Meet our New Coach-Meredith Scudder

Over the past five years, Rock Solid Families has had the privilege of working with thousands of individuals, couples, and families. The phone continues to ring daily with folks desperate for HELP and hungry for HOPE. That is why Rock Solid Families is excited to announce a new addition to the team.

On June 1, 2023, Meredith Scudder will join the Rock Solid team as our new Assistant Director and Coach. As a licensed therapist, Meredith brings amazing training, tools and techniques to Rock Solid Families. She’s passionate for the Lord and wants to help her clients reach their goals and their identity and purpose in Christ. Meredith is currently scheduling clients and will be primarily working with teenage girls, young adult women, and single moms out of our St. Leon, IN office or via Zoom. To schedule an appointment with Meredith or any of our Rock Solid Families coaches, click HERE.

Where Meredith’s Passion Began
Meredith grew up in Bright, Indiana and graduated from East Central High School in 2011. She went on to earn her Bachelor’s in Psychology from Indiana University East. While working on her undergraduate degree, Meredith was working as a substitute teacher at Bright Elementary which is where her passion to help the youth began. Upon graduating college, Meredith started working full-time at Bright Elementary in the Special Education Department, helping students struggling academically, emotionally, and behaviorally. As a psychology major, she had always had an interest in understanding the human mind and why we do the things we do. Witnessing students continuing to struggle in the classroom, Meredith’s passion to understand “why” started to grow. 

“We were doing our best to help, but it seemed we were only managing the symptoms, when ultimately there was a deeper rooted piece that needed to be addressed”

— Meredith

She writes, “Despite implementing appropriate interventions and some students taking prescribed medications, many continued to struggle daily. We were doing our best to help, but it seemed we were only managing the symptoms, when ultimately there was a deeper rooted piece that needed to be addressed.” This inspired Meredith to learn more about the brain, how they are wired, and how this impacts our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. When she learned that our brains have the ability to be rewired, she desired to learn how.

Dealing with Her Own Anxiety
Hungry to learn more, Meredith pursued her Master in Social Work at IUPUI. Two years of grad school came with a lot of knowledge and growth, not only academically, but personally and spiritually as well. “When you’re studying mental health, you don’t realize how much of your own stuff is going to come up. The things I had struggled with most of my life really started to rise to the surface. I had always struggled with anxiety and it was such a normal state of living for me, I didn’t realize how bad it was until I was living outside my comfort zone: new city, new school, new friends, new challenges and stressors. I was raised a Christian, attended Bright Christian Church growing up, and can recall many memories of praying to God to help me through the things I didn’t talk about. When my anxiety spiked in grad school, I turned to the one I had always turned to, God. It was in Indianapolis when my faith really started to grow, along with my relationship with Jesus.” After lots of late nights studying, lots of coffee, and lots of prayers, Meredith graduated with her MSW in May of 2019. 

Looking Through a Trauma Lens
While in grad school, Meredith focused on her interest in brain-based therapies and received training in Brainspotting, a therapy that helps access and release unprocessed trauma in the brain and body. Meredith also learned a lot about trauma, which would become a major influence in her therapeutic work. Upon graduating, Meredith worked full-time as a School Social Worker for K-7th graders, while also working part-time as a faith-based outpatient psychotherapist. Most of the students Meredith worked with in Indianapolis Public Schools and in private practice had experienced a lot of trauma. 

“Their nervous systems were constantly in survival mode, and unfortunately this would present itself as acting out or misbehaving in the classroom, which typically led to punitive consequences. I also recognized how impactful the students’ home life was on their mental health, and there was only so much I could do for a child without being able to help the family as a whole.” Although Meredith had the passion to provide mental health services in the schools, she struggled with not having the time and opportunity to do the deeper therapeutic work that was needed for the children and their families. 

