Embracing Chaos: Finding Purpose in Disaster Relief - Featuring Darin Kroger

“Bringing Help and Hope to Those Who Are Hurting" is the first thing you will see when you visit the Masters of Disaster website. On this week’s Strong Dads podcast (Episode # 231), guest Darin Kroger talks about how he felt nudged by God to swap out comfort for chaos when he switched his career path from IT to operating his non-profit, Masters of Disaster, providing faith-based disaster relief and resources to communities impacted by severe weather -AKA acts of God!

In this episode, Darin shares with us what happened when he began to surrender his heart and talents to the nudging of the Holy Spirit.  Darin had what most of us would think of as a "good life" and by his own admission, it was a good life, but he continued to recognize an itch that wasn't being scratched. An itch for something more. Something that he really had no clue of what it looked like, other than it kept begging his attention.  This itch was in the arena of disaster relief.

Darin has always enjoyed following stormy and severe weather. The kind of weather that can change a person's life in a matter of seconds - tornados, floods, fires, and hurricanes. Most people watch this type of weather unfold from the comfort of their homes while watching the news. We sit back in our recliner and say a prayer for all the people who have been affected. Not to diminish the importance of prayer (because the Bible tells us that the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective!) but GOD WANTS US TO DO MORE!  He wants our hearts to be filled with compassion to serve the needs of others and then our hands to carry it out. 

Darin, along with his volunteers, began to operate the Masters of Disaster organization several years ago. Now it is a full-time disaster relief resource for areas within a 4-hour radius of the Greater Cincinnati area.

Darin and his team desire to serve those who are in their greatest time of need by offering emotional & spiritual care, chain sawing, roof tarping, flood redemption, debris clean up, and rebuilding & repair services. Masters of Disaster survival resources and actions are first on the list, then comforts and even wants can begin to fill in the void. Not only do Darin and his team restore the essentials, but as a result, they restore hope in individuals and communities as well.

To listen to episode # 231 of the Strong Dads podcast, visit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81ghL7QnmG0

For more information about Masters of Disaster, contact them at https://mod-usa.org/contact-mod/.

To learn more about Rock Solid Families and Strong Dads, Visit http://rocksolidfamilies.org.

Maximizing Work Capacity - Functional Fitness for Every Day Life.

Are you fit enough to do everyday life?

We often hear about people going to the gym to build muscle and sculpt the picture-perfect body, but the truth is many of us don't have the time or interest to build the perfect body, we just want to be more active and healthy. In other words, we want to build a healthy work capacity.

Work capacity is our ability to do work. Work by definition is Force x Distance. That means you apply a certain amount of force in order to move an object or complete a task. Work Capacity is simply how much or even how long you can carry out or perform the workload. Going to the gym to build bigger muscles does not necessarily equate to helping you be more functional in your daily life. Doing heavy reps and then walking around and resting in between sets does little to enhance our ability to sustain activity in our daily lives.

Cutting the grass, running a chainsaw, mopping the floors, and washing the windows are tasks that require us to start the job and carry out the workload associated with that job until it's finished. This means we have to sustain work over a period of time. In order to become more functionally fit, it is important to incorporate movements and workouts that closely replicate daily living. Bending over to pick up a heavy bag of groceries, climbing a flight of stairs, loading and unloading a truckload of mulch, carrying baskets of laundry up the steps… these are the types of patterns and weight we want to incorporate into our workouts. On top of this, we want to set a goal of sustaining the pattern over time. This constant movement requires the most vital organ of our body to work and strengthen - our heart.

Linda and Merrill specifically use a piece of fitness equipment called the Kettle Bar, which was invented by Merrill himself. The Kettle Bar came to fruition because Merrill saw that building overall fitness and work capacity was the desire of not only himself but many of the clients he works with. The Kettle Bar can be used in many ways that replicate the movements that are often required of us in our everyday lives.

On our Rock Solid Families Podcast, Episode # 282, Merrill and Linda talk about work capacity, functional fitness for our everyday lives, and demonstrate how to incorporate the Kettle Bar into your fitness routine to increase your ability to perform everyday tasks.

Watch the podcast video here: https://youtu.be/YauadyydAJo?si=xLLuxzfKmIy-iyRb

For more information on the Kettle Bar and how to incorporate it into your fitness routine, visit https://www.kettlebarfitness.com/.

