A Forever Home and Family

I don’t know where the idea of adoption came from growing up for me. It wasn’t something that was really prevalent with my family or friends, but it was definitely a seed that God planted in my heart long before I got married or started a family. I remember thinking that I would love to have a child or two with my husband in my 20’s and then open up our hearts to a child in need and give them a forever home and family maybe in our 30s. Little did I know that the idea of adopting “ a child” in my 30’s would turn into more “children” in my 50’s. God has such a sense of humor. 

Never Say Never
For years, my husband Merrill and I would have casual conversations about the topic of adoption. We would dream about what our family would look like if we adopted, but we never made any real moves to do anything about it. Merrill would say all the time, “if the Lord wants us to have more children, he will put them in front of us”. You see, the last 20 yrs of his career, Merrill worked in an elementary school as a Guidance Counselor. He had the privilege of working with thousands of children and families. Little did he know at the time but that that would be the very place God would open his heart and call his bluff. 

Something Special
It was early 2014 when three children moved into a new foster home and showed up at Merrill’s school. Despite being in and out of foster care for over five years, there was something special about these three siblings ages 11,9,and 7. We didn’t think much of it at the time, because they were still in the foster care system with hopes of reunification with their parents. I still remember the late spring day when Merrill came home with the news. Their parents' rights were being terminated, and they would probably either be split up or moved out of the district.  Older children and sibling groups are extra hard to place. The thought of these three amazing kiddos having to be moved again or split up made us both sick to our stomach. 

Aren’t We Too Old?
But Lord, we are in our 50s now. We’re empty nesters. Our kids are grown and out of the house. Surely, there is a younger family with kids their age that could give them what they need. Is that fair for them to be placed with such an “old couple”? These are all thoughts that ran through our head. We even stepped back and let the summer pass in case a better option was found. The next school year came and our three were back in the same foster home and still looking for a forever home and family. That’s when we knew God had hand picked us to be their mom and dad. He had planted the seeds of adoption way before our three youngest were even born. Only the Lord knew the rest. 

Help Us Spread the Word
If fostering or adopting is something God has laid on your heart, don’t ignore his prompting. Ask questions. Get more information. Be curious about the different options. Open your heart and mind to God’s leading. November is National Adoption Month. Help us spread the word about the thousands and thousands of kiddos in our community and abroad in need of a forever home and family. You may just be the one God is calling to make a difference in the life of a child. If not you, maybe it’s someone you know. 

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: 

to look after orphans and widows in their distress 

and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. 

James 1:27

Click HERE to watch Episode 160 of Rock Solid Radio, Have You Ever Thought About Adoption?

Click HERE to listen to Episode 160 of Rock Solid Radio, Have You Ever Thought About Adoption?

The Secret Weapon to Preventing Divorce

This past weekend we helped lead a marriage enrichment weekend with an amazing group of married couples from our local area. It was so encouraging seeing couples there married more than 40-50 years as well as just a year or two. There were couples representing first marriages, second marriages, blended families, you name it. It was truly a melting pot. We laughed together, prayed together, and grew together. We were encouraged to see so many men and women wanting to strengthen and protect their marriage and family. In our time together, we shared with them the secret weapon to do both.

The Secret Weapon
Do you want peace, power, and protection for your marriage and family? Do you want the secret weapon in preventing divorce with over 99% effectiveness? Then pray together! Yep, that’s right. Less than ONE PERCENT of couples who pray together on a regular basis divorce. I don’t know of any tool that can rival that statistic, but unfortunately not many are tapping into the power.  Family Life surveyed thousands of Christian couples and found a sad and alarming statistic. You’ve probably heard one out of every two marriages end in divorce, but have you heard the statistic isn’t any better for Christian couples? Why is that? Maybe it’s because only 4% of Christian couples actually pray together on a regular basis.

Helping You Get Started
Why don’t more couples pray together? Every couple is different, but here are some suggestions that may help you get started:

1. BE POSITIVE- No throwing your spouse under the bus. Thank God out loud for your partner. Pray blessings and protection over your family. Focus on why you love them and thank God for them. It will fill the heart of your spouse and draw you closer to the Lord and each other.

