Skyler's Story-Finding Light in the Darkness

Hi everyone! My name is Skyler, a 23 year old nursing student from Northern Kentucky.  I could not be more excited to finish my RN in December with only one more semester left!  I have been attending Rock Solid Families for about 8 months now, and it has changed my life. When life got rough, I was blessed enough to have this faith based organization to turn to. 

Was It My Fault?
Earlier this year, I lost a very special person in my life to suicide, and just a couple months later, I lost my grandma due to some fast progressing health issues. It was as if I couldn't catch a break, or get my head out of the dark place I was in. I remember thinking, "why didn't I do more for my friend?  “His suicide was all my fault”’ Losing those two special people in my life in such a short time really took a toll on my mind and heart.

 Pray To God... Now?

I remember my mom telling me, "pray to God. He will help you through this. He hears how upset you are and wants to help you." I remember thinking there was no way I could pray in a time like this. It was a constant battle between giving it all to God or suffering in my own mind and dealing with this heartbreak. It was in those darkest moments when I found God with his arms open wide.

 Best Day of My Life
I started praying every chance I could get. I spent time with God and His Word.  I surrendered all my pain and suffering at his feet. I couldn't have picked a better decision during a time when I felt completely numb. God showed me through his word and his people that he’s been with me all along, even when I wasn’t reaching out to him. It's because of his grace and mercy, I am where I am today. I was baptized into Christ on January 31st, 2021 at Seven Hills Church in Florence, Ky.  I was surrounded by so much love that day. It was one of the best days of my life!  I continue to grow closer and closer to Christ attending church every Sunday with family and friends giving back to him what he so generously has given to me.

 Building On A Rock Solid Foundation
Before coming to Rock Solid Families, I had never experienced anything like one on one coaching. Linda listened and gave me the tools to grow closer to God. It’s exactly what I needed, and I don’t know where I would be today without this rock solid foundation. I have learned so much about myself, and how God really works in my life. Linda helped me find a bible I could read and understand, and that has been a huge blessing. I am so thankful God led me to Rock Solid Families. If you're looking for a place where you’re not judged but accepted with the love of Christ, then this is where you need to be. 

 Light In The Darkness
I am still working on the grieving process in my sessions with Linda. Some days are harder than others.  I am not sure my heart will ever be 100% healed, but I do know without a doubt that God loves me and is alive and active in my life. I want to be a light to people in dark times, and I want to help others with their struggles like God’s people did for me. I want to be living proof that God can help in the darkest times and protect you in whatever storm you may face.

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. 

Isaiah 43:2

Finding Hope in the Grief

I’m not even sure how she was able to walk in my office the first night we met. When I asked her weeks later to describe the weight of her despair, she gave it a 10+ out of 10. Debby felt buried by the pain. What in the world could make someone feel so overwhelmed by grief? In this week’s episode of Rock Solid Radio, Finding Hope in the Grief, Debby shares the Readers Digest version of her story and how she found hope in the midst of her grief. During our interview with Debby, it was tough to fight back the tears, but let me say this.  In my 30 plus years of working with individuals, couples, and families, I have personally never worked with someone who has experienced such grief and tragic loss.

Life or Death
As we talked about with Debby on this week’s podcast, being buried and being planted feel the same way. One symbolizes death and the other, the beginning of new life. That new life comes when we lay our pain at the Lord’s feet and allow HIM to carry the weight of it all. The apostle Paul reminds us of this.

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. 1 Thess 4: 13-14

Running on Empty
We’re reminded in God’s Word NOT to grieve like those who have no HOPE. Our hope is not in our own understanding or our own strength. On her own, Debby was running on empty when it came to either one.  On May 30, 2021, however, Debby experienced the death and burial of her old life and the beginning of a new life in Christ through the waters of baptism. It didn’t immediately take the pain away nor erase the memories of the past, but it did help Debby find HOPE in the middle of the storm, in the midst of her pain. 

