Going Downhill Fast

Growing up, you would typically find my best friend, Nica, and I hanging out with the neighborhood gang bicycling around our subdivision. We thought it was fun riding around trading bikes back and forth, but in the spring of my fourth grade year, it turned out to be anything but fun. It was the first warm day of spring, and we had both decided it would be a good day to break the bikes out for a test drive. We were on each other’s bikes heading down a nearby hill when Nica yelled, “by the way, my brakes don’t work!” Did she really just say what I think she said? I began to panic, as we picked up speed heading down Miami Avenue and straight for my grandma’s house. What came after that was all a blur. The next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital laying flat on a gurney. Apparently, bikes and brick walls don’t go well together. 

I have long forgiven Nica for the defective bike and concussion, but I still haven’t forgotten the intense fear from that warm spring day. Even after forty plus years, I STILL get nervous when going downhill fast. I know, I should be over that fear by now, but if I’m not careful, I still find myself getting anxious about going skiing or riding a bike. 

How about you? Do you have anxieties or fears that keep you from living your best life? Maybe something that you can link all the way back to your childhood? I know I’m not the only one. Most of us have some kind of fear or phobia that can make us think twice. That’s pretty natural, but we can’t ignore the effect the past two to three years has had on the state of our mental health. COVID has accelerated the decline in an already sad and anxious world. Pardon the pun, but you might even say we are going downhill fast!  But even before COVID, we were seeing a rise in anxiety and depression.  Check out the top three culprits that contribute to the decline of our mental health.

1. Lack of Sleep

2. Poor eating

3. Lack of Exercise

So what’s going on? Why are these big three having such a drastic effect on our mental health? Hmm! Any guesses? You guessed it- SCREEN TIME. No surprise that research has found a direct correlation between screen time and anxiety/depression especially in children’s developing minds. According to a 2021 study, San Diego State University psychologist Jean Twenge and University of Georgia psychology professor W. Keith Campbell write, “too much time spent on gaming, smartphones and watching television is linked to heightened levels and diagnoses of anxiety or depression in children as young as age two”, according to their new study.

They report, “Even after only one hour of screen time daily, children and teens may begin to have less curiosity, lower self-control, less emotional stability and a greater inability to finish tasks.” 

“Twenge and Campbell found that adolescents who spend more than seven hours a day on screens were twice as likely as those spending one hour to have been diagnosed with anxiety or depression – a significant finding.”

So, mom and dad, we need you! We need you to step up and be the parent. It’s time we take a stand and fight back against what the world says is cool and ok for our kids. No, your children won’t like it when you delay the smartphone or turn off the tablet, but that’s ok. They’re kids. No different than when you tell them they can’t have candy for dinner. They don’t want to hear the word “NO”, but they desperately need healthy limits. They need someone in their life that models what healthy looks like.  Please mom and dad, give your child a chance to experience the peace and joy that comes with healthy habits and a healthy mind.  It’s time we stop letting the world define what our kids should or should not have or do. Let’s try and stop this runaway train before it hits the wall. Our kids desperately need our help because the research is alarming. The state of their mental health is going downhill way too fast!

Click HERE for a FREE DOWNLOAD on Recognizing Anxiety and Depression in our Kids and the steps to help them.

Hallie's Story-Shining Bright Again

Over the past 18 months, it is no secret that COVID has taken a toll emotionally on both the young and old. Experts were telling us over a year ago that we would soon be seeing a pandemic of a different kind in the area of mental health. Mental health has definitely been a struggle for so many people over the past year including an increasing amount of young children. We get calls weekly from parents of elementary, preteen, and teenage children struggling with unexplained sadness, moodiness, anxiety, and relational struggles.

WARNING SIGNS
As coaches, we’ve sadly seen their resilience diminish as children attempt to navigate the world around them. What used to be “no big deal” is now really hitting our kids hard causing melt downs, tantrums, or high levels of anxiety. This is true for one of our youngest clients, 10 year old Hallie who wanted to share her story to help other kids that may find themselves struggling like she did. First, listen to what Hallie’s mom was seeing this past spring and what led her to call Rock Solid Families. Maybe, as a parent, you are having the same concerns.

