A Different Kind of Freedom

Have you had the chance to see the movie Sound of Freedom yet? Wow! The movie was such a difficult one to watch but such an important one to see about the horrific reality of human trafficking in our world today. I left the movie theatre feeling more convicted than ever that God’s children are not for sale, and we must do whatever we can to help eradicate such atrocities. So if you have a chance to see it in a theatre or stream it at home, please take the time to do so.

Chained by the Past?
Human trafficking is an unspeakable tragedy in our world today and should never be tolerated, but in this article we are talking about a different kind of freedom. With this kind of freedom, YOU hold the key! In our life coaching ministry, we work with so many clients held captive by the chains of their past mistakes or stuck in the pain caused by someone else. Some will say they literally feel imprisoned by the shame. Others come to us feeling haunted by childhood trauma and paralyzed by the fear.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom
There’s a song by Jesus Culture that describes it perfectly.  It’s called “Freedom”. The popular song incorporates a familiar passage of scripture into its lyrics- 2 Corinthians 3:17.  This verse says, now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  

The song, Freedom, starts with the lyrics, Step out of the shadows, step out of the grave. Break into the wild and don't be afraid. Run into wide open spaces, grace is waiting for you. Dance like the weight has been lifted, grace is waiting.Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. 

Hidden in the Dark
What’s holding you captive? Isaiah 61:1 tells us that the Lord has proclaimed freedom for the captives and released the prisoners from darkness. For some it’s their past. Maybe that’s you. Are there things in your past you have never dealt with or still feel ashamed of that keep you trapped?

Whatever you keep secret in the dark, Satan uses against you. He is the one that keeps you bound in chains. A couple months ago, we shared stories of hope and transformation on our Rock Solid Families Podcast, and we shared the story of “Shannon”. (Our client’s name has been changed to protect her privacy)

Shannon’s Story
Shannon came to Rock Solid Families last fall feeling stuck, broken, fearful, and ashamed. Those were her exact words. It took months before she finally felt safe enough to share the darkest part of her story.  She had stuffed the pain and shame of her childhood sexual trauma so deep; her husband was the only one she had ever told in over 40 years. Over the course of two years, Shannon had suffered sexual abuse from a family member when she was just 8 years old. It took her husband finally saying to her “it’s time”, before she ever shared about her childhood trauma in a coaching session.  It was obvious there was something holding her captive, but she was too fearful to share. 

No Longer a Slave to the Secret
Once the “secret” was out, Shannon began to unpack the trauma and heal those deep, infected wounds God’s way. Through God’s divine help, Shannon’s life looks radically different today because of God’s healing power and her courage to come out of the dark. She has finally found her voice and that fear and shame no longer hold her captive. Shannon is feeling hopeful again. She would say she is finally finding that freedom she had always heard about. 

Who Has a Hold Over You?
Maybe it's not trauma or past mistakes that hold you captive. Maybe it’s the words, actions, or attitude of a difficult person in your life that you have allowed to have control over you. Who do you allow to push your buttons? We can’t control others, but we CAN control our response. Our response is OUR responsibility. Don’t let someone else enslave you and hold you captive. Decide today…I will no longer allow that person to have a hold over me. I hold the key to set myself free! Find lasting freedom by setting healthy boundaries around that toxic relationship. Remember the words to the song Freedom we referenced earlier. Dance like the weight has been lifted… Bring all those burdens...bring all those scars. Grace is waiting for you. 

Experiencing a Different Kind of Freedom
Maybe it’s not the mistakes you’ve made or the toxic people around you, but the loss you’ve experienced. Maybe you have been held captive by grief for so long, you don’t even know what it means to experience joy and freedom again. What it means to laugh and smile again. Maybe you have been weighed down by the heaviness of loss...whether it be the death of a loved one or the death of a marriage. Maybe it is the loss of a career or livelihood due to an illness or accident. Maybe the grief has been so intense, you almost feel dead inside.

That same song says, step out of the grave. Break into the wild and don’t be afraid. Run into wide open spaces, grace is waiting for you.  Don’t know how to break free from those chains? Seek professional help. Reach out to us at Rock Solid Families. You don’t have to live as a captive any longer. But remember, what we said from the beginning; this is a different kind of freedom. Freedom is possible, because you my friend hold the key!