2. BE BRIEF- Keep it simple and to the point. Make sure whatever routine you begin you can sustain. It’s not the time to show off your big vocabulary and flowery prayers. You want your spouse to feel comfortable with you praying out loud.

3. BE CONSISTENT - Find a daily time that works with you both and stick to it. Consistency is important but so is flexibility. If your schedule gets crazy and you have to mix it up, no worries. There are no rules.

4. BE TRANSPARENT- Don’t be afraid to share your heart with God in front of your spouse. Praying out loud alongside your spouse builds spiritual intimacy and creates a bond that cannot be easily broken. A mealtime prayer is always a great family practice, but it isn’t exactly the best time to build intimacy or transparency. You need time and privacy as a couple not a growling belly worried the food is getting cold.

5. BE PATIENT- Building spiritual intimacy takes time, but it is so worth it. God can do beautiful things with folks who seek Him above all else.

Seeing Into Your Partner’s Heart
So there you have it. My top five suggestions for praying together as a couple. After hearing those startling statistics mentioned above almost 20 years ago, my husband and I began praying together almost every evening before bed.  I’ll admit. It was awkward at first. We were used to praying rote prayers as a family not heartfelt ones out loud privately. As the spiritual leader in our home, my husband goes first and prays for me, our marriage, our family and anything else laying on his heart that day. Then I do the same. Often, we’ll share things in that prayer time we haven’t mentioned all day. It’s like seeing into the heart of my spouse. It’s also hard to harbor negative feelings and unresolved issues when we’re praying together on a regular basis.

So why not grab your spouse and start today? What do you have to lose? It may just be the tie that binds you together and draws you closer to each other and to the Lord.

Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecc. 4:12

Click HERE to watch Episode 159 of Rock Solid Radio, Why Should I Pray?

Click HERE to listen to Episode 159 of Rock Solid Radio, Why Should I Pray?

This is How We Fight Our Battles

I’ve never been a fan of horror movies. Even as a teen on a date, horror movies were not my thing. Watching people get bludgeoned to death by an ax murderer or heads spinning because of ghosts just gave me the creeps. I know a lot of people get a huge adrenaline rush by haunted houses, scary movies, or creepy novels, but we’ve got to be careful. Why you may ask? Because my friends, the battle for our mind and heart is real!

The Real Enemy
If you haven’t listened to our two recent Rock Solid Radio podcasts (Episodes 157-158) on spiritual warfare, I highly recommend you do so as soon as you are done reading this article. You can find them on our website or on any podcast platform you use. Every day, we have clients walking in our Rock Solid Families office in what they think is a battle with their spouse, adult children, boss, even an ex...you name it. Their emotions are high and their stomach is in knots over a conflict with someone. They are angry, sad, frustrated, and sometimes feeling hopeless that anything good can come out of their situation. Can I just stop you right now and tell you with 100% confidence; they are not the enemy! Now don’t get me wrong. People can hurt us and let us down. They can frustrate us and step on our toes, but they are not the real enemy in this story. The apostle Paul reminds us of that in a letter he wrote to the city of Ephesus.

For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against the mighty powers in this dark world, and against the evil spirits in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12 NLT

Looking For Someone to Devour
Oh, there’s an enemy alright, but he’s not made of flesh and blood! The apostle Peter warns us about the great enemy. Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8 NLT

My friends, we can’t get complacent. Satan and his demons are very real, and there is a real battle going on for our hearts and minds. He wants to distract, discourage, and destroy us. He wants our marriage, our family, even our life. He wants us to believe there is no other way out but through him. Isolation and shame are two of Satan’s favorite weapons for our heart and mind. If he can shame us with our mistakes and make us think we’re all alone, he’s got us right where he wants us. Every day, we see men and women walk in our office feeling weary and hopeless as they fight against this shame and isolation. It’s exhausting when we’re fighting the battle alone.

