Greatest Humanitarian Crisis since WWII

With all that is happening in our world today for literally millions of Ukranian families, problems in my life seem so insignificant. How about you? Have you taken the time to pause and reflect? For me, personally, I’ve decided it’s time for a shift in perspective. For our family, we’ve been in the middle of some home remodeling projects that have left our house in disarray. It’s been unnerving to have things in chaos around here, until I started watching the news. My heart breaks watching families pack up just enough to carry or wheel behind them and leaving the place they used to call home. I can’t even imagine leaving my home and not having any idea where I was going and not knowing if I would have anything to come back home to.

Doesn’t Compare
It seemed like such an inconvenience to be displaced from our master bedroom and into a spare room until I started watching the news. Children holding on to their stuffed animals in one hand and their mother’s hand with the other. Moms clinging to their children pressing their way through the train station trying to get out of Ukraine. Being displaced from my bedroom seems so ridiculous compared to the millions of refugees displaced from their homes and nation. Mothers and children nestled up together trying to stay warm and safe on subway and train station floors. 

Saying Goodbye
We recently traveled to visit our adult sons and their families on the east coast. Our sons are in the military, so saying goodbye and being apart have become part of our way of life over the past 10 yrs. However, our separation and farewells don’t even compare to what Ukrainian families are going through right now. I turn on the news and realize how blessed I am.  I can’t even imagine kissing my husband and adult sons goodbye and leaving them behind to fight a war they didn’t ask for. My heart breaks for those children who hugged their dads and brothers as they boarded those trains out of Ukraine maybe for the last time.

First World Problems
What have you been focusing on lately? I know the news can be hard to watch sometimes and there are times we do need to turn it off, but I don’t think this is one of them. It's too easy to stay in our own comfortable life and deal with our insignificant “first world” problems. I just heard a report on the refugee crisis where they estimate there could be 4 million people displaced looking for a home before this is all over. These are not just folks looking for a hot meal and an overnight stay. These are women, children, and families that will need a place to call home for months, maybe years to come. What is God calling us to do in this crisis? The war in the Ukraine is creating the greatest humanitarian crisis since WWII. 

Love in Action
It’s hard to know what to do living so far away from the conflict, but God’s word gives us some direction. 

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good.  Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.  When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.  Romans 12: 9-13.

• PRAY. The number one thing we can do for our Ukrainian brothers and sisters is pray. God tells us to be “patient in trouble and keep on praying.” 

• GIVE. Another way we can help is to give. Displaced families are in need of so much and there are already great organizations mobilized on the ground to help. Giving to an organization such as Samaritans Purse ensures it is direct relief to the Ukrainian people in Jesus’ name. 

• BE. As a Christ follower, I am called to BE the hands and feet of Jesus Christ not just in my home and neighborhood but to the world. How about you? Be patient. Be ready to help. Be eager to practice hospitality. That’s what Romans 12 tells us to “be”.

What Are You Focusing On?
What is God asking of us in this crisis? I believe he’s telling us to do exactly what Romans 12 tells us to do; put our love for him into action.  I don’t exactly know what that looks like for you, but I know for me it’s a mindshift away from my trivial first world problems. I can’t dwell on my petty inconveniences when people are running from mortar shells and not knowing where they will get their next meal.  It’s focusing on praying regularly and fervently for the families in Ukraine. It’s giving generously to the humanitarian work being done to help them in Eastern Europe. It’s being open and ready to help in other tangible ways such as meal packing or even opening up our home to those being displaced. Whatever God calls me to do, I need to be ready to put my faith and love into action. 

5 Steps to Finding Your Identity and Purpose

She could hardly look up at me, as I we sat in my office on that hot summer day. She was so weighed down by the guilt and shame from her past, she had no idea how to even answer my questions. “Who is Dawn*, and why is she here?” All she could do was cry…and cry…and cry. It was an ugly cry. It was a couple sessions of ugly cries, but after she had a chance to let the pain go, it was time to begin the healing process. It was time to discover the answers to those two all important questions that would change her life forever-”Who are you?” and “Why are you here?”

