When I was growing up, the friends I had were either kids I went to school with or neighbors who lived on my street. If you are over the age of 40, you know what I’m talking about. We didn’t have the world wide web that could connect us instantly with someone across town or in a different state. We didn’t have social media platforms that would allow us to “find friends'' instantly. Kids today are dealing with scenarios we never had to deal with when it comes to making and keeping friendships. Yes, it's a whole new world, but as a parent, there are some basic sound principles that are still important to keep in mind when it comes to your child and their friends.
FRIENDSHIP PRINCIPLES
Speak early and often about what a healthy friendship looks like. This can start even at the age of 2 when your child finds a new friend on the playground. Things like kindness, sharing, taking turns are all values you should begin to instill in your child the day they start interacting with others.
Surround your kids with other families who share similar values. Put them in positive environments where there are other children and adults who will model what you want your child to be like. One of the favorite places for our children has been at church where families from all walks of life come to build a rock solid foundation for their home and family. I didn’t say perfect kids, but ones who are being guided with similar values as yours.
Ask lots of questions about who they like to be around and why. If your child is school age, make sure you initiate frequent casual conversations about things like the playground, the cafeteria, the classroom. Who do they play with and what do they like to do together? It’s a great chance to get a peek into your child’s world and see if they are making good choices in their friendships. Make your home a safe place to come with any conflicts or difficulties in their friendships. Not that you are going to go in and fix it for them, but help them brainstorm how to resolve the conflict themselves.
Encourage your kids to bring their friends around your home and family, so that you can observe how they interact together. Listen in on car ride conversations and how they talk to one another. Watch how they play on the trampoline together or what they do in the basement when you’re not around. Make sure you follow up privately with them any concerns or red flags you begin to have.
Keep the lines of communication open and comfortable even into their teen years. When our kids are teenagers, it becomes more difficult to monitor every little friend interaction, but it’s still super important to keep the lines of communication open about their friendships. Continue on the same routine as above asking them about their friendships and what they enjoy about those friends. Invite their friends to hang out at your house. If you find your teen is always going over someone else’s house, get to know that family. Make sure you connect with those parents and have regular communication with them. Your child is less likely to sneak or lie, if they know you have the ability to follow up and confirm their plans. Not saying you always have to but always can if needed.
Walk with the Wise
There is a very wise proverb that says, Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. Proverbs 13:20. If you learn that your teen is walking with the fools and suffering harm, don’t save them from the natural consequences of their actions. They will never learn if you are always saving them or defending them.
If your teen starts hanging with the wrong crowd and breaks your trust, explain to them you are not judging or condemning their friend. No one is forcing your child to make these poor decisions. Make sure they understand the buck stops with them. They are responsible for their own actions and consequences. As a consequence of breaking your trust, limit his/her exposure to that friend or group until the trust has been restored. In the meantime, flood their schedule with positive people and healthy environments. Whether it be a mentor, sport, club, youth group, church function, serving opportunity or all of the above, help them to walk with the wise and become wise. Obviously every child and home is unique, but we believe that by applying these principles you can prepare your child for rich and healthy friendships, as they grow into a healthy, independent adult. If we can help you and your family work through some of the things we’ve mentioned in this blog or in this week’s episode of Rock Solid Radio, please give us a call at 812-576-ROCK. We’re here to help!
Click HERE to watch Episode 153 of Rock Solid Radio, Kids and their Friends
Click HERE to listen to Episode 153 of Rock Solid Radio, Kids and their Friends