A New Man With a New Plan

In March of 2021, I received a phone call from a young man who was a couple years into his marriage.  He claimed he wanted help becoming a better man and husband.  My initial thought was that the marriage was in trouble, and he was desperately seeking to save it. We set up our first appointment and we began to talk.  I asked him to describe his marriage and its overall health.  He said without hesitation, “Oh, my marriage is great!”. I responded with a little bewilderment in my voice saying, “Well then, what can I help you with?”   He said, “I need help learning how to stand up for my wife and myself”. 

Intimidated by Dad
Meet Zach and Emily, a young couple in love who truly enjoy being together and dreaming about the future.  But, as I began to work with Zach, I recognized how timid he was.  As we talked, he would sink in his chair; when he didn’t know what to say, he would just go silent.  He did give me a clue to the problem when he started talking about his authoritarian father and how no one wanted to challenge his authority.  When challenged, his dad would quickly escalate his voice to a roar and begin intimidating everyone in the house.  As a boy, Zach was intimidated by his father and would never even dream of challenging or disagreeing with him.

Out of the Line of Fire
As Zach got older, he began to disagree with how his father acted and reacted in the house, but the disagreement remained in his head.  Partly out of respect and partly out of fear, he would cower down to his dad and never challenge him on anything. That actually seemed to work very well most of the time.  Zach remained out of the line of fire, and his dad remained on the throne.  Zach’s behavior soon settled in to be his character.  Whether in the house or out of the house, he was timid - afraid to stand up for himself, his values, or his faith.  He became very unsure of himself as he was worried about making the wrong decision and disappointing people in his life.  His habit was to sit back and just let everyone else tell him what to do.  

Making all the Decisions
As a young married couple, make no mistake about it, Emily loves Zach.  She loves his gentleness, caring, attention, and willingness to take care of her, but soon into the marriage, she began to feel like she was carrying making all the decisions.  Everything from when the garbage needs to go out to how they should manage their money.  Zach was not being defiant; he was just waiting for his orders.  Emily did not want to be in a position of giving orders. She wanted Zach to lead.

Becoming the Man She Needs
Everything came to a head when Zach’s father began to weigh in on Zach and Emily’s life as a married couple.  He would make comments that demoralized  Zach as a man. He would question why they did the things they did.  On the other hand, he would never take input from anyone else.  Emily began to recognize that she did not appreciate how Zach’s dad was treating him or them as a couple.  She began to challenge Zach by questioning him as to why he doesn’t stand up to his father.  Why doesn't he take initiative with running his own home?  Zach started to realize that he was not being the man or husband God called him to be.

Getting Help
This realization is what brought Zach to Rock Solid Families.  He had enough insight to recognize that something needed to change; he just didn’t know where to begin. That’s when we began to educate him on his upbringing, and how he was responding.  We began to have conversations about how his dad behaved and how Zach responded. We talked about how the pattern of timidity began to grow and become more and more entrenched into Zach’s being.  Once we were able to isolate the cause and effect connection, we were able to begin a new way forward.  

Working Together Toward a Solution
Emily began to attend sessions with Zach.  She was a critical component to helping Zach see a clear picture of what she needed as his wife. She in turn learned how to help and encourage him at home. Zach came in session after session willing and eager to learn knowing he had something better in him as a man.  Each week, Zach and Emily would practice new assertive actions in the home and when they were out together.  Zach did what may seem like simple things like take out the garbage or cut the grass without Emily’s prompting or second guessing himself. Emily learned that if she wanted these new habits to stick she had to encourage and praise not criticize Zach through his timidity.  

Practicing Fire Drills
The big test of Zach’s new found strength was going to come when he had to interact with his father.  Admittedly, Zach was nervous and concerned that he would just fall right back to his old self and allow his father to dismiss him as a man.  Zach and Emily learned how to establish and communicate healthy boundaries as a couple. In session, they practiced “fire drills”  where the two of them would run through potential hypotheticals to see when and how they would respond.  The more Zach and Emily practiced this, the greater their confidence became.  They actually began to be believe in themselves as a couple and that their marriage was theirs to protect.  This was empowering and even exciting.