For more information on scheduling faith-based coaching or fitness classes with Rock Solid Families, please visit http://rocksolidfamilies.org.

Life Giving Grit - Do You Have It?

For whatever reason, I have lately been very interested in learning and hearing more about what I’m calling “Life-Giving Grit.”  You’ve heard these stories before.  The person who suffers devastating blows only to never give up and finally prevail in the end.  The movie “Rocky” comes to mind.  I have also been reading a couple of different books about Holocaust survivors - Wow!  Some incredible stories of survival have come out of that tragedy.  Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Elie Wiesel, and Oskar Schindler are just some of the heart-moving stories that continue to live on. 

I also have more than a couple of friends and family who are in the long-haul battle for their lives against cancer or other illnesses.  I watch as they pull themselves from one treatment to the next with no guarantees that anything is actually going to work.  Nonetheless, they carry on.  Some of them have lived and continue to live with such grace and strength that inspires others.  This has challenged me to ask, “What would I do in these situations?”

To be clear, none of us want to invite tragedy or hardship into our lives just to see if we can pass the test.  But, as life would have it, many of us will be tested.  I wonder how I would stand up to the test.  I wonder how strong my faith and hope would truly be.  How about you?  How strong would you walk through the darkness?  

I have taken a little time to study and observe more about these enduring characters.  What is it about them that sets them apart, what traits do they have or what actions do they take to move on with such grace?  My list is not intended to be the final say on survival, but rather some suggestions and ideas that maybe all of us could benefit from whether in difficult times or not. 

Here are five different things I’ve noticed. See what you think. 

1.    The Eye of David - You’ve heard about the “tiger’s eye”.  I have thought about the story of David and Goliath and tried to imagine what David actually looked like when he stepped into the ring against Goliath.  Against all odds, and staring into the face of a giant, David must have had a certain “look” to him.  I think of that as the look of the tiger, the “tiger’s eye”. That look of absolute focus on the matter at hand, likely to be tunnel vision, where nothing else really matters at the moment.  That look is only fueled by eliminating all other possible outcomes other than a triumphant win.  David could not have looked at Goliath with fear and trembling.  He had to look at him with determination and faith that he would prevail. 

2.            “Pick Me” Mindset - They are the “all in” volunteers.  They invite opportunities to walk through hardship because they have faith that something better will come. 

3.            No Paralysis From Analysis - We have all been around people who are terrible about making decisions.  They overthink and second-guess every possible solution.  They use excuses such as, I’m still gathering information or I’m praying about it, way longer than is beneficial.  Instead, these people make a decision and then go with it.  It may not be the perfect answer, but they are willing to live with the responsibility and consequences of their decisions.  They are not afraid. 

4.            Problem Solvers, Not Statement Makers- They ask great questions that lead to powerful answers.  “What can I do about this?”  Many of us get stuck in stating the obvious. We make a statement about a given problem and then we leave it sit.  “I have cancer.”  That may be a true statement, but if left there, it is nearly worthless.  Problem Solvers say, 'I have cancer, what am I going to do about it?’  Asking a question of self-empowerment is the fuel to get things moving. Remember, this has nothing to do with whether or not your solution is going to work.  It simply means that you are not stuck and stranded without options.

5.            Action Figures - Finally, people of great survival stories are people that are movers and shakers.  They are action figures. They don’t sit back, they do!   I’m reminded of Todd Beamer, the man who tragically lost his life as a victim on United Airlines Flight 93. The plane was hijacked and ran directly into the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. Todd recognized that things did not look good for him and all the other passengers on that flight.  Rather than sit in his chair and cry, which would have made perfect sense, he corralled a group to storm the cockpit of the plane.  The possible outcomes were not good no matter what happened, but going down without a fight was not an option.  When they got their plan together, Todd Beamer was heard saying. “Let’s Roll”.  In other words, it is time to go to work.

As I mentioned earlier, none of us want to be tested in such life-or-death situations, but it is only through adversity that we truly learn who we are and what we stand for. My challenge is to know who I want to be prior to finding myself in the battle for my life. How about you?

Finishing Strong!

— Merrill Hutchinson

President of Rock Solid Families, a faith based marriage and family coaching organization in St. Leon, IN. For more information, contact 812-576-ROCK.

