. To put it simply, memorizing Scripture not only strengthens our own faith, but also empowers us to be effective witnesses of God’s love and truth in the world.

I encourage your family to start memorizing scripture together! Reading and knowing God's word lays a firm foundation for a lifelong journey of faith not only in yourself, but your family and friends as well. When children learn Bible verses early on, they start to internalize God’s truth earlier in their lives. This helps shape their character and guide their choices and actions as they grow into adults. Knowing God's word can also give children (and adults) a sense of security and confidence, knowing they can turn to God’s Word for comfort and wisdom in any situation. As your family grows both physically and spiritually, the verses they've memorized will be a source of strength and peace. By planting these “seeds” of truth early, you are helping ensure that their faith is deeply rooted and capable of withstanding life's storms.

Here are 10 different verses that are short, but impactful, and easy for family members of all ages to memorize:

(These verses were sourced from various translations of the Bible)

1. 1 Peter 5:7 - Give all your worries to Him because He cares for you.

2. Proverbs 17:17 - A friend loves you all the time. 

3. Psalm 56:3 - When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

4. Ephesians 4:32 - Be kind to one another.

5. John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son. 

6. Matthew 4:19 - “Come and follow me”, Jesus said.

7. Psalm 150:6 - Let everything that breathes praise the Lord.

8. Proverbs 16:24 - Pleasant words are like honeycomb. They make a person happy and healthy. 

9. Proverbs 4:23 - Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

10. Colossians 3:23 - Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.

And for fun, here is a bonus verse for parents to teach their children: 

Ephesians 6:1 - Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 

I recognize that memorizing scripture is sometimes easier said than done. So I want to provide you with 5 tips to help you memorize scripture:

• Start small. Don’t feel like you need to memorize a full chapter of the Bible. There are plenty of short verses that are impactful, maybe start there! 

• Put hand motions to the words. Here is an example of what hand motions for Matthew 4:19 might look like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXq2IhZdlX4 

• Write the verse on a piece of paper and put it somewhere where you will see it often. This may be on a post-it note at your desk, a note stuck on the side of the fridge, or a sign hanging next to the front door so you see it every day on your way to work and school. 

• Say the verse out loud 2 times a day with a family member or a friend. 

• Sing the words of the verse to the rhythm of a song that you enjoy. 

I hope you found this blog insightful, helpful, and that you feel encouraged to impress the word of God on your heart and the hearts of those you love.

For more content related to faith, family and everything in between, Follow Rock Solid Families on social media and check out the Rock Solid Families Podcast on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts. 

www.Rocksolidfamilies.org

Six ways to start the new school year off strong!

The start of a new school year comes with many feelings and emotions for both students and teachers. Some students are excited to get their new backpacks, school supplies, new shoes, and to see their friends. Others are anxious about starting a new school, a new sport, or riding the school bus. This goes for teachers too as they prepare for new students, work with new families, and prepare curriculum.

On episode # 297 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda Hutchinson dive into the topics of setting routines, holding boundaries, managing schedules, and the importance of communication. Believe it or not, all of these things relate to the start of the school year and can make or break your student’s experience when going back to school. Below, we list Merrill and Linda’s top six tips for starting the school year off on the right foot.

six ways to ensure you start the school year off on the right foot:

1. Find and implement consistent routines. For some, this may be starting bedtime a bit earlier, turning screens off an hour before bed, or reading with their kids before bed to relax. Another great routine to practice is eating dinner as a family together each night. This time can be used to talk and unpack how everyone's day went, discuss how your kids are feeling about school or sports, and is an extra time to connect in a tech-free environment. It is also important to have your students participate in these new routines, whether it’s setting out their own clothes the night before school or helping pack lunches before getting ready for bed. This helps alleviate the chaos of getting out the door in the morning and helps teach them independence and responsibility. 
   

2. Set your priorities early. This piggybacks off of our first point… oftentimes our culture tells us that busy/full calendars = good parenting. This is a lie from the enemy! Most of the time, when our students have an overly busy schedule, it leads to anxiety and burnout, especially in our elementary-aged students. To avoid these unnecessary anxieties or burnout, we recommend prioritizing your family and marriage over filling your time with activities. Having time set aside for family will help your students recognize their safe place where they can unwind, relax, and feel safe.
   

