Striving For Identity in Christ Verses Identity in This World

Identity is one thing that I think we all wrestle with at some point in our lives. Everywhere we turn people have opinions on what we are doing or the world is telling us how we should be doing something. Don’t even get me started on finding identity in the world based on what people say/think about you, that’s a whole other beast. What a defeating mountain we constantly climb. Over the past year, I have started surrounding myself with a community of women where we press into learning what God says our identity is. This is something that needs to be at the forefront of our minds. I struggle with this daily.

If I were to ask you how you would describe yourself in three words, what would it be? Would it be related to acts that you have done? Right out of the gate, we are trained to turn to how the world defines us. Next time you introduce yourself to someone, notice that you say your name and then you say what your occupation is. One thing that I have discovered about myself over the past year through vulnerable conversations with my family/friends is that I was in a place where what people thought of me and or compliments they gave me outweighed what God has always said about me. For me, I struggle with keeping how God defines me at the front of my mind because it's not outwardly spoken to me every day, or so I thought. 

What if the question we are asking ourselves daily is “Who does God say that I am?” God says that we are: Righteous, Made New, Freely Forgiven, Chosen, and Deeply Loved. What an introduction that would be next time you meet someone new to say your name and then follow by who God says you are. That’s just not something we see very often. I struggled with believing and accepting in my heart how God defines me because I was immediately seeking outward approval and not declaring Bible verses where God says this to us. Maybe you can relate. You go to work and put in so much effort and then feel like you’re on top of the world when someone notices. Eventually, that fuels the fire and you keep working so hard until you have lost a sense of who you are. I’m not saying to not work hard and to not do your job, I’m challenging you to do these things but with your heart in the place of doing it for no other reason than God giving you the ability to use your God-given gifts in a meaningful way. That’s right, I did not say to do it to seek approval and praise. 

I believe that the more we fall into how the world defines us, the more we are wiring our brains to believe this about ourselves. Before we know it, our autobiography is made up of words that the world has chosen for us or what our coworkers have to say about us. This is a dangerous place to fall into. I would love for you to deep dive into this in your life right now. Examine what God says about you to be true and rest in it. This can be so radical in your life to take back the identity that Christ has always said over your life. I recently went through a bible study called “Father’s House” and the writers say it best by stating, “It is not about how good I am, but it’s about how good my God is.”

Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” 

Friends, I’m permitting you to relax and stop striving. That’s right I said to stop striving. Stop striving for everyone else’s words of affirmation for you. Stop striving for your identity to be made up in this world. Rest in the fact of what God says about you. 

1 Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”

I challenge you this week to identify a Bible verse that talks about your identity and memorize it. Write it down and hang it up in your house or car. Speak this over yourself multiple times a day. We have to run to our identity in Christ and not run to the world to identify us.

Want to dive deeper into this topic, check out episode # 313 of the Rock Solid Families “Girl Power Half Hour” Podcast where Bridgitte, Jenna, and Linda dive into staying true to your identity in Christ and not giving into the temptations of the world around us. (Lulu Lemon, four eyes, social media trends…. they talk about it all!)

For additional content regarding faith, family, fitness, and everything in between, listen to the Rock Solid Families podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube, or follow Rock Solid Families on Facebook & Instagram.

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Does Therapy Really Work?

If you go to the car shop your mechanic is going to diagnose your car with visual observation, measurement, and even computer diagnostic equipment. When he is finished, he's going to have a good idea of what's wrong with the car. When you go to the doctor because you're not feeling well, they are going to begin the diagnostic process with blood work, scans, and monitoring equipment to get the best feedback possible to make their diagnosis. Perfect? No, but much more reliable than what you're going to see in the mental health field. This is not to blame mental health professionals; most are doing the best they can with what tools they have. However, mental health simply lacks testing processes and equipment to deliver reliable diagnoses.

Over the past 20 years, there has been an explosion of people seeking mental health therapy. Children, men, women, couples, you name it, they're trying it. But more recently the results have been scrutinized.

On Episode 298 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda Hutchinson answer the question many of us want to know the answer to… Is therapy effective? Does it actually work?

The answer is not clear-cut. Way too often there is little to no benefit and even more harm is done than good. For this reason, people should take a closer look at therapy and know what to look for and what their part of the process is going to be in order to increase their chances of success.