“I thought God was sending me to Wisconsin to fulfill my dream job and advance my career; turns out He sent me there to renew my mind and transform my heart. ”

— Meredith

Chasing Her Dream Job
Following her passion to help individuals and families heal the root of their distress, Meredith moved to the middle of nowhere Wisconsin to be a Wilderness Therapist. As a nature-loving, trauma focused therapist, this was a dream job Meredith had been wanting for several years. During her time working in Wilderness Therapy, she continued to expand her knowledge on trauma, learned a lot about attachment, and the importance of healthy, safe relationships in order to help others regulate and heal. Similar to her personal experience when living in Indianapolis, Meredith learned a lot about herself, and her faith and relationship with Christ grew. “I thought God was sending me to Wisconsin to fulfill my dream job and advance my career; turns out He sent me there to renew my mind and transform my heart. The Lord took me through my own wilderness journey and showed me what healing looks like through Him. He helped me turn away from the things of this world that I was depending on for temporary happiness, comfort, and security, and instead helped me find true joy, peace, and identity in Him.” 

Jesus, the Ultimate Healer
Meredith loved her job as a Wilderness Therapist, and the healing and growth she witnessed in her students and families was so rewarding. As her knowledge in mental health increased, along with her personal experience with Jesus, Meredith couldn’t help but see mental health through a biblical, spiritual lens. “It is so hard to work with students suffering from deep relational wounds and trauma, and not be able to speak God’s truth into the process. I had a strong desire to help individuals and families heal, but with our ultimate healer, Jesus.” One of her favorite passages of scriptures that spoke to Meredith the most during this wilderness season was Ephesians 3:16-19.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being,  so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,  may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,  and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

““I quit my job and moved back home without knowing what was next, but I trusted God was leading me and would work it out. ”

— Meredith

Going Back to Her Roots
After lots of prayer, Meredith felt God calling her back home to Bright, Indiana to pursue this desire. “I quit my job and moved back home without knowing what was next, but I trusted God was leading me and would work it out. Four months later, His plans are starting to come together and make sense. A  key word for me over the years has been “roots”: Getting to the root of problems, being rooted in His love, and healing my deep rooted wounds. And now the Lord has called me back to my geographical roots to pursue the desires of my heart.  I couldn’t be more excited to be a part of Rock Solid Families and help individuals and families heal and grow, with Christ as the firm foundation. I can’t help but share the good news and share what the Lord has done in me and for me. I’m blessed to be in a position where I can help and hold space for others, to receive His healing love for themselves.”

If you or someone you know is looking for HOPE and HEALING through a faith based coaching approach, give Rock Solid Families a call at 812-576-ROCK (7625) or go to rocksolidfamilies.org

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
Colossians 2:6-7  NIV

Are You An Insecure Parent?

Recently, a divorced mom came to see me wanting help with the relationship with her adult children. The more we talked, the more she began to realize just how insecure and anxious she was as a parent raising her children as a single mom.  She lived in a constant state of anxious “what ifs”.  She also struggled with guilt from the divorce and not being “good enough” as a parent.

After our first session, I gave her some homework and asked her to begin reading the New York Times Best selling book, Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. At our next meeting, she shared with me how one line in the book stopped her in her tracks and opened her eyes. She even sent the quote to her adult daughter and asked her…”is this how I made you feel growing up”? This is what she read in that book that was so impactful for her… “To rescue people from the natural consequences of their behavior is to render them powerless.”― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

Does that quote describe you?   Are you parenting out of fear and insecurity rescuing your son or daughter from the natural consequences of their behavior?  I have to admit for a long time that was me too. It was my own insecurities and fear that drove many of my decisions as a parent. Thankfully, I am married to an adventurer and risk taker, who helped me see exactly what Dr. Henry Cloud was talking about in his book, Boundaries. I didn’t want to hold my children back from being all that God had designed them to be. 

Here are our Five Insecurity Busters that I learned the hard way in becoming a healthy, secure parent. I hope these five tools help empower you and your children to be all that God created them to be. 

1. IDENTIFY your own fears AND how they influence your parenting decisions. What in your background or past are you running or hiding from? What happened to you that you have never healed from or dealt with that you are now trying to protect your children from? We can’t heal from something we don’t acknowledge. If you don’t know where to start, seek wise biblical counsel to help you see past your blinders. 