Time for Some Marriage Spring Cleaning

Every Spring, I get the bug to do some spring cleaning. I love to open my windows and let the fresh air in. The problem with that is I also have to take the time to wipe away all the cobwebs and bugs that have found a way in between the screens and windows over the cold winter months. There also seems to be a layer of dust and grime that settles on the windowsills too. Please say you have experienced this too. I can’t be the only one?

Well, the spring is also a great time to clean away the dirt and bugs that can “rot” away at our marriage. Some of these things can be like termites that quickly do extreme damage, and other things are more like a slow fade of the relationship. Either way, it’s time for some spring cleaning. 

Transparency is critical in growing a healthy marriage especially if trust has been broken before. Trust is the glue that holds a relationship together. Take the time NOW to get rid of the things that could keep it from growing and being healthy. 

Here are five basics to help with your Marriage Spring Cleaning:

1. Spend at  least 15 minutes a day of uninterrupted time talking to your spouse. Take the time to not just ask them what happened in their day but how they are doing. Intimacy is built when each spouse feels heard and understood. Don’t let bitterness or resentment build up like that grime on my window sill. 

2. Protect your relationship from other outside forces that want to beat against your house and try to steal your time and attention. Whether it be a whiny child, an overworking boss or a flirtatious neighbor, keep your marriage protected and kept it as top priority in your life. 

3. Be a united front when it comes to kids, finances, faith, future, etc. A house divided against itself can not stand. If you come to an impasse on a topic, get some outside help to resolve the problem so the “bugs” of division and bitterness don’t creep in and destroy your relationship. 

4. Think and speak positively about one another whether you’re together or not. Praise and affirm your spouse on a regular basis and you’ll make coming home to you that much more enjoyable.

5. Have fun together. A family that plays together stays together. Life can’t always be serious and hard. Life today can be very stressful, and you want your house to be a house of peace and joy. As the weather gets nicer, spend time outdoors together. Go for a walk. Take the kids to a park. Work on a project together in the yard. 

So there you have it. Five quick things you can do TODAY to spruce up your marriage and get it ready for a season of joy and peace. Of course, there are so many other, but these are just five quick things you can do that can have quite a positive impact on your future relationships.  Again, if these things seem impossible or out of reach for you, get some outside help. There is HOPE for a better tomorrow no matter how much damage or “rot” has occurred in your relationships. Take the time now to get rid of any residual hurt or issue in your marriage, so your relationship has the best chance to grow and bloom into something beautiful this year. 

Wisdom from Grandpa's Old Sayings

When I was young my dad, Merrill Sr, used to say things that my siblings and I would either laugh at, ignore, or just shake our heads because we thought he was a little crazy.  As we got older, we started to pay more attention to his seemingly meaningless phrases and began to realize he was attempting to impart a little wisdom on us without a long and drawn out sermon.  My dad was the master of idioms. Seldom did he have a conversation where he would not resort to one of his favorite nuggets of wisdom. Maybe some of them bring back memories from your childhood too. Here are some of his favorites.

• Don’t worry about the mule going blind, just load the wagon!

• Do something even if it’s wrong!

• Stop spinning your wheels!

• Busier than a one-armed paper hanger!

• It’s hotter than the hinges of hades.

• Don’t let the cat out of the bag.

• Better to let a sleeping dog lie

• Dumber than a box of rocks

• Happier than a pig in poop

• Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while

• Make hay while the suns a shining

• It’s not rocket science

• A good run is better than a poor stand

• The straw that broke the camel’s back

• Grass is always greener on the other side

• Don’t count your chickens before the eggs have hatched

• We’ll cross that bridge when you come to it

• Burning the candle at both ends

I could go on and on, and I’m sure you can think of many more used in your house. So, what’s so special about all these old sayings? Just like the tune of a old song can get stuck in your head, so too can these words of wisdom.  Passing wisdom down from one generation to the next happens through a variety of ways- stories, songs, poems, movies, etc as well as old sayings and idioms.

As this holiday season approaches, you may find yourself surrounded by friends and family. Take time to ask questions and tune in to stories of those you love and care about. Listen closely to the wisdom they impart. Take time to think about how you have learned so many of the values that guide you through your life.  Maybe even write some of them down. Give credit to the people who passed those values to you, and think about how you want to pass them along.

