Greatest Humanitarian Crisis since WWII

With all that is happening in our world today for literally millions of Ukranian families, problems in my life seem so insignificant. How about you? Have you taken the time to pause and reflect? For me, personally, I’ve decided it’s time for a shift in perspective. For our family, we’ve been in the middle of some home remodeling projects that have left our house in disarray. It’s been unnerving to have things in chaos around here, until I started watching the news. My heart breaks watching families pack up just enough to carry or wheel behind them and leaving the place they used to call home. I can’t even imagine leaving my home and not having any idea where I was going and not knowing if I would have anything to come back home to.

Doesn’t Compare
It seemed like such an inconvenience to be displaced from our master bedroom and into a spare room until I started watching the news. Children holding on to their stuffed animals in one hand and their mother’s hand with the other. Moms clinging to their children pressing their way through the train station trying to get out of Ukraine. Being displaced from my bedroom seems so ridiculous compared to the millions of refugees displaced from their homes and nation. Mothers and children nestled up together trying to stay warm and safe on subway and train station floors. 

Saying Goodbye
We recently traveled to visit our adult sons and their families on the east coast. Our sons are in the military, so saying goodbye and being apart have become part of our way of life over the past 10 yrs. However, our separation and farewells don’t even compare to what Ukrainian families are going through right now. I turn on the news and realize how blessed I am.  I can’t even imagine kissing my husband and adult sons goodbye and leaving them behind to fight a war they didn’t ask for. My heart breaks for those children who hugged their dads and brothers as they boarded those trains out of Ukraine maybe for the last time.

First World Problems
What have you been focusing on lately? I know the news can be hard to watch sometimes and there are times we do need to turn it off, but I don’t think this is one of them. It's too easy to stay in our own comfortable life and deal with our insignificant “first world” problems. I just heard a report on the refugee crisis where they estimate there could be 4 million people displaced looking for a home before this is all over. These are not just folks looking for a hot meal and an overnight stay. These are women, children, and families that will need a place to call home for months, maybe years to come. What is God calling us to do in this crisis? The war in the Ukraine is creating the greatest humanitarian crisis since WWII. 

Love in Action
It’s hard to know what to do living so far away from the conflict, but God’s word gives us some direction. 

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good.  Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.  When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.  Romans 12: 9-13.

• PRAY. The number one thing we can do for our Ukrainian brothers and sisters is pray. God tells us to be “patient in trouble and keep on praying.” 

• GIVE. Another way we can help is to give. Displaced families are in need of so much and there are already great organizations mobilized on the ground to help. Giving to an organization such as Samaritans Purse ensures it is direct relief to the Ukrainian people in Jesus’ name. 

• BE. As a Christ follower, I am called to BE the hands and feet of Jesus Christ not just in my home and neighborhood but to the world. How about you? Be patient. Be ready to help. Be eager to practice hospitality. That’s what Romans 12 tells us to “be”.

What Are You Focusing On?
What is God asking of us in this crisis? I believe he’s telling us to do exactly what Romans 12 tells us to do; put our love for him into action.  I don’t exactly know what that looks like for you, but I know for me it’s a mindshift away from my trivial first world problems. I can’t dwell on my petty inconveniences when people are running from mortar shells and not knowing where they will get their next meal.  It’s focusing on praying regularly and fervently for the families in Ukraine. It’s giving generously to the humanitarian work being done to help them in Eastern Europe. It’s being open and ready to help in other tangible ways such as meal packing or even opening up our home to those being displaced. Whatever God calls me to do, I need to be ready to put my faith and love into action. 

The Insanity of Arguing

It may not be Google’s definition, but it’s the one we use in our house. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Turns out that isn’t just a saying in the Hutchinson house, but a quote by Albert Einstein. I wonder if Einstein has been listening in on some of our families’ conversations?

