Going Downhill Fast

Growing up, you would typically find my best friend, Nica, and I hanging out with the neighborhood gang bicycling around our subdivision. We thought it was fun riding around trading bikes back and forth, but in the spring of my fourth grade year, it turned out to be anything but fun. It was the first warm day of spring, and we had both decided it would be a good day to break the bikes out for a test drive. We were on each other’s bikes heading down a nearby hill when Nica yelled, “by the way, my brakes don’t work!” Did she really just say what I think she said? I began to panic, as we picked up speed heading down Miami Avenue and straight for my grandma’s house. What came after that was all a blur. The next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital laying flat on a gurney. Apparently, bikes and brick walls don’t go well together. 

I have long forgiven Nica for the defective bike and concussion, but I still haven’t forgotten the intense fear from that warm spring day. Even after forty plus years, I STILL get nervous when going downhill fast. I know, I should be over that fear by now, but if I’m not careful, I still find myself getting anxious about going skiing or riding a bike. 

How about you? Do you have anxieties or fears that keep you from living your best life? Maybe something that you can link all the way back to your childhood? I know I’m not the only one. Most of us have some kind of fear or phobia that can make us think twice. That’s pretty natural, but we can’t ignore the effect the past two to three years has had on the state of our mental health. COVID has accelerated the decline in an already sad and anxious world. Pardon the pun, but you might even say we are going downhill fast!  But even before COVID, we were seeing a rise in anxiety and depression.  Check out the top three culprits that contribute to the decline of our mental health.

1. Lack of Sleep

2. Poor eating

3. Lack of Exercise

So what’s going on? Why are these big three having such a drastic effect on our mental health? Hmm! Any guesses? You guessed it- SCREEN TIME. No surprise that research has found a direct correlation between screen time and anxiety/depression especially in children’s developing minds. According to a 2021 study, San Diego State University psychologist Jean Twenge and University of Georgia psychology professor W. Keith Campbell write, “too much time spent on gaming, smartphones and watching television is linked to heightened levels and diagnoses of anxiety or depression in children as young as age two”, according to their new study.

They report, “Even after only one hour of screen time daily, children and teens may begin to have less curiosity, lower self-control, less emotional stability and a greater inability to finish tasks.” 

“Twenge and Campbell found that adolescents who spend more than seven hours a day on screens were twice as likely as those spending one hour to have been diagnosed with anxiety or depression – a significant finding.”

So, mom and dad, we need you! We need you to step up and be the parent. It’s time we take a stand and fight back against what the world says is cool and ok for our kids. No, your children won’t like it when you delay the smartphone or turn off the tablet, but that’s ok. They’re kids. No different than when you tell them they can’t have candy for dinner. They don’t want to hear the word “NO”, but they desperately need healthy limits. They need someone in their life that models what healthy looks like.  Please mom and dad, give your child a chance to experience the peace and joy that comes with healthy habits and a healthy mind.  It’s time we stop letting the world define what our kids should or should not have or do. Let’s try and stop this runaway train before it hits the wall. Our kids desperately need our help because the research is alarming. The state of their mental health is going downhill way too fast!

Click HERE for a FREE DOWNLOAD on Recognizing Anxiety and Depression in our Kids and the steps to help them.

Here Comes the Sun

Here comes the sun! Praise God!

When the album, Abbey Road, hit the airwaves back in 1969, I don’t think the Beatles realized how vividly they would be describing the winter of 2021 with their chart topper, Here Comes the Sun. For many, the past several months have been that “long, cold, lonely winter” that the Beatles described in the song. I don’t know about you, but the line “it seems like years since it’s been here” not only fits the Beatles hit, but the feeling many have about normalcy in our world today.

It’s been tough this past year not gathering with family and friends and celebrating special holidays and life events. Weddings have been postponed or reduced in size. Baby showers and birthday celebrations have been cancelled. I went to my first “drive by” baby shower recently. I’m sad for that new expectant mother unable to celebrate with family and friends. Sporting events have been limited or restricted, and we were all encouraged to not travel and celebrate the holidays in the safety of our own homes. Cabin fever in Southeast Indiana has been at an all time high this past winter, and people are so ready to get out and live life again whether or not the sun is even shining.

Which is why I believe Perfect North Slopes has seen one of their craziest and busiest years yet with their outdoor fun of skiing, snowboarding, and tubing. People are hungry for that community and normalcy. Tim Doll, part of Perfect North Slope’s Operation Team says this about the phenomenon occurring in our community. After many months of feeling cooped up and anxious about their health, we have seen a tremendous response from our guests who are ready for some healthy outdoor recreation. Our observation has been a movement away from larger planned group outings toward smaller family groups. The cool outdoor environment and natural distancing provided by chair lift rides and spreading out over hundreds of acres of snow has provided a much-needed playground for a breath of fresh air.