Near the end of fourth grade, I started noticing my daughter, Hallie, was coming home different after school.  She just seemed sad.  It was subtle, but as a mom you know when your child is ‘off’.  She would share a little about her day when she first came home but by bedtime she would be spilling her guts.  These night time conversations usually involved tears and feelings of being left out.  

 Hallie is a straight A student, plays soccer, dances, is involved in Girl Scouts and liked by just about everyone she meets.   It was shocking to find out she was struggling with feelings of loneliness at school. Seeing her so sad I knew I had to do something to help her get back to her best self. Hallie agreed to talk with Linda at Rock Solid Families, and she opened up to her immediately.  As we worked through a few sessions, Hallie took all of Linda’s advice to heart and put it into action at every opportunity.  

I could see she was getting back to herself over the summer but was curious to see what the new school year would bring. This past August as fifth grade began, Hallie had a new set of tools to use when she would begin feeling lonely or left out.  I recently had a conference with her teacher and was ecstatic to learn Hallie was back and doing better than ever!  Her teacher shared that Hallie is a bright spot in the class and makes everyone around her feel better about themselves.  She explained how others are drawn to Hallie but suspects Hallie doesn’t even realize the impact she has on others.  I ,too, see Hallie’s confidence growing day by day. Giving her the tools to navigate school and friends has helped Hallie shine bright once again.   Thank you, Rock Solid Families! Hallie’s Mom, Kylee

YOU’RE NOT ALONE
Here’s what Hallie wanted to share with anyone feeling sad or lonely like she was.

I struggled with friendship in the 4th grade year and throughout the summer.  I felt I either didn’t have anything to offer to a friend or that there was always someone better. It was like I was always second choice.  I would try to play what friends wanted at recess, but the next day they wouldn’t return the favor and play what I wanted.  

After meeting with Linda, I feel like I have learned a lot from her and Rock Solid Families. It has made me feel closer to God and Christ and helped me to realize I have many great qualities to offer.  Hallie, 10 years old

TAKE A DAILY TEMPERATURE READ
Talk regularly to your child about how they are doing. I call it a parent’s daily temperature read. Take a daily “temperature read” of their day asking them about school, their friends, and how they are feeling. Everyone has a bad day, but if day after day your child seems to be struggling with navigating life, don’t ignore the warning signs. Just like if your child had a high fever for 2 weeks straight, you would be alarmed, the same goes for their emotional “temperature” too. That’s why Hallie’s mom reached out to us. If day after day, your child is having melt downs, tantrums, or isolating themselves from others-something is up. Reach out for help. You are NOT alone. There is HELP and HOPE available. Rock Solid Families has a great resource page full of helpful podcasts, blogs, and outside resources to help you as a parent. Check it out by going to rocksolidfamilies.org/resources, or call us at 812-576-ROCK. That’s why we’re here!

Resources

Skyler's Story-Finding Light in the Darkness

Hi everyone! My name is Skyler, a 23 year old nursing student from Northern Kentucky.  I could not be more excited to finish my RN in December with only one more semester left!  I have been attending Rock Solid Families for about 8 months now, and it has changed my life. When life got rough, I was blessed enough to have this faith based organization to turn to. 

Was It My Fault?
Earlier this year, I lost a very special person in my life to suicide, and just a couple months later, I lost my grandma due to some fast progressing health issues. It was as if I couldn't catch a break, or get my head out of the dark place I was in. I remember thinking, "why didn't I do more for my friend?  “His suicide was all my fault”’ Losing those two special people in my life in such a short time really took a toll on my mind and heart.

 Pray To God... Now?

I remember my mom telling me, "pray to God. He will help you through this. He hears how upset you are and wants to help you." I remember thinking there was no way I could pray in a time like this. It was a constant battle between giving it all to God or suffering in my own mind and dealing with this heartbreak. It was in those darkest moments when I found God with his arms open wide.

 Best Day of My Life
I started praying every chance I could get. I spent time with God and His Word.  I surrendered all my pain and suffering at his feet. I couldn't have picked a better decision during a time when I felt completely numb. God showed me through his word and his people that he’s been with me all along, even when I wasn’t reaching out to him. It's because of his grace and mercy, I am where I am today. I was baptized into Christ on January 31st, 2021 at Seven Hills Church in Florence, Ky.  I was surrounded by so much love that day. It was one of the best days of my life!  I continue to grow closer and closer to Christ attending church every Sunday with family and friends giving back to him what he so generously has given to me.