Let Go and Let God
Whatever we focus on gets bigger in our lives. Debby chose to live out the psalmist when he wrote…

But my eyes are fixed on you, Sovereign Lord; in you I take refuge—do not give me over to death. Psalm 141:8.

Debby’s motto in life is now “Let Go and Let God”. She has found hope in the midst of her grief. She now knows that God did not cause her pain, but he doesn’t want to waste it either. Every tear, every sleepless night, every heartache-God wants to redeem. How about you? Are you being buried or planted?  Will you let God bring beauty out of ashes and hope even in the midst of your pain?

Click HERE to LISTEN to Episode 144 of Rock Solid Radio, Finding Hope in the Grief

Click HERE to WATCH Episode 144 of Rock Solid Radio, Finding Hope in the Grief.

What Breaks Your Heart?

Years ago, God laid these two questions on my heart.  The first was “Linda, what breaks your heart?”, and the second was “how are you going to use that to glorify me?” My husband, Merrill, and I would pray and pray over these questions for years. We both felt God calling us to work with individuals, couples, and families who needed HELP and who have lost HOPE, but we weren’t exactly sure how.

Leaps of Faith
Those two questions prompted Merrill and I to take leaps of faith WAY out of our comfort zone including a new ministry position and church home years ago. Answering that question led to Merrill and I adding to our family and adopting three more children who were students in my husband’s school building. Three years ago, Merrill and I took another giant leap of faith leaving our full-time jobs in the school and church world to start a new faith-based coaching organization called Rock Solid Families. All of those moves were a result of answering those two questions: “What breaks your heart?” and “How are you going to use that to glorify me?”

Mama Scar
For our special guest on this week’s Rock Solid Radio podcast, Scarlet Hudson, answering those two questions for herself meant quitting her full time job in the corporate world to fight the ugly world of sex trafficking and bringing the HOPE of Christ to the marginalized women on the streets of Cincinnati. Scarlet Hudson may be the CEO and founder of the faith based non-profit Women of Alabaster, but to the women she ministers to, she’s “Mama Scar”. She spends her days feeding, housing, and loving on women who struggle to even love themselves. Don’t miss this week’s episode of Rock Solid Radio as Scarlet shares how God broke her heart for what breaks his. Put yourself in Scarlet’s shoes. Would you be ready to answer the call like Scarlet did?

How about You?
How would you personally answer those two questions today? Not everyone is called to adopt three children or serve in the prostitution ministry, but the Lord IS calling ALL of us to do something. So take some time to really ponder and pray over these two questions. “What breaks your heart?” and “How are you going to use that to glorify Him?” But be careful what you pray for. Chances are the Lord wants you out of your comfort zone too!

Click HERE to WATCH the full episode of Rock Solid Radio- Sex Trafficking with Special Guest Scarlet Hudson-Episode 141

Click HERE to LISTEN to the full episode of Rock Solid Radio- Sex Trafficking with Special Guest Scarlet Hudson-Episode 141

Grace over Disgrace-A Lesson in Cancel Culture

It’s hard to find a program on TV anymore that’s appropriate for your whole family to watch, and if you have teenagers like we do, it may be even tougher to find one you can all agree on. For us, American Idol has been one of the few shows we’ve enjoyed as a family over the years. The popular talent show gives our family lots of conversation opportunities about talent, pride, humility, modesty, etc.  Recently, the show gave us the perfect opportunity to talk about cancel culture and how it could very well affect them someday. 

A Rising American Idol Star

If you’re not an American Idol fan, let me set the stage. Three celebrity judges scan the countryside every year for the next singing super star, with thousands of auditions occurring over a span of several months. Then it moves into the live shows where the nation gets to vote, narrowing their picks down week after week until the next American Idol is crowned.  This year our kids were excited about a young 16 yr old country star named Caleb Kennedy who really wowed everybody with his deep country voice.  He was doing well week after week making it to the top five, until his world came crashing in. 

A Costly Mistake

According to his own statement on Instagram, a snapchat video resurfaced back when he was 12 years old showing him sitting next to someone wearing a white hood. Because of one snapchat video (that kids mistakenly think always disappears) sitting next to someone in a white hood when he was 12 years old, Caleb’s dreams of becoming the next American Idol have been flushed down the toilet. Raise your hand if you think Caleb’s actions warranted him being kicked off the show? 