I am so thankful Perfect North Slopes has seen a record year. They are a vital part of the Southeast Indiana community that provides amazing opportunities not only for our families to enjoy the outdoors safely but also for the thousand teens and adults they employ each year. They also bring a ton of business to our local economy with folks eating in our restaurants, staying in our local hotels, and stopping for gas before or after going home.

So what’s your theme song as we shake off our cabin fever and embrace life again? Like I said before, Here Comes the Sun has been stuck in my head lately. I’m ready for the sun; how about you? I’m ready for life to get back to normal and to start living life again in community with other people. Just the other day, I found myself actually excited when I heard advertising on the radio for a concert event coming to town this summer.

What would your theme song be for this coming spring and summer? Maybe old classic rock isn’t your thing. Maybe you’re a country fan. How about Everything’s Gonna Be Alright by Kenny Chesney? I am so thankful for the people God has put in my life who continue to speak truth and hope even when things look difficult or dark. If you don’t have those kinds of people in your life, it’s time to find them. I love hearing Kenny Chesney sing, “there ain't no doubt it's gonna work out, come on sing it with me.”

Maybe, you're like my old friend Frank who loves his Motown. Maybe your theme song as spring approaches would be Dancing in the Streets by Martha and the Vandellas. You are ready to get out and enjoy life again. I love the line in that song where it says, It’s just an invitation across the nation. A chance for folks to meet. There’ll be laughing, singing, music playing...dancing in the street. Let’s make a commitment right now, that we’ll never take life for granted again. Let’s shake off the past year and live life to the fullest this spring. Call up an old friend and go hiking at the park. Take the kids and head to the playground. Dust off that bike and go for a spin around the subdivision. Get a song in your heart and start dancing again. It’s time!

Battling the Coronavirus Blues

It was a beautiful sunny day last week when my husband grabbed our youngest son and took him for a drive. He had to run an errand and figured it would be a good way to get our 12 yr old out of the quarantined house and away from his two siblings. They were driving down the road with talk radio on listening to the latest information about the Coronavirus and it’s spread. I’m not sure how much my husband was really listening to, but it was enough for our son to say, “Dad, could we listen to something else? Sometimes this Corona stuff is just too much.” 

If we’re being honest, the latest news and updates on COVID-19 are not just too much for weary 12 yr olds; they can be too much for us adults too. At Rock Solid Families, we are seeing an influx of new and old clients call our office this past month or so struggling with this same feeling. It’s just too much for many people, and folks are struggling to find healthy ways to battle the “Coronavirus Blues”. So I wanted to share with you some concrete things you can do today to give you a better tomorrow regardless of what’s going on in the world around us.

1. Limit your exposure to the news and social media. Many of you have turned into Coronavirus junkies reading and listening to every news story and theory out there. It’s way too much. You know this but you still keep listening and scrolling. For that matter, anxiety and depression are directly connected to the amount of time you spend on ANY screen regardless of what you’re watching or reading. That means not binge watching that latest NETFLIX series or scrolling on your phone checking Facebook into the early morning hours. It’s not healthy for you on ANY day, let alone when you are trying to fight the Coronavirus Blues. This goes for our kiddos too. In our house, our TV does not go on until 8 pm when we sit down together to watch a family show, and our teens are limited to just a couple hours of screen time a day on their phones. They may not like it, but we know how critical it is for their mental health.

2. Take Care of Yourself. I know you’ve heard this before, but yet you keep ignoring the truth. Your emotional health is DIRECTLY tied to your physical well being. Mind, body, and spirit are all interconnected, so it’s critical, especially during these unsettling times, you get on a healthy routine of eating, sleeping, and exercising. I’m not saying you have to go out and run three marathons, but it does mean getting outside when you can walking or riding that bike that’s been sitting in the garage for six months. I hear folks say all the time. I know I’m depressed, but I don’t want to be on medicine. Great, then do the things that you have control over, so that maybe you don’t have to be. 

3. Connect in a positive way to others. We are relational beings and this time of quarantine and isolation has been tough on everyone especially us extroverts. Get creative and keep connecting in a positive way with those that lift you up, not pull you down. I have two groups of women that I have been video chatting with on a regular basis. It’s been so fun to catch up and laugh with old friends all over the country. We are making time to connect in ways that we didn’t make time for just months ago. I have also found more time to send those things called cards through this thing called the US Postal Service. It’s also been fun to Facetime our children and grandchildren more often passing the time laughing with them. Seize the moment to connect more with those important relationships that may have been neglected before the virus hit. 