Identity and Purpose
I don’t know what the weather is like where you are right now or where you are in life, but I want to talk to you for a moment about two things that are important in any season of our lives- Identity and Purpose. My husband and I have worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and families over the past 30 years who have struggled with one or both of these things. Honestly, identity and purpose are so closely connected, it’s hard to even separate the two. It’s hard to have one without the other.

What About You?
I didn’t just ask Dawn those two questions on that hot July day. I’m asking you, too. “Who are you and why are you here?” It doesn’t matter your age either. You can be an 18 year old young woman and have a very clear vision of your identity and purpose, or you can be a 50 year old man and have no idea. If we were sitting in my office together right now, and I asked you those questions, what would you say?

Not Enough
I can still see the look on one teenage girl’s face not too long ago when I asked her those same two questions. Her answers made my heart sink. “Who am I you ask? Well, I’m not pretty enough, smart enough, or good enough”, she said. That’s all she could give me. No wonder she struggled with anxiety, depression, and hopelessness. In her mind, she couldn’t even think of a reason for her to still be here.

Don’t Leave Your Heart Unprotected
You see when we don’t know who we are and why we are here, we set ourselves up for disaster. We allow our minds and hearts to be unprotected and we get wounded and offended easily. We allow the world or someone around us to define us and determine our worth and purpose. Not understanding our identity and purpose is causing one of the greatest epidemics today especially in our children and young adults. It is what is causing this huge crisis in the areas of: gender identity, self harm, hate, division, divorce, suicide, depression, anxiety-you name it.

Starts With You
So what can we do to combat this crisis? How can we help ourselves and those we love from falling into this deadly trap? I’m glad you asked. It starts with YOU. You can’t give someone else something you don’t have yourself. So here are five easy steps to finding YOUR identity and purpose.

Five Steps to Finding Your Identity and Purpose

1. Stay Away From the Lies. Make sure you don’t fall for the lies of identity. These are some common lies we all are tempted to believe when it comes to who we are. They are all sinking sand…

   • I am what I have

   • I am what I do

   • I am what other people say or think of me

   • I am nothing more than my worst mistake

   • I am nothing less than my best accomplishment

2. Commit to an Abundant Mindset-Commit to healthy, positive self talk for yourself and those you care about. Don't be a victim of your circumstances and focus on what you don’t have. Live in an abundant mindset and focus on what you do have. Fix your eyes on being content and grateful for what God has given you and what he has already done in your life. God can take the ugliest of circumstances and create some of the most beautiful victories. 

3. Build on a Strong Faith Foundation-Build an identity and purpose on something that doesn't change like the lies mentioned above. This is where a faith foundation can be critical to a healthy, positive identity and purpose for your life. God created you on purpose for a purpose! Build on His truths.

4. Surround Yourself With Healthy People-Surround yourself with people who will help you. Maybe it’s a mentor, pastor, coach, counselor, healthy friend, someone who will walk alongside you in this journey of self discovery and awareness. Let go of relationships who hold you back from your true identity and purpose. 

5. No More Excuses-Decide today to make this the year you find your identity and purpose in life. Stop floundering and letting everyone else decide who you are and why you are here on this earth. Once you discover who God has created you to be and the amazing plans he has for your life, it won’t matter the circumstances around you. You will have built your life on something that is unshakable even in the middle of the most intense storm. Once you start to understand who you are and why you are here, you will experience a contagious peace and joy that can never be taken away. That, my friends, is the kind of pandemic we need in our world today! 

   *Name changed to protect confidentiality

The Insanity of Arguing

It may not be Google’s definition, but it’s the one we use in our house. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Turns out that isn’t just a saying in the Hutchinson house, but a quote by Albert Einstein. I wonder if Einstein has been listening in on some of our families’ conversations?