Navigating this Toxic Culture

But that, my friends, is what cancel culture is doing to our world today. American Idol and ABC are not going to stand behind their rising star in this racially charged climate we live in right now. They don’t want to touch that hot button topic with a ten foot pole. You and I are reading stories like this every day in our daily newsfeed and they offer some important lessons for us all. As parents, how can we help our kids navigate this toxic culture we live in today? How can we use stories like Caleb Kennedy to help our kids succeed in the future?  Here are some important things we have been talking about as a family in our home.

Lessons for us all

1. Digital Footprint- Have you ever googled your name and checked out your digital footprint? What can people find out about you or your children at the click of a button? Our kids especially need to understand that people in their life like teachers, coaches, colleges, employers, etc WILL judge them by the digital footprints they leave behind. Fair or not, just like Caleb found out, our digital footprint matters. Even if your child has no social media or digital devices of their own, they are around others who do. What are they saying and doing that they would someday regret if captured or shared? Have those kinds of conversations now with your kids before it’s too late. As a parent, it’s also important that we don’t give kids devices and forms of media they are not emotionally ready to manage. 

2. Love and Respect- As we talked about on our recent podcast, we agree with the premise of cancel culture and the importance of treating everyone with love and respect regardless of who they are or what they’ve done. Teach your children now to love and respect not only other people but themselves as well. Our words, actions, and attitudes DO matter and WILL affect our future.

3. Grace over Disgrace- At the end of the day, Caleb Kennedy learned a costly but valuable lesson on American Idol. Whether you agree with what happened or not, the reality is this: none of us are perfect, and we all make mistakes. This teenager’s  actions from four years ago may have cost him an American Idol title, but it doesn’t define who he is or who God created him to be. Despite what our society is saying in this cancel culture environment we are living in today, grace still trumps our disgrace. God offers us new mercies every day. He loves us despite our mistakes and that’s how he has asked us to love ourselves and others. Not because we are perfect or better than anyone else, but because of who Christ is and the price he has already paid for us on the cross. 

GRACE OVER DISGRACE...That’s the message we need to continually speak to our kids. 

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8

For more on cancel culture and our family…Listen to this episode of Rock Solid Radio by clicking this link. https://www.buzzsprout.com/636718/8578966-rock-solid-radio-cancel-culture-and-your-family-episode-135

Watch this episode of Rock Solid Radio by clicking this link 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnz94AN0e-U

How Are You Using Your Gifts?

Are you living with magnanimity?  After a recent interview with Father Meyer from All Saints Parish, we received a lesson on the Rock Solid Radio show on what living with magnanimity means.  It may be best to explain the opposite in order to understand the intended meaning of the word.  The opposite is often what we see more of from people; living minimally.  Meaning we seek to do the least amount in order to get by.  What’s the least amount of studying I can do to pass the class?  What is the least amount of time I can spend at work?  What is the least amount of commitment I can give to my relationships?  What is the least amount I can train for my marathon race?  You get the picture.  It is about living to the lowest level and still getting by.  

Father Meyer challenged us, as well as he challenged all of his athletes and parishioners to not live with a minimalistic attitude, but rather, an attitude of magnanimity.  Meaning we should live to the fullest of our God given abilities.  We glorify God when we use the gifts he has blessed us with and use them to their fullest.  Magnanimity comes from the Latin words, magna = big, and animus = soul, yes, “big soul”.  We are called to live with a big soul, or in other words, with a heart and desire to love God and bring glory to his name.  Instead of doing the least amount, how about when you do the things that matter, you do them to your fullest?  

Father Meyer explained how he has taken this virtue on as a way of life.  In doing so, he has made a lifestyle commitment to use his gifts as a coach and mentor.  Not only does he serve the people of his parish, but he immerses himself into the local high school community as a track and cross country coach.  He can also be seen at a great variety of other events around the high school or in the community as he feeds into the next generation of leaders.  So, the next time you are thinking about taking the shortcut, or the easy way out, think about what you are saying to God and what you could be doing for your community. 