3. Don’t get consumed by all the “extras”. This goes beyond the extracurricular activities and sports practices, especially for our middle school and high school students. We hear all the time about parents who are working multiple jobs or working 60+ hours a week just so their kid can play on traveling sports teams, have the nicest back-to-school clothes, have the name-brand cleats and helmets for sports, the best electronics and accessories, or whatever the next best thing is. Providing all of these “extras” can often lead to burnout and anxiety for parents, and ultimately it distracts the students from what is actually important - their education. 
   

4. Teachers need your partnership. We encourage you to get to know your kids teachers, counselors and coaches. Support them and partner with them throughout the year to build a relationship and trust. This helps them know that you are on their team and have the same goal of making sure your kid has the best experience possible. 
   

5. Teach your kids to connect with their teachers. A simple “Good Morning Mrs. Smith, how are you today?” not only teaches your kids how to build connections with other people, but helps them develop skills to recognize the feelings, emotions, and needs of others around them. This is the same for teachers as well. Once that relationship with your student is built, they may recognize different reactions or responses from your student that tell them your kid has had a bad morning, is tired, or is having a great day! 
   

6. Set the tone for how the school year should be approached. There are 3 ways we can set the tone - In a negative way, a neutral way, or a positive way. A negative tone for school might be set when your student hears you complaining about the administration or rules set by the district.  Or maybe you didn’t like school growing up, so you dont think your children should take it so seriously. A neutral tone would be if parents aren’t invested in their students' school life outside of the required meetings and signed paperwork. A positive tone is set when you encourage your children by saying things like “Your teacher is trying their best!” or “It's going to be a great day at school today!”  We recommend that if you have any issues with the staff, administration, or teachers, you use the Matthew 18 principle and go directly to them to work out whatever the issue is. If they don’t respond, grab another staff member or administrator and have them go with you to talk through the issue.

This school year, we encourage you to lean into your children. Talk to them about their days and reassure them that the anxieties they may be feeling around school, sports, or riding the bus can be resolved either as a family or by partnering with the school. Teachers and coaches are there to support you as parents and make the transition into a new year easier. If you need to talk through the anxieties or struggles that your family is facing at the start of a new school year, please give us a call at 812-576-7625 and we can chat and provide you with additional resources and support to make sure your child's school year starts on the right foot! 

To listen to the full “Back To School” podcast episode from Rock Solid Families, Click HERE

For more content related to faith, family, and fitness, subscribe to the Rock Solid Families Podcast on YouTube, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts.

What is the adoption and fostering process REALLY like?

The movie Sound of Hope is based on a true story about the town of Possum Trot Texas, and how the community came together and adopted 77 children who were in the foster care system at that time. The movie depicts the process of fostering and adopting well, without showing some of the most grueling details… but when watching the film, your mind can put the pieces together and imagine the awful experiences some of these kids went through. 

We are called to protect the orphans and the widows. In the bible, Proverbs 31:8 reminds us that we should speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves and James 1:27 tells us that pure religion is understanding who God is in our lives, and how he wants us to show up in the lives of those around us. It takes sacrifice of what we want and need to help other people. 

As many people know, the founders of Rock Solid Families, Merrill and Linda Hutchinson, adopted 3 children in 2017. These children were in the school that Merrill worked in at the time. This was their 5th school and 5th family, and when he caught wind that they were going to be separated and sent to different homes in different parts of the state, he went home and asked Linda what she thought about adopting them.

Much like one of the main characters in the Sound of Hope film, Linda Hutchinson had a passion for adopting. She didn't think the opportunity would present itself after her 2 biological children had graduated and moved out of the house, but God’s timing doesn’t always align with our own.

When considering fostering or adopting, it is so easy to have “Rose-colored glasses” on. You start to imagine the life that you can provide for the child you are adopting, whether it’s imagining birthday parties, family vacations, sports games, or Christmas mornings. But outside of those initial heartwarming feelings, there are difficulties, challenges, and baggage.

Based on their own experiences, Merrill and Linda Hutchinson share with us 7 things to consider when you are considering fostering or adopting children.

1. Are you all in? When fostering or adopting, a child's heart is at stake. This process is not just something you can “try it for a little while” to see how it goes. The child in your care needs mom and dad to be on the same page from the beginning so that they can provide a secure and stable home environment.
   

2. Take off the rose-colored glasses. As mentioned earlier, this is the period where you are feeling heartwarming emotions as you imagine the life you will be able to give a child. This is similar to lust. But fostering and adopting is more comparable to love - it is a choice and the process comes with challenges that you need to be willing to work through. 
   