This is How We Fight Our Battles
So how do we fight against the enemy in this spiritual battle for our mind and heart? Let’s go back to what Paul taught us in Ephesians 6:10-17. We’ve got to suit up in the full armor of God to take our stand against the devil’s schemes.  It boils down to:

1. Truth-Believing in and speaking God’s truth in love. (vs. 14)

2. Integrity-Doing the right thing when no one is looking (v. 14)

3. Peace-Resting in and leaning on God’s strength even in the middle of a storm. (vs.15)

4. Faith-Trusting in the Lord even if we don’t understand. (vs16)

5. Salvation-Accepting the free gift of salvation that God offers us through His son, Jesus’ sacrifice. (vs 17)

6. The Bible-Knowing and living by the truth of God’s Word. It’s our only offensive weapon against the enemy. The Bible is alive, active, and sharper than any double edged sword.  (Ephesians 6:17, Hebrews 4:12)

7. Prayer- Crying out to the Lord activates the armor of God and calls on the power of the Holy Spirit to protect and intercede for us.  (vs18)

There’s no question that Satan's schemes are very real and very evil. As we drift away from these seven things identified above, the world gets darker and darker. But we are promised in 1 John 4:4 that “the one who is in us is greater than the one who is in the world.”  Let’s not be overcome by Satan’s schemes or tricked into believing there is no such thing as spiritual warfare. Stay alert and put on the full armor of God today. This is how we fight our battles!

Click HERE to watch and learn more about spiritual warfare on Rock Solid Radio

Click HERE to listen and learn more about spiritual warfare on Rock Solid Radio

Middle School Life-The Battle is Real!

If there can be a more confusing time in life, I’m not sure what it is.  Middle School or Junior High school is a crazy time to be a human. And, if you are a parent, it is a crazy time to raise a child.  As much as we would like to minimize it, the battle is real!

One minute you see them acting like they own the house and the next minute they are regressing back to playing in the sandbox.  There appears to be an internal mental battle in which the adult version and kid version are at war with each other.  You never seem to know which one you’re going to be interacting with.  In fact, it appears they don’t even know which one you are going to be interacting with.  This is where the confusion begins.  

Uncharted Territory
Middle School life is a time of confusion.  The brain and body are walking through uncharted territory.  They don’t always understand how or why they are feeling the way they do.  Personally, we have witnessed in our own home what seems like an emotional meltdown.  Tears, sadness, frustration, but when asked what’s wrong, the emotional expression of, “I don’t know”!  Comes out of their mouth. 

That’s the point, they literally do not know.  They don’t know what their body is going through.  They don’t know why they are thinking the way they do. They don’t understand the body changes or lack of.  Everything is changing at once and they can’t seem to predict what is going to happen next.  This would drive anyone crazy!

How can we help our kids grow through this crazy phase and into adulthood? 

• Give them a heads up before they even enter the time of puberty.  It is of great value to give them insights into what kind of waters they will be sailing through.  It allows them to think, ask questions, and even prepare and recognize what the changes look like. This includes talks about sexual development, menstruation, sexual thoughts, etc...

• Build your relationship with them before the difficult times.  Even though your preteen may begin to think they know everything, they will need people in their life to talk with.  Hopefully, this is a parent, but if not, help them to get connected to a teacher, coach, youth minister, etc…  This person can make all the difference in helping your preteen feel connected and secure during this time of change.

• Don’t allow them completely off the hook of responsibilities.  You may have a preteen that wants to avoid family interactions, skip out on daily chores, or simply not feel like doing what needs to be done.  This is not the time to allow them to escape these times.  Rather, this is the time to let them know how important they are to the “team”.  This is where we can begin to teach them that their work is valuable and greatly appreciated.  

• Don’t exasperate your child.  You may see what your preteen needs to be doing, but they lack your vision for living.  Yelling and nagging does not make them see more quickly what you want them to see.  It is a development readiness problem. It is like yelling at a one-year-old child to walk.  They will walk when they are developmentally ready to do so.  The same holds true here.  Set up the vision you want them to see, but then give them the time to crawl and fall through it. 

• Emphasize values over outcomes.  Your preteen is now becoming very aware of others.  The comparison game is coming to its peak!  They now recognize when they are better than others at certain things, but they also recognize when they are not so good.  They want to know where they measure against their peers.  This is natural, but this is the time when you as the parent can pour into them about their gifts and how uniquely created they are.  This is the time to teach and emphasize the values to live by rather than the achievements to live for.  

• Keep in mind, this is a phase.  We often see the messiness of a situation and have a hard time seeing what the project may look like in the end.  Adolescence is similar. It is a messy time, but the “project” is still under construction.  Be patient and continue to cast the vision of possibilities.