When Your Buttons Are Pushed
Why do we keep having the same argument over and over again? “I asked you to put those shoes on the shelf a hundred times.” “I can’t take this yelling one more day!”  Why do we let our spouse or that coworker get under our skin over and over again? It’s like they know how to push that ONE button that just sets us off every time. It’s frustrating, exhausting and let’s face it-insane!

The Blue Pants Fight
What if I told you there is a way to get off the crazy train? What if there was a way to avoid the insanity that comes with those arguments you seem to keep having over and over again. Months after our wedding day, Merrill and I had one of the biggest fights we would ever have in our 34+ yrs of marriage. It was all over a pair of men’s royal blue pants that were too good to pass up, and I do mean BRIGHT ROYAL BLUE! Despite Merrill’s repeated NOs, I took it upon myself to purchase the blue pants for him while he was trying on other clothes. Needless to say, the insanity began with yelling some ugly “choice words”, pants throwing, and two very angry “adults” storming out of the store. We left the sales lady hanging and probably wondering, “what was THAT all about?”

Bubbling Underneath The Surface
What WAS that all about? Why the intense reaction from my husband over a blue pair of pants? The truth is we weren’t arguing about pants at all. That argument was really all about control, and it wasn’t the first time it had happened. It wasn’t the first time I had disrespected my husband’s NO and trumped his opinion with my own. It wasn’t the first time my husband felt like I was trying to control him. But as two young newlyweds, we had not yet learned the tools to repair a conflict or resolve an issue before it blew. 

Resolving Conflict God’s Way
So let me save you the embarrassment we felt over 34 years ago, by giving you some very practical tools to implement TODAY with anyone you come into conflict with. 

1. ASSESS-Ask yourself.  Where is this emotion coming from? What’s really underneath this anger or bitterness? Anger is a secondary emotion that warns you of a deeper offense.

2. TIMEOUT-Recognize your emotions and call for a timeout in order to settle your mind and heart. Nothing good happens when we are trying to resolve conflict in the heat of the moment.

3. REVISIT-Ask to revisit the discussion within 24 hours speaking the truth with love, respect, and gentleness. Don’t brush your hurt under the rug. It only gets bigger later. (Thus the Blue Pants!)

4.  APOLOGIZE FIRST-Own your part of the conflict first even if you feel like you were only 5% responsible and they were 95% of the problem. Lead with an apology or a thank you to drop the defenses down of the other person.  Lead with “I” statements instead of pointing fingers and accusing them. Don’t tack your excuse on the back end of your half hearted apology either. It won’t get you anywhere. Insanity begins when you lead with “YOU ALWAYS…or YOU NEVER…”. Instead say something like  “I am sorry I disrespected your NO. I should have listened to what you wanted”. “I am sorry I blew up at you and embarrassed you in the store. That was wrong of me.” OR “You work your butt off for our family. You deserve to pick your own clothes out.”

5. LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND-Do more listening than you do talking. Ask follow up questions to make sure you have clarity to what was really going on inside the other person. The Bible says we are to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” James 1:19. Make sure you drill down below the surface and get to the root of the anger and hurt early in the conflict so it doesn’t grow into something ugly.  “I’m hurt because I feel disrespected”.  “So what I hear you say is you are hurt, because you feel like I am trying to control you?”  Stay in the present. One thing at a time. That’s why this is so important, so things don’t build up and then blow up down the road. Don’t drag in past hurts. It only shuts down the other person.

6. ASK- Ask the other person. “How can I help this from happening again?” “What do you need from me?” Be sincere in your request. That’s how you keep the argument from being repeated over and over again. Include the other person in the solution.

7. CHANGE BEHAVIOR-Make an effort to correct the behavior and avoid the insanity from happening again. Be quick to catch yourself before the other person does. If you mess up, own it immediately and apologize for it. 

8. EXTEND GRACE-Be generous with forgiveness and grace.  No one is perfect.  Recognize you both are flawed humans working to resolve conflict God's way. 