On this episode of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda unpack the difference between counseling and coaching, the importance of getting the right therapist for the job, the hard work that is required of the client to move toward healing, and the most powerful healer in the room - God. They remind us that God wants better for us, but we have to want to include him in the process. This is where our humility or coachability comes into play. ARE YOU COACHABLE?

Here are 5 things you can do to ensure your coaching/therapy works effectively:

CHECK YOUR MINDSET:

In John 5: 6-9, Jesus approaches a man who has been lying near a healing pool for 28 years but still hasn’t been healed. He was making excuse after excuse, and waiting for those passing by to help him. Jesus approaches this man and asks him, “Do you want to get well?” Seems like a pretty silly question, right? But what we learn here is that if you want healing, you want to get better, you have to believe that YOU can do something about it. No one else can do it for you. You have to bring yourself to make an appointment and then walk into the counselor's office… not your mom, not your friend, not your sister. You have to want it for yourself.  

FIND THE RIGHT THERAPIST OR COACH:

After the initial discussion with your counselor/coach/therapist, you should be able to tell if you are going to like working together. Effectiveness is diminished if the relationship isn’t one of good faith and trust. You have you believe that your therapist/coach has your best interest in mind and you have to like them enough to partner together for the greater good of improving your health. This doesn’t mean that you are going to like or agree with everything they say, because sometimes they will say things you may not want to hear. However, relationship and rapport are important in the client-therapist relationship.

PREPARE FOR HEAVY LIFTING:

Counseling/ coaching is some of the hardest work you’ll ever do. What you do in the office is minimal, but the action plan/homework is where the heavy lifting comes in. This may look like making apologies, admitting you are wrong, having tough discussions, breaking habits, holding boundaries, etc. When it comes to counseling or coaching, the coach should not outwork you. Take what the resources they give you, set an action plan, and get to work!

FIND THE RIGHT TOOLS:

When it comes to our mental and personal health, there are a lot of different avenues we can take to get help or move towards healing. You need to figure out what tool will work best for you. Is it coaching? Medication? Licensed therapy? Talking to a friend? Once you find the right tool, start using it! Don’t just leave it in your “toolbox” until it's too late.

ASSESS THE PROGRESS:

If you don’t get a report card from school, how do you know how your kid is doing in class? The same goes for counseling – you should assess what is working, what isn’t, what is confusing, are any resources or pieces missing, and whether you need any additional support Be sure to communicate any additional needs with your therapist or coach so that they can best support you and your healing. There have been some cases where a counselor doesn’t provide a client with tools and resources because they want to keep a client longer in order to make more money. If you find a counselor who is NOT providing you with tools and resources to help you and empower you, you may need to consider finding a new one.

Looking for a coach or need some guidance? Call our office at 812-576-ROCK (7625) or visit our website at www.Rocksolidfamilies.org

For more content related to faith, family, fitness and everything in between, subscribe to the Rock Solid Families Podcast on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.

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Pleasure over Pain, Please!

How comfortable are you with uncomfortable conversations? How well do you handle stressful situations? Do you find yourself avoiding your boss at work, because he seems to only point out your flaws, rather than acknowledge what you’ve successfully accomplished? When situations get serious, do you tend to crack a joke to break the uneasy tension? How often do you scroll aimlessly through social media or binge watch a television series to escape reality? Of course we’d much rather receive praise over criticism, laugh instead of cry, and distract ourselves rather than ruminate on our daily stressors. Given the choice, we would choose comfort over discomfort every time. 

It’s a No-Brainer
Pleasure over pain, please! Oh the things we do to protect ourselves from feeling discomfort. This is such an innate reaction for us that we don’t even realize how often we are doing it.  Everyday we combat distressing thoughts and feelings through defense mechanisms. A defense mechanism is an unconscious means to decrease internal stress. We don’t even have to think about it, our brains just activate into protection mode. The limbic system plays a major role in this, which involves the part of our brain responsible for behavioral and emotional responses, especially when it comes to our survival instincts, such as fight or flight. We are literally wired to protect ourselves. 

Formed from Emotional Wounds
Although we all have this innate reaction to defend ourselves, the more emotional wounds we’ve endured, the stronger our defenses become. When experiencing frequent or repeated emotionally distressing events, defenses can become really strong in order to protect from feeling emotional discomfort or pain. Think of it as building this brick wall around your heart or wearing full body armor like a knight. You’ve been emotionally hurt to the point you refuse to let anyone or anything even have the chance to cause you pain. 