When Your Buttons Are Pushed
Why do we keep having the same argument over and over again? “I asked you to put those shoes on the shelf a hundred times.” “I can’t take this yelling one more day!”  Why do we let our spouse or that coworker get under our skin over and over again? It’s like they know how to push that ONE button that just sets us off every time. It’s frustrating, exhausting and let’s face it-insane!

The Blue Pants Fight
What if I told you there is a way to get off the crazy train? What if there was a way to avoid the insanity that comes with those arguments you seem to keep having over and over again. Months after our wedding day, Merrill and I had one of the biggest fights we would ever have in our 34+ yrs of marriage. It was all over a pair of men’s royal blue pants that were too good to pass up, and I do mean BRIGHT ROYAL BLUE! Despite Merrill’s repeated NOs, I took it upon myself to purchase the blue pants for him while he was trying on other clothes. Needless to say, the insanity began with yelling some ugly “choice words”, pants throwing, and two very angry “adults” storming out of the store. We left the sales lady hanging and probably wondering, “what was THAT all about?”

Bubbling Underneath The Surface
What WAS that all about? Why the intense reaction from my husband over a blue pair of pants? The truth is we weren’t arguing about pants at all. That argument was really all about control, and it wasn’t the first time it had happened. It wasn’t the first time I had disrespected my husband’s NO and trumped his opinion with my own. It wasn’t the first time my husband felt like I was trying to control him. But as two young newlyweds, we had not yet learned the tools to repair a conflict or resolve an issue before it blew. 

Resolving Conflict God’s Way
So let me save you the embarrassment we felt over 34 years ago, by giving you some very practical tools to implement TODAY with anyone you come into conflict with. 

1. ASSESS-Ask yourself.  Where is this emotion coming from? What’s really underneath this anger or bitterness? Anger is a secondary emotion that warns you of a deeper offense.

2. TIMEOUT-Recognize your emotions and call for a timeout in order to settle your mind and heart. Nothing good happens when we are trying to resolve conflict in the heat of the moment.

3. REVISIT-Ask to revisit the discussion within 24 hours speaking the truth with love, respect, and gentleness. Don’t brush your hurt under the rug. It only gets bigger later. (Thus the Blue Pants!)

4.  APOLOGIZE FIRST-Own your part of the conflict first even if you feel like you were only 5% responsible and they were 95% of the problem. Lead with an apology or a thank you to drop the defenses down of the other person.  Lead with “I” statements instead of pointing fingers and accusing them. Don’t tack your excuse on the back end of your half hearted apology either. It won’t get you anywhere. Insanity begins when you lead with “YOU ALWAYS…or YOU NEVER…”. Instead say something like  “I am sorry I disrespected your NO. I should have listened to what you wanted”. “I am sorry I blew up at you and embarrassed you in the store. That was wrong of me.” OR “You work your butt off for our family. You deserve to pick your own clothes out.”

5. LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND-Do more listening than you do talking. Ask follow up questions to make sure you have clarity to what was really going on inside the other person. The Bible says we are to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” James 1:19. Make sure you drill down below the surface and get to the root of the anger and hurt early in the conflict so it doesn’t grow into something ugly.  “I’m hurt because I feel disrespected”.  “So what I hear you say is you are hurt, because you feel like I am trying to control you?”  Stay in the present. One thing at a time. That’s why this is so important, so things don’t build up and then blow up down the road. Don’t drag in past hurts. It only shuts down the other person.

6. ASK- Ask the other person. “How can I help this from happening again?” “What do you need from me?” Be sincere in your request. That’s how you keep the argument from being repeated over and over again. Include the other person in the solution.

7. CHANGE BEHAVIOR-Make an effort to correct the behavior and avoid the insanity from happening again. Be quick to catch yourself before the other person does. If you mess up, own it immediately and apologize for it. 

8. EXTEND GRACE-Be generous with forgiveness and grace.  No one is perfect.  Recognize you both are flawed humans working to resolve conflict God's way. 