To watch the full episode of our interview with Father Jonathan Meyer from All Saints Parish , Click Here

A Broken Marriage Redeemed

It was June 2019 when I got a call from Kim Barth all the way from Georgetown, Ohio. She was calling to set up coaching for her and her estranged husband, Josh. After seven years of marriage, this young couple had been living separate for almost a year but were talking about giving their marriage another try. Making a blended family work was difficult for both Kim and Josh. Married before, both had one child each when they met. Josh’s son and Kim’s daughter were both in second grade at the time and in the same class. After getting married in 2012, this couple quickly found out how challenging it was raising children in a blended family with two totally different parenting styles. The tension in the home only intensified when Kim discovered Josh’s addiction to prescription drugs. Trust was broken and anger ran high as Josh imposed tough rules and high expectations on the whole family that he himself wasn’t willing to follow. 

No Other Way Out?
In April of 2018, Kim had had enough and her and her daughter moved in with her parents in Georgetown, Ohio. After Kim moved out, Josh went into a downward spiral of heavier drug use and reckless choices. In September of 2018, Josh was in a dark place of denial and self pity. The enemy had convinced him there was no other way out than to end his life altogether. That’s when Josh took a gun and put it to his head. Thankfully, God had other plans for Josh Barth that night. Josh may have pulled the trigger, but it was the Lord that lodged that bullet in the chamber and gave Josh another chance at life. That September night was a turning point for this young husband and father. It was the end of his addiction and the beginning of his new life in Christ. Josh made a decision that night. God was in charge of his life, and it was time to get busy living again. 

Restoring What’s Broken
Immediately after his suicide attempt, Josh got away from his old life and moved back to Lawrenceburg to live with his son and dad. Even while divorce papers were still in the works, Josh made the decision to rededicate his life to Christ. He started back to church and began attending weekly Celebrate Recovery meetings. Even if he lost his marriage, Josh knew he could never go back to that side of town and that way of life again. While Josh was working the steps of sobriety, he was also starting the restoration process of his marriage and family. At first, Kim was not “buying what Josh was selling”. Her walls were up because in her mind, “things were too far gone”. Kim and Josh had both been wounded deeply, and a lot of damage had been done to their relationship. Both questioned whether God wanted them back together at all. That’s when Kim called Rock Solid Families.

First Things First
When Josh and Kim walked in the doors of Rock Solid Families, neither one knew how to put God first, marriage second, and children third.  Kim did know one thing for sure; Josh getting clean wasn’t going to be enough. Their marriage needed a complete transformation, and that’s exactly what God gave them.  Healing for Kim and redemption for their marriage came when Kim finally surrendered her life to Christ and learned how to forgive Josh. Kim was baptized and began going to church on her own in Georgetown, Ohio. Kim began making the drive to Harrison, OH every Sunday to attend church with Josh. She began to make the 90 minute drive to meet with Josh at Rock Solid Families, and God began to do great things in this young couples’ life.

Rebuilding Trust
God commands all of us to forgive, but rebuilding trust takes two, so I asked Kim and Josh, recently, how they were able to do that. Both admit they are still are a “work in progress”. They admit they don’t always get it right, but it’s been so much easier doing their marriage God’s way. Kim and Josh turned to God’s Word for direction and started reading scripture together. Kim’s heart began to soften as she saw Josh living out what they were reading. He was not just “talking the talk but walking the walk” as well. Josh admits he had to come clean and change his ways. He had to stop taking the easy way out and be honest even when it was hard. He had to make amends with Kim and the kids and surround himself with accountability and healthy relationships. Both had to learn how to put God first while still making their relationship a priority. 

