At Rock Solid Families, we have the privilege of working with couples and families every day. We believe families are the most important building blocks of our society and when families aren’t doing well, so goes society. So, without apology, we believe families must be intentional about being healthy and functioning well. This may sound like common sense to many, but it’s getting harder and harder to identify what a healthy family looks like. What happening behind closed doors in strong and healthy homes compared to dysfunctional, unhealthy ones? What can we do to help to build a stronger and healthier community and society?
At the risk of oversimplifying, we want to give you six essentials that every healthy parent can do TODAY to build a healthier family and society for TOMORROW.
Healthy parents lead the family. Parents are naturally in a position of authority and leadership in the home. Most parents have something that children often don’t have when they are young and that is WISDOM. Parents must stop second-guessing what they know to be right. They can draw from their own upbringing along with all their past experiences and begin to form a greater understanding of what works and what doesn’t.
Healthy parents unite and determine the VALUES of the home and how the family will operate under that value system. For us, that’s our Christian faith and beliefs. Parents that have not defined their family values will soon see that the children will live for the most important thing in their lives, themselves. If you don’t understand this, just look at the behavior of a 2-year-old or a 16-year-old. The only difference is about 3 feet. In order to help our children through these times of self-seeking desires, we as parents must continue to guide them into the values of the family over the values of self. In our home, Christ is priority #1 , and he is the rock solid foundation we build upon and lean on when the storms in life come.
Healthy parents teach the essential SOCIAL SKILLS for living with others. Please stop underestimating the importance of teaching your children manners and civility. Manners are of primary importance in society. Manners are our way to demonstrate that other people are also important and valuable. Children that fail to learn and demonstrate that others have value tend to develop a practice of valuing themselves above all else. The term we use for this is narcissist. People that operate with a high level of narcissism tend to have greater difficulties in relationships in their personal lives as well as professional lives. They are less tolerant of others. They get frustrated more easily when things aren’t going their way. They are faster to change jobs or get out of relationships because they are fast to put their needs ahead of others. In the short term, this can make them happy. But in the long term, there is often less happiness as they look back and see a wake of broken relationships and a lack of stability in their lives. Never underestimate the importance of the Golden Rule: Treat others as you would want to be treated.
Healthy parents model what they desire in their families. MODELING is best explained by the phrase, “more is caught than taught”. If you want your children to learn and practice a particular skill or behavior, demonstrate in your daily living. Things like manners, work ethic, faith, and emotional control are much better taught through daily modeling versus preaching. A greater concern about modeling is when we as parents preach a particular behavior but act in a completely different manner. This causes confusion within our children and is their first encounter with hypocrisy.
Healthy parents discipline their children. Proper discipline when a child is young leads to self discipline as they grow older. As the pendulum of life tends to swing from one side to the other. So too have we seen the pendulum of parents recognizing and implementing discipline in the home. Many of us grew up with parents we considered to be “strict”. They would discipline us quickly and often. But, that idea fell out of vogue around the 1980’s and we now see the fruit of that experiment. We now complain about adults and teens who are selfish, lazy, and entitled. We wonder why they won’t get off the couch and get a job or work out a marriage when things are getting difficult. We have come to realize that the quality of life that a person has is largely related to their ability to self-discipline. The idea of correcting yourself and keeping your desires under control. We discipline our children now so they will learn to self-discipline as adults. We are now seeing the need for the pendulum to swing back to a healthier need for discipline in the lives of our children.
Healthy parents serve and teach the value of SERVING to their children. At the age of about 2 years old your child begins to have an understanding of their world. They begin to interact and express very intentional desires. This is when parenting truly kicks in. This is when we as parents must recognize the need to teach our children about service to others. Without the understanding of the need to serve others our children will believe they are only there to serve their own needs. This does not work well in our adult world. None of us would be able to survive if we did not understand the value of serving others. Every job is centered around doing something for someone else. Providing a value to the life of another person. Whether it is a doctor, teacher, carpenter, or garbageman, all occupations are rooted in service for the good of another person. If you believe you can get people to pay you a salary solely by serving your own needs, good luck! Teaching service is among the greatest gifts you will ever give your children. Don’t hold this back from them.
In summary, our children are our greatest resource as a nation; they are our future leaders. Are we setting them up to be great citizens and leaders for the good of all of us? It is time for us to take a serious look in the mirror to see what we can change to benefit our future.