3. Examine your expectations…and then lower them. This goes for expectations of yourself, your family and your friends. Its easy to think that once the child is officially adopted, life will go back to “normal”, but that simply isn’t always the case. There will be an adjustment period where you navigate living together, how to approach communication, how to handle each other's emotions, and observe how they interact with your family and friends. You will need to be realistic, and plan for extending lots of grace during that initial transition. 
   

4. Ask yourself, Is God at the center of my decision? If you don’t have the wisdom of God’s word, you don’t have what is needed to get through the challenges of the adoption process by yourself. It requires prayer, constantly inviting God into the process to reveal next steps and His extended grace. 
   

5. Evaluate your resources. Who do you have that is going to be on your team? Is it family, church friends? Neighbors? They will be your village during this process, so it is important that they are supportive. The foster care system will also provide some material resources, but when you are doing it for the right reasons, God will provide through your community support. 
   

6. Recognize that  you will have “nay-sayers”. There will be people who don’t think you should adopt. They will say things like “You don’t know what you’re doing.” or “This realy isn’t a good idea.” This may plant seeds of doubt and fear in your mind, but the decision is between Mom, Dad and God. Not the nay-sayers. Remember, once you commit to this process, there is no turning back, so don’t let their negative words get in the way of the process.
   

7. There will be several seasons of the adoption process. Just like there are seasons of parenting, there will be seasons of adopting. The early seasons will be full of awkward moments, figuring out what memories from the past triggers the child, and testing the boundaries. Seasons after that will start to feel more comfortable, where they start to get more comfortable calling you by the names you agreed upon – whether its Mom and Dad or by your first names. 

Our challenge to you is to not only consider how adoption changes the life of a child, but how it can change YOU as well. We encourage you to listen to Episode # 269 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast to hear the heartwarming comments about how adoption changed both Merrill and Linda for the better! 

For more content related to Faith, Family, and Fitness, subscribe to the Rock Solid Families Podcast on YouTube, Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

Do parents have the right to look through their kids phone?

“Do you think my parents should be allowed to snoop through my phone?”

This was a question Linda Hutchinson, Executive Director of Rock Solid Families, overheard at her local swimming pool. Three teenage girls carried on about how parents shouldn’t be allowed to go through their phones and “snoop” into their private lives. One even jokingly said it should be illegal and that they should call the police on their parents.

But the question still remains, do parents have the right to look at their kids’ phones? In short, the answer is yes. Let me explain…

The way of the world has shifted and parents have created an equal level of authority between them and their children. This often is caused by wanting to be the “cool” parents, or because parents don’t want to hurt their children’s feelings. This has led to many kids having free reign when it comes to using digital devices.

There are three questions parents can ask themselves to find the correct answer to the “Do we have the right to look at their phone” question...

1.) Do we, the parents, own the phone / pay the bill?

2.) Does the child live in our home?

3.) Is the child a minor? (Under the age of 18.)

If you answered “yes” to any of those questions, then the answer is simple: Yes - you have the right and the responsibility to monitor your child’s digital device, whether its a phone, gaming console, smart TV, or iPad. All of these devices were mentioned because believe it or not, your children have full access to the internet through many devices, not just phones and computers.

Below are four different ways that as parents, you can help guide your family and children down the right path in a digitally crazed world.

1.) Be clear about what digital devices you will allow in your home:

As mentioned, there are many ways that children can access the World Wide Web. iPads, phones, computers, Xbox/PlayStation, and even Google and Alexa devices all grant users full access to the internet, bad content, strangers from around the world and so much more. Limiting devices will help parents better monitor their child’s digital use.

2.) Parents need to be on the same page when it comes to the level of access and freedom when allowing children to use digital devices.

Even if you are divorced, discussing the use and access that children have on digital devices should be done privately before setting the rules with the children. Parents being on the same page eliminates the chance of the child putting you against each other because “well dad said I could …”. (have social media, use this website, play online gaming… etc.) If expectations are clear among the whole house, or even across two households, it creates unity among the parents, the children, and the whole family unit.

Some great resources for helping families set boundaries on digital devices can be found on the Protect Young Eyes website, as well as the Wait Until 8th website.

3.) Enforce the rules you set.