 Building On A Rock Solid Foundation
Before coming to Rock Solid Families, I had never experienced anything like one on one coaching. Linda listened and gave me the tools to grow closer to God. It’s exactly what I needed, and I don’t know where I would be today without this rock solid foundation. I have learned so much about myself, and how God really works in my life. Linda helped me find a bible I could read and understand, and that has been a huge blessing. I am so thankful God led me to Rock Solid Families. If you're looking for a place where you’re not judged but accepted with the love of Christ, then this is where you need to be. 

 Light In The Darkness
I am still working on the grieving process in my sessions with Linda. Some days are harder than others.  I am not sure my heart will ever be 100% healed, but I do know without a doubt that God loves me and is alive and active in my life. I want to be a light to people in dark times, and I want to help others with their struggles like God’s people did for me. I want to be living proof that God can help in the darkest times and protect you in whatever storm you may face.

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. 

Isaiah 43:2

Battling the Coronavirus Blues

It was a beautiful sunny day last week when my husband grabbed our youngest son and took him for a drive. He had to run an errand and figured it would be a good way to get our 12 yr old out of the quarantined house and away from his two siblings. They were driving down the road with talk radio on listening to the latest information about the Coronavirus and it’s spread. I’m not sure how much my husband was really listening to, but it was enough for our son to say, “Dad, could we listen to something else? Sometimes this Corona stuff is just too much.” 

If we’re being honest, the latest news and updates on COVID-19 are not just too much for weary 12 yr olds; they can be too much for us adults too. At Rock Solid Families, we are seeing an influx of new and old clients call our office this past month or so struggling with this same feeling. It’s just too much for many people, and folks are struggling to find healthy ways to battle the “Coronavirus Blues”. So I wanted to share with you some concrete things you can do today to give you a better tomorrow regardless of what’s going on in the world around us.

1. Limit your exposure to the news and social media. Many of you have turned into Coronavirus junkies reading and listening to every news story and theory out there. It’s way too much. You know this but you still keep listening and scrolling. For that matter, anxiety and depression are directly connected to the amount of time you spend on ANY screen regardless of what you’re watching or reading. That means not binge watching that latest NETFLIX series or scrolling on your phone checking Facebook into the early morning hours. It’s not healthy for you on ANY day, let alone when you are trying to fight the Coronavirus Blues. This goes for our kiddos too. In our house, our TV does not go on until 8 pm when we sit down together to watch a family show, and our teens are limited to just a couple hours of screen time a day on their phones. They may not like it, but we know how critical it is for their mental health.

2. Take Care of Yourself. I know you’ve heard this before, but yet you keep ignoring the truth. Your emotional health is DIRECTLY tied to your physical well being. Mind, body, and spirit are all interconnected, so it’s critical, especially during these unsettling times, you get on a healthy routine of eating, sleeping, and exercising. I’m not saying you have to go out and run three marathons, but it does mean getting outside when you can walking or riding that bike that’s been sitting in the garage for six months. I hear folks say all the time. I know I’m depressed, but I don’t want to be on medicine. Great, then do the things that you have control over, so that maybe you don’t have to be. 

3. Connect in a positive way to others. We are relational beings and this time of quarantine and isolation has been tough on everyone especially us extroverts. Get creative and keep connecting in a positive way with those that lift you up, not pull you down. I have two groups of women that I have been video chatting with on a regular basis. It’s been so fun to catch up and laugh with old friends all over the country. We are making time to connect in ways that we didn’t make time for just months ago. I have also found more time to send those things called cards through this thing called the US Postal Service. It’s also been fun to Facetime our children and grandchildren more often passing the time laughing with them. Seize the moment to connect more with those important relationships that may have been neglected before the virus hit. 

4. Practice Kindness. It’s a known fact that serving and giving helps to combat the blues. When we take our eyes off of ourselves and focus on helping someone else, it blesses us. Someone did that to us just the other day in the Dunkin Donuts drive through. Someone paid for our order and my daughter immediately asked if we could “pay it backwards” to the person behind us. Maybe it’s sending a card to your hairdresser anxiously trying to keep their head above water. It doesn’t take a lot of money to practice kindness, and it definitely makes the world a better place.