At Rock Solid Families, we help teens and their parents every day navigate these uncharted and difficult waters. If we can help you and your family, give us a call at 812-576-ROCK

Click HERE to watch our latest episode of Rock Solid Radio, Episode 156, Middle School Life

Click HERE to listen to the latest episode of Rock Solid Radio, Episode 156, Middle School Life

Hitting the Wall

Have you ever “hit a wall” when you physically or emotionally couldn’t do it anymore? Maybe, you came to the end of yourself where you “hit rock bottom” and needed to make a change in your life? Both were the case for 21 year old Monica this past winter, when she hit more than the proverbial wall. In February 2021, it took a large retaining wall, a totaled car and a DUI to finally get Monica’s attention.

Numbing the Pain
Monica admits she had been living pretty angrily and recklessly up until the accident. As a teen, Monica was a girl with an attitude. She would regularly smoke marijuana and drink alcohol trying to numb the pain and loss she was feeling inside. Monica was an angry teenager that dumped a lot of hate and judgement on anyone who crossed her.  Looking back, Monica now realizes the marijuana, alcohol, anger, and tough exterior were all feeble attempts to cover up the feelings of abandonment and unforgiveness after her parents’ divorce. Instead of getting help, Monica self medicated and ignored the warning signs.

Healing Begins
That was until the accident got her attention. Getting a DUI and losing her license definitely humbled Monica and opened her eyes. She finally realized she needed help dealing with the emotions she had stuffed for so long. That’s when Monica made the call to Rock Solid Families and began the healing process. 

Let’s Be Honest
What about you? Are you turning to alcohol, drugs or hate to cover up pain or loss? Are you numbing or stuffing difficult feelings of anger, abandonment, betrayal instead of dealing with them in a healthy way? Let’s be honest. You’re not really getting high just because it feels good. You’re not drinking every day just because you’re bored. You’re not lashing out at everyone around you because it’s fun. What’s really going on inside? Stop kicking that proverbial can down the road. It’s only going to lead to destruction whether it be your marriage, your job, or maybe even your life.  There is HOPE and HELP available, but it’s not going to be found in the bottom of a bottle. It’s not going to be found in secrets and isolation. The enemy loves it when we keep things in the dark. He can hold us captive in our shame and pain. 

Get Rid Of The Garbage
Pick up that garbage and throw it in its proper place. Get help today and experience a peace and freedom like you’ve never experienced before. Get involved in a 12 step program like Celebrate Recovery or AA, if you need help in breaking free from addiction. Find someone to help hold you accountable for the changes you know you need to make. That’s what Monica did, and she’ll be the first one to tell you. It’s so worth it!

Click HERE to listen to Episode 155 Rock Solid Radio, Learning the Hard Way with Special Guest, Monica Quintanilla

Click HERE to watch Episode 155 Rock Solid Radio, Learning the Hard Way with Special Guest Monica Quintanilla

Hallie's Story-Shining Bright Again

Over the past 18 months, it is no secret that COVID has taken a toll emotionally on both the young and old. Experts were telling us over a year ago that we would soon be seeing a pandemic of a different kind in the area of mental health. Mental health has definitely been a struggle for so many people over the past year including an increasing amount of young children. We get calls weekly from parents of elementary, preteen, and teenage children struggling with unexplained sadness, moodiness, anxiety, and relational struggles.

WARNING SIGNS
As coaches, we’ve sadly seen their resilience diminish as children attempt to navigate the world around them. What used to be “no big deal” is now really hitting our kids hard causing melt downs, tantrums, or high levels of anxiety. This is true for one of our youngest clients, 10 year old Hallie who wanted to share her story to help other kids that may find themselves struggling like she did. First, listen to what Hallie’s mom was seeing this past spring and what led her to call Rock Solid Families. Maybe, as a parent, you are having the same concerns.

Near the end of fourth grade, I started noticing my daughter, Hallie, was coming home different after school.  She just seemed sad.  It was subtle, but as a mom you know when your child is ‘off’.  She would share a little about her day when she first came home but by bedtime she would be spilling her guts.  These night time conversations usually involved tears and feelings of being left out.  