My children are always talking about grandpa’s old sayings. Several years ago, my son and nephew were so inspired by their grandpa’s one liners that they gave him a recording device to capture his funny and interesting sayings. They asked their grandpa to set the device by his recliner and record his thoughts and one liners.  My dad thought it was kind of fun idea and took them up on their idea. Over the course of the several months, my dad would grab the recorder and share some of his favorites for his grandkids.  

Today, my dad is 89 and struggles to recall much of anything, but thanks to my son and nephew, we have an entire collection of grandpa’s sayings to pass to the next generation.  It’s such a blessing to close our eyes and listen to grandpa’s voice as he imparts nuggets of wisdom and timeless teachings about the things that really matter. That’s a gift to be truly thankful for. Thanks, Dad! We love you!

Being Canceled by Cancel Culture

There were no warnings given. No explanation offered. It was just another normal day at work a few weeks ago when Merrill opened his email to find he had been permanently deleted from Facebook. After several attempts to contact them, they refused to give him any chance to appeal their decision. After all, it’s a free platform and according to the terms and conditions you agreed to when you signed up, they don’t owe you any explanation. 

Mob Rule
Welcome to the world of cancel culture where you can be thrust out of social or professional circles at the click of a button. Maybe you’ve experienced it too? Whether it be online or in person, cancel culture is real but the attitude toward it is as vast as the world wide web. Cancel Culture is all about momentum, so the faster you build alliances with like-minded people, the more you feel protected by the mob. This momentum can be so powerful it can be like a tsunami wave crushing anything in its wake and taking you down a path you never imagined you would ever be on.

Greatest Target of Cancel Culture
The phrase "cancel culture" has been used to describe a wide range of behaviors, including intimidation, exclusion, and online shaming and bullying, but canceling people because of who they are or what they do is nothing new.  The most recognized person who ever walked the earth was a victim of cancel culture - Jesus Christ. He was falsely accused, publicly rejected, and ultimately put to death because he challenged many of the religious beliefs and practices of his day. He was a threat to the political and religious establishment of his time. Despite his physical death, Christians believe he was resurrected on the third day and his message of unconditional love and forgiveness continues to resonate in our world today.

Speaking the Truth in Love
Have you been publicly ridiculed for defending the name of Jesus or speaking God’s truth over a situation? As Christ followers, we are warned over and over again in God’s Word that we will face persecution just as Jesus did. We can only speculate since no warning or explanation was given, but maybe that’s why Merrill was permanently deleted from Facebook? At Rock Solid Families, regardless of what the cultural or political establishments say or do, we will continue to share truths from God’s Word in a way that honors God.

In Acts 4, Peter and John were called unschooled, ordinary men, but yet spoke with great boldness despite the opposition and threats they experienced. The bible calls all believers to “speak the truth in love”. (Ephesians 4:15).  We are told to “always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect”. (1 Peter 3:15). 
Four Guiding Principles to Remember

So how should Christians respond to today’s cancel culture? There is no easy answer or one size fits all response, but below are four guiding principles God weaves all throughout his word.

1. We all sin and fall short of God’s glory.  We all make mistakes, and we all say and do things we regret. We should be willing to forgive others, just as God has forgiven us, but this doesn’t mean that we will always be able to ever trust that person again. God does command us to get rid of anger or bitterness. That’s for OUR benefit. Forgiveness is not easy, but it is essential for our own healing and growth. 

2. We are not the judge-God is. We do not know the full story of someone's life, and we cannot know their heart. We should be slow to condemn others, and quick to offer grace and compassion.

3. We are called to speak the truth in love. We should not be afraid to call out injustice and harmful behavior. However, we should do so in a way that is loving and respectful. Our goal should never be rejection or hate but instead love and redemption. 

4. We are called to love and forgive others the way Christ loved and forgave us. This is God’s greatest commandment and it’s the key to overcoming cancel culture. When we focus on loving others, we are less likely to be offended or angered by their words or actions. We are more likely to be understanding and forgiving.

So the next time you feel excluded, shamed, or bullied or see it going on around you, step back and take a deep breath. Don’t react or join in on the mob mentality out of pressure, anger, or fear. Think about a way to respond that would be loving, compassionate, and Christ-like. Help to create a culture of accountability and respect where we can have open and honest conversations about difficult topics even when we disagree. Shine the light of Christ into that darkness and help make a difference in our world today.