2. EQUIP your Children for Difficult Times. I’m sure you’ve heard the old adage,  “Give a man a fish, he eats for a day, teach him how to fish and he eats for a lifetime.” Let’s face it, your children  will have difficult times. Don’t try and save them from difficult things. You leave them ill equipped and unprepared to face difficulties.  In other words, you render them powerless.

3. TEACH your kids how TO  assess “Risk vs Reward” when making any decision and then let them reap the reward or consequences of those decisions. Remember what Dr. Henry Cloud said in the book Boundaries, we don’t want to rescue our children from the natural consequences of their decisions. Help them learn this now while they are still under your roof.

4. ENCOURAGE your kids to build up their resilience muscles.  When they get knocked down, encourage them to get back up. Acknowledge and have empathy for their pain, but don’t protect them from failure or hurt. 

5. MODEL a dependency on God for your strength, comfort, and direction. A healthy dependence and trust in God is the greatest insecurity buster ever. Knowing God is bigger than anything they may face in life is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give your children. Teach them to “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”  Matthew 6:33.

We all struggle at times with our own insecurities, but as parents, we must try NOT to pass them along to our children. They will have enough natural ones on their own as they grow and mature.  If we truly want to help the next generation we must give them the tools they need to handle the challenges of life rather than hide and shelter them from them.

Reasonable risks and adventures are healthy and necessary for your child to grow to their greatest potential. Again, let’s stop handicapping our kids out of our own fears and limitations. Let’s teach and equip our children  how to overcome the challenges they will inevitably face in life and set them up for great success. 

God has NOT given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

2 Timothy 1:7

For more information on Insecure Parenting, check out Episode 232 of Rock Solid Radio that airs April 17, 2023 or click HERE for more good stuff on Faith, Family and Personal Wellness.

Going Downhill Fast

Growing up, you would typically find my best friend, Nica, and I hanging out with the neighborhood gang bicycling around our subdivision. We thought it was fun riding around trading bikes back and forth, but in the spring of my fourth grade year, it turned out to be anything but fun. It was the first warm day of spring, and we had both decided it would be a good day to break the bikes out for a test drive. We were on each other’s bikes heading down a nearby hill when Nica yelled, “by the way, my brakes don’t work!” Did she really just say what I think she said? I began to panic, as we picked up speed heading down Miami Avenue and straight for my grandma’s house. What came after that was all a blur. The next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital laying flat on a gurney. Apparently, bikes and brick walls don’t go well together. 

I have long forgiven Nica for the defective bike and concussion, but I still haven’t forgotten the intense fear from that warm spring day. Even after forty plus years, I STILL get nervous when going downhill fast. I know, I should be over that fear by now, but if I’m not careful, I still find myself getting anxious about going skiing or riding a bike. 

How about you? Do you have anxieties or fears that keep you from living your best life? Maybe something that you can link all the way back to your childhood? I know I’m not the only one. Most of us have some kind of fear or phobia that can make us think twice. That’s pretty natural, but we can’t ignore the effect the past two to three years has had on the state of our mental health. COVID has accelerated the decline in an already sad and anxious world. Pardon the pun, but you might even say we are going downhill fast!  But even before COVID, we were seeing a rise in anxiety and depression.  Check out the top three culprits that contribute to the decline of our mental health.

1. Lack of Sleep

2. Poor eating

3. Lack of Exercise

So what’s going on? Why are these big three having such a drastic effect on our mental health? Hmm! Any guesses? You guessed it- SCREEN TIME. No surprise that research has found a direct correlation between screen time and anxiety/depression especially in children’s developing minds. According to a 2021 study, San Diego State University psychologist Jean Twenge and University of Georgia psychology professor W. Keith Campbell write, “too much time spent on gaming, smartphones and watching television is linked to heightened levels and diagnoses of anxiety or depression in children as young as age two”, according to their new study.

They report, “Even after only one hour of screen time daily, children and teens may begin to have less curiosity, lower self-control, less emotional stability and a greater inability to finish tasks.” 

“Twenge and Campbell found that adolescents who spend more than seven hours a day on screens were twice as likely as those spending one hour to have been diagnosed with anxiety or depression – a significant finding.”