The Insanity of Arguing

It may not be Google’s definition, but it’s the one we use in our house. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Turns out that isn’t just a saying in the Hutchinson house, but a quote by Albert Einstein. I wonder if Einstein has been listening in on some of our families’ conversations?

When Your Buttons Are Pushed
Why do we keep having the same argument over and over again? “I asked you to put those shoes on the shelf a hundred times.” “I can’t take this yelling one more day!”  Why do we let our spouse or that coworker get under our skin over and over again? It’s like they know how to push that ONE button that just sets us off every time. It’s frustrating, exhausting and let’s face it-insane!

The Blue Pants Fight
What if I told you there is a way to get off the crazy train? What if there was a way to avoid the insanity that comes with those arguments you seem to keep having over and over again. Months after our wedding day, Merrill and I had one of the biggest fights we would ever have in our 34+ yrs of marriage. It was all over a pair of men’s royal blue pants that were too good to pass up, and I do mean BRIGHT ROYAL BLUE! Despite Merrill’s repeated NOs, I took it upon myself to purchase the blue pants for him while he was trying on other clothes. Needless to say, the insanity began with yelling some ugly “choice words”, pants throwing, and two very angry “adults” storming out of the store. We left the sales lady hanging and probably wondering, “what was THAT all about?”

Bubbling Underneath The Surface
What WAS that all about? Why the intense reaction from my husband over a blue pair of pants? The truth is we weren’t arguing about pants at all. That argument was really all about control, and it wasn’t the first time it had happened. It wasn’t the first time I had disrespected my husband’s NO and trumped his opinion with my own. It wasn’t the first time my husband felt like I was trying to control him. But as two young newlyweds, we had not yet learned the tools to repair a conflict or resolve an issue before it blew. 

Resolving Conflict God’s Way
So let me save you the embarrassment we felt over 34 years ago, by giving you some very practical tools to implement TODAY with anyone you come into conflict with. 

1. ASSESS-Ask yourself.  Where is this emotion coming from? What’s really underneath this anger or bitterness? Anger is a secondary emotion that warns you of a deeper offense.

2. TIMEOUT-Recognize your emotions and call for a timeout in order to settle your mind and heart. Nothing good happens when we are trying to resolve conflict in the heat of the moment.

3. REVISIT-Ask to revisit the discussion within 24 hours speaking the truth with love, respect, and gentleness. Don’t brush your hurt under the rug. It only gets bigger later. (Thus the Blue Pants!)

4.  APOLOGIZE FIRST-Own your part of the conflict first even if you feel like you were only 5% responsible and they were 95% of the problem. Lead with an apology or a thank you to drop the defenses down of the other person.  Lead with “I” statements instead of pointing fingers and accusing them. Don’t tack your excuse on the back end of your half hearted apology either. It won’t get you anywhere. Insanity begins when you lead with “YOU ALWAYS…or YOU NEVER…”. Instead say something like  “I am sorry I disrespected your NO. I should have listened to what you wanted”. “I am sorry I blew up at you and embarrassed you in the store. That was wrong of me.” OR “You work your butt off for our family. You deserve to pick your own clothes out.”

5. LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND-Do more listening than you do talking. Ask follow up questions to make sure you have clarity to what was really going on inside the other person. The Bible says we are to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” James 1:19. Make sure you drill down below the surface and get to the root of the anger and hurt early in the conflict so it doesn’t grow into something ugly.  “I’m hurt because I feel disrespected”.  “So what I hear you say is you are hurt, because you feel like I am trying to control you?”  Stay in the present. One thing at a time. That’s why this is so important, so things don’t build up and then blow up down the road. Don’t drag in past hurts. It only shuts down the other person.

6. ASK- Ask the other person. “How can I help this from happening again?” “What do you need from me?” Be sincere in your request. That’s how you keep the argument from being repeated over and over again. Include the other person in the solution.

7. CHANGE BEHAVIOR-Make an effort to correct the behavior and avoid the insanity from happening again. Be quick to catch yourself before the other person does. If you mess up, own it immediately and apologize for it. 

8. EXTEND GRACE-Be generous with forgiveness and grace.  No one is perfect.  Recognize you both are flawed humans working to resolve conflict God's way. 