We want to thank all our Rock Solid Families partners and sponsors for believing in our mission of strong and healthy families. You are helping to shine the light of Christ into the darkness. We live in a broken world in need of a Savior, and we are committed to offer that HOPE and HEALING to anyone who will listen. For a list of all our Rock Solid Partners, click HERE. Because of you, we can fight for those who can’t fight for themselves and stand for truth even when we are criticized or canceled.

Pleasure over Pain, Please!

How comfortable are you with uncomfortable conversations? How well do you handle stressful situations? Do you find yourself avoiding your boss at work, because he seems to only point out your flaws, rather than acknowledge what you’ve successfully accomplished? When situations get serious, do you tend to crack a joke to break the uneasy tension? How often do you scroll aimlessly through social media or binge watch a television series to escape reality? Of course we’d much rather receive praise over criticism, laugh instead of cry, and distract ourselves rather than ruminate on our daily stressors. Given the choice, we would choose comfort over discomfort every time. 

It’s a No-Brainer
Pleasure over pain, please! Oh the things we do to protect ourselves from feeling discomfort. This is such an innate reaction for us that we don’t even realize how often we are doing it.  Everyday we combat distressing thoughts and feelings through defense mechanisms. A defense mechanism is an unconscious means to decrease internal stress. We don’t even have to think about it, our brains just activate into protection mode. The limbic system plays a major role in this, which involves the part of our brain responsible for behavioral and emotional responses, especially when it comes to our survival instincts, such as fight or flight. We are literally wired to protect ourselves. 

Formed from Emotional Wounds
Although we all have this innate reaction to defend ourselves, the more emotional wounds we’ve endured, the stronger our defenses become. When experiencing frequent or repeated emotionally distressing events, defenses can become really strong in order to protect from feeling emotional discomfort or pain. Think of it as building this brick wall around your heart or wearing full body armor like a knight. You’ve been emotionally hurt to the point you refuse to let anyone or anything even have the chance to cause you pain. 

For individuals who have experienced a lot of hurt or loss, especially throughout their early childhood, defense mechanisms can become so hardwired that they present themselves in situations we rationally do not need defending. It’s as if our brain perceives a “threat” that actually isn’t there. An example of this would be if you’ve experienced abandonment in your past and you start to avoid your friend who hasn’t spoken to you in a few weeks. In reality, your friend has been busy with a new job, however your past abandonment wounds perceive she is leaving you, so your defenses come up to protect from the possibility of getting hurt. Although defense mechanisms initially serve to protect us, over time they can create major barriers in our relationships and hinder our personal growth. Ultimately, continuing to live from our defense mechanisms may be hindering our relationship with God and living out the life He intended for us. 

How to Let Your Guard Down
Awareness is key. We can’t change something if we aren’t aware it exists. What are common defense mechanisms you may be using? Avoidance, distraction, deflection, denial, or humor? Click HERE to check out our handout of defense mechanisms and see which ones stand out to you. Once you’ve identified your go-to defenses, be curious why these defenses are coming up for you. What are you attempting to protect yourself from?  What emotions are you feeling when these defenses arise? Are there emotional wounds you haven’t dealt with yet? 

If you are thinking to yourself right now, “Psh, I don’t have any emotional wounds”, I gently encourage you to reference the “denial” defense mechanism; Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world and we ALL have been hurt at some point in our lives. After you’ve identified your defenses and start to uncover where they stem from, I encourage you to seek trusted support to process through your emotional wounds. The world teaches us that being emotional is a weakness. “Suck it up and move on.” The truth is, until we allow ourselves to sit with our emotions and process through them, they will continue to control us.

From Defensive to Defended
This fallen world has wired us to defend ourselves, but this isn’t the life God intended for us. God is our defender, shelter, shield, and our rock. The Lord guards our hearts and our minds (Philippians 4:7). We are hidden in Him (Colossians 3:3), and we are more than conquerors through Him (Romans 8:37). We aren’t meant to carry our burdens (Psalm 55:22), and we aren’t supposed to fight this battle on our own (Deuteronomy 3:22). “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:14). I want to encourage you to take off the armor you’ve created from the hurts of this world, and put on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6). Seek His help and comfort in times of distress, and allow Him to heal your emotional wounds of the past.

A Different Kind of Freedom

Have you had the chance to see the movie Sound of Freedom yet? Wow! The movie was such a difficult one to watch but such an important one to see about the horrific reality of human trafficking in our world today. I left the movie theatre feeling more convicted than ever that God’s children are not for sale, and we must do whatever we can to help eradicate such atrocities. So if you have a chance to see it in a theatre or stream it at home, please take the time to do so.