So, mom and dad, we need you! We need you to step up and be the parent. It’s time we take a stand and fight back against what the world says is cool and ok for our kids. No, your children won’t like it when you delay the smartphone or turn off the tablet, but that’s ok. They’re kids. No different than when you tell them they can’t have candy for dinner. They don’t want to hear the word “NO”, but they desperately need healthy limits. They need someone in their life that models what healthy looks like.  Please mom and dad, give your child a chance to experience the peace and joy that comes with healthy habits and a healthy mind.  It’s time we stop letting the world define what our kids should or should not have or do. Let’s try and stop this runaway train before it hits the wall. Our kids desperately need our help because the research is alarming. The state of their mental health is going downhill way too fast!

Click HERE for a FREE DOWNLOAD on Recognizing Anxiety and Depression in our Kids and the steps to help them.

New Beginnings for Ben and Emily

As we wrap up 2022 and welcome in the new year, we wanted to introduce you to two of our recent clients as they share some reflections from their time at Rock Solid Families and as they begin their new life together as husband and wife. Walking alongside engaged couples like Ben and Emily through our PREPARE premarital program is probably one of the favorite things we do. It’s exciting to meet couples like Ben and Emily who want to invest in their life together and put God as the center of their relationship. 

Even though they had dated for a long time and were looking forward to their October 2022 wedding, Ben and Emily still wanted to build a rock solid foundation as husband and wife. They wanted to learn new tools to grow deeper personally and as a couple. Rock Solid Families is here to help couples do just that. Meet Ben and Emily and hear a little bit more of their story…

1. Tell us a little bit about you two and how you met. Long story short, we met each other when we were kids. We met again later in life through mutual friends in 2013 when we were both 17 years old. 

2. What brought you to Rock Solid Families to start with? We were referred through our friend, David Vaughn. We knew we wanted to have the tools to build a solid marriage. We also wanted to grow personally as individuals and together as a couple. 

3. What were some of the things you learned about marriage, each other, about the importance of faith, etc during PREPARE?  When you have been with one another for so long, you might think that you know everything about the other person. And that may be true, but after diving in we found out more about ourselves individually and how we can best serve each other and God in our marriage. We learned healthy communication habits, how we wanted to work together for our financial goals, and how to keep "dating" each other even when you are married or have been together for as long as we have. The most important thing that we learned is to keep God at the center of our life.  

1. Any surprises about your work in PREPARE? Not any that we couldn't work through or talk openly about. That's the secret to a healthy marriage in our opinion - be honest and open with your partner. Even after being together for so long, there are moments in life that you can't anticipate on our own without some guidance. PREPARE was able to bring these situations to light and allowed us to develop the tools we will need to have later on to continue supporting each other through both good times and bad.

2. Would you recommend Rock Solid Families to others?   Absolutely! We were very blessed to have the opportunity to go through this program. We are also more than happy to chat with couples who may be on the fence! 

3. What would you say to any couple who are wanting to start a life together? Marriage is a team effort! Your team is best when you have support, good communication, honesty, and looking out for the others' best interest. Marriage isn't always easy and neither is life. But if you know that your teammate has your back at the end of the day, it makes the hard days a little bit easier. We would also say to invest in each other. That could mean pre-martial counseling, dating each other, financial planning, praying together, etc. Love is an action word! You have to show it, not just say it.  

4. What are you two looking forward to in 2023?  Spending our first full married year together! We also are on the hunt to become dog parents.  

Living His Best Life

Have you ever had one of those people in your life that makes you feel like the most important person in the room? That was Frank Pierce. Frank was a 2016 graduate of LaSalle High School who graduated top five in his class. He went on to the University of Cincinnati on a full ride academic scholarship but also competed as a Division 1 collegiate athlete.  Frank studied Mechanical Engineering and was able to complete his Bachelors and Master Degrees in less than 5 years. Frank was a hard working, determined young man.  After graduation, he landed his dream job and bought his first fixer upper home. Even in his own words, Frank would tell you, “Life was good”.  Despite all of those personal accomplishments, however, Frank Pierce would still make you feel like the most important person in the room. 