Because conflict is a two way street, there is no guarantee that the issue will be forever resolved, but following these steps will give YOU personal and lasting peace. Be faithful to God’s way of resolving conflict and stay away from the insanity of meaningless arguments.  You’ll be so happy you did!

Click HERE to watch Episode 163 of Rock Solid Radio, Insanity - Arguing about the Same Thing, Again!

Click HERE to listen to Episode 163 of Rock Solid Radio, Insanity - Arguing about the Same Thing, Again!

A Forever Home and Family

I don’t know where the idea of adoption came from growing up for me. It wasn’t something that was really prevalent with my family or friends, but it was definitely a seed that God planted in my heart long before I got married or started a family. I remember thinking that I would love to have a child or two with my husband in my 20’s and then open up our hearts to a child in need and give them a forever home and family maybe in our 30s. Little did I know that the idea of adopting “ a child” in my 30’s would turn into more “children” in my 50’s. God has such a sense of humor. 

Never Say Never
For years, my husband Merrill and I would have casual conversations about the topic of adoption. We would dream about what our family would look like if we adopted, but we never made any real moves to do anything about it. Merrill would say all the time, “if the Lord wants us to have more children, he will put them in front of us”. You see, the last 20 yrs of his career, Merrill worked in an elementary school as a Guidance Counselor. He had the privilege of working with thousands of children and families. Little did he know at the time but that that would be the very place God would open his heart and call his bluff. 

Something Special
It was early 2014 when three children moved into a new foster home and showed up at Merrill’s school. Despite being in and out of foster care for over five years, there was something special about these three siblings ages 11,9,and 7. We didn’t think much of it at the time, because they were still in the foster care system with hopes of reunification with their parents. I still remember the late spring day when Merrill came home with the news. Their parents' rights were being terminated, and they would probably either be split up or moved out of the district.  Older children and sibling groups are extra hard to place. The thought of these three amazing kiddos having to be moved again or split up made us both sick to our stomach. 

Aren’t We Too Old?
But Lord, we are in our 50s now. We’re empty nesters. Our kids are grown and out of the house. Surely, there is a younger family with kids their age that could give them what they need. Is that fair for them to be placed with such an “old couple”? These are all thoughts that ran through our head. We even stepped back and let the summer pass in case a better option was found. The next school year came and our three were back in the same foster home and still looking for a forever home and family. That’s when we knew God had hand picked us to be their mom and dad. He had planted the seeds of adoption way before our three youngest were even born. Only the Lord knew the rest. 

Help Us Spread the Word
If fostering or adopting is something God has laid on your heart, don’t ignore his prompting. Ask questions. Get more information. Be curious about the different options. Open your heart and mind to God’s leading. November is National Adoption Month. Help us spread the word about the thousands and thousands of kiddos in our community and abroad in need of a forever home and family. You may just be the one God is calling to make a difference in the life of a child. If not you, maybe it’s someone you know. 

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: 

to look after orphans and widows in their distress 

and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. 

James 1:27

Click HERE to watch Episode 160 of Rock Solid Radio, Have You Ever Thought About Adoption?

Click HERE to listen to Episode 160 of Rock Solid Radio, Have You Ever Thought About Adoption?

The Secret Weapon to Preventing Divorce

This past weekend we helped lead a marriage enrichment weekend with an amazing group of married couples from our local area. It was so encouraging seeing couples there married more than 40-50 years as well as just a year or two. There were couples representing first marriages, second marriages, blended families, you name it. It was truly a melting pot. We laughed together, prayed together, and grew together. We were encouraged to see so many men and women wanting to strengthen and protect their marriage and family. In our time together, we shared with them the secret weapon to do both.

The Secret Weapon
Do you want peace, power, and protection for your marriage and family? Do you want the secret weapon in preventing divorce with over 99% effectiveness? Then pray together! Yep, that’s right. Less than ONE PERCENT of couples who pray together on a regular basis divorce. I don’t know of any tool that can rival that statistic, but unfortunately not many are tapping into the power.  Family Life surveyed thousands of Christian couples and found a sad and alarming statistic. You’ve probably heard one out of every two marriages end in divorce, but have you heard the statistic isn’t any better for Christian couples? Why is that? Maybe it’s because only 4% of Christian couples actually pray together on a regular basis.