Chained by the Past?
Human trafficking is an unspeakable tragedy in our world today and should never be tolerated, but in this article we are talking about a different kind of freedom. With this kind of freedom, YOU hold the key! In our life coaching ministry, we work with so many clients held captive by the chains of their past mistakes or stuck in the pain caused by someone else. Some will say they literally feel imprisoned by the shame. Others come to us feeling haunted by childhood trauma and paralyzed by the fear.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom
There’s a song by Jesus Culture that describes it perfectly.  It’s called “Freedom”. The popular song incorporates a familiar passage of scripture into its lyrics- 2 Corinthians 3:17.  This verse says, now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  

The song, Freedom, starts with the lyrics, Step out of the shadows, step out of the grave. Break into the wild and don't be afraid. Run into wide open spaces, grace is waiting for you. Dance like the weight has been lifted, grace is waiting.Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. 

Hidden in the Dark
What’s holding you captive? Isaiah 61:1 tells us that the Lord has proclaimed freedom for the captives and released the prisoners from darkness. For some it’s their past. Maybe that’s you. Are there things in your past you have never dealt with or still feel ashamed of that keep you trapped?

Whatever you keep secret in the dark, Satan uses against you. He is the one that keeps you bound in chains. A couple months ago, we shared stories of hope and transformation on our Rock Solid Families Podcast, and we shared the story of “Shannon”. (Our client’s name has been changed to protect her privacy)

Shannon’s Story
Shannon came to Rock Solid Families last fall feeling stuck, broken, fearful, and ashamed. Those were her exact words. It took months before she finally felt safe enough to share the darkest part of her story.  She had stuffed the pain and shame of her childhood sexual trauma so deep; her husband was the only one she had ever told in over 40 years. Over the course of two years, Shannon had suffered sexual abuse from a family member when she was just 8 years old. It took her husband finally saying to her “it’s time”, before she ever shared about her childhood trauma in a coaching session.  It was obvious there was something holding her captive, but she was too fearful to share. 

No Longer a Slave to the Secret
Once the “secret” was out, Shannon began to unpack the trauma and heal those deep, infected wounds God’s way. Through God’s divine help, Shannon’s life looks radically different today because of God’s healing power and her courage to come out of the dark. She has finally found her voice and that fear and shame no longer hold her captive. Shannon is feeling hopeful again. She would say she is finally finding that freedom she had always heard about. 

Who Has a Hold Over You?
Maybe it's not trauma or past mistakes that hold you captive. Maybe it’s the words, actions, or attitude of a difficult person in your life that you have allowed to have control over you. Who do you allow to push your buttons? We can’t control others, but we CAN control our response. Our response is OUR responsibility. Don’t let someone else enslave you and hold you captive. Decide today…I will no longer allow that person to have a hold over me. I hold the key to set myself free! Find lasting freedom by setting healthy boundaries around that toxic relationship. Remember the words to the song Freedom we referenced earlier. Dance like the weight has been lifted… Bring all those burdens...bring all those scars. Grace is waiting for you. 

Experiencing a Different Kind of Freedom
Maybe it’s not the mistakes you’ve made or the toxic people around you, but the loss you’ve experienced. Maybe you have been held captive by grief for so long, you don’t even know what it means to experience joy and freedom again. What it means to laugh and smile again. Maybe you have been weighed down by the heaviness of loss...whether it be the death of a loved one or the death of a marriage. Maybe it is the loss of a career or livelihood due to an illness or accident. Maybe the grief has been so intense, you almost feel dead inside.

That same song says, step out of the grave. Break into the wild and don’t be afraid. Run into wide open spaces, grace is waiting for you.  Don’t know how to break free from those chains? Seek professional help. Reach out to us at Rock Solid Families. You don’t have to live as a captive any longer. But remember, what we said from the beginning; this is a different kind of freedom. Freedom is possible, because you my friend hold the key!

A Father’s Love

Let’s give a warm welcome to one of my favorite months of the year, June! And man is it coming in hot! It’s hard to believe sweet summer time is already here. For me, summer has always been associated with rest and relaxation, specifically by the pool, soaking up the sunrays. I live for the long, sunny pool days, accompanied with delicious grill outs, competitive games of cornhole, bonfires, stargazing, and time with family and friends.