For individuals who have experienced a lot of hurt or loss, especially throughout their early childhood, defense mechanisms can become so hardwired that they present themselves in situations we rationally do not need defending. It’s as if our brain perceives a “threat” that actually isn’t there. An example of this would be if you’ve experienced abandonment in your past and you start to avoid your friend who hasn’t spoken to you in a few weeks. In reality, your friend has been busy with a new job, however your past abandonment wounds perceive she is leaving you, so your defenses come up to protect from the possibility of getting hurt. Although defense mechanisms initially serve to protect us, over time they can create major barriers in our relationships and hinder our personal growth. Ultimately, continuing to live from our defense mechanisms may be hindering our relationship with God and living out the life He intended for us. 

How to Let Your Guard Down
Awareness is key. We can’t change something if we aren’t aware it exists. What are common defense mechanisms you may be using? Avoidance, distraction, deflection, denial, or humor? Click HERE to check out our handout of defense mechanisms and see which ones stand out to you. Once you’ve identified your go-to defenses, be curious why these defenses are coming up for you. What are you attempting to protect yourself from?  What emotions are you feeling when these defenses arise? Are there emotional wounds you haven’t dealt with yet? 

If you are thinking to yourself right now, “Psh, I don’t have any emotional wounds”, I gently encourage you to reference the “denial” defense mechanism; Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world and we ALL have been hurt at some point in our lives. After you’ve identified your defenses and start to uncover where they stem from, I encourage you to seek trusted support to process through your emotional wounds. The world teaches us that being emotional is a weakness. “Suck it up and move on.” The truth is, until we allow ourselves to sit with our emotions and process through them, they will continue to control us.

From Defensive to Defended
This fallen world has wired us to defend ourselves, but this isn’t the life God intended for us. God is our defender, shelter, shield, and our rock. The Lord guards our hearts and our minds (Philippians 4:7). We are hidden in Him (Colossians 3:3), and we are more than conquerors through Him (Romans 8:37). We aren’t meant to carry our burdens (Psalm 55:22), and we aren’t supposed to fight this battle on our own (Deuteronomy 3:22). “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:14). I want to encourage you to take off the armor you’ve created from the hurts of this world, and put on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6). Seek His help and comfort in times of distress, and allow Him to heal your emotional wounds of the past.

Meet our New Coach-Meredith Scudder

Over the past five years, Rock Solid Families has had the privilege of working with thousands of individuals, couples, and families. The phone continues to ring daily with folks desperate for HELP and hungry for HOPE. That is why Rock Solid Families is excited to announce a new addition to the team.

On June 1, 2023, Meredith Scudder will join the Rock Solid team as our new Assistant Director and Coach. As a licensed therapist, Meredith brings amazing training, tools and techniques to Rock Solid Families. She’s passionate for the Lord and wants to help her clients reach their goals and their identity and purpose in Christ. Meredith is currently scheduling clients and will be primarily working with teenage girls, young adult women, and single moms out of our St. Leon, IN office or via Zoom. To schedule an appointment with Meredith or any of our Rock Solid Families coaches, click HERE.

Where Meredith’s Passion Began
Meredith grew up in Bright, Indiana and graduated from East Central High School in 2011. She went on to earn her Bachelor’s in Psychology from Indiana University East. While working on her undergraduate degree, Meredith was working as a substitute teacher at Bright Elementary which is where her passion to help the youth began. Upon graduating college, Meredith started working full-time at Bright Elementary in the Special Education Department, helping students struggling academically, emotionally, and behaviorally. As a psychology major, she had always had an interest in understanding the human mind and why we do the things we do. Witnessing students continuing to struggle in the classroom, Meredith’s passion to understand “why” started to grow. 

“We were doing our best to help, but it seemed we were only managing the symptoms, when ultimately there was a deeper rooted piece that needed to be addressed”

— Meredith

She writes, “Despite implementing appropriate interventions and some students taking prescribed medications, many continued to struggle daily. We were doing our best to help, but it seemed we were only managing the symptoms, when ultimately there was a deeper rooted piece that needed to be addressed.” This inspired Meredith to learn more about the brain, how they are wired, and how this impacts our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. When she learned that our brains have the ability to be rewired, she desired to learn how.