Helping You Get Started
Why don’t more couples pray together? Every couple is different, but here are some suggestions that may help you get started:

1. BE POSITIVE- No throwing your spouse under the bus. Thank God out loud for your partner. Pray blessings and protection over your family. Focus on why you love them and thank God for them. It will fill the heart of your spouse and draw you closer to the Lord and each other.

2. BE BRIEF- Keep it simple and to the point. Make sure whatever routine you begin you can sustain. It’s not the time to show off your big vocabulary and flowery prayers. You want your spouse to feel comfortable with you praying out loud.

3. BE CONSISTENT - Find a daily time that works with you both and stick to it. Consistency is important but so is flexibility. If your schedule gets crazy and you have to mix it up, no worries. There are no rules.

4. BE TRANSPARENT- Don’t be afraid to share your heart with God in front of your spouse. Praying out loud alongside your spouse builds spiritual intimacy and creates a bond that cannot be easily broken. A mealtime prayer is always a great family practice, but it isn’t exactly the best time to build intimacy or transparency. You need time and privacy as a couple not a growling belly worried the food is getting cold.

5. BE PATIENT- Building spiritual intimacy takes time, but it is so worth it. God can do beautiful things with folks who seek Him above all else.

Seeing Into Your Partner’s Heart
So there you have it. My top five suggestions for praying together as a couple. After hearing those startling statistics mentioned above almost 20 years ago, my husband and I began praying together almost every evening before bed.  I’ll admit. It was awkward at first. We were used to praying rote prayers as a family not heartfelt ones out loud privately. As the spiritual leader in our home, my husband goes first and prays for me, our marriage, our family and anything else laying on his heart that day. Then I do the same. Often, we’ll share things in that prayer time we haven’t mentioned all day. It’s like seeing into the heart of my spouse. It’s also hard to harbor negative feelings and unresolved issues when we’re praying together on a regular basis.

So why not grab your spouse and start today? What do you have to lose? It may just be the tie that binds you together and draws you closer to each other and to the Lord.

Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecc. 4:12

Click HERE to watch Episode 159 of Rock Solid Radio, Why Should I Pray?

Click HERE to listen to Episode 159 of Rock Solid Radio, Why Should I Pray?

This is How We Fight Our Battles

I’ve never been a fan of horror movies. Even as a teen on a date, horror movies were not my thing. Watching people get bludgeoned to death by an ax murderer or heads spinning because of ghosts just gave me the creeps. I know a lot of people get a huge adrenaline rush by haunted houses, scary movies, or creepy novels, but we’ve got to be careful. Why you may ask? Because my friends, the battle for our mind and heart is real!

The Real Enemy
If you haven’t listened to our two recent Rock Solid Radio podcasts (Episodes 157-158) on spiritual warfare, I highly recommend you do so as soon as you are done reading this article. You can find them on our website or on any podcast platform you use. Every day, we have clients walking in our Rock Solid Families office in what they think is a battle with their spouse, adult children, boss, even an ex...you name it. Their emotions are high and their stomach is in knots over a conflict with someone. They are angry, sad, frustrated, and sometimes feeling hopeless that anything good can come out of their situation. Can I just stop you right now and tell you with 100% confidence; they are not the enemy! Now don’t get me wrong. People can hurt us and let us down. They can frustrate us and step on our toes, but they are not the real enemy in this story. The apostle Paul reminds us of that in a letter he wrote to the city of Ephesus.