 The Day of Reckoning with Dad
The day of reckoning finally came with a family get together.  Zach and Emily were confident and ready to respectfully respond to any snide remarks or disrespectful behaviors from Zach’s dad.  Zach’s dad came to the outing that day and quickly noticed that Zach had a certain confidence about him.  Zach did not respond to his father’s inappropriate remarks that day. He ignored them and refused to let his dad get in his head.  By not giving his father’s remarks any attention and energy, Zach noticed his dad backing down from his typical authoritarian persona.  On the other hand, Zach was starting to carry himself with greater confidence and strength than ever before.  It reaffirmed how he wanted to be as a husband and man of God. 

A New Man with a New Plan
Not only did this new confidence help in his relationship with his dad, but with his wife as well. Emily loves the man Zach is now.  She feels greater confidence in their relationship and less stress, because she now knows she’s not carrying the load alone.  Zach is truly a new man with a new plan.  He is now walking with his shoulders back and finding his confidence in who Christ made him to be.  He is learning to give himself grace when he makes mistakes, but continues to get back up.  Zach now looks forward to being a better husband, son, brother, neighbor and someday, a father.  He has much to give and now is ready to do so, all because he has uncovered the man God created him to be.

Don’t Settle for Less Than God’s Best
Zach and Emily’s story is one of new hope and life.  God created us in His image, but we often blame him for who we are. When, in fact, we have just allowed life to mold us into someone less than who God intended us to be.  Before you give up on yourself or someone else, understand that God gives us the ability to change. Your upbringing and environment can truly shape you for the good and bad.  When you want to see a better version of yourself, begin by praying to God and recognizing that you do not have to be a victim of your environment.  

Instant Gratification and Money - Are you sure you “WANT IT NOW”?

Money! Money! Money! “It seems like all we do is argue about MONEY!”  Is this the case in your marriage?  If so, you’re not alone.  When considering the top subjects that couples argue about, money usually makes the top 5 list.  Why is this the case when we live in such a wealthy country?  It turns out, it is not about the money, but about what money represents to people.  A big stack of money in and of itself is just a stack of paper.  But, when you realize what that stack of paper has the power to do, now that’s a different story. 

Money is linked to so many different but powerful emotions.  To many, money may mean security. To others, it may represent freedom and enjoyment. For some, money is a symbol of status or power. Therefore, a lack of money or lack of control over money can create the opposite feelings of fear, punishment, bondage, stress, and powerlessness.  These different emotions and meanings of money is where the conflict and stress can occur.

As human beings, our bodies and minds are drawn toward pleasure. We tend to avoid painful or stressful situations. Many of us have used money as a way of providing pleasure and avoiding pain.    The desire to have a good feeling in the moment is incredibly powerful.  “I WANT IT NOW!”  Instant gratification is real and powerful. How many of us have ever bought something we knew we didn’t need or couldn’t afford, because it felt good in the moment? I can’t be the only one. However, it doesn’t take long to realize that in life, all things come at a price.  The question is whether we are seeking long term satisfaction or instant gratification.  You may be able to have it now, but at what expense? What are you willing to sacrifice?  What level of pain will you receive?  What is the long term and short term cost vs reward?  These are all the questions that mature individuals need to start asking themselves.  

Since we know that so many couples argue about money, then it is likely that they do not agree on money’s cost vs reward.   Financial expert, Dave Ramsey, has developed an entire business and process to help you put this argument to rest. He has given millions of families a new process and way of thinking to help them better understand money and how to use it.  Below is a list of Ramsey’s financial baby steps. Implementing these steps as a couple can greatly reduce the stress and money differences in your marriage.  Also, listen to our recent Rock Solid Radio show in which Merrill and special guest Zac Strobl tackle the subject of money and give excellent useful tools to bring peace to your marriage. Click the links below for more.

DAVE RAMSEY’S SEVEN BABY STEPS

1. Baby Step 1: Save $1,000 for Your Starter Emergency Fund.

2. Baby Step 2: Pay Off All Debt. (Except the House) Using the Debt Snowball.

3. Baby Step 3: Save 3–6 Months of Expenses in a Fully Funded Emergency Fund

4. Baby Step 4: Invest 15% of Your Income for Retirement

5. Baby Step 5: Save for Your Children’s College Education

6. Baby Step 6: Pay Off Your Home Early.

7. Baby Step 7: Build Wealth and Give.

 To WATCH the full episode of Rock Solid Radio click HERE

To LISTEN to the full episode of Rock Solid Radio click HERE

For more information on getting your finances under control check out: https://www.ramseysolutions.com/

Rejecting Pornography - Prudent or Prudish?

