Seasons of Parenting

Are We Teaching Our Kids to be Consumers or Producers?

We are all naturally both a consumer and a producer, but our mindset determines what energy we put back into the world around us - Are we a giver or a taker? It is easy to be consumer-minded with all of the instant gratification and access to all sorts of resources at our fingertips. (Think Amazon same day or next day delivery…talk about on-demand! )

Our kids are also experiencing this commercialized consumer mindset. They tend to demand more and more as they get older, trying to stay on top of the trendiest shoes and clothing, “needing” a new car on their sixteenth birthday, wanting more freedom, and the list goes on. But what they don’t always think about is that these demands and freedoms come with having more responsibilities. By giving in to our children’s every demand and desire, we are encouraging a consumer mindset, avoiding their responsibilities, and setting them up for failure.

As parents, it is our job to help them understand what is involved with their wants and needs. How much something costs, the time needed to make it happen, necessary resources, etc. This teaching should start in the leadership season of parenting, when children are between the ages of 3 - 13, and be reinforced during the mentoring season (Ages 13-18).

In episode # 288 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda Hutchinson provide us with 10 simple ways we can ensure we are raising producers (givers/servers) and not consumers (takers).


1.) Make sure you are unified as parents.
It is important to be on the same page as your spouse and make sure that the family values are established. Oftentimes kids will try to put mom and dad against each other, and when it falters, it can lead to resentment between parents and becomes more of a marital issue than a parenting issue.

2.) State what you want for your kids.
Not in the current moment, but in the long run. Who do you want them to be when they are around the age of 18-21? What do you want them to be like?

3.) Teach them the importance of contributing to the family.
Whether it is doing daily or weekly chores, helping set up or clean up the dinner table, or attending family outings or activities. Family comes first and its beneficial to reflect on how their actions affect the family as a whole - is it impactful or hurtful?

4.) Let your kids know the cost of things that they consume and what it takes for you to provide those things.
Don’t use this to guilt them or when you have given something or done something as a gift. Instead, use this to teach them the cost of items in terms of hours of work or time spent to achieve the goal.

5.) Encourage opportunities for them to be responsible.
Simple chores offer opportunities for children to be held responsible and are a great way to start contributing to the greater good of the family unit. Whether it is feeding the dog, taking out the trash, doing the dishes, or cleaning their rooms, it helps them see the world outside of themselves, and how what they do impacts not just themselves, but others around them.

6.) Teach them to serve and give while using their time, talents, and treasures.
Serving others with your time and talents helps create leaders! If you aren’t sure what your gifts or talents are, you can take this spiritual gifts assessment and it will provide you with ways that you might enjoy or excel at while serving others.

7.) Teach them to appreciate the things they have.
We can’t expect our children to naturally have an appreciation for the things they have. We need to teach them to appreciate their things by taking care of our stuff and being thankful. This can be taught by making sure they have some investment in the things they have. This could look like them saving up to help pay for an expensive electronic they really want, cleaning their car (inside and out!), or cleaning up and selling that dirt bike they just HAD to have 2 months after buying it because it wasn’t as fun as they thought it would be.

8.) Don’t do things for them that they are capable of doing themselves - Yes, I’m talking to you too, Moms!
It’s so easy to fall into this trap of doing things for our children because it’ll get done quicker, it’ll get done correctly, and it will get done the first time we ask. But children are usually capable of doing more than we think. I challenge you to stretch what you think they are capable of and then ask them to do it. If we do everything for them, they won’t learn to do things for themselves and will be stuck in this consumer mindset thinking that “someone else will do it.” or “its not my job to do that.”

9.) Give them examples of people who have chosen a dominant life as consumers as well as those who have chosen to be producers.
The story of Elvis Presley comes to mind on this one. On the outside, he seemed to have it all together - he had the fame and the fortune. He was well-known and well-liked by his fans but behind the scenes, he was narcissistic and rude to his staff and crew. Turns out, he grew up poor and with an overprotective mom who did everything for him as a way of her coping with the loss of another child.

10.) Let them know that you did not invent this function of parenting.  It was invented by Christ!
Mark 10:45 says, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for man.” It is God’s will for us to live a life like Jesus and for Jesus. Jesus was the perfect example of how we should live, and if he lived to serve others, we should too!

Click HERE to watch the full episode from Rock Solid Families on raising producers verses consumer.

For more content on topics of faith, family and fitness, subscribe to Rock Solid Families Podcast on youtube or listen on apple podcast and spotify.





How to Parent Through Excessive Complaining.

In the Bible, Philippians 2: 14-15 says “Do everything without grumbling or arguing so that you may become blameless and pure children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky.”

I think most of us have experienced when our child has one of those days where they are quick to grumble or tell us about every ache or pain they are experiencing. When they are telling you about the aches and pains they are experiencing, it is with such emotion that you wonder how they are even living through it. Five minutes later, you hear laughing and playing outside and you see that same child playing with their friends outside having what seems to be a pain-free time.

Parents today often ask, “So, when should I take my child seriously and when should I go tone deaf or even dismissive of their complaints?” Some modern counselors will tell you that you should never dismiss your child’s complaints, rather, you should validate their complaints. However, the proof is out on this one - sometimes our kids need to know their irrational complaints need to be shut down sooner rather than later and that it is okay to say “NO” to your kids. Someday they may even thank you.

In Episode # 283 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda discuss how to navigate a child’s excessive complaining. However, this episode is not just limited to children. This idea of how to deal with complainers respectfully is common in so many places - work, school, church, etc. Rock Solid Families wants to tackle this topic because it primarily relates to the home and is the first training step to helping our children recognize and deal more appropriately with their own complaints.

Chronic complainers we interact with in life are typically people who have practiced the act of complaining for a long time. Somehow they seem to believe they were successful with this strategy in the past and keep doing it. However, as we talk about how to deal with the complaints of our children, we want to first lay out a few disclaimers and understandings:

You must handle their complaints appropriately for the season they are in. Remember the seasons:
(Click each link below to listen to our podcast episodes on the different seasons of parenting.)

Season 1: Service 0 - 2 yrs - Service Years
Season 2: Leadership 3-13 yrs - Leadership Years
Season 3: Mentoring 13-18/21 yrs - Mentorship Years
Bonus season: Friend and Counsel 21+ - Emancipation Years

If you have a child in the first season, 0-2 years of age, you never dismiss their cries. In the second season - Leadership, 3-13 years of age, this is where the training takes place to help your kids learn the language of how to express what the emotions are behind the complaint. Early in this season, you can help them by teaching them the actual words of the emotion - “Are you feeling angry? Sad? Tired?…. DO NOT GET INTO THE HABIT OF BEING THE RESCUE PARENT - THEY ARE NO LONGER IN SEASON 1.

Begin to teach your child how to problem solve by teaching them how to ask better questions. “What can I do about my complaint?” Later in Season 2 about ages 8-13, if you’re child leans towards the chronic complainer side, teach them PERSPECTIVE. This is where they can begin to look at life through other people’s eyes. It is also the initial way of learning of EMPATHY for others.

Hear more about parenting through the excessive complaining by listening to our podcast at the link below: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaxk6U4SLRM&t=1459s

http://rocksolidfamilies.org