For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against the mighty powers in this dark world, and against the evil spirits in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12 NLT

Looking For Someone to Devour
Oh, there’s an enemy alright, but he’s not made of flesh and blood! The apostle Peter warns us about the great enemy. Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8 NLT

My friends, we can’t get complacent. Satan and his demons are very real, and there is a real battle going on for our hearts and minds. He wants to distract, discourage, and destroy us. He wants our marriage, our family, even our life. He wants us to believe there is no other way out but through him. Isolation and shame are two of Satan’s favorite weapons for our heart and mind. If he can shame us with our mistakes and make us think we’re all alone, he’s got us right where he wants us. Every day, we see men and women walk in our office feeling weary and hopeless as they fight against this shame and isolation. It’s exhausting when we’re fighting the battle alone.

This is How We Fight Our Battles
So how do we fight against the enemy in this spiritual battle for our mind and heart? Let’s go back to what Paul taught us in Ephesians 6:10-17. We’ve got to suit up in the full armor of God to take our stand against the devil’s schemes.  It boils down to:

1. Truth-Believing in and speaking God’s truth in love. (vs. 14)

2. Integrity-Doing the right thing when no one is looking (v. 14)

3. Peace-Resting in and leaning on God’s strength even in the middle of a storm. (vs.15)

4. Faith-Trusting in the Lord even if we don’t understand. (vs16)

5. Salvation-Accepting the free gift of salvation that God offers us through His son, Jesus’ sacrifice. (vs 17)

6. The Bible-Knowing and living by the truth of God’s Word. It’s our only offensive weapon against the enemy. The Bible is alive, active, and sharper than any double edged sword.  (Ephesians 6:17, Hebrews 4:12)

7. Prayer- Crying out to the Lord activates the armor of God and calls on the power of the Holy Spirit to protect and intercede for us.  (vs18)

There’s no question that Satan's schemes are very real and very evil. As we drift away from these seven things identified above, the world gets darker and darker. But we are promised in 1 John 4:4 that “the one who is in us is greater than the one who is in the world.”  Let’s not be overcome by Satan’s schemes or tricked into believing there is no such thing as spiritual warfare. Stay alert and put on the full armor of God today. This is how we fight our battles!

Click HERE to watch and learn more about spiritual warfare on Rock Solid Radio

Click HERE to listen and learn more about spiritual warfare on Rock Solid Radio

Middle School Life-The Battle is Real!

If there can be a more confusing time in life, I’m not sure what it is.  Middle School or Junior High school is a crazy time to be a human. And, if you are a parent, it is a crazy time to raise a child.  As much as we would like to minimize it, the battle is real!

One minute you see them acting like they own the house and the next minute they are regressing back to playing in the sandbox.  There appears to be an internal mental battle in which the adult version and kid version are at war with each other.  You never seem to know which one you’re going to be interacting with.  In fact, it appears they don’t even know which one you are going to be interacting with.  This is where the confusion begins.  

Uncharted Territory
Middle School life is a time of confusion.  The brain and body are walking through uncharted territory.  They don’t always understand how or why they are feeling the way they do.  Personally, we have witnessed in our own home what seems like an emotional meltdown.  Tears, sadness, frustration, but when asked what’s wrong, the emotional expression of, “I don’t know”!  Comes out of their mouth. 

That’s the point, they literally do not know.  They don’t know what their body is going through.  They don’t know why they are thinking the way they do. They don’t understand the body changes or lack of.  Everything is changing at once and they can’t seem to predict what is going to happen next.  This would drive anyone crazy!

How can we help our kids grow through this crazy phase and into adulthood? 

• Give them a heads up before they even enter the time of puberty.  It is of great value to give them insights into what kind of waters they will be sailing through.  It allows them to think, ask questions, and even prepare and recognize what the changes look like. This includes talks about sexual development, menstruation, sexual thoughts, etc...

• Build your relationship with them before the difficult times.  Even though your preteen may begin to think they know everything, they will need people in their life to talk with.  Hopefully, this is a parent, but if not, help them to get connected to a teacher, coach, youth minister, etc…  This person can make all the difference in helping your preteen feel connected and secure during this time of change.