Dealing with Her Own Anxiety
Hungry to learn more, Meredith pursued her Master in Social Work at IUPUI. Two years of grad school came with a lot of knowledge and growth, not only academically, but personally and spiritually as well. “When you’re studying mental health, you don’t realize how much of your own stuff is going to come up. The things I had struggled with most of my life really started to rise to the surface. I had always struggled with anxiety and it was such a normal state of living for me, I didn’t realize how bad it was until I was living outside my comfort zone: new city, new school, new friends, new challenges and stressors. I was raised a Christian, attended Bright Christian Church growing up, and can recall many memories of praying to God to help me through the things I didn’t talk about. When my anxiety spiked in grad school, I turned to the one I had always turned to, God. It was in Indianapolis when my faith really started to grow, along with my relationship with Jesus.” After lots of late nights studying, lots of coffee, and lots of prayers, Meredith graduated with her MSW in May of 2019. 

Looking Through a Trauma Lens
While in grad school, Meredith focused on her interest in brain-based therapies and received training in Brainspotting, a therapy that helps access and release unprocessed trauma in the brain and body. Meredith also learned a lot about trauma, which would become a major influence in her therapeutic work. Upon graduating, Meredith worked full-time as a School Social Worker for K-7th graders, while also working part-time as a faith-based outpatient psychotherapist. Most of the students Meredith worked with in Indianapolis Public Schools and in private practice had experienced a lot of trauma. 

“Their nervous systems were constantly in survival mode, and unfortunately this would present itself as acting out or misbehaving in the classroom, which typically led to punitive consequences. I also recognized how impactful the students’ home life was on their mental health, and there was only so much I could do for a child without being able to help the family as a whole.” Although Meredith had the passion to provide mental health services in the schools, she struggled with not having the time and opportunity to do the deeper therapeutic work that was needed for the children and their families. 

“I thought God was sending me to Wisconsin to fulfill my dream job and advance my career; turns out He sent me there to renew my mind and transform my heart. ”

— Meredith

Chasing Her Dream Job
Following her passion to help individuals and families heal the root of their distress, Meredith moved to the middle of nowhere Wisconsin to be a Wilderness Therapist. As a nature-loving, trauma focused therapist, this was a dream job Meredith had been wanting for several years. During her time working in Wilderness Therapy, she continued to expand her knowledge on trauma, learned a lot about attachment, and the importance of healthy, safe relationships in order to help others regulate and heal. Similar to her personal experience when living in Indianapolis, Meredith learned a lot about herself, and her faith and relationship with Christ grew. “I thought God was sending me to Wisconsin to fulfill my dream job and advance my career; turns out He sent me there to renew my mind and transform my heart. The Lord took me through my own wilderness journey and showed me what healing looks like through Him. He helped me turn away from the things of this world that I was depending on for temporary happiness, comfort, and security, and instead helped me find true joy, peace, and identity in Him.” 

Jesus, the Ultimate Healer
Meredith loved her job as a Wilderness Therapist, and the healing and growth she witnessed in her students and families was so rewarding. As her knowledge in mental health increased, along with her personal experience with Jesus, Meredith couldn’t help but see mental health through a biblical, spiritual lens. “It is so hard to work with students suffering from deep relational wounds and trauma, and not be able to speak God’s truth into the process. I had a strong desire to help individuals and families heal, but with our ultimate healer, Jesus.” One of her favorite passages of scriptures that spoke to Meredith the most during this wilderness season was Ephesians 3:16-19.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being,  so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,  may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,  and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

““I quit my job and moved back home without knowing what was next, but I trusted God was leading me and would work it out. ”

— Meredith

Going Back to Her Roots
After lots of prayer, Meredith felt God calling her back home to Bright, Indiana to pursue this desire. “I quit my job and moved back home without knowing what was next, but I trusted God was leading me and would work it out. Four months later, His plans are starting to come together and make sense. A  key word for me over the years has been “roots”: Getting to the root of problems, being rooted in His love, and healing my deep rooted wounds. And now the Lord has called me back to my geographical roots to pursue the desires of my heart.  I couldn’t be more excited to be a part of Rock Solid Families and help individuals and families heal and grow, with Christ as the firm foundation. I can’t help but share the good news and share what the Lord has done in me and for me. I’m blessed to be in a position where I can help and hold space for others, to receive His healing love for themselves.”