Sharing My Birthday
The month of June is also extra special to me, because it’s my birthday month. I am blessed to have countless fun memories of celebrating my birthday with my family and friends over the years, and there are milestone birthdays I will never forget. I was born on the first day of summer and Father’s Day. Whenever my birthday falls on a Sunday, it’s joined with Father’s Day. As a child, I didn’t really appreciate this all so much; However, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown to realize that being born on Father’s Day and sharing my day with my father is truly a special gift. 

Learning From My Mom and Dad
Working in mental health over the last 6 years, I’ve learned a lot about the importance of relationships. It’s our relationships and the experiences we have within our relationships that have the biggest impact on our beliefs about ourselves and our beliefs about others. It’s in our relationships where we learn whether the world is safe or dangerous. And the most critical relationships in forming these beliefs are those with our caregivers: our mother and father.

If our mother and father are present and attend to our basic needs with love and care during our early stages of development, we are more likely to believe that we are safe and we can trust others. If our mother and/or father are not present and don't attend to our basic needs, we can easily form the belief that we are not safe or secure, others can’t be trusted, and we need to react accordingly to survive. Ultimately, our relationship with our mother and father sets the stage for how we engage with the world around us.  

Lies About Our Heavenly Father
In 2020, I was in a small group at church, and I remember one specific session when we discussed our perceptions and beliefs about our heavenly Father. We were given a handout with all of these lies one may believe about God, and we were to identify the lies that we personally believed. I remember looking through the list and thinking, “I’ve never thought any of these things about God”. As others began sharing with the group the lies they identified with, I remember feeling so confused and surprised that others had multiple lies they had been believing about their heavenly Father, and I just couldn’t relate. Later on, the leader went on to explain how we tend to perceive our heavenly Father similarly to how we perceive our earthly father. Then it all started to make sense.

Never Questioning His Love
Overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude, I realized the positive view of my heavenly Father was influenced by the positive relationship with my earthly father. My father has always been there for me when I’ve needed him. He’s the prime example of provider and protector. He would do whatever it takes to care for his family without expecting anything in return. My father taught me forgiveness, gentleness, and the power of feeling and showing the uncomfortable emotions this world teaches us to hide.

Of course my dad is human not perfect, and just like all relationships, he and I have definitely had our moments of conflict (especially in my hormonal teenage years). But it’s evident how the qualities of my earthly father have influenced my beliefs of my heavenly Father, and to say I’m grateful is an understatement. I’ve never questioned my dad’s love for me, and I can say the same about God.

When the Walls Go Up
Unfortunately, there are many individuals who have not had a healthy relationship with their father and many that haven’t had a relationship with their father at all. We can let our defensive walls come up to protect our broken heart and lie to ourselves and say this doesn’t affect us, but it does. It’s easier to say it doesn’t bother us, than to accept the reality that the one who gave us life, hurt us.

We live in a broken world and we have all been hurt in relationships at some point, with far too many of us having been hurt by our caregivers. These emotional wounds change how we view ourselves, others, and ultimately how we view God. The truth that we struggle to realize and believe is that our heavenly Father is the only one that won’t hurt us and the only one who can truly satisfy our deepest needs and desires. 

What’s In our Way?
If we want to have a deep relationship with our heavenly Father, we need to identify what’s getting in our way. Are you holding onto false beliefs about yourself or about others, that you are projecting onto God? Have you been hurt, betrayed, or rejected by a significant relationship that was supposed to be safe, loving, and secure? If trust has been broken in your earthly relationships, it makes sense as to why you may struggle to trust God. We all have emotional wounds that need to be attended to, and the good news is there’s a heavenly Father longing to comfort and heal us with His loving presence. 

Healing Those Wounds
This year, Father’s day is on June 18th. For some, this will be a joyful day, for others it will be painful. And for some, it will be a mixture of all kinds of emotions. My prayer is that you invite Jesus into whatever emotion you’re feeling when thinking of this day. I pray the Lord reveals any emotional wound that may be getting in the way of you having a deep, intimate relationship with Him, and that He would heal that wound with His love. And despite what your relationship is/was like with your earthly father, I pray that on this Father’s Day, you know and encounter your heavenly Father and His love for you in a new and powerful way. He loves you so much, and there’s nothing that you’ve done or could do to change His love for you.