You’ve already established what devices are acceptable, and set up clear boundaries regarding the level of access when your child uses the devices, so now it’s time for parents to be parents and enforce the rules. Let your children know that if expectations and trust are broken, there will be consequences. For example, if they aren’t allowed to have social media, but make an account anyway, maybe the consequence is taking away devices. It may cause an undesirable reaction from your child, but it is important to stick to your rules! If we waiver and don’t enforce the rules, they won’t be taken seriously.

4.) Establish screen free time and tech-free zones.

This will look different for each family, but some examples are no phones at the dinner table, no devices in bedrooms after 8:00 pm, tech-free family movie nights, etc. Parents, this does not only apply to the kids. Lead by example and follow your expectations. If they see you taking it seriously, they are more likely to see the importance of this time as well. Use this to connect with your children without any distractions present.

A great book to read that dives deeper into the dangers of screen time and the benefits of a screen-free world (or at least reduced screen time) is by author Jonathan Haidt, called The Anxious Generation. This book discusses the over-parenting and under-parenting that has led to a whole generation of anxious children, with a lot of research on the impact of screen time.

Parents, no matter where you are in your parenting journey, it is not too late. Step up and be the parents God designed you to be and the parents your kids need you to be. Don’t let them miss out on fun, making memories, learning, connecting, and growing because they are distracted by a screen. It is your responsibility to monitor digital devices that are putting your kids in potential danger. Surround yourself with other parents who align with your rules and expectations - it’s always easier to go through parenthood when you are part of a supportive community.

For more content on the topics of faith, family, fitness, and everything in between, subscribe to the Rock Solid Families Podcast on YouTube, Spotify, or Apple Podcast.

www.rocksolidfamilies.org

What does a "Strong Dad" look like?

In the parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15: 11-32) a father had 2 sons. One was a rule follower and the other was more of a rebel. The rebellious son had asked for his inheritance early, and when he received it, he fled from his father’s home to go “live it up” in a distant city.

After blowing through his inheritance, he finds himself with nothing left and decides to return home. Upon his return, his father is relieved to see him alive and to have him back….so much so that he throws a party to celebrate!

Now remember, a parable is not a true story. Parables are Jesus’ way of creating a human understanding of God's qualities and desires for us. In this parable, the father of the prodigal son is manifesting the role of God our Father - celebrating His children opening their eyes and turning to Him!

In episode # 291 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda Hutchinson deep dive into the story of the prodigal son and reveal 6 characteristics of the father in the story that help us understand what it means to be a “Strong dad” today.  Those 6 characteristics are outlined below:

Six Characteristics of a “Strong Dad”:

1.       Unconditional Love: In the parable of the prodigal son, the father's love transcends his son's rebellion. He doesn't withhold affection as punishment. For Dads Today: Show your love consistently through your actions and words. Let your children know they are loved regardless of their choices.  You don’t have to love their choices but work hard to love them through their choices. When you see a bad choice make sure to separate them from the choice in your judgment.  For example, say “Your choice is ridiculous.” versus  “You are ridiculous”.

 2.       Allow Freewill - The father of the prodigal son did not try to stop, redirect, or even threaten his son to change his mind.  He allowed the son to make his own decision to leave. For Dads Today, obviously we are not recommending this for a young child.  But as our children turn into young adults, we must strongly consider releasing them to their ways. 

3.       Patient Trust vs Aggressive Chase: The father in the parable waits patiently rather than running after his son. He trusts that there is going to be good that comes from all of this. He may have felt impatient and wanted God to deliver his son back to him faster, but this is not mentioned in the parable.  For Dads Today: Practice patience. Growth takes time. Trust your children's ability to learn their own lessons and make amends.

4.       Unending Desire for Restoration: The father in the parable never “writes him off”.  He's constantly aware and watching for his return.  For Dads Today: Be observant. Pay attention to your children's subtle cues, their joys and struggles. Be present in their lives.

5.       Unconditional Forgiveness: The father of the prodigal son doesn't look at his son and say, “You need to apologize to me before I can forgive you.”   He embraces his son the moment he sees him, demonstrating immense compassion.  For Dads Today: Focus on reconciliation, not punishment. Let forgiveness be a bridge to rebuild the relationship and mutual respect.

6.       Celebrate God’s Work: The father throws a feast, not out of obligation, but out of joy for his son's return. He gives freely, restoring his son's dignity. For Dads Today: Be generous with your love, time, and resources. Celebrate your children's victories, big and small.

To listen to the full Rock Solid Families podcast episode on this topic, click HERE.