More Than We Could Ask or Imagine
The apostle Paul tells us in Ephesians 3:20-21, Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Josh and Kim’s story is a living testimony to that truth. Not only has God restored their marriage, but he has brought this family of four together in a way it has never been before. God has also redeemed Josh’ addiction and used it for His glory too. He now serves the Lord in full time ministry working with men coming out of prison and addiction. Josh and Kim’s redemption story reminds us that there is nothing better than building our lives on the rock solid foundation of Jesus Christ. To Him Be All the Glory!

Never Say Never

When my husband and I started at Rock Solid four months ago, we were in bad shape. We had let years and years of resentment grow and fester in our hearts. As a woman, I had forgotten why we were even together and didn't think there was anything worth saving. We had tried therapists in the past, but neither of us had given it a 100%. With our previous therapists, I always felt I was right, and my husband always felt attacked. I didn't see a way out other than divorce.

That is when God put Merrill Hutchinson and Rock Solid Families in our lives. From the very first session, we both felt heard. Merrill showed us that we were BOTH causing damage not only to each other and our relationship, but to our kids as they watched our bad habits. Merrill helped up see how we needed to bring God into our marriage, or we weren't going to make it. Over the course of a few months, we were given the tools on how to handle conflict and how to communicate with each other. Without the Lord and Rock Solid Families, we would not have made it. Since coming to Rock Solid Families, my husband and I are closer than we ever have been before.

Don’t you just love seeing what God can do with two willing hearts? How he transforms our lives and our relationships into something that honors Him? At Rock Solid Families, we don’t claim to have all the answers, but we trust in a mighty God who does. With every client, we try and lean into His power and seek His wisdom. We don’t always get it right, and there are definitely times we miss the mark. After all, He’s God and we’re not. But when we humble ourselves and surrender our way for His; there’s no telling what God will do. Hearing stories like the one just shared with us confirms that God is still in the life changing business.

The apostle Paul understood better than any of us how God’s power was made perfect in OUR weakness. No fancy words. No magic pills. Just the power of the Holy Spirit and the wisdom of the one who created us in His image. So NEVER SAY NEVER when it comes to His power at work in your marriage and in your hearts. As Paul says, No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him. (1 Corinthians 2:9)

We are committed at Rock Solid Families to spread that message of HELP and HOPE with everyone we work with. That is why we do two weekly podcasts and videos on the topics of faith, family, and personal wellness. Rock Solid Radio and Strong Dads are two programs we write and record weekly to help spread that message with our community and abroad. We are blessed to have listeners from all over the world. You can find both on YouTube and most major podcast platforms like Spotify, IHeart Radio, Apple and Google Podcasts. Don’t know how to find those? Just go to our website, rocksolidfamilies.org. It can all be found there too. We are committed to putting tools and resources into the hands of those ready for change. We are passionate about helping to build more strong and healthy individuals, couples, and families. When an individual gives up or a family falls apart-everyone loses. Help us help others, but sharing this blog or one of our shows. And remember, no matter how bad things may seem right now, NEVER SAY NEVER, because with God all things are possible! (Matthew 19:16)

Do You Want to Get Well?

Since opening our Rock Solid Families office over two years ago, we have had the privilege of working with hundreds and hundreds of individuals, couples and families. Every day, we see clients who are hurting physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Sometimes, it's from their own choices like addiction or infidelity. Other times, it’s at the hands of someone else who has left them feeling abused or abandoned. In many instances, our clients come in feeling paralyzed and unable to see any good that could come from their struggle.

One of our goals in our faith based coaching is to help clients see that there is HELP and HOPE available. It’s promised in his word that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him and have been called according to his purpose, (Romans 8:28) but for many clients, that truth is hard to fathom. It’s hard to imagine anything good coming out of their pain and tears. Some have been dealing with their past trauma or living as a victim for so long, their pain has almost become part of the family. 