4. Practice Kindness. It’s a known fact that serving and giving helps to combat the blues. When we take our eyes off of ourselves and focus on helping someone else, it blesses us. Someone did that to us just the other day in the Dunkin Donuts drive through. Someone paid for our order and my daughter immediately asked if we could “pay it backwards” to the person behind us. Maybe it’s sending a card to your hairdresser anxiously trying to keep their head above water. It doesn’t take a lot of money to practice kindness, and it definitely makes the world a better place.

5. Avoid Guilt or Comparison. Let’s face it. None of us have ever experienced anything like this in our lifetime and there’s no manual on how to navigate the Coronavirus perfectly. We are all trying to figure it out as we go and that includes the local and federal governments. So stop pointing fingers at someone else or even yourself for how things are going. Most likely you are NOT performing to your normal level at work or at home. That’s understandable. You’re trying to answer calls and get things down for work, while helping your children with E-Learning in the other room. You’re cleaning up lunch dishes and the kids are already asking “what’s for dinner”. You are trying to teach students through a screen instead of walking alongside them in your classroom. It’s not going to be the same, so stop comparing the way it used to be with your current reality.

6. Extend Grace. I love the title of Robin Robert’s recent book, Everybody’s Got Something. I have to agree with her. We don’t have a clue what’s going on in someone else’s life. This is why I believe, now more than ever, we have to be ready to extend grace to one another. Whether it be that grumpy grocery clerk who is risking her families’ health in order to put food on her table and yours. Or maybe it's that customer service agent struggling to troubleshoot your problem while he works at home with a toddler under his desk. Everybody reacts to stress differently too. You may be doing ok today, but your teenager who just lost her dreams of graduation and prom is not. Extend grace!

7. Don’t be Afraid To Reach Out for Help. If you’ve read through numbers 1-6 and are still feeling overwhelmed, please reach out for help. We have seen an uptick of folks call our office who have never needed help before, but these Coronavirus Blues are kicking their butt. Maybe you’re like our 12 yr old where if you were being honest… “It’s just too much”. Call a friend, family member, or pastor and let them know you’re struggling. Sometimes just sharing the load with someone who cares helps to lift its weight off your shoulders. If you don’t have that person in your life, or that hasn’t helped, give us a call at Rock Solid Families. If we can’t help you, we’ll connect you with someone who can. Maybe there is an issue with addiction or abuse in your home that has been magnified due to the stress of COVID-19. Please don’t ignore the problem. Get help today! 

The bottom line is this…there is HOPE and HELP available. Please don’t suffer in silence. You don’t have to battle the Coronavirus Blues alone. Call us at Rock Solid Families today at 812-576-ROCK or contact us through our website at rocksolidfamilies.org. Thanks to the generous support of our Rock Solid Partners, we are able to extend our coaching services FREE to anyone unable to pay during these unsettling times. No cost. No strings. Just someone to listen and help. If you’re reading this today, please know…we are praying for you!

My Journey with Anxiety and Depression

DISCLAIMER

“Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be open to you.”

— Matthew 7:7

I’m not a doctor or psychiatrist so I’m not in the business of diagnosing others with mental illnesses.  This is my own personal journey with anxiety and depression. My prayer is that something I’ve learned or experienced during the darkest period of my life can help someone else. My hope is to shine a light into what I experienced and bring comfort and help to you or someone you love.

HISTORY

Early in our marriage, I began having panic attacks.  At the time, I had no idea what they were. A heart attack? Stress symptoms and hypertension? Some kind of brain tumor?  I just knew something wasn’t right. I even landed in the emergency room on a couple of occasions. After daily struggles for over a year with no clear answers, my last panic attack left me talking with my doctor in a desperate tone of “I can’t live this way anymore”!

A year after my first panic attack, I finally began to get the help and counsel I needed.  I became educated on anxiety and depression, mental illnesses, medications, support groups, and therapy. In my role as a school counselor, I had a significant amount of education to help others, but I wasn’t sure how to help myself.

“In my role as a school counselor, I had a significant amount of education to help others, but I wasn’t sure how to help myself.”

— Merrill Hutchinson

Now, I was on a medically monitored path to mental health. I began to feel like my old self. I began to regain my energy and focus. I began running and exercising again. I started to hang out with family and friends again and stopped avoiding social situations.  The most life-changing thing I did during this difficult season was surrender my life to Christ. I had heard that phrase "surrender my life" many times, but it now hit home for me personally. The fight against this illness was one that I was losing. The more I tried, the more I failed. It was not until I dropped to my knees and said, “Lord, I need you” that I experienced true freedom!  The battle was no longer just mine. I now felt like I had the Navy SEALS dropping in to aid me in my battle.