“It’s what men do.” “What’s the big deal, at least I’m not with another woman.” “It’s my business and it isn’t hurting anyone else.”  These are just a few of the types of statements we hear people using when it comes to pornography use.  As much as I realize that I too am a man, and I too would like to believe the statements above.  The reality is that we see firsthand pornography destroying individuals, marriages, and families.  Yes, I too would like to believe the lies I have told myself about pornography use. But, the harsh reality is that pornography is dangerous and harmful to our culture.  Check out these statistics just to get a glimpse of what is actually going on in this industry. 

Stats or Research - •

• 30 percent of all data transferred across the Internet is porn. 

• The sex industry is the largest, most profitable business in the world

• The porn industry is one of the fastest-growing industries in the world, with a net worth of nearly $100 billion, with the U.S. coming in at over $10 billion.

• Larger revenue than Google, Apple, Yahoo, Netflix, Amazon, Microsoft, and eBay combined.

• The porn industry makes more money than the NFL, NBA, and MLB combined. More than ABC, CBS, and NBC combined.

• Every second of the day there are over 30 million unique visitors viewing porn. EVERY SECOND!

• Over 300,000 underaged girls are currently being sold for sex just in the United States. 

• People who admitted to having an extramarital affair were also 300% more likely to admit to consuming porn than those who did not have an affair.

• The average age a child is introduced to porn is now 11 years old. 

• It’s not just a men’s issue anymore. “76% of 18 to 30-year-old American women report that they watch porn at least once a month.

• The female-targeted erotica novel series, Fifty Shades of Grey, grossed over $1.3 billion alone. Pornography isn’t just a man’s issue. 

Pornography is dangerous and destructive on multiple levels.  It is addictive as it stimulates dopamine production that makes us feel good or aroused.  The more we get, the more we want.  This starts the dangerous cycle of addiction.  

Due to the addictive nature of pornography, people are willing to pay large amounts of money to feed their fleshly desire.  This creates the market for making money.  The problem is not that money is being made, but that money is being made at the expense of others.  Such terms as human trafficking, sex slaves, and prostitution, have exploded out of this industry.  All coming at the expense of those unable to recognize or stop the problem.  Women, children, and even babies fall victim to this industry.  All for the sake of making money by feeding a fleshly human desire.  

Satan loves this industry.  It literally tears people and families apart.  It breaks down God’s perfect design for our society by breaking individuals and families.  The next time you consider giving a nod of approval to the pornography industry, ask yourself if you would be happy with your child being enslaved to an industry that exploits her for her body with no care of her overall mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. 

When we let the facts speak, we see that the truth is that a rejection of pornography no longer needs to be considered a prudish action, but rather a prudent one.  Help to save your marriage, children, and yourself by taking an active stance against pornography.

Click HERE to LISTEN to our podcast on Rock Solid Radio episode 139, Instant Gratification-Sex and Porn.

Click HERE to WATCH our podcast on Rock Solid Radio episode 139, Instant Gratification-Sex and Porn.

What's the Hurry? The Importance of Delaying the Smartphone with our Children

If you’re over the age of 30, then you’re most likely in the same boat we are, adults who did not grow up with a smartphone in their pocket. As a matter of fact, as parents of five children ranging from ages 30 to 13, we didn’t even have this issue when our two oldest sons were growing up. Smart phones were just coming out and the peer pressure to have one was minimal. No one expected parents to put a $1000 mini computer into the hands of an immature, squirrely middle schooler. That would be a ridiculous notion. 

The Pressure to Give In
Our world today, however, looks at smartphones very differently. When we adopted our three youngest in 2015, we were shocked at the expectations they had when it came to smartphones. For many kids, phones equal love and popularity.  Now, parents feel this overwhelming pressure to hand their elementary age child a smartphone or smartwatch with an unlimited data plan, so that they can fit in and be accepted by their peers. Parents rationalize the need saying it’s to “get a hold of the child”, when in reality they are most likely around an adult or older teen who has one. If they were being completely honest, most parents generally give in to a smartphone at an early age for one or two reasons: 1. They don’t want their child to be ostracized or left out among their peers. 2. They don’t want to look like the neglectful parent who doesn’t love their child or can’t afford one.

Critical Stages of Development
At Rock Solid Families, we recommend parents push past that pressure of instant gratification and delay putting a smartphone into the hands of a child at least until the age of 14 or the 8th grade. There is so much data and so many experts who agree with us. Research tells us minimizing the use of screens and delaying the onset of smart devices helps our children mature and develop physically, emotionally, and logically. A child’s prefrontal cortex is in the critical stages of development in elementary and early teen years, and screens do nothing but stunt and rewire that healthy growth. Are you dealing with immature outbursts, an increased level of anxiety or depression, or disrespectful backtalk? Chances are screens are playing a part in what you’re seeing.