That was the case for a lame man back in Jesus’ day who was lying by a healing pool in Bethesda. The pool from time to time would stir as the angel of the Lord came and healed whoever made it in first. This particular man had been paralyzed for 38 years and when Jesus met him by the pool,  he had been there for a very long time waiting for someone to help. Can you imagine?  In John 5, we see Jesus coming on the scene asking the lame man the all important question, “DO YOU WANT TO GET WELL?”  The invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” 

Aren’t we a lot like that lame man in Jesus’ day? I know I can be at times. There are days I just want to sit there with my “victim” badge and cry “Someone, anyone, please feel sorry for me! It’s a lot easier to wallow in my circumstances and sit in my pain than do the work to change my situation. It would almost be like losing a little piece of my identity. The invalid had excuse after excuse for Jesus why he hadn’t gone in that water to be healed.  It had been 38 years, for goodness sake! You’d think that would be motivation enough to crawl or beg your way to the pool and be healed.

What about you? How long are you going to wear your “victim” badge? After all, everyone’s got something. Maybe you experienced abuse as a child or were bullied in school. Maybe, you struggle to this day with an addiction or learning disability. Maybe you are like many of our clients who have made some really bad decisions in the past and are still reeling from the natural consequences of their choices. That “ailment” doesn’t have to define you. You don’t have to be “lame” or “blind” forever. Jesus Christ asks us the same question he asked the paralyzed man by the pool-”Do YOU want to get well?” And he extends the same offer of hope and healing to us today. 

Choosing to pursue healthy and healing is not only important personally, but it’s also critical as a parent. What are our children seeing in us-victim or victory? I ask my clients who are also parents that question all the time. We are raising too many victims in our world today. “It’s not my fault” or “No one will help me” are only excuses that perpetuate victimhood. Let’s not let ourselves play the blame game any longer. It’s time to search our hearts and ask ourselves the all important question-”Do I want to get well?” Then, in faith, let’s pick up our mats and start walking.  

New Life-The Story of Rob and Ale

Over the years, I have had the privilege of working with hundreds of amazing engaged couples as they prepare for their new life together. I have loved getting to know each and every one of them and seeing their relationship grow and strengthen. That’s been especially true for newlyweds, Rob and Ale. I’ll never forget the day the two walked into our Rock Solid Families office. You could tell they were giddy about their upcoming wedding, but there was a seriousness about them too. They REALLY wanted to get this right. They were ready to do the work.

During our premarital sessions, they learned how to better communicate and resolve conflict in stressful times. They learned the importance of budgeting and having common financial goals. They dreamed together about their future including starting a family and parenting children. Then we began to dig a little deeper into what Rob and Ale were going to build all this on. What kind of foundation did the two of them want for their new life together? 

The topic of spiritual beliefs was definitely an issue between this engaged couple.  Rob came from an awesome family who loved one another and loved God; they just weren’t church goers. Ale had been raised Catholic but had stopped going for a while. On her own, Ale had recently started to attend church again and wanted a strong common faith for her marriage. Together, we began to unpack the story of the Wise and Foolish Builders in Matthew 7:24-27. 

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.  But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.

Rob and Ale walked down the aisle in June 2019 and started their new life together as husband and wife. They began attending church together as husband and wife and growing in their faith. In December 2019, the two of them walked down the aisle together again. This time to give their lives to Christ. Ale describes that moment as one she will never forget. Rob says “he felt something pulling him” to walk forward. Together, Rob and Ale decided to go ALL IN with their faith and lay a foundation of faith for their family that would be unshakable no matter the storm. 

You see, God’s word doesn’t promise us a storm free life, but he does offer us protection and refuge from the storms. That storm may be called infertility or infidelity. It may be cancer or COVID. Your marriage may be rocked by bankruptcy or betrayal, but God’s promises still stand. 

Rob and Ale are learning to trust each other completely just like they do God, because His love never fails! They both would tell you- it is so worth it. When you experience the unconditional love and grace of your Heavenly Father, you can’t help but give it away. They are building their family on the rock of Jesus Christ and just in the nick of time too, because their world is about to be rocked. The legacy of faith, family, and new life continues with the addition of Baby Bennison in March 2021. When I asked Ale what she wanted for her family, she immediately responded, “I can’t wait to bring him/her to church.” And so begins a new legacy of faith!

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. 
The old life is gone; a new life has begun!
2 Corinthians 5:17