Because conflict is a two way street, there is no guarantee that the issue will be forever resolved, but following these steps will give YOU personal and lasting peace. Be faithful to God’s way of resolving conflict and stay away from the insanity of meaningless arguments.  You’ll be so happy you did!

Click HERE to watch Episode 163 of Rock Solid Radio, Insanity - Arguing about the Same Thing, Again!

Click HERE to listen to Episode 163 of Rock Solid Radio, Insanity - Arguing about the Same Thing, Again!

Grace over Disgrace-A Lesson in Cancel Culture

It’s hard to find a program on TV anymore that’s appropriate for your whole family to watch, and if you have teenagers like we do, it may be even tougher to find one you can all agree on. For us, American Idol has been one of the few shows we’ve enjoyed as a family over the years. The popular talent show gives our family lots of conversation opportunities about talent, pride, humility, modesty, etc.  Recently, the show gave us the perfect opportunity to talk about cancel culture and how it could very well affect them someday. 

A Rising American Idol Star

If you’re not an American Idol fan, let me set the stage. Three celebrity judges scan the countryside every year for the next singing super star, with thousands of auditions occurring over a span of several months. Then it moves into the live shows where the nation gets to vote, narrowing their picks down week after week until the next American Idol is crowned.  This year our kids were excited about a young 16 yr old country star named Caleb Kennedy who really wowed everybody with his deep country voice.  He was doing well week after week making it to the top five, until his world came crashing in. 

A Costly Mistake

According to his own statement on Instagram, a snapchat video resurfaced back when he was 12 years old showing him sitting next to someone wearing a white hood. Because of one snapchat video (that kids mistakenly think always disappears) sitting next to someone in a white hood when he was 12 years old, Caleb’s dreams of becoming the next American Idol have been flushed down the toilet. Raise your hand if you think Caleb’s actions warranted him being kicked off the show? 

Navigating this Toxic Culture

But that, my friends, is what cancel culture is doing to our world today. American Idol and ABC are not going to stand behind their rising star in this racially charged climate we live in right now. They don’t want to touch that hot button topic with a ten foot pole. You and I are reading stories like this every day in our daily newsfeed and they offer some important lessons for us all. As parents, how can we help our kids navigate this toxic culture we live in today? How can we use stories like Caleb Kennedy to help our kids succeed in the future?  Here are some important things we have been talking about as a family in our home.

Lessons for us all

1. Digital Footprint- Have you ever googled your name and checked out your digital footprint? What can people find out about you or your children at the click of a button? Our kids especially need to understand that people in their life like teachers, coaches, colleges, employers, etc WILL judge them by the digital footprints they leave behind. Fair or not, just like Caleb found out, our digital footprint matters. Even if your child has no social media or digital devices of their own, they are around others who do. What are they saying and doing that they would someday regret if captured or shared? Have those kinds of conversations now with your kids before it’s too late. As a parent, it’s also important that we don’t give kids devices and forms of media they are not emotionally ready to manage. 

2. Love and Respect- As we talked about on our recent podcast, we agree with the premise of cancel culture and the importance of treating everyone with love and respect regardless of who they are or what they’ve done. Teach your children now to love and respect not only other people but themselves as well. Our words, actions, and attitudes DO matter and WILL affect our future.

3. Grace over Disgrace- At the end of the day, Caleb Kennedy learned a costly but valuable lesson on American Idol. Whether you agree with what happened or not, the reality is this: none of us are perfect, and we all make mistakes. This teenager’s  actions from four years ago may have cost him an American Idol title, but it doesn’t define who he is or who God created him to be. Despite what our society is saying in this cancel culture environment we are living in today, grace still trumps our disgrace. God offers us new mercies every day. He loves us despite our mistakes and that’s how he has asked us to love ourselves and others. Not because we are perfect or better than anyone else, but because of who Christ is and the price he has already paid for us on the cross. 

GRACE OVER DISGRACE...That’s the message we need to continually speak to our kids. 

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8

For more on cancel culture and our family…Listen to this episode of Rock Solid Radio by clicking this link. https://www.buzzsprout.com/636718/8578966-rock-solid-radio-cancel-culture-and-your-family-episode-135

Watch this episode of Rock Solid Radio by clicking this link 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnz94AN0e-U