 Hallie is a straight A student, plays soccer, dances, is involved in Girl Scouts and liked by just about everyone she meets.   It was shocking to find out she was struggling with feelings of loneliness at school. Seeing her so sad I knew I had to do something to help her get back to her best self. Hallie agreed to talk with Linda at Rock Solid Families, and she opened up to her immediately.  As we worked through a few sessions, Hallie took all of Linda’s advice to heart and put it into action at every opportunity.  

I could see she was getting back to herself over the summer but was curious to see what the new school year would bring. This past August as fifth grade began, Hallie had a new set of tools to use when she would begin feeling lonely or left out.  I recently had a conference with her teacher and was ecstatic to learn Hallie was back and doing better than ever!  Her teacher shared that Hallie is a bright spot in the class and makes everyone around her feel better about themselves.  She explained how others are drawn to Hallie but suspects Hallie doesn’t even realize the impact she has on others.  I ,too, see Hallie’s confidence growing day by day. Giving her the tools to navigate school and friends has helped Hallie shine bright once again.   Thank you, Rock Solid Families! Hallie’s Mom, Kylee

YOU’RE NOT ALONE
Here’s what Hallie wanted to share with anyone feeling sad or lonely like she was.

I struggled with friendship in the 4th grade year and throughout the summer.  I felt I either didn’t have anything to offer to a friend or that there was always someone better. It was like I was always second choice.  I would try to play what friends wanted at recess, but the next day they wouldn’t return the favor and play what I wanted.  

After meeting with Linda, I feel like I have learned a lot from her and Rock Solid Families. It has made me feel closer to God and Christ and helped me to realize I have many great qualities to offer.  Hallie, 10 years old

TAKE A DAILY TEMPERATURE READ
Talk regularly to your child about how they are doing. I call it a parent’s daily temperature read. Take a daily “temperature read” of their day asking them about school, their friends, and how they are feeling. Everyone has a bad day, but if day after day your child seems to be struggling with navigating life, don’t ignore the warning signs. Just like if your child had a high fever for 2 weeks straight, you would be alarmed, the same goes for their emotional “temperature” too. That’s why Hallie’s mom reached out to us. If day after day, your child is having melt downs, tantrums, or isolating themselves from others-something is up. Reach out for help. You are NOT alone. There is HELP and HOPE available. Rock Solid Families has a great resource page full of helpful podcasts, blogs, and outside resources to help you as a parent. Check it out by going to rocksolidfamilies.org/resources, or call us at 812-576-ROCK. That’s why we’re here!

Resources

Kids and Their Friends

When I was growing up, the friends I had were either kids I went to school with or neighbors who lived on my street. If you are over the age of 40, you know what I’m talking about. We didn’t have the world wide web that could connect us instantly with someone across town or in a different state. We didn’t have social media platforms that would allow us to “find friends'' instantly. Kids today are dealing with scenarios we never had to deal with when it comes to making and keeping friendships. Yes, it's a whole new world, but as a parent, there are some basic sound principles that are still important to keep in mind when it comes to your child and their friends.

FRIENDSHIP PRINCIPLES

1. Speak early and often about what a healthy friendship looks like. This can start even at the age of 2 when your child finds a new friend on the playground. Things like kindness, sharing, taking turns are all values you should begin to instill in your child the day they start interacting with others. 

2. Surround your kids with other families who share similar values. Put them in positive environments where there are other children and adults who will model what you want your child to be like. One of the favorite places for our children has been at church where families from all walks of life come to build a rock solid foundation for their home and family. I didn’t say perfect kids, but ones who are being guided with similar values as yours.

3. Ask lots of questions about who they like to be around and why. If your child is school age, make sure you initiate frequent casual conversations about things like the playground, the cafeteria, the classroom. Who do they play with and what do they like to do together? It’s a great chance to get a peek into your child’s world and see if they are making good choices in their friendships. Make your home a safe place to come with any conflicts or difficulties in their friendships. Not that you are going to go in and fix it for them, but help them brainstorm how to resolve the conflict themselves.