Life on Mission
Friends and family would say Frank lived his life on mission being intentional about connecting with others and taking the time to genuinely get to know you. He would regularly open up his new home to bible studies, mentoring, or just hanging out with friends. Frank was soft spoken, humble, and genuine but yet still confident, steadfast, and determined. Frank was a young man of deep faith who went to mass and prayed his rosary daily. Everyone who met Frank Pierce loved him, and they knew he loved them back. He wasn’t afraid to say it or show it.  

A Day Many Will Not Soon Forget
Which is why September 1, 2020 is a day so many will not soon forget. No one prepares you for a sheriff coming to your door to tell you your oldest son has tragically died in a car accident at the age of 22. No one is ready for that punch in the gut. No one prepares you for that diagnosis or phone call, but it still happens. Loved ones are left behind trying to navigate the sadness, denial, anger, and maybe even unforgiveness that comes with grief. Maybe that’s you this holiday season missing a loved one around the table. Maybe you are dreading the holidays as you hang those ornaments on the tree. That’s where we found Frank’s parents, Peggy and Tom Pierce, when they walked into our office back in the summer of 2022

Drifting Apart in Their Grief
As the two year anniversary approached of their oldest son’s death, Peggy and Tom Pierce found themselves drifting apart as they grieved in their own but very different way. Peggy wanted to talk about and celebrate Frankie’s life with those who knew and loved him. She wanted a partner to walk alongside her on the tough days. Tom, on the other hand, didn’t know what to do with his grief. He spent many days just mad at the world taking it out on the people he loved the most. He didn’t know what else to do with the pain, so he unknowingly shut down or lashed out at those closest to him.

Helping Each Other Grieve
When Peggy and Tom came to Rock Solid Families, they began to work through their grief together for the very first time. Yes, there were lots of tears but also laughter as they shared story after story about this amazing young man. They have spent hours working through the pain and discovering how they can help each other grieve in a healthy and loving way. Along with the stories, they have shared things others wrote about Frankie after he passed and words Frankie wrote himself.  

Why So Young?
As I poured through all the things Frank wrote and others wrote about Frank, I was blown away by the deep, abiding faith this young man had. I could see how much Frank loved God as well as his family and friends and how much others loved Frank. And then there are all those unanswered questions his friends and family still have. “Why Lord?” “Why Frank?” “Why so young?” He was only 22. But then I found something. Something I think Frank would want us all to know about his life AND his death. It was tucked away in a talk he gave to young men and women at a retreat just a year before he passed. 

A Message of HOPE
So as this holiday approaches, give these words a chance to sink in. Let this message of HOPE be a healing salve on any festering wounds or unhealed brokenness in your life. Let the good news of Christ be the key that unlocks those chains of grief or unforgiveness. Frank knew that it didn’t matter how many times he went to mass or how often he prayed his rosary. In his short 22 yrs, Frank discovered a truth that many will go their entire life and never learn. It was at the core of who he was and why I believe God put him on this earth in the first place. It’s a message I think he would want everyone reading this to receive and hold close in their heart. And it’s this…

God’s Free Gift
God’s grace is a free gift- for you and for me. God sent his one and only son, Jesus, to die for our sins.  Our sin debt is a debt we can never repay on our own, and no matter how successful or talented Frank was, he would never deserve it or earn it. That’s why it’s called a gift. Paul writes in Ephesians 2:8-9,  “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God not by works, so that no one can boast.”

As one college friend wrote about Frank after he passed away, “The way that he lived and encountered others was born out of the free gift of God’s grace; a grace that Frank sought after relentlessly and pursued with such

trust, diligence and discipline.” That’s who Frank Pierce was. 

Living His Best Life
God calls us all to so much more than just what we DO’; it’s about who we belong to. In his short but rich life, Frank finally came to that important truth for himself. Frank knew he couldn’t fix himself by himself. We are all broken people in need of a Savior.  Freedom and peace come only through God, His Son Jesus, and his amazing gift of grace. That’s where Frank’s identity and purpose came from and where ours could come from too; no matter how many years we have left on this earth.  That’s how Frank Pierce found freedom in Christ. He allowed the Holy Spirit to come alive in his heart and mind. He surrendered his way for God’s way and experienced a peace that passes all understanding. It’s why Frank is now experiencing eternal life and freedom in heaven.  Frank Pierce is living his best life for ever with his Heavenly Father, and he can’t wait for you and I to get there.