For more content related to faith, family, and fitness, subscribe to the Rock Solid Families Podcast on YouTube, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts.

www.rocksolidfamilies.org

Are We Teaching Our Kids to be Consumers or Producers?

We are all naturally both a consumer and a producer, but our mindset determines what energy we put back into the world around us - Are we a giver or a taker? It is easy to be consumer-minded with all of the instant gratification and access to all sorts of resources at our fingertips. (Think Amazon same day or next day delivery…talk about on-demand! )

Our kids are also experiencing this commercialized consumer mindset. They tend to demand more and more as they get older, trying to stay on top of the trendiest shoes and clothing, “needing” a new car on their sixteenth birthday, wanting more freedom, and the list goes on. But what they don’t always think about is that these demands and freedoms come with having more responsibilities. By giving in to our children’s every demand and desire, we are encouraging a consumer mindset, avoiding their responsibilities, and setting them up for failure.

As parents, it is our job to help them understand what is involved with their wants and needs. How much something costs, the time needed to make it happen, necessary resources, etc. This teaching should start in the leadership season of parenting, when children are between the ages of 3 - 13, and be reinforced during the mentoring season (Ages 13-18).

In episode # 288 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda Hutchinson provide us with 10 simple ways we can ensure we are raising producers (givers/servers) and not consumers (takers).

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1.) Make sure you are unified as parents.
It is important to be on the same page as your spouse and make sure that the family values are established. Oftentimes kids will try to put mom and dad against each other, and when it falters, it can lead to resentment between parents and becomes more of a marital issue than a parenting issue.

2.) State what you want for your kids.
Not in the current moment, but in the long run. Who do you want them to be when they are around the age of 18-21? What do you want them to be like?

3.) Teach them the importance of contributing to the family.
Whether it is doing daily or weekly chores, helping set up or clean up the dinner table, or attending family outings or activities. Family comes first and its beneficial to reflect on how their actions affect the family as a whole - is it impactful or hurtful?

4.) Let your kids know the cost of things that they consume and what it takes for you to provide those things.
Don’t use this to guilt them or when you have given something or done something as a gift. Instead, use this to teach them the cost of items in terms of hours of work or time spent to achieve the goal.

5.) Encourage opportunities for them to be responsible.
Simple chores offer opportunities for children to be held responsible and are a great way to start contributing to the greater good of the family unit. Whether it is feeding the dog, taking out the trash, doing the dishes, or cleaning their rooms, it helps them see the world outside of themselves, and how what they do impacts not just themselves, but others around them.

6.) Teach them to serve and give while using their time, talents, and treasures.
Serving others with your time and talents helps create leaders! If you aren’t sure what your gifts or talents are, you can take this spiritual gifts assessment and it will provide you with ways that you might enjoy or excel at while serving others.

7.) Teach them to appreciate the things they have.
We can’t expect our children to naturally have an appreciation for the things they have. We need to teach them to appreciate their things by taking care of our stuff and being thankful. This can be taught by making sure they have some investment in the things they have. This could look like them saving up to help pay for an expensive electronic they really want, cleaning their car (inside and out!), or cleaning up and selling that dirt bike they just HAD to have 2 months after buying it because it wasn’t as fun as they thought it would be.

8.) Don’t do things for them that they are capable of doing themselves - Yes, I’m talking to you too, Moms!
It’s so easy to fall into this trap of doing things for our children because it’ll get done quicker, it’ll get done correctly, and it will get done the first time we ask. But children are usually capable of doing more than we think. I challenge you to stretch what you think they are capable of and then ask them to do it. If we do everything for them, they won’t learn to do things for themselves and will be stuck in this consumer mindset thinking that “someone else will do it.” or “its not my job to do that.”

9.) Give them examples of people who have chosen a dominant life as consumers as well as those who have chosen to be producers.
The story of Elvis Presley comes to mind on this one. On the outside, he seemed to have it all together - he had the fame and the fortune. He was well-known and well-liked by his fans but behind the scenes, he was narcissistic and rude to his staff and crew. Turns out, he grew up poor and with an overprotective mom who did everything for him as a way of her coping with the loss of another child.

10.) Let them know that you did not invent this function of parenting.  It was invented by Christ!
Mark 10:45 says, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for man.” It is God’s will for us to live a life like Jesus and for Jesus. Jesus was the perfect example of how we should live, and if he lived to serve others, we should too!

Click HERE to watch the full episode from Rock Solid Families on raising producers verses consumer.