Because conflict is a two way street, there is no guarantee that the issue will be forever resolved, but following these steps will give YOU personal and lasting peace. Be faithful to God’s way of resolving conflict and stay away from the insanity of meaningless arguments.  You’ll be so happy you did!

Click HERE to watch Episode 163 of Rock Solid Radio, Insanity - Arguing about the Same Thing, Again!

Click HERE to listen to Episode 163 of Rock Solid Radio, Insanity - Arguing about the Same Thing, Again!

A Forever Home and Family

I don’t know where the idea of adoption came from growing up for me. It wasn’t something that was really prevalent with my family or friends, but it was definitely a seed that God planted in my heart long before I got married or started a family. I remember thinking that I would love to have a child or two with my husband in my 20’s and then open up our hearts to a child in need and give them a forever home and family maybe in our 30s. Little did I know that the idea of adopting “ a child” in my 30’s would turn into more “children” in my 50’s. God has such a sense of humor. 

Never Say Never
For years, my husband Merrill and I would have casual conversations about the topic of adoption. We would dream about what our family would look like if we adopted, but we never made any real moves to do anything about it. Merrill would say all the time, “if the Lord wants us to have more children, he will put them in front of us”. You see, the last 20 yrs of his career, Merrill worked in an elementary school as a Guidance Counselor. He had the privilege of working with thousands of children and families. Little did he know at the time but that that would be the very place God would open his heart and call his bluff. 

Something Special
It was early 2014 when three children moved into a new foster home and showed up at Merrill’s school. Despite being in and out of foster care for over five years, there was something special about these three siblings ages 11,9,and 7. We didn’t think much of it at the time, because they were still in the foster care system with hopes of reunification with their parents. I still remember the late spring day when Merrill came home with the news. Their parents' rights were being terminated, and they would probably either be split up or moved out of the district.  Older children and sibling groups are extra hard to place. The thought of these three amazing kiddos having to be moved again or split up made us both sick to our stomach. 

Aren’t We Too Old?
But Lord, we are in our 50s now. We’re empty nesters. Our kids are grown and out of the house. Surely, there is a younger family with kids their age that could give them what they need. Is that fair for them to be placed with such an “old couple”? These are all thoughts that ran through our head. We even stepped back and let the summer pass in case a better option was found. The next school year came and our three were back in the same foster home and still looking for a forever home and family. That’s when we knew God had hand picked us to be their mom and dad. He had planted the seeds of adoption way before our three youngest were even born. Only the Lord knew the rest. 

Help Us Spread the Word
If fostering or adopting is something God has laid on your heart, don’t ignore his prompting. Ask questions. Get more information. Be curious about the different options. Open your heart and mind to God’s leading. November is National Adoption Month. Help us spread the word about the thousands and thousands of kiddos in our community and abroad in need of a forever home and family. You may just be the one God is calling to make a difference in the life of a child. If not you, maybe it’s someone you know. 

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: 

to look after orphans and widows in their distress 

and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. 

James 1:27

Click HERE to watch Episode 160 of Rock Solid Radio, Have You Ever Thought About Adoption?

Click HERE to listen to Episode 160 of Rock Solid Radio, Have You Ever Thought About Adoption?

Middle School Life-The Battle is Real!

If there can be a more confusing time in life, I’m not sure what it is.  Middle School or Junior High school is a crazy time to be a human. And, if you are a parent, it is a crazy time to raise a child.  As much as we would like to minimize it, the battle is real!

One minute you see them acting like they own the house and the next minute they are regressing back to playing in the sandbox.  There appears to be an internal mental battle in which the adult version and kid version are at war with each other.  You never seem to know which one you’re going to be interacting with.  In fact, it appears they don’t even know which one you are going to be interacting with.  This is where the confusion begins.  