The journey to strong mental health has been life long.  I have actively treated and lived with anxiety and depression for over 27 years.  Here are a few of my takeaways that I would like to share with others in the hopes that they may get help or be able to help someone else with a similar story.

LESSONS I LEARNED

• Anxiety and depression are normal feelings and experiences of the human condition, but how do you know when your level of anxiety or depression is beyond the normal range?  There are many screeners available that you can take online. While these screeners may not be medically supervised, they can begin to point you in the right direction.  If you score in the “at risk” or “high” range, it probably just confirms what you already suspected. An “at risk” score may prompt you to visit your doctor or begin sharing your concerns with someone else. A close friend or spouse can be a great sounding board or listening ear, but they are obviously no substitute for a medical professional.

• Anxiety and depression can be situation-based, hereditary, or a combination of the two.  As I look back on my anxiety, I see that mine was a combination of the two. I can see a very clear path of situational anxiety dating back into my childhood.  At the time, I didn’t understand what a normal level of anxiety was, so I just thought my feelings were normal. Extreme anxiety before sporting events, getting sick the first couple of days of school, nausea and diarrhea when the spotlight was on me, avoidance of social situations or being around lots of people, etc. Outside of these times, my life seemed very normal.  For this reason, most people around me did not really see me struggling. Only close family knew how anxious I would get. By the time I was in high school, I was pretty good at keeping my anxiety at bay. I knew how to avoid the situations and conflicts that were most likely to cause me the greatest amount of trouble.

By the time I was in my late twenties, something changed. I could no longer predict the situations that would prompt my anxiety and now even some depression. I began to struggle with feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy, dread, and avoidance. I had a loss of focus, energy, and even physical strength and body temperature. I was feeling cold even when everyone else was not. Now, it seemed, my anxiety was taking on a different level.  I was experiencing anxious symptoms in times when I logically could not think of why I should be anxious.  One of the things that became very noticeable to me was frequently waking up in the middle of the night in either a full sweat or even to the point of vomiting.   I went to bed feeling okay, but something would trigger a full blown anxiety storm, while I was in the middle of sleep. Not a good way to wake up! Yes, many situations would still trigger my anxiety, but frequently I could not tell you what prompted my symptoms.  In hindsight, this was a warning sign that I wished I would have had help understanding earlier than I did.

“Whether it’s therapy, faith, medicine, or a combination of the three, you do have options.”

— Merrill Hutchinson

• Anxiety and depression do not have to completely wreck your life and turn you into a social recluse.  In the midst of my worst days, I began to think this was the way life was going to be from now on. That thinking created a negative feedback loop in the sense that my bad anxiety produced symptoms that then produced more anxiety, which then lead to more symptoms, and so on.  The idea that this may never stop can be frightening and even paralyzing. Once I began to learn and even experience relief from these symptoms, hope began to grow back into my life. The strength to confront a phobia, the energy to participate in an activity that I once enjoyed, the sense of pleasure and laughing, and the desire to see familiar friends and family all reemerged. These are all very possible goals, and I encourage others to not lose sight of getting these things back into your life. Whether it’s therapy, faith, medicine, or some combination of the three, you do have options.  

• Do not deny your genetics.  As I began to accept that I may have a mental illness. I started to examine my family history.  It did not take long for me to realize that my mom’s side of the family was riddled with anxiety.  My mom was challenged with it on a daily basis. My grandma was very anxious and her sister also was anxious to the point of seldom leaving her house.  My uncle was in and out of jobs and simply could not handle the stress of daily work. Here is my point. Anxiety and depression that goes beyond “normal” is often hereditary.  It is common to trace mental illness throughout a family tree. If you notice this, then please do not deny it. If you are struggling with anxiety or depression and have a family history of it, then there is a good chance that you may have a biological rather than just a situational component to your condition.

• My last take away is just a word of encouragement.  Part of my upbringing included parents that always encouraged my siblings and I to take risk, go after your dreams, never be afraid of making mistakes, and be quick to learn from the mistakes you make.  I want to encourage the same to all of you. You have a choice to make concerning how you will handle all of the stresses in your life. You can either beat yourself up and fall victim to the situation, or you can see it as an opportunity for learning and growth. You most likely will not find a quick fix, but you may find comfort in small victories.  Allow those small victories to be celebrated and used as motivation to continue on to better mental health. Reach out to someone today for help. Do not throw in the towel! There is HOPE! 

“Reach out to someone today for help. Do not throw in the towel! There is HOPE!”

— Merrill Hutchinson