Six Essential Qualities of a Healthy Mom

Every day, I work with moms of all ages who are hungry for healthy. They come in our doors at Rock Solid Families not knowing even what that would look like, but they know they are not happy with the way their life is going. Many are exhausted from doing more than God has called them to do. Some feel like they are all alone and have isolated themselves from other healthy people. Some have believed the lies that others have told them or maybe that they have told themselves. 

Which is why earlier this month, I started a Healthy Mom Facebook group and within days hundreds of women joined. If you’re a mom on social media, you may belong to other mom’s groups, and if so, I would caution you to be aware of what you are reading and listening to. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there are some great moms groups out there, but many of the “popular” ones with thousands and thousands of members are doing more harm than good when it comes to helping moms get healthy. Many moms spend their time on social media complaining about someone or something else that has done them wrong. They spend much of their time putting children on a pedestal and turning them into a god they can’t live without. 

If you’re a mom, I wanted to give you six essential qualities to strive for and maybe even get help with to get healthy. These qualities encompass mind, body, and spirit. All three areas are equally important so that we can model for our children what healthy looks like.

1. Healthy People-Healthy Moms seek relationships with other healthy people. It’s important to surround yourself with people who won’t always tell you what you WANT to hear but what you NEED to hear. Make sure you align yourself with people who have similar character and values as you want for yourself and your family. Notice I didn’t say “perfect people”. You’re just looking for healthy ones. Healthy rubs off, but remember so does unhealthy. You may have even said to your kids before…”you are who your friends are”. The same holds true for adults. Don’t have any healthy people in your life? Get connected to a local church. It’s a great place to start. 

2. Healthy Boundaries-Healthy moms have healthy boundaries and know what’s in their control and what’s not. They focus on what is their responsibility and within their control.  Healthy moms don’t make excuses or enable by doing for their children what they can do for themselves. If you don’t have a clue where to start in setting healthy boundaries but you want to learn, I highly recommend the book, Boundaries. I read this book decades ago and it was truly a game changer in my life.

3. Healthy Parenting-Part of being a healthy mom is understanding what season of parenting you are in and adjusting how you lead according to that season. For example, you may serve and care for your 6 month old’s every need, but that should not be how you parent your child when they are 6 or 16. For more on the different seasons of parenting, check out our podcast, Rock Solid Radio and the series we did on the Seasons of Parenting by clicking HERE.

4. Healthy Habits-It’s important our kids see us model healthy habits such as our eating, exercise, and sleeping patterns. Things like how we handle our anger, our alcohol, our money…they are watching our every move. What are our kids seeing in us? Do you struggle with some unhealthy, maybe even toxic habits? Find a Celebrate Recovery group near you where you can get help with hurts, habits, and hang-ups. Click HERE for more information or to find a group near you.

5. Healthy Love-Healthy moms are free to love others well because they don’t hold on to unforgiveness or put the people they love on a pedestal for them to fall off of. They have owned and dealt with their past, so it doesn’t control their future. For more information on How We Love check out our podcast, Rock Solid Radio by clicking HERE.

6. Healthy Faith-All of the above qualities are meaningless if they are not built upon an unshakable and unchanging foundation of faith. We can’t build our lives and families on shifting and sinking sand. Our world today is buying the lie of relativism and the idea that you can have your “own truth”.  Healthy moms fight for absolute truth and the unshakable foundation of God’s Word in their life and the life of their family. For help understanding what absolute truth looks like go to God’s Word. If you don’t know where to start, click HERE to watch an episode of Rock Solid Radio where we talked about Absolute Truth. 

So there you have it. The secret formula for a Healthy Mom. It’s not rocket science, but it is amazing to me how many women did NOT see healthy models growing up and have no idea where to start. If that’s you, I would highly recommend you start with the first one. Surround yourself with some safe, healthy people and give them permission to speak into your life. Admit that you don’t know where to start but that you want healthy for you and your family. I did this very thing over 25 yrs ago, and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. I began making deep connections with women who are still precious friends today. My marriage is now strong and my family is thriving and growing, because I fought for healthy over two decades ago. Ladies, you can have the same. Take a step today and fight for healthy!