Wait Until 8th
So mom and dad, join the thousands of other parents who have decided that they will delay the smartphone until their child is emotionally ready to handle what’s coming across it. Tell your children NOW you are setting a healthy boundary as their parents.  If you’re interested in learning more, there is even a non-profit organization called waituntil8th.org that gives more resources and research to support this healthy boundary for our children.

If You Loved Me
When our three youngest were adopted and moved into our home, they were ages 11, 10 and 7. It was the hardest for the older two, because they already had many peers with smart phones in their pockets. They begged and pleaded for us to give them one. Our 10 yr old daughter even went around telling her classmates that her “new mommy” was going to buy her the latest iPhone 7. My heart broke at her distorted view of what real love looked like.  

Set the Boundaries Now
It took a while for our youngest three to realize that it is because we DO love them that we’re going to wait to give them a smartphone. It’s not really a discussion in our home anymore. The boundary has been set. The expectations have been laid out. As our youngest son enters the 8th grade this year, he knows that the possibility of having a phone begins, but it’s not a guarantee. It’s a privilege and freedom that we take very seriously. The decision to give him a smartphone will come NOT when the world tells us to, but when we feel as parents it’s the right time for him. 

Join us for week 2 of our Rock Solid Radio series I Want it Now as we unpack the instant gratification of phones and entertainment today. 

Click HERE to view this week’s podcast

Click HERE to listen to this week’s podcast

Blissful Ignorance - Story of Dale and Marie

When I first met with Dale and Marie for their premarital counseling a few years ago, they were like most young, engaged couples planning their wedding... so in love and so ready to get this over with. The premarital counseling that is, so they could get to the “good stuff”. During our premarital sessions, we spent time learning important communication and conflict resolution tools. We talked about taking the time to build a marriage on a firm foundation and the storms that may come after they say “ I do”. You know storms like infertility and infidelity. Things that can punch you in the gut and take your breath away like cancer or COVID.   Back then, neither one really thought they needed to worry about storms. After all, they were in love. That was until their marriage hit an iceberg at the end of last year and started to sink. 

Not Good
Both admit things had not been good for the past 18 months since their little one was born.  They would have petty fights that were never resolved - just brushed under the rug. Marie was distracted by her new role as a young new mom while Dale started to look elsewhere for some time and attention. That’s what Marie saw growing up. Conflict was never shown in her home, just minimized and ignored until her dad was caught in a 10 yr affair and her parents’ marriage ended after more than 25 years. So when Marie caught Dale in a 9 month affair just a couple years into their marriage, she braced for the worst. 

Painful Tears
It didn’t come easy nor without a lot of painful tears, but I’m thankful to report Dale and Marie are still together and stronger than they’ve ever been before. There was no quick fix for the pain, but both were patient and trusted God to do something new in their marriage. Dale and Marie now realize that their thinking before they got married was no more than “blissful ignorance”. Quickly after they said “I do”, they got distracted by the busyness of being new working parents and let their guard down. They got impatient with each other and stopped working on the most important relationships in their life - their relationship with Christ and their marriage. We’re no good to our kids when those two things are not our top priorities. 

Rebuilding Trust
After being confronted with the affair, Dale completely owned his unfaithfulness to Marie and took the necessary steps to regain her trust again. He was transparent and patient with her as different triggers brought her past back into the present. Dale and Marie have done the hard work to rebuild trust and they now have safeguards in their marriage to prioritize and protect it. When I asked Dale and Marie what has now made the biggest difference in their marriage, these are the safeguards they wanted to share:

Marriage Safeguards

1. Seek professional help BEFORE you turn to someone or something else. Don’t do what Dale did. Get help sooner. There is HOPE and HELP available. Don’t let money be the reason why you don’t seek help sooner. Rock Solid Families is a ministry first. They will never turn anyone away due to someone’s inability to pay. 

2. Involve God in your relationship and your healing. His word teaches us how to forgive and trust again. Worship and pray together. That has made an eternal difference for Dale and Marie.

3. Take a timeout when things get heated, but make sure conflict gets resolved. Dale and Marie now understand the importance of resolving conflict and NOT letting things get brushed under the rug. 