4. Encourage your kids to bring their friends around your home and family, so that you can observe how they interact together. Listen in on car ride conversations and how they talk to one another. Watch how they play on the trampoline together or what they do in the basement when you’re not around. Make sure you follow up privately with them any concerns or red flags you begin to have. 

5. Keep the lines of communication open and comfortable even into their teen years. When our kids are teenagers, it becomes more difficult to monitor every little friend interaction, but it’s still super important to keep the lines of communication open about their friendships. Continue on the same routine as above asking them about their friendships and what they enjoy about those friends. Invite their friends to hang out at your house. If you find your teen is always going over someone else’s house, get to know that family. Make sure you connect with those parents and have regular communication with them. Your child is less likely to sneak or lie, if they know you have the ability to follow up and confirm their plans. Not saying you always have to but always can if needed. 

Walk with the Wise
There is a very wise proverb that says, Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. Proverbs 13:20. If you learn that your teen is walking with the fools and suffering harm, don’t save them from the natural consequences of their actions. They will never learn if you are always saving them or defending them. 

If your teen starts hanging with the wrong crowd and breaks your trust, explain to them you are not judging or condemning their friend. No one is forcing your child to make these poor decisions. Make sure they understand the buck stops with them. They are responsible for their own actions and consequences. As a consequence of breaking your trust, limit his/her exposure to that friend or group until the trust has been restored. In the meantime, flood their schedule with positive people and healthy environments. Whether it be a mentor, sport, club, youth group, church function, serving opportunity or all of the above, help them to walk with the wise and become wise. Obviously every child and home is unique, but we believe that by applying these principles you can prepare your child for rich and healthy friendships, as they grow into a healthy, independent adult. If we can help you and your family work through some of the things we’ve mentioned in this blog or in this week’s episode of Rock Solid Radio, please give us a call at 812-576-ROCK. We’re here to help!

Click HERE to watch Episode 153 of Rock Solid Radio, Kids and their Friends

Click HERE to listen to Episode 153 of Rock Solid Radio, Kids and their Friends

Will They Ever Leave?

Have you ever had family or friends outstay their welcome?  How about you, have you ever outstayed your welcome in someone’s home?  What does it mean to no longer feel like you are welcomed? When our adult kids come back to visit, for example, we are full of excitement to see them and catch up on the latest in their lives.  The energy, conversation, and time spent together is amazing.  But then, things begin to change.  After a time we can all feel the newness of the visit wearing down and there is almost a feeling of everyone treading on each other’s feet.  Simple things like how many cars are parked in the driveway that I have to be aware of so I don’t back into one of them.  Taking turns in the kitchen to make myself lunch. Having a conversation of give and take on what television show is going to be watched.  All of this and not to mention the significant increase in the amount of food, laundry, and cleanup to keep the house running.  Suddenly, there is a feeling of, “okay, I’m ready to get my life back”.  

But, what if I told you there was no end in sight of your guests leaving?  This is the case more and more, as we see adult children coming back under the roof of their parents.  Parents love helping their children, but sometimes the helping gesture begins to turn sour.  Parents begin to feel used and intruded upon, and in some cases, the adult children begin to feel like they are being mothered all over again.  Small cracks in the relationship begin to turn into wide canyons. Before you know it the family is breaking down, and no one is happy.  

This scene is real in many homes today, and the difficult news is that it seems to be a growing trend.  The good news is that there are many things we can do to make these visits a pleasant and helpful experience for everyone involved. Understanding how to communicate in advance of saying yes to your house guests is key, and boundaries are a must!  What’s mine is yours and yours is mine often does not float well when a bunch of adults are under one roof together.  Set some clear boundaries and draw out some specific expectations beforehand to avoid confusion and hurt in the relationship later.  And finally, determine an end date before you even get started.   Leaving the stay open-ended can be a sure-fire means to destruction in many homes and relationships. Having a vision for how long something is going to last helps to give everyone the mental strength to endure when things get challenging.  Put a date on the calendar even if you are unsure of what is next for your house guests. That way you have the opportunity to revisit the situation and honestly evaluate whether or not this is still working for the host.

The value of family is incredibly important, and we want to protect it and keep it that way. We don’t want families to have a sour taste in their mouth for one another because of blurred boundary lines or unspoken resentment. We want to raise our kids to be self-sufficient and responsible adults.  When we have done this well, we can avoid challenging overstays that seem to become endless intrusions on our lives. Minimize the family drama and maximize the family experience by leading well during these times.     