If you need help taking a step toward healthy, we’d love to help. Just click HERE to contact us.

Breaking Free from Abuse

Hanging on the wall in my office is one of the sweetest gifts I have ever received from a client. We’ll call her Natalie to protect her and her family. Natalie gave me this beautiful hand painted picture a while back of two girlfriends standing side by side to thank me for walking alongside her during some of her darkest days. It’s a gift I will always treasure as a reminder of HOPE and God’s healing power.

Feeling Like There’s No Way Out
I have had the privilege of walking alongside so many women over the past 30 years who like Natalie are dealing with very difficult and sometimes abusive situations. Made to feel worthless and unlovable through their abuser’s power and control over them, these women often stay in very unhealthy relationships thinking there is no other alternative. Most often it’s coming from a spouse, but I’ve also seen this kind of unhealthy abusive relationship with a parent, boyfriend, or even a sibling.

Seeing Yourself Through God’s Eyes
My goal is to help women see themselves as God sees them instead of only through the lens of their abuser. It’s hard for women coming out of abusive relationships to break free and find their inner voice and identity in Christ. That was true for Natalie. After leaving her abusive husband, this young mom had to be super intentional about surrounding herself with healthy women who would speak the truth in love to her. This was NOT the time for her to jump back into dating again or get emotionally caught up with another man. She had a lot of healing to do. She had to first receive God’s love and find her worth and value through God’s eyes, not another man’s. 

Breaking the Cycle of Abuse
It’s important for all of us to learn what healthy relationships look like, but it’s especially important for those in abusive ones. Otherwise, the cycle of abuse continues and is passed down to the next generation. At first, the abuser is usually very charming but persuasive slowly exerting more and more control over their victim. After a while, the abuser may try and isolate their victim convincing them to quit their job or pull away from family and friends. If a victim pushes back, an abuser will often use their kids or other family members against her to make her feel guilty or crazy. This is called “gaslighting”. It's hard for women in abusive relationships to not just “give in” and go back into those unhealthy patterns without any help or healing.  They have spent years, sometimes even decades, under the power and control of their abuser to a point where it becomes “normal” and in a strange way even “comfortable”.  

Creating New Healthy Patterns
It’s hard for both the abuser and victim to understand, but it’s near to impossible for help and healing to occur after abuse while both are under the same roof. Most often, a physical separation and a considerable amount of time is needed for new, healthy patterns to be learned and trusted. Often, the most dangerous point in the relationship is when the woman says she is leaving. Feeling his power and control slipping away, the abuser will often escalate things to dangerous threats and physical violence trying to convince the victim to stay. 

Feeling Safe and Loved Again
Natalie shares, “I was finally able to break free from all those years of not feeling worthy of being loved. I am now able to receive love and see myself the way God sees me. I have learned how to use my voice in a positive, healthy way and surround myself with a circle of healthy people. I have slowly learned how to be vulnerable again with safe people. When I look at the mountain of blessings God has given me since breaking free, it gives me hope for tomorrow. Even when the enemy tries to worm his way in, I have hope because God is fighting my battles for me and he has already won.”

Need to Break Free from Abuse?
If you need help breaking free from an abusive relationship, please reach out. You can contact us at 812-576-ROCK. If we can’t help you directly, we will connect you with someone who can. If you are experiencing physical abuse or feel unsafe in your home, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline immediately at 1-800-799-7233. There is HOPE and HELP available. 

Six Essential Steps to a Rock Solid Family

At Rock Solid Families, we have the privilege of working with couples and families every day.  We believe families are the most important building blocks of our society and when families aren’t doing well, so goes society.  So, without apology, we believe families must be intentional about being healthy and functioning well.  This may sound like common sense to many, but it’s getting harder and harder to identify what a healthy family looks like.  What happening behind closed doors in strong and healthy homes compared to dysfunctional, unhealthy ones?  What can we do to help to build a stronger and healthier community and society?