4. Go to bed together if at all possible. If you are always too busy or too tired to sleep in the same bed at the same time, that’s a red flag of a deeper issue.

5. Billy Graham Rule. Protect your marriage from any outside temptation. Don’t drive, dine or have personal private conversations with someone of the opposite sex. This safeguard would have saved Dale and Marie a lot of heartache. 

Stronger Than Ever
In our last session together, Dale and Marie were giddy sitting in my office holding hands talking about the new memories they were excited to create as a family. I am so proud of them and how hard they both worked to rebuild trust in their relationship. No more blissful ignorance for Dale and Marie. They now see the importance of having safeguards and intentionally protecting their marriage from the storms of life. They give God all the glory for where their marriage is today and thank Him for how he used one of the most painful experiences in their life to make them stronger than ever before. 

Gender Confusion and our Children

 Gender Confusion is one of the most difficult and emotionally charged topics families are facing today. Children and adults are being bombarded with waves of conflicting messages coming at them from all sides. Many children and adolescents are confused about their gender identity not knowing what to believe and who to trust in. In this week’s episode of Rock Solid Radio, we tackle the topic from a biblical worldview using God’s Word to inform and guide our discussion. In a storm of emotions and personal opinions, we look to the anchor of God and His Word for direction. He is our hope! (Hebrews 6:19)

 This conversation is intended to be truthful, respectful, and loving toward all parties involved regardless of what they say or believe. That’s what Jesus would do. That’s how he handled conflict and those who disagreed with him. Jesus always spoke the truth in love and did it with gentleness and respect. He asks us to treat people, even those who disagree with us, the same way.

I beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God.  Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. Ephesians 4:1-3

 What is your family using as their anchor in this raging storm? There are so many different opinions that are competing for your child’s attention when it comes to sex and gender. It’s important that we model our relationships and fix our eyes on the one who can calm the storm.

 Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth.   Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.  Ephesians 4: 14-15

 We hope you will join us for this important discussion on this week’s episode of Rock Solid Radio. Maybe gender confusion isn’t something you are dealing with in your family, but most likely you will know someone who is. Be prepared. Get informed. Prayerfully discern now how you will respond if someone ever confides in you. The world is watching.  Will they see Jesus in us?

Click HERE to view the entire Rock Solid Radio episode on Gender Confusion and our kids.

Click HERE to listen to the entire Rock Solid Radio podcast on Gender Confusion and our kids.

Grace over Disgrace-A Lesson in Cancel Culture

It’s hard to find a program on TV anymore that’s appropriate for your whole family to watch, and if you have teenagers like we do, it may be even tougher to find one you can all agree on. For us, American Idol has been one of the few shows we’ve enjoyed as a family over the years. The popular talent show gives our family lots of conversation opportunities about talent, pride, humility, modesty, etc.  Recently, the show gave us the perfect opportunity to talk about cancel culture and how it could very well affect them someday. 

A Rising American Idol Star

If you’re not an American Idol fan, let me set the stage. Three celebrity judges scan the countryside every year for the next singing super star, with thousands of auditions occurring over a span of several months. Then it moves into the live shows where the nation gets to vote, narrowing their picks down week after week until the next American Idol is crowned.  This year our kids were excited about a young 16 yr old country star named Caleb Kennedy who really wowed everybody with his deep country voice.  He was doing well week after week making it to the top five, until his world came crashing in. 

A Costly Mistake

According to his own statement on Instagram, a snapchat video resurfaced back when he was 12 years old showing him sitting next to someone wearing a white hood. Because of one snapchat video (that kids mistakenly think always disappears) sitting next to someone in a white hood when he was 12 years old, Caleb’s dreams of becoming the next American Idol have been flushed down the toilet. Raise your hand if you think Caleb’s actions warranted him being kicked off the show? 

Navigating this Toxic Culture

But that, my friends, is what cancel culture is doing to our world today. American Idol and ABC are not going to stand behind their rising star in this racially charged climate we live in right now. They don’t want to touch that hot button topic with a ten foot pole. You and I are reading stories like this every day in our daily newsfeed and they offer some important lessons for us all. As parents, how can we help our kids navigate this toxic culture we live in today? How can we use stories like Caleb Kennedy to help our kids succeed in the future?  Here are some important things we have been talking about as a family in our home.