• Don’t allow them completely off the hook of responsibilities.  You may have a preteen that wants to avoid family interactions, skip out on daily chores, or simply not feel like doing what needs to be done.  This is not the time to allow them to escape these times.  Rather, this is the time to let them know how important they are to the “team”.  This is where we can begin to teach them that their work is valuable and greatly appreciated.  

• Don’t exasperate your child.  You may see what your preteen needs to be doing, but they lack your vision for living.  Yelling and nagging does not make them see more quickly what you want them to see.  It is a development readiness problem. It is like yelling at a one-year-old child to walk.  They will walk when they are developmentally ready to do so.  The same holds true here.  Set up the vision you want them to see, but then give them the time to crawl and fall through it. 

• Emphasize values over outcomes.  Your preteen is now becoming very aware of others.  The comparison game is coming to its peak!  They now recognize when they are better than others at certain things, but they also recognize when they are not so good.  They want to know where they measure against their peers.  This is natural, but this is the time when you as the parent can pour into them about their gifts and how uniquely created they are.  This is the time to teach and emphasize the values to live by rather than the achievements to live for.  

• Keep in mind, this is a phase.  We often see the messiness of a situation and have a hard time seeing what the project may look like in the end.  Adolescence is similar. It is a messy time, but the “project” is still under construction.  Be patient and continue to cast the vision of possibilities.

At Rock Solid Families, we help teens and their parents every day navigate these uncharted and difficult waters. If we can help you and your family, give us a call at 812-576-ROCK

Click HERE to watch our latest episode of Rock Solid Radio, Episode 156, Middle School Life

Click HERE to listen to the latest episode of Rock Solid Radio, Episode 156, Middle School Life

Hitting the Wall

Have you ever “hit a wall” when you physically or emotionally couldn’t do it anymore? Maybe, you came to the end of yourself where you “hit rock bottom” and needed to make a change in your life? Both were the case for 21 year old Monica this past winter, when she hit more than the proverbial wall. In February 2021, it took a large retaining wall, a totaled car and a DUI to finally get Monica’s attention.

Numbing the Pain
Monica admits she had been living pretty angrily and recklessly up until the accident. As a teen, Monica was a girl with an attitude. She would regularly smoke marijuana and drink alcohol trying to numb the pain and loss she was feeling inside. Monica was an angry teenager that dumped a lot of hate and judgement on anyone who crossed her.  Looking back, Monica now realizes the marijuana, alcohol, anger, and tough exterior were all feeble attempts to cover up the feelings of abandonment and unforgiveness after her parents’ divorce. Instead of getting help, Monica self medicated and ignored the warning signs.

Healing Begins
That was until the accident got her attention. Getting a DUI and losing her license definitely humbled Monica and opened her eyes. She finally realized she needed help dealing with the emotions she had stuffed for so long. That’s when Monica made the call to Rock Solid Families and began the healing process. 

Let’s Be Honest
What about you? Are you turning to alcohol, drugs or hate to cover up pain or loss? Are you numbing or stuffing difficult feelings of anger, abandonment, betrayal instead of dealing with them in a healthy way? Let’s be honest. You’re not really getting high just because it feels good. You’re not drinking every day just because you’re bored. You’re not lashing out at everyone around you because it’s fun. What’s really going on inside? Stop kicking that proverbial can down the road. It’s only going to lead to destruction whether it be your marriage, your job, or maybe even your life.  There is HOPE and HELP available, but it’s not going to be found in the bottom of a bottle. It’s not going to be found in secrets and isolation. The enemy loves it when we keep things in the dark. He can hold us captive in our shame and pain. 

Get Rid Of The Garbage
Pick up that garbage and throw it in its proper place. Get help today and experience a peace and freedom like you’ve never experienced before. Get involved in a 12 step program like Celebrate Recovery or AA, if you need help in breaking free from addiction. Find someone to help hold you accountable for the changes you know you need to make. That’s what Monica did, and she’ll be the first one to tell you. It’s so worth it!