If you or someone you know is looking for HOPE and HEALING through a faith based coaching approach, give Rock Solid Families a call at 812-576-ROCK (7625) or go to rocksolidfamilies.org

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
Colossians 2:6-7  NIV

Going Downhill Fast

Growing up, you would typically find my best friend, Nica, and I hanging out with the neighborhood gang bicycling around our subdivision. We thought it was fun riding around trading bikes back and forth, but in the spring of my fourth grade year, it turned out to be anything but fun. It was the first warm day of spring, and we had both decided it would be a good day to break the bikes out for a test drive. We were on each other’s bikes heading down a nearby hill when Nica yelled, “by the way, my brakes don’t work!” Did she really just say what I think she said? I began to panic, as we picked up speed heading down Miami Avenue and straight for my grandma’s house. What came after that was all a blur. The next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital laying flat on a gurney. Apparently, bikes and brick walls don’t go well together. 

I have long forgiven Nica for the defective bike and concussion, but I still haven’t forgotten the intense fear from that warm spring day. Even after forty plus years, I STILL get nervous when going downhill fast. I know, I should be over that fear by now, but if I’m not careful, I still find myself getting anxious about going skiing or riding a bike. 

How about you? Do you have anxieties or fears that keep you from living your best life? Maybe something that you can link all the way back to your childhood? I know I’m not the only one. Most of us have some kind of fear or phobia that can make us think twice. That’s pretty natural, but we can’t ignore the effect the past two to three years has had on the state of our mental health. COVID has accelerated the decline in an already sad and anxious world. Pardon the pun, but you might even say we are going downhill fast!  But even before COVID, we were seeing a rise in anxiety and depression.  Check out the top three culprits that contribute to the decline of our mental health.

1. Lack of Sleep

2. Poor eating

3. Lack of Exercise

So what’s going on? Why are these big three having such a drastic effect on our mental health? Hmm! Any guesses? You guessed it- SCREEN TIME. No surprise that research has found a direct correlation between screen time and anxiety/depression especially in children’s developing minds. According to a 2021 study, San Diego State University psychologist Jean Twenge and University of Georgia psychology professor W. Keith Campbell write, “too much time spent on gaming, smartphones and watching television is linked to heightened levels and diagnoses of anxiety or depression in children as young as age two”, according to their new study.

They report, “Even after only one hour of screen time daily, children and teens may begin to have less curiosity, lower self-control, less emotional stability and a greater inability to finish tasks.” 

“Twenge and Campbell found that adolescents who spend more than seven hours a day on screens were twice as likely as those spending one hour to have been diagnosed with anxiety or depression – a significant finding.”

So, mom and dad, we need you! We need you to step up and be the parent. It’s time we take a stand and fight back against what the world says is cool and ok for our kids. No, your children won’t like it when you delay the smartphone or turn off the tablet, but that’s ok. They’re kids. No different than when you tell them they can’t have candy for dinner. They don’t want to hear the word “NO”, but they desperately need healthy limits. They need someone in their life that models what healthy looks like.  Please mom and dad, give your child a chance to experience the peace and joy that comes with healthy habits and a healthy mind.  It’s time we stop letting the world define what our kids should or should not have or do. Let’s try and stop this runaway train before it hits the wall. Our kids desperately need our help because the research is alarming. The state of their mental health is going downhill way too fast!

Click HERE for a FREE DOWNLOAD on Recognizing Anxiety and Depression in our Kids and the steps to help them.

Are You Ready For a Vacation?

Spring has sprung, and you know what that means? It's time to start making some summer vacation plans with your family. With only a few years left with our two youngest at home, we’ve tried to be intentional about making memories together. Last summer we went out west and visited places like Sedona and the Grand Canyon. This summer, we are thinking of trying somewhere new, maybe on the northeast coast somewhere.  

Recently, our family spent some time away visiting my parents in Florida over spring break. It’s always fun to escape the dreary March weather and have some fun in the sun. A vacation is defined as a “period of time spent away from home or business-a respite”. Is there such a thing as a respite when you’re vacationing with a junior high boy? I’m just asking for a “friend”. My idea of a vacation is a good book, a cold ice tea, and a comfy lounge chair by the pool. I’ve got our 16 yr old daughter convinced, but that is definitely not the kind of vacation our 14 yr old son enjoys. 