Lessons for us all

1. Digital Footprint- Have you ever googled your name and checked out your digital footprint? What can people find out about you or your children at the click of a button? Our kids especially need to understand that people in their life like teachers, coaches, colleges, employers, etc WILL judge them by the digital footprints they leave behind. Fair or not, just like Caleb found out, our digital footprint matters. Even if your child has no social media or digital devices of their own, they are around others who do. What are they saying and doing that they would someday regret if captured or shared? Have those kinds of conversations now with your kids before it’s too late. As a parent, it’s also important that we don’t give kids devices and forms of media they are not emotionally ready to manage. 

2. Love and Respect- As we talked about on our recent podcast, we agree with the premise of cancel culture and the importance of treating everyone with love and respect regardless of who they are or what they’ve done. Teach your children now to love and respect not only other people but themselves as well. Our words, actions, and attitudes DO matter and WILL affect our future.

3. Grace over Disgrace- At the end of the day, Caleb Kennedy learned a costly but valuable lesson on American Idol. Whether you agree with what happened or not, the reality is this: none of us are perfect, and we all make mistakes. This teenager’s  actions from four years ago may have cost him an American Idol title, but it doesn’t define who he is or who God created him to be. Despite what our society is saying in this cancel culture environment we are living in today, grace still trumps our disgrace. God offers us new mercies every day. He loves us despite our mistakes and that’s how he has asked us to love ourselves and others. Not because we are perfect or better than anyone else, but because of who Christ is and the price he has already paid for us on the cross. 

GRACE OVER DISGRACE...That’s the message we need to continually speak to our kids. 

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8

For more on cancel culture and our family…Listen to this episode of Rock Solid Radio by clicking this link. https://www.buzzsprout.com/636718/8578966-rock-solid-radio-cancel-culture-and-your-family-episode-135

Watch this episode of Rock Solid Radio by clicking this link 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnz94AN0e-U

Man Caves and She Sheds

Would Jesus Have a Man Cave?
If Jesus was alive today, do you think he would have a Man Cave? You probably have never thought about this before, but would he?  You won’t find any specific references of Jesus’ man cave in the Bible, but if you dig a little deeper you will find Jesus seeking out what people long for in a man cave or she shed-a place of peace.  There are so many men and women who seek a place where they can collect their thoughts and unwind from the stresses of the day.  Jesus frequently did the same thing leaving the crowd or chaos and seeking a quiet place to pray.  

A Place of Peace is Important
Like Jesus, we need to take time to take care of ourselves and find that place of peace. We need to have healthy habits and routines in our day to nourish and rest our mind, body, and soul.  For this reason, it is no wonder that the terms She Shed and Man Cave have come to be.  Essentially, these are places where we can seek peace and connect with our thoughts.  These terms may be somewhat new, but the concept is not.  A She Shed may be a literal shed in the back yard or a quiet room in the house.  It’s a place where women like to go and escape from the noise of life.  Maybe she gardens, does crafts, artwork, or just reads.  The point is she finds a time and place to rebuild and take care of herself.  As for the Man Cave, maybe it’s a workshop, garage, home gym, or a barn to hang out in.  Maybe it is an office space where you retreat to.  Whatever the case, men desire a place to rejuvenate as well.  

Moderation is Critical
Man Caves and She Sheds can be good things, but when used for the wrong reason or without moderation, they can become a negative thing for the family. For example, when dad comes home from work instead of going into the house to interact with the family, he immediately retreats to his shop.  He has the shop set up with the basics such as snacks and drinks, maybe even a tv and bathroom.  This set up sounds good to many of us, but it may very well be detrimental to the relationship with his wife and kids.  A fully furnished man cave leaves little reason for a husband or dad to ever have to interact with his family.  Often, you’ll see the other spouse start to complain and resent their spouse’s little hideaway. 

The idea of a Man Cave or She Shed may sound good on the surface, but be careful why and when it is used.  At Rock Solid Families, we see couples running and hiding from each other on a regular basis.  They avoid interaction with each other due to years of poor communication and conflict resolution skills. Hurt, resentment, and hardening of the heart build until one or the other spouse starts to believe the marriage is beyond repair. 

Communication is Key
Man Caves and She Sheds can serve a valuable purpose in our mental or physical health, but if the marriage and your communication are not solid, then it is likely that these places of refuge are doing more harm than good.  Do yourself a favor, tend to the marriage and family and you will find your Man Caves and She Sheds far more rewarding and enjoyable for everyone in the family.   

Click HERE to listen to the full episode of Man Caves and She Sheds

Click HERE to watch the full episode of Man Caves and She Sheds