5. Avoid Guilt or Comparison. Let’s face it. None of us have ever experienced anything like this in our lifetime and there’s no manual on how to navigate the Coronavirus perfectly. We are all trying to figure it out as we go and that includes the local and federal governments. So stop pointing fingers at someone else or even yourself for how things are going. Most likely you are NOT performing to your normal level at work or at home. That’s understandable. You’re trying to answer calls and get things down for work, while helping your children with E-Learning in the other room. You’re cleaning up lunch dishes and the kids are already asking “what’s for dinner”. You are trying to teach students through a screen instead of walking alongside them in your classroom. It’s not going to be the same, so stop comparing the way it used to be with your current reality.

6. Extend Grace. I love the title of Robin Robert’s recent book, Everybody’s Got Something. I have to agree with her. We don’t have a clue what’s going on in someone else’s life. This is why I believe, now more than ever, we have to be ready to extend grace to one another. Whether it be that grumpy grocery clerk who is risking her families’ health in order to put food on her table and yours. Or maybe it's that customer service agent struggling to troubleshoot your problem while he works at home with a toddler under his desk. Everybody reacts to stress differently too. You may be doing ok today, but your teenager who just lost her dreams of graduation and prom is not. Extend grace!

7. Don’t be Afraid To Reach Out for Help. If you’ve read through numbers 1-6 and are still feeling overwhelmed, please reach out for help. We have seen an uptick of folks call our office who have never needed help before, but these Coronavirus Blues are kicking their butt. Maybe you’re like our 12 yr old where if you were being honest… “It’s just too much”. Call a friend, family member, or pastor and let them know you’re struggling. Sometimes just sharing the load with someone who cares helps to lift its weight off your shoulders. If you don’t have that person in your life, or that hasn’t helped, give us a call at Rock Solid Families. If we can’t help you, we’ll connect you with someone who can. Maybe there is an issue with addiction or abuse in your home that has been magnified due to the stress of COVID-19. Please don’t ignore the problem. Get help today! 

The bottom line is this…there is HOPE and HELP available. Please don’t suffer in silence. You don’t have to battle the Coronavirus Blues alone. Call us at Rock Solid Families today at 812-576-ROCK or contact us through our website at rocksolidfamilies.org. Thanks to the generous support of our Rock Solid Partners, we are able to extend our coaching services FREE to anyone unable to pay during these unsettling times. No cost. No strings. Just someone to listen and help. If you’re reading this today, please know…we are praying for you!

My Journey with Anxiety and Depression

DISCLAIMER

“Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be open to you.”

— Matthew 7:7

I’m not a doctor or psychiatrist so I’m not in the business of diagnosing others with mental illnesses.  This is my own personal journey with anxiety and depression. My prayer is that something I’ve learned or experienced during the darkest period of my life can help someone else. My hope is to shine a light into what I experienced and bring comfort and help to you or someone you love.

HISTORY

Early in our marriage, I began having panic attacks.  At the time, I had no idea what they were. A heart attack? Stress symptoms and hypertension? Some kind of brain tumor?  I just knew something wasn’t right. I even landed in the emergency room on a couple of occasions. After daily struggles for over a year with no clear answers, my last panic attack left me talking with my doctor in a desperate tone of “I can’t live this way anymore”!

A year after my first panic attack, I finally began to get the help and counsel I needed.  I became educated on anxiety and depression, mental illnesses, medications, support groups, and therapy. In my role as a school counselor, I had a significant amount of education to help others, but I wasn’t sure how to help myself.

“In my role as a school counselor, I had a significant amount of education to help others, but I wasn’t sure how to help myself.”

— Merrill Hutchinson

Now, I was on a medically monitored path to mental health. I began to feel like my old self. I began to regain my energy and focus. I began running and exercising again. I started to hang out with family and friends again and stopped avoiding social situations.  The most life-changing thing I did during this difficult season was surrender my life to Christ. I had heard that phrase "surrender my life" many times, but it now hit home for me personally. The fight against this illness was one that I was losing. The more I tried, the more I failed. It was not until I dropped to my knees and said, “Lord, I need you” that I experienced true freedom!  The battle was no longer just mine. I now felt like I had the Navy SEALS dropping in to aid me in my battle.

The journey to strong mental health has been life long.  I have actively treated and lived with anxiety and depression for over 27 years.  Here are a few of my takeaways that I would like to share with others in the hopes that they may get help or be able to help someone else with a similar story.