At the risk of oversimplifying, we want to give you six essentials that every healthy parent can do TODAY to build a healthier family and society for TOMORROW.  

1. Healthy parents lead the family.  Parents are naturally in a position of authority and leadership in the home. Most parents have something that children often don’t have when they are young and that is WISDOM. Parents must stop second-guessing what they know to be right. They can draw from their own upbringing along with all their past experiences and begin to form a greater understanding of what works and what doesn’t.  

2. Healthy parents unite and determine the VALUES of the home and how the family will operate under that value system.  For us, that’s our Christian faith and beliefs. Parents that have not defined their family values will soon see that the children will live for the most important thing in their lives, themselves. If you don’t understand this, just look at the behavior of a 2-year-old or a 16-year-old. The only difference is about 3 feet. In order to help our children through these times of self-seeking desires, we as parents must continue to guide them into the values of the family over the values of self.  In our home, Christ is priority #1 , and he is the rock solid foundation we build upon and lean on when the storms in life come.

3. Healthy parents teach the essential SOCIAL SKILLS for living with others. Please stop underestimating the importance of teaching your children manners and civility.  Manners are of primary importance in society.  Manners are our way to demonstrate that other people are also important and valuable.  Children that fail to learn and demonstrate that others have value tend to develop a practice of valuing themselves above all else.  The term we use for this is narcissist. People that operate with a high level of narcissism tend to have greater difficulties in relationships in their personal lives as well as professional lives.  They are less tolerant of others.  They get frustrated more easily when things aren’t going their way.  They are faster to change jobs or get out of relationships because they are fast to put their needs ahead of others.  In the short term, this can make them happy.  But in the long term, there is often less happiness as they look back and see a wake of broken relationships and a lack of stability in their lives. Never underestimate the importance of the Golden Rule: Treat others as you would want to be treated. 

4. Healthy parents model what they desire in their families. MODELING is best explained by the phrase, “more is caught than taught”.  If you want your children to learn and practice a particular skill or behavior, demonstrate in your daily living.  Things like manners, work ethic, faith, and emotional control are much better taught through daily modeling versus preaching.  A greater concern about modeling is when we as parents preach a particular behavior but act in a completely different manner. This causes confusion within our children and is their first encounter with hypocrisy. 

5. Healthy parents discipline their children.  Proper discipline when a child is young leads to self discipline as they grow older. As the pendulum of life tends to swing from one side to the other.  So too have we seen the pendulum of parents recognizing and implementing discipline in the home.  Many of us grew up with parents we considered to be “strict”.  They would discipline us quickly and often.  But, that idea fell out of vogue around the 1980’s and we now see the fruit of that experiment. We now complain about adults and teens who are selfish, lazy, and entitled.  We wonder why they won’t get off the couch and get a job or work out a marriage when things are getting difficult.  We have come to realize that the quality of life that a person has is largely related to their ability to self-discipline.  The idea of correcting yourself and keeping your desires under control.  We discipline our children now so they will learn to self-discipline as adults. We are now seeing the need for the pendulum to swing back to a healthier need for discipline in the lives of our children. 

6. Healthy parents serve and teach the value of SERVING to their children.  At the age of about 2 years old your child begins to have an understanding of their world.  They begin to interact and express very intentional desires.  This is when parenting truly kicks in. This is when we as parents must recognize the need to teach our children about service to others.  Without the understanding of the need to serve others our children will believe they are only there to serve their own needs.  This does not work well in our adult world.  None of us would be able to survive if we did not understand the value of serving others.  Every job is centered around doing something for someone else.  Providing a value to the life of another person.  Whether it is a doctor, teacher, carpenter, or garbageman, all occupations are rooted in service for the good of another person.  If you believe you can get people to pay you a salary solely by serving your own needs, good luck!  Teaching service is among the greatest gifts you will ever give your children.  Don’t hold this back from them. 

In summary, our children are our greatest resource as a nation; they are our future leaders. Are we setting them up to be great citizens and leaders for the good of all of us?   It is time for us to take a serious look in the mirror to see what we can change to benefit our future.