Click HERE to listen to Episode 155 Rock Solid Radio, Learning the Hard Way with Special Guest, Monica Quintanilla

Click HERE to watch Episode 155 Rock Solid Radio, Learning the Hard Way with Special Guest Monica Quintanilla

Hallie's Story-Shining Bright Again

Over the past 18 months, it is no secret that COVID has taken a toll emotionally on both the young and old. Experts were telling us over a year ago that we would soon be seeing a pandemic of a different kind in the area of mental health. Mental health has definitely been a struggle for so many people over the past year including an increasing amount of young children. We get calls weekly from parents of elementary, preteen, and teenage children struggling with unexplained sadness, moodiness, anxiety, and relational struggles.

WARNING SIGNS
As coaches, we’ve sadly seen their resilience diminish as children attempt to navigate the world around them. What used to be “no big deal” is now really hitting our kids hard causing melt downs, tantrums, or high levels of anxiety. This is true for one of our youngest clients, 10 year old Hallie who wanted to share her story to help other kids that may find themselves struggling like she did. First, listen to what Hallie’s mom was seeing this past spring and what led her to call Rock Solid Families. Maybe, as a parent, you are having the same concerns.

Near the end of fourth grade, I started noticing my daughter, Hallie, was coming home different after school.  She just seemed sad.  It was subtle, but as a mom you know when your child is ‘off’.  She would share a little about her day when she first came home but by bedtime she would be spilling her guts.  These night time conversations usually involved tears and feelings of being left out.  

 Hallie is a straight A student, plays soccer, dances, is involved in Girl Scouts and liked by just about everyone she meets.   It was shocking to find out she was struggling with feelings of loneliness at school. Seeing her so sad I knew I had to do something to help her get back to her best self. Hallie agreed to talk with Linda at Rock Solid Families, and she opened up to her immediately.  As we worked through a few sessions, Hallie took all of Linda’s advice to heart and put it into action at every opportunity.  

I could see she was getting back to herself over the summer but was curious to see what the new school year would bring. This past August as fifth grade began, Hallie had a new set of tools to use when she would begin feeling lonely or left out.  I recently had a conference with her teacher and was ecstatic to learn Hallie was back and doing better than ever!  Her teacher shared that Hallie is a bright spot in the class and makes everyone around her feel better about themselves.  She explained how others are drawn to Hallie but suspects Hallie doesn’t even realize the impact she has on others.  I ,too, see Hallie’s confidence growing day by day. Giving her the tools to navigate school and friends has helped Hallie shine bright once again.   Thank you, Rock Solid Families! Hallie’s Mom, Kylee

YOU’RE NOT ALONE
Here’s what Hallie wanted to share with anyone feeling sad or lonely like she was.

I struggled with friendship in the 4th grade year and throughout the summer.  I felt I either didn’t have anything to offer to a friend or that there was always someone better. It was like I was always second choice.  I would try to play what friends wanted at recess, but the next day they wouldn’t return the favor and play what I wanted.  

After meeting with Linda, I feel like I have learned a lot from her and Rock Solid Families. It has made me feel closer to God and Christ and helped me to realize I have many great qualities to offer.  Hallie, 10 years old

TAKE A DAILY TEMPERATURE READ
Talk regularly to your child about how they are doing. I call it a parent’s daily temperature read. Take a daily “temperature read” of their day asking them about school, their friends, and how they are feeling. Everyone has a bad day, but if day after day your child seems to be struggling with navigating life, don’t ignore the warning signs. Just like if your child had a high fever for 2 weeks straight, you would be alarmed, the same goes for their emotional “temperature” too. That’s why Hallie’s mom reached out to us. If day after day, your child is having melt downs, tantrums, or isolating themselves from others-something is up. Reach out for help. You are NOT alone. There is HELP and HOPE available. Rock Solid Families has a great resource page full of helpful podcasts, blogs, and outside resources to help you as a parent. Check it out by going to rocksolidfamilies.org/resources, or call us at 812-576-ROCK. That’s why we’re here!

Resources