Click HERE to listen to Episode 152 of Rock Solid Radio, Will They Ever Leave?

Click HERE to watch Episode 152 of Rock Solid Radio, Will They Ever Leave?

Start Young

On this week’s episode of Rock Solid Radio, Episode 151- “Do you want a child centered home?”, we shared with our listeners and viewers why a child centered home is a recipe for disaster. We layed out the biblical model for a strong and healthy home-God, Marriage, Children.

This approach to parenting and family starts young, usually at the fun stage we like to call the “terrible twos”. You know that season of parenting when our little ones begin their quest for autonomy and independence. It’s a pivotal season for parents as they decide and model the authority in the home. It can definitely be an exhausting battle as the toddler exercises his/her new found voice and strong will, but it’s one that parents MUST be intentional about if the kids have any chance of success later in life.

If you are a single parent and are tempted to give in or give up the fight because it’s too hard, please keep reading. It can be done, and it is so worth the energy now to prevent bigger headaches later. 

I’ve worked with children for over 30 years and I get it. There is no foolproof method and no easy ride. Our children will find every way possible to push our buttons and wear us down. We’re not going to get it all right and our kids are not going to either. This is a parenting journey not a destination, and please don’t expect this season to go perfectly. You’re going to blow it. I know I did...many times, but I got back on the horse and stayed the course. Here are a few priceless lessons your children and grandchildren will quickly learn if we fight for a God Centered home instead of a Child Centered one:

1. “You’re not the Boss”- Kids quickly get the message that mommy, daddy, and anyone else responsible for their care are the boss. The respect for authority starts from the moment they can walk and talk. Learning this important lesson early and reinforcing it at every stage of development equips your child for the real world and sets them up for success later on. We will always have people in authority over us in life-teachers, bosses, police, etc. It’s better if we get used to it early.

2. “No Manners, No Way”-Even at the young age of two, our granddaughter already knew that manners were a must. It was “Yes, please” and “No thank you” if she had any chance of getting what she wanted. Even getting up from the table after a meal required a polite ask to be excused

3. “Waiting not Whining”-Whether it’s entertaining themselves before dinner or waiting in the check-out line, patience is a learned behavior. Throwing fits should never get a child what they want. 

4. “We’re A Team”-Serving should start young. Everyone in your home should have a job. It may be picking up toys, throwing a diaper in the trash, or putting dishes in the sink, but even a two year old can help.

5. “You are Loved”-There’s not a day that should go by that your child doesn’t hear you say, “I love you”. But words are not enough. Children can pick up on your mood and emotions. Be careful disciplining in anger. Make sure you always circle back around and reassure your child that they are loved. It makes a child feel safe and secure.That way they don’t equate discipline with rejection. 

6. “Follow Me”-None of the lessons above mean anything unless they are practiced as well as taught. The old saying of “walking the walk not just talking the talk” is so true. The apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 11: 1 says, “Follow my example as I follow the example of Christ.” Whether you like it or not, your child is watching your every move and will learn best by what is modeled around them.  When in doubt, look to the example of Christ. He is the ultimate role model. If you don’t respect and obey his authority, most likely they won’t either. If you don’t serve others with a generous heart, how will they ever learn to? As a parent if you don’t regularly remind them how much they are loved, they will go searching for someone who will and chances are it won’t be in a positive way.

I know none of this is rocket science, so why aren't more parents doing it? Respect for authority, manners, serving others are just a few character qualities that are becoming extinct in society today. So many parents have disengaged. Giving in seems so much easier to an exhausted dad or overwhelmed mom.  Tablets and smartphones with instant gratification have replaced parenting and patience. 

Let’s turn the tide in this next generation. I'm so thankful for the many young parents who are setting some healthy boundaries and basic life rules in their family. Let’s get back to those virtues and qualities that not only make our home one of peace and love but our world a much better place to live.

Click HERE to watch to Episode 151 of Rock Solid Radio, Do You Want a Child Centered Home?

Click HERE to listen to Episode 151 of Rock Solid Radio, Do You Want a Child Centered Home?