Have you ever had family or friends outstay their welcome? How about you, have you ever outstayed your welcome in someone’s home? What does it mean to no longer feel like you are welcomed? When our adult kids come back to visit, for example, we are full of excitement to see them and catch up on the latest in their lives. The energy, conversation, and time spent together is amazing. But then, things begin to change. After a time we can all feel the newness of the visit wearing down and there is almost a feeling of everyone treading on each other’s feet. Simple things like how many cars are parked in the driveway that I have to be aware of so I don’t back into one of them. Taking turns in the kitchen to make myself lunch. Having a conversation of give and take on what television show is going to be watched. All of this and not to mention the significant increase in the amount of food, laundry, and cleanup to keep the house running. Suddenly, there is a feeling of, “okay, I’m ready to get my life back”.
But, what if I told you there was no end in sight of your guests leaving? This is the case more and more, as we see adult children coming back under the roof of their parents. Parents love helping their children, but sometimes the helping gesture begins to turn sour. Parents begin to feel used and intruded upon, and in some cases, the adult children begin to feel like they are being mothered all over again. Small cracks in the relationship begin to turn into wide canyons. Before you know it the family is breaking down, and no one is happy.
This scene is real in many homes today, and the difficult news is that it seems to be a growing trend. The good news is that there are many things we can do to make these visits a pleasant and helpful experience for everyone involved. Understanding how to communicate in advance of saying yes to your house guests is key, and boundaries are a must! What’s mine is yours and yours is mine often does not float well when a bunch of adults are under one roof together. Set some clear boundaries and draw out some specific expectations beforehand to avoid confusion and hurt in the relationship later. And finally, determine an end date before you even get started. Leaving the stay open-ended can be a sure-fire means to destruction in many homes and relationships. Having a vision for how long something is going to last helps to give everyone the mental strength to endure when things get challenging. Put a date on the calendar even if you are unsure of what is next for your house guests. That way you have the opportunity to revisit the situation and honestly evaluate whether or not this is still working for the host.
The value of family is incredibly important, and we want to protect it and keep it that way. We don’t want families to have a sour taste in their mouth for one another because of blurred boundary lines or unspoken resentment. We want to raise our kids to be self-sufficient and responsible adults. When we have done this well, we can avoid challenging overstays that seem to become endless intrusions on our lives. Minimize the family drama and maximize the family experience by leading well during these times.
Click HERE to listen to Episode 152 of Rock Solid Radio, Will They Ever Leave?
Click HERE to watch Episode 152 of Rock Solid Radio, Will They Ever Leave?