On one of our days in Florida this past spring break, my husband and our teenage son went mountain biking for the afternoon. That guy adventure provided a perfect time for the girls to relax in the pool. It was an amazing day floating on rafts chit chatting with each other while enjoying the calm water and warm sun. That was until we heard the guys return from their adventure and walk through the door. We knew what that meant. Our quiet, relaxing afternoon was about to get cannon balled by a 14 yr old teenager. As we made a beeline for the stairs, our son noticed our quick exit and appeared to get offended. He couldn’t understand why the ladies didn’t want to stay in the pool. He was ready to “have some fun”. So much for the respite!

How about you? Are you an “adventure vacationer” who wants a full itinerary every day of new places to visit and new sites to see? Or are you the “relaxed vacationer” who wants no agenda for your time away? Either way, it’s important that we are intentional about taking vacations and resting our minds. We all need to create some white space or margin in our day, week, and year. Whether it be hiking the Appalachian Trail, cruising the Caribbean or sitting on the beach with a good book, we all need time to relax and reset our mind, body, and spirit.

Like never before, Americans are overworked and sleep deprived. More and more employers are expecting 24 hour access to their employees. Back in the 1940’s, Americans got an average of 7.9 hours of sleep. Now, over 40% of Americans get 6 hours or less of sleep per night. Fifty-four percent of American workers admit to not using all their given vacation time. One fourth of American employees don’t get any paid vacation time at all. Many people are convinced that there are just too many demands, too many responsibilities, too many bills, and too many emergencies to take a vacation. We are living in such a fast-paced, results-oriented world that many people feel like they can’t afford to take time off. They are afraid they’ll be left behind. 

At Rock Solid Families, we are here to say, you can’t afford NOT to take a vacation. Taking time off from the normal stressors of life is essential to your physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, professional, and relational health. Every aspect of our lives is negatively affected when our bodies are under a high level of stress. So make a commitment today to get in a better rhythm for your life. Prioritize at least one hour a day, one day a week, and at least one week a year where you will step away from the stressors of life, unplug, and focus on relaxing and unwinding. Maybe, it’s a daily stroll with your spouse. Maybe it’s a weekly church service with your family. Maybe, it’s a mountain bike adventure with your son, or a poolside afternoon with your daughter. Whatever it is, take the time and enjoy the ride. You can’t afford NOT to!

5 Steps to Finding Your Identity and Purpose

She could hardly look up at me, as I we sat in my office on that hot summer day. She was so weighed down by the guilt and shame from her past, she had no idea how to even answer my questions. “Who is Dawn*, and why is she here?” All she could do was cry…and cry…and cry. It was an ugly cry. It was a couple sessions of ugly cries, but after she had a chance to let the pain go, it was time to begin the healing process. It was time to discover the answers to those two all important questions that would change her life forever-”Who are you?” and “Why are you here?”

Identity and Purpose
I don’t know what the weather is like where you are right now or where you are in life, but I want to talk to you for a moment about two things that are important in any season of our lives- Identity and Purpose. My husband and I have worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and families over the past 30 years who have struggled with one or both of these things. Honestly, identity and purpose are so closely connected, it’s hard to even separate the two. It’s hard to have one without the other.

What About You?
I didn’t just ask Dawn those two questions on that hot July day. I’m asking you, too. “Who are you and why are you here?” It doesn’t matter your age either. You can be an 18 year old young woman and have a very clear vision of your identity and purpose, or you can be a 50 year old man and have no idea. If we were sitting in my office together right now, and I asked you those questions, what would you say?

Not Enough
I can still see the look on one teenage girl’s face not too long ago when I asked her those same two questions. Her answers made my heart sink. “Who am I you ask? Well, I’m not pretty enough, smart enough, or good enough”, she said. That’s all she could give me. No wonder she struggled with anxiety, depression, and hopelessness. In her mind, she couldn’t even think of a reason for her to still be here.