Uncharted Territory
Middle School life is a time of confusion.  The brain and body are walking through uncharted territory.  They don’t always understand how or why they are feeling the way they do.  Personally, we have witnessed in our own home what seems like an emotional meltdown.  Tears, sadness, frustration, but when asked what’s wrong, the emotional expression of, “I don’t know”!  Comes out of their mouth. 

That’s the point, they literally do not know.  They don’t know what their body is going through.  They don’t know why they are thinking the way they do. They don’t understand the body changes or lack of.  Everything is changing at once and they can’t seem to predict what is going to happen next.  This would drive anyone crazy!

How can we help our kids grow through this crazy phase and into adulthood? 

• Give them a heads up before they even enter the time of puberty.  It is of great value to give them insights into what kind of waters they will be sailing through.  It allows them to think, ask questions, and even prepare and recognize what the changes look like. This includes talks about sexual development, menstruation, sexual thoughts, etc...

• Build your relationship with them before the difficult times.  Even though your preteen may begin to think they know everything, they will need people in their life to talk with.  Hopefully, this is a parent, but if not, help them to get connected to a teacher, coach, youth minister, etc…  This person can make all the difference in helping your preteen feel connected and secure during this time of change.

• Don’t allow them completely off the hook of responsibilities.  You may have a preteen that wants to avoid family interactions, skip out on daily chores, or simply not feel like doing what needs to be done.  This is not the time to allow them to escape these times.  Rather, this is the time to let them know how important they are to the “team”.  This is where we can begin to teach them that their work is valuable and greatly appreciated.  

• Don’t exasperate your child.  You may see what your preteen needs to be doing, but they lack your vision for living.  Yelling and nagging does not make them see more quickly what you want them to see.  It is a development readiness problem. It is like yelling at a one-year-old child to walk.  They will walk when they are developmentally ready to do so.  The same holds true here.  Set up the vision you want them to see, but then give them the time to crawl and fall through it. 

• Emphasize values over outcomes.  Your preteen is now becoming very aware of others.  The comparison game is coming to its peak!  They now recognize when they are better than others at certain things, but they also recognize when they are not so good.  They want to know where they measure against their peers.  This is natural, but this is the time when you as the parent can pour into them about their gifts and how uniquely created they are.  This is the time to teach and emphasize the values to live by rather than the achievements to live for.  

• Keep in mind, this is a phase.  We often see the messiness of a situation and have a hard time seeing what the project may look like in the end.  Adolescence is similar. It is a messy time, but the “project” is still under construction.  Be patient and continue to cast the vision of possibilities.

At Rock Solid Families, we help teens and their parents every day navigate these uncharted and difficult waters. If we can help you and your family, give us a call at 812-576-ROCK

Click HERE to watch our latest episode of Rock Solid Radio, Episode 156, Middle School Life

Click HERE to listen to the latest episode of Rock Solid Radio, Episode 156, Middle School Life

Kids and Their Friends

When I was growing up, the friends I had were either kids I went to school with or neighbors who lived on my street. If you are over the age of 40, you know what I’m talking about. We didn’t have the world wide web that could connect us instantly with someone across town or in a different state. We didn’t have social media platforms that would allow us to “find friends'' instantly. Kids today are dealing with scenarios we never had to deal with when it comes to making and keeping friendships. Yes, it's a whole new world, but as a parent, there are some basic sound principles that are still important to keep in mind when it comes to your child and their friends.

FRIENDSHIP PRINCIPLES

1. Speak early and often about what a healthy friendship looks like. This can start even at the age of 2 when your child finds a new friend on the playground. Things like kindness, sharing, taking turns are all values you should begin to instill in your child the day they start interacting with others. 

2. Surround your kids with other families who share similar values. Put them in positive environments where there are other children and adults who will model what you want your child to be like. One of the favorite places for our children has been at church where families from all walks of life come to build a rock solid foundation for their home and family. I didn’t say perfect kids, but ones who are being guided with similar values as yours.