LESSONS I LEARNED

• Anxiety and depression are normal feelings and experiences of the human condition, but how do you know when your level of anxiety or depression is beyond the normal range?  There are many screeners available that you can take online. While these screeners may not be medically supervised, they can begin to point you in the right direction.  If you score in the “at risk” or “high” range, it probably just confirms what you already suspected. An “at risk” score may prompt you to visit your doctor or begin sharing your concerns with someone else. A close friend or spouse can be a great sounding board or listening ear, but they are obviously no substitute for a medical professional.

• Anxiety and depression can be situation-based, hereditary, or a combination of the two.  As I look back on my anxiety, I see that mine was a combination of the two. I can see a very clear path of situational anxiety dating back into my childhood.  At the time, I didn’t understand what a normal level of anxiety was, so I just thought my feelings were normal. Extreme anxiety before sporting events, getting sick the first couple of days of school, nausea and diarrhea when the spotlight was on me, avoidance of social situations or being around lots of people, etc. Outside of these times, my life seemed very normal.  For this reason, most people around me did not really see me struggling. Only close family knew how anxious I would get. By the time I was in high school, I was pretty good at keeping my anxiety at bay. I knew how to avoid the situations and conflicts that were most likely to cause me the greatest amount of trouble.

By the time I was in my late twenties, something changed. I could no longer predict the situations that would prompt my anxiety and now even some depression. I began to struggle with feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy, dread, and avoidance. I had a loss of focus, energy, and even physical strength and body temperature. I was feeling cold even when everyone else was not. Now, it seemed, my anxiety was taking on a different level.  I was experiencing anxious symptoms in times when I logically could not think of why I should be anxious.  One of the things that became very noticeable to me was frequently waking up in the middle of the night in either a full sweat or even to the point of vomiting.   I went to bed feeling okay, but something would trigger a full blown anxiety storm, while I was in the middle of sleep. Not a good way to wake up! Yes, many situations would still trigger my anxiety, but frequently I could not tell you what prompted my symptoms.  In hindsight, this was a warning sign that I wished I would have had help understanding earlier than I did.

“Whether it’s therapy, faith, medicine, or a combination of the three, you do have options.”

— Merrill Hutchinson

• Anxiety and depression do not have to completely wreck your life and turn you into a social recluse.  In the midst of my worst days, I began to think this was the way life was going to be from now on. That thinking created a negative feedback loop in the sense that my bad anxiety produced symptoms that then produced more anxiety, which then lead to more symptoms, and so on.  The idea that this may never stop can be frightening and even paralyzing. Once I began to learn and even experience relief from these symptoms, hope began to grow back into my life. The strength to confront a phobia, the energy to participate in an activity that I once enjoyed, the sense of pleasure and laughing, and the desire to see familiar friends and family all reemerged. These are all very possible goals, and I encourage others to not lose sight of getting these things back into your life. Whether it’s therapy, faith, medicine, or some combination of the three, you do have options.  

• Do not deny your genetics.  As I began to accept that I may have a mental illness. I started to examine my family history.  It did not take long for me to realize that my mom’s side of the family was riddled with anxiety.  My mom was challenged with it on a daily basis. My grandma was very anxious and her sister also was anxious to the point of seldom leaving her house.  My uncle was in and out of jobs and simply could not handle the stress of daily work. Here is my point. Anxiety and depression that goes beyond “normal” is often hereditary.  It is common to trace mental illness throughout a family tree. If you notice this, then please do not deny it. If you are struggling with anxiety or depression and have a family history of it, then there is a good chance that you may have a biological rather than just a situational component to your condition.

• My last take away is just a word of encouragement.  Part of my upbringing included parents that always encouraged my siblings and I to take risk, go after your dreams, never be afraid of making mistakes, and be quick to learn from the mistakes you make.  I want to encourage the same to all of you. You have a choice to make concerning how you will handle all of the stresses in your life. You can either beat yourself up and fall victim to the situation, or you can see it as an opportunity for learning and growth. You most likely will not find a quick fix, but you may find comfort in small victories.  Allow those small victories to be celebrated and used as motivation to continue on to better mental health. Reach out to someone today for help. Do not throw in the towel! There is HOPE! 

“Reach out to someone today for help. Do not throw in the towel! There is HOPE!”

— Merrill Hutchinson