Don’t Leave Your Heart Unprotected
You see when we don’t know who we are and why we are here, we set ourselves up for disaster. We allow our minds and hearts to be unprotected and we get wounded and offended easily. We allow the world or someone around us to define us and determine our worth and purpose. Not understanding our identity and purpose is causing one of the greatest epidemics today especially in our children and young adults. It is what is causing this huge crisis in the areas of: gender identity, self harm, hate, division, divorce, suicide, depression, anxiety-you name it.

Starts With You
So what can we do to combat this crisis? How can we help ourselves and those we love from falling into this deadly trap? I’m glad you asked. It starts with YOU. You can’t give someone else something you don’t have yourself. So here are five easy steps to finding YOUR identity and purpose.

Five Steps to Finding Your Identity and Purpose

1. Stay Away From the Lies. Make sure you don’t fall for the lies of identity. These are some common lies we all are tempted to believe when it comes to who we are. They are all sinking sand…

   • I am what I have

   • I am what I do

   • I am what other people say or think of me

   • I am nothing more than my worst mistake

   • I am nothing less than my best accomplishment

2. Commit to an Abundant Mindset-Commit to healthy, positive self talk for yourself and those you care about. Don't be a victim of your circumstances and focus on what you don’t have. Live in an abundant mindset and focus on what you do have. Fix your eyes on being content and grateful for what God has given you and what he has already done in your life. God can take the ugliest of circumstances and create some of the most beautiful victories. 

3. Build on a Strong Faith Foundation-Build an identity and purpose on something that doesn't change like the lies mentioned above. This is where a faith foundation can be critical to a healthy, positive identity and purpose for your life. God created you on purpose for a purpose! Build on His truths.

4. Surround Yourself With Healthy People-Surround yourself with people who will help you. Maybe it’s a mentor, pastor, coach, counselor, healthy friend, someone who will walk alongside you in this journey of self discovery and awareness. Let go of relationships who hold you back from your true identity and purpose. 

5. No More Excuses-Decide today to make this the year you find your identity and purpose in life. Stop floundering and letting everyone else decide who you are and why you are here on this earth. Once you discover who God has created you to be and the amazing plans he has for your life, it won’t matter the circumstances around you. You will have built your life on something that is unshakable even in the middle of the most intense storm. Once you start to understand who you are and why you are here, you will experience a contagious peace and joy that can never be taken away. That, my friends, is the kind of pandemic we need in our world today! 

   *Name changed to protect confidentiality

Hallie's Story-Shining Bright Again

Over the past 18 months, it is no secret that COVID has taken a toll emotionally on both the young and old. Experts were telling us over a year ago that we would soon be seeing a pandemic of a different kind in the area of mental health. Mental health has definitely been a struggle for so many people over the past year including an increasing amount of young children. We get calls weekly from parents of elementary, preteen, and teenage children struggling with unexplained sadness, moodiness, anxiety, and relational struggles.

WARNING SIGNS
As coaches, we’ve sadly seen their resilience diminish as children attempt to navigate the world around them. What used to be “no big deal” is now really hitting our kids hard causing melt downs, tantrums, or high levels of anxiety. This is true for one of our youngest clients, 10 year old Hallie who wanted to share her story to help other kids that may find themselves struggling like she did. First, listen to what Hallie’s mom was seeing this past spring and what led her to call Rock Solid Families. Maybe, as a parent, you are having the same concerns.

Near the end of fourth grade, I started noticing my daughter, Hallie, was coming home different after school.  She just seemed sad.  It was subtle, but as a mom you know when your child is ‘off’.  She would share a little about her day when she first came home but by bedtime she would be spilling her guts.  These night time conversations usually involved tears and feelings of being left out.  

 Hallie is a straight A student, plays soccer, dances, is involved in Girl Scouts and liked by just about everyone she meets.   It was shocking to find out she was struggling with feelings of loneliness at school. Seeing her so sad I knew I had to do something to help her get back to her best self. Hallie agreed to talk with Linda at Rock Solid Families, and she opened up to her immediately.  As we worked through a few sessions, Hallie took all of Linda’s advice to heart and put it into action at every opportunity.  