For more content on topics of faith, family and fitness, subscribe to Rock Solid Families Podcast on youtube or listen on apple podcast and spotify.

How to Parent Through Excessive Complaining.

In the Bible, Philippians 2: 14-15 says “Do everything without grumbling or arguing so that you may become blameless and pure children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky.”

I think most of us have experienced when our child has one of those days where they are quick to grumble or tell us about every ache or pain they are experiencing. When they are telling you about the aches and pains they are experiencing, it is with such emotion that you wonder how they are even living through it. Five minutes later, you hear laughing and playing outside and you see that same child playing with their friends outside having what seems to be a pain-free time.

Parents today often ask, “So, when should I take my child seriously and when should I go tone deaf or even dismissive of their complaints?” Some modern counselors will tell you that you should never dismiss your child’s complaints, rather, you should validate their complaints. However, the proof is out on this one - sometimes our kids need to know their irrational complaints need to be shut down sooner rather than later and that it is okay to say “NO” to your kids. Someday they may even thank you.

In Episode # 283 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda discuss how to navigate a child’s excessive complaining. However, this episode is not just limited to children. This idea of how to deal with complainers respectfully is common in so many places - work, school, church, etc. Rock Solid Families wants to tackle this topic because it primarily relates to the home and is the first training step to helping our children recognize and deal more appropriately with their own complaints.

Chronic complainers we interact with in life are typically people who have practiced the act of complaining for a long time. Somehow they seem to believe they were successful with this strategy in the past and keep doing it. However, as we talk about how to deal with the complaints of our children, we want to first lay out a few disclaimers and understandings:

You must handle their complaints appropriately for the season they are in. Remember the seasons:
(Click each link below to listen to our podcast episodes on the different seasons of parenting.)

Season 1: Service 0 - 2 yrs - Service Years
Season 2: Leadership 3-13 yrs - Leadership Years
Season 3: Mentoring 13-18/21 yrs - Mentorship Years
Bonus season: Friend and Counsel 21+ - Emancipation Years

If you have a child in the first season, 0-2 years of age, you never dismiss their cries. In the second season - Leadership, 3-13 years of age, this is where the training takes place to help your kids learn the language of how to express what the emotions are behind the complaint. Early in this season, you can help them by teaching them the actual words of the emotion - “Are you feeling angry? Sad? Tired?…. DO NOT GET INTO THE HABIT OF BEING THE RESCUE PARENT - THEY ARE NO LONGER IN SEASON 1.

Begin to teach your child how to problem solve by teaching them how to ask better questions. “What can I do about my complaint?” Later in Season 2 about ages 8-13, if you’re child leans towards the chronic complainer side, teach them PERSPECTIVE. This is where they can begin to look at life through other people’s eyes. It is also the initial way of learning of EMPATHY for others.

Hear more about parenting through the excessive complaining by listening to our podcast at the link below: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaxk6U4SLRM&t=1459s

http://rocksolidfamilies.org

Wisdom from Grandpa's Old Sayings

When I was young my dad, Merrill Sr, used to say things that my siblings and I would either laugh at, ignore, or just shake our heads because we thought he was a little crazy.  As we got older, we started to pay more attention to his seemingly meaningless phrases and began to realize he was attempting to impart a little wisdom on us without a long and drawn out sermon.  My dad was the master of idioms. Seldom did he have a conversation where he would not resort to one of his favorite nuggets of wisdom. Maybe some of them bring back memories from your childhood too. Here are some of his favorites.

• Don’t worry about the mule going blind, just load the wagon!

• Do something even if it’s wrong!

• Stop spinning your wheels!

• Busier than a one-armed paper hanger!

• It’s hotter than the hinges of hades.

• Don’t let the cat out of the bag.

• Better to let a sleeping dog lie

• Dumber than a box of rocks

• Happier than a pig in poop

• Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while

• Make hay while the suns a shining

• It’s not rocket science

• A good run is better than a poor stand

• The straw that broke the camel’s back

• Grass is always greener on the other side

• Don’t count your chickens before the eggs have hatched

• We’ll cross that bridge when you come to it

• Burning the candle at both ends

I could go on and on, and I’m sure you can think of many more used in your house. So, what’s so special about all these old sayings? Just like the tune of a old song can get stuck in your head, so too can these words of wisdom.  Passing wisdom down from one generation to the next happens through a variety of ways- stories, songs, poems, movies, etc as well as old sayings and idioms.