I could see she was getting back to herself over the summer but was curious to see what the new school year would bring. This past August as fifth grade began, Hallie had a new set of tools to use when she would begin feeling lonely or left out.  I recently had a conference with her teacher and was ecstatic to learn Hallie was back and doing better than ever!  Her teacher shared that Hallie is a bright spot in the class and makes everyone around her feel better about themselves.  She explained how others are drawn to Hallie but suspects Hallie doesn’t even realize the impact she has on others.  I ,too, see Hallie’s confidence growing day by day. Giving her the tools to navigate school and friends has helped Hallie shine bright once again.   Thank you, Rock Solid Families! Hallie’s Mom, Kylee

YOU’RE NOT ALONE
Here’s what Hallie wanted to share with anyone feeling sad or lonely like she was.

I struggled with friendship in the 4th grade year and throughout the summer.  I felt I either didn’t have anything to offer to a friend or that there was always someone better. It was like I was always second choice.  I would try to play what friends wanted at recess, but the next day they wouldn’t return the favor and play what I wanted.  

After meeting with Linda, I feel like I have learned a lot from her and Rock Solid Families. It has made me feel closer to God and Christ and helped me to realize I have many great qualities to offer.  Hallie, 10 years old

TAKE A DAILY TEMPERATURE READ
Talk regularly to your child about how they are doing. I call it a parent’s daily temperature read. Take a daily “temperature read” of their day asking them about school, their friends, and how they are feeling. Everyone has a bad day, but if day after day your child seems to be struggling with navigating life, don’t ignore the warning signs. Just like if your child had a high fever for 2 weeks straight, you would be alarmed, the same goes for their emotional “temperature” too. That’s why Hallie’s mom reached out to us. If day after day, your child is having melt downs, tantrums, or isolating themselves from others-something is up. Reach out for help. You are NOT alone. There is HELP and HOPE available. Rock Solid Families has a great resource page full of helpful podcasts, blogs, and outside resources to help you as a parent. Check it out by going to rocksolidfamilies.org/resources, or call us at 812-576-ROCK. That’s why we’re here!

Resources

Skyler's Story-Finding Light in the Darkness

Hi everyone! My name is Skyler, a 23 year old nursing student from Northern Kentucky.  I could not be more excited to finish my RN in December with only one more semester left!  I have been attending Rock Solid Families for about 8 months now, and it has changed my life. When life got rough, I was blessed enough to have this faith based organization to turn to. 

Was It My Fault?
Earlier this year, I lost a very special person in my life to suicide, and just a couple months later, I lost my grandma due to some fast progressing health issues. It was as if I couldn't catch a break, or get my head out of the dark place I was in. I remember thinking, "why didn't I do more for my friend?  “His suicide was all my fault”’ Losing those two special people in my life in such a short time really took a toll on my mind and heart.

 Pray To God... Now?

I remember my mom telling me, "pray to God. He will help you through this. He hears how upset you are and wants to help you." I remember thinking there was no way I could pray in a time like this. It was a constant battle between giving it all to God or suffering in my own mind and dealing with this heartbreak. It was in those darkest moments when I found God with his arms open wide.

 Best Day of My Life
I started praying every chance I could get. I spent time with God and His Word.  I surrendered all my pain and suffering at his feet. I couldn't have picked a better decision during a time when I felt completely numb. God showed me through his word and his people that he’s been with me all along, even when I wasn’t reaching out to him. It's because of his grace and mercy, I am where I am today. I was baptized into Christ on January 31st, 2021 at Seven Hills Church in Florence, Ky.  I was surrounded by so much love that day. It was one of the best days of my life!  I continue to grow closer and closer to Christ attending church every Sunday with family and friends giving back to him what he so generously has given to me.

 Building On A Rock Solid Foundation
Before coming to Rock Solid Families, I had never experienced anything like one on one coaching. Linda listened and gave me the tools to grow closer to God. It’s exactly what I needed, and I don’t know where I would be today without this rock solid foundation. I have learned so much about myself, and how God really works in my life. Linda helped me find a bible I could read and understand, and that has been a huge blessing. I am so thankful God led me to Rock Solid Families. If you're looking for a place where you’re not judged but accepted with the love of Christ, then this is where you need to be. 

 Light In The Darkness
I am still working on the grieving process in my sessions with Linda. Some days are harder than others.  I am not sure my heart will ever be 100% healed, but I do know without a doubt that God loves me and is alive and active in my life. I want to be a light to people in dark times, and I want to help others with their struggles like God’s people did for me. I want to be living proof that God can help in the darkest times and protect you in whatever storm you may face.

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. 

Isaiah 43:2