As this holiday season approaches, you may find yourself surrounded by friends and family. Take time to ask questions and tune in to stories of those you love and care about. Listen closely to the wisdom they impart. Take time to think about how you have learned so many of the values that guide you through your life.  Maybe even write some of them down. Give credit to the people who passed those values to you, and think about how you want to pass them along.

My children are always talking about grandpa’s old sayings. Several years ago, my son and nephew were so inspired by their grandpa’s one liners that they gave him a recording device to capture his funny and interesting sayings. They asked their grandpa to set the device by his recliner and record his thoughts and one liners.  My dad thought it was kind of fun idea and took them up on their idea. Over the course of the several months, my dad would grab the recorder and share some of his favorites for his grandkids.  

Today, my dad is 89 and struggles to recall much of anything, but thanks to my son and nephew, we have an entire collection of grandpa’s sayings to pass to the next generation.  It’s such a blessing to close our eyes and listen to grandpa’s voice as he imparts nuggets of wisdom and timeless teachings about the things that really matter. That’s a gift to be truly thankful for. Thanks, Dad! We love you!

Are You An Insecure Parent?

Recently, a divorced mom came to see me wanting help with the relationship with her adult children. The more we talked, the more she began to realize just how insecure and anxious she was as a parent raising her children as a single mom.  She lived in a constant state of anxious “what ifs”.  She also struggled with guilt from the divorce and not being “good enough” as a parent.

After our first session, I gave her some homework and asked her to begin reading the New York Times Best selling book, Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. At our next meeting, she shared with me how one line in the book stopped her in her tracks and opened her eyes. She even sent the quote to her adult daughter and asked her…”is this how I made you feel growing up”? This is what she read in that book that was so impactful for her… “To rescue people from the natural consequences of their behavior is to render them powerless.”― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

Does that quote describe you?   Are you parenting out of fear and insecurity rescuing your son or daughter from the natural consequences of their behavior?  I have to admit for a long time that was me too. It was my own insecurities and fear that drove many of my decisions as a parent. Thankfully, I am married to an adventurer and risk taker, who helped me see exactly what Dr. Henry Cloud was talking about in his book, Boundaries. I didn’t want to hold my children back from being all that God had designed them to be. 

Here are our Five Insecurity Busters that I learned the hard way in becoming a healthy, secure parent. I hope these five tools help empower you and your children to be all that God created them to be. 

1. IDENTIFY your own fears AND how they influence your parenting decisions. What in your background or past are you running or hiding from? What happened to you that you have never healed from or dealt with that you are now trying to protect your children from? We can’t heal from something we don’t acknowledge. If you don’t know where to start, seek wise biblical counsel to help you see past your blinders. 

2. EQUIP your Children for Difficult Times. I’m sure you’ve heard the old adage,  “Give a man a fish, he eats for a day, teach him how to fish and he eats for a lifetime.” Let’s face it, your children  will have difficult times. Don’t try and save them from difficult things. You leave them ill equipped and unprepared to face difficulties.  In other words, you render them powerless.

3. TEACH your kids how TO  assess “Risk vs Reward” when making any decision and then let them reap the reward or consequences of those decisions. Remember what Dr. Henry Cloud said in the book Boundaries, we don’t want to rescue our children from the natural consequences of their decisions. Help them learn this now while they are still under your roof.

4. ENCOURAGE your kids to build up their resilience muscles.  When they get knocked down, encourage them to get back up. Acknowledge and have empathy for their pain, but don’t protect them from failure or hurt. 

5. MODEL a dependency on God for your strength, comfort, and direction. A healthy dependence and trust in God is the greatest insecurity buster ever. Knowing God is bigger than anything they may face in life is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give your children. Teach them to “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”  Matthew 6:33.

We all struggle at times with our own insecurities, but as parents, we must try NOT to pass them along to our children. They will have enough natural ones on their own as they grow and mature.  If we truly want to help the next generation we must give them the tools they need to handle the challenges of life rather than hide and shelter them from them.

Reasonable risks and adventures are healthy and necessary for your child to grow to their greatest potential. Again, let’s stop handicapping our kids out of our own fears and limitations. Let’s teach and equip our children  how to overcome the challenges they will inevitably face in life and set them up for great success. 

God has NOT given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

2 Timothy 1:7

For more information on Insecure Parenting, check out Episode 232 of Rock Solid Radio that airs April 17, 2023 or click HERE for more good stuff on Faith, Family and Personal Wellness.