3. Ask lots of questions about who they like to be around and why. If your child is school age, make sure you initiate frequent casual conversations about things like the playground, the cafeteria, the classroom. Who do they play with and what do they like to do together? It’s a great chance to get a peek into your child’s world and see if they are making good choices in their friendships. Make your home a safe place to come with any conflicts or difficulties in their friendships. Not that you are going to go in and fix it for them, but help them brainstorm how to resolve the conflict themselves.

4. Encourage your kids to bring their friends around your home and family, so that you can observe how they interact together. Listen in on car ride conversations and how they talk to one another. Watch how they play on the trampoline together or what they do in the basement when you’re not around. Make sure you follow up privately with them any concerns or red flags you begin to have. 

5. Keep the lines of communication open and comfortable even into their teen years. When our kids are teenagers, it becomes more difficult to monitor every little friend interaction, but it’s still super important to keep the lines of communication open about their friendships. Continue on the same routine as above asking them about their friendships and what they enjoy about those friends. Invite their friends to hang out at your house. If you find your teen is always going over someone else’s house, get to know that family. Make sure you connect with those parents and have regular communication with them. Your child is less likely to sneak or lie, if they know you have the ability to follow up and confirm their plans. Not saying you always have to but always can if needed. 

Walk with the Wise
There is a very wise proverb that says, Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. Proverbs 13:20. If you learn that your teen is walking with the fools and suffering harm, don’t save them from the natural consequences of their actions. They will never learn if you are always saving them or defending them. 

If your teen starts hanging with the wrong crowd and breaks your trust, explain to them you are not judging or condemning their friend. No one is forcing your child to make these poor decisions. Make sure they understand the buck stops with them. They are responsible for their own actions and consequences. As a consequence of breaking your trust, limit his/her exposure to that friend or group until the trust has been restored. In the meantime, flood their schedule with positive people and healthy environments. Whether it be a mentor, sport, club, youth group, church function, serving opportunity or all of the above, help them to walk with the wise and become wise. Obviously every child and home is unique, but we believe that by applying these principles you can prepare your child for rich and healthy friendships, as they grow into a healthy, independent adult. If we can help you and your family work through some of the things we’ve mentioned in this blog or in this week’s episode of Rock Solid Radio, please give us a call at 812-576-ROCK. We’re here to help!

Click HERE to watch Episode 153 of Rock Solid Radio, Kids and their Friends

Click HERE to listen to Episode 153 of Rock Solid Radio, Kids and their Friends

Will They Ever Leave?

Have you ever had family or friends outstay their welcome?  How about you, have you ever outstayed your welcome in someone’s home?  What does it mean to no longer feel like you are welcomed? When our adult kids come back to visit, for example, we are full of excitement to see them and catch up on the latest in their lives.  The energy, conversation, and time spent together is amazing.  But then, things begin to change.  After a time we can all feel the newness of the visit wearing down and there is almost a feeling of everyone treading on each other’s feet.  Simple things like how many cars are parked in the driveway that I have to be aware of so I don’t back into one of them.  Taking turns in the kitchen to make myself lunch. Having a conversation of give and take on what television show is going to be watched.  All of this and not to mention the significant increase in the amount of food, laundry, and cleanup to keep the house running.  Suddenly, there is a feeling of, “okay, I’m ready to get my life back”.  

But, what if I told you there was no end in sight of your guests leaving?  This is the case more and more, as we see adult children coming back under the roof of their parents.  Parents love helping their children, but sometimes the helping gesture begins to turn sour.  Parents begin to feel used and intruded upon, and in some cases, the adult children begin to feel like they are being mothered all over again.  Small cracks in the relationship begin to turn into wide canyons. Before you know it the family is breaking down, and no one is happy.  

This scene is real in many homes today, and the difficult news is that it seems to be a growing trend.  The good news is that there are many things we can do to make these visits a pleasant and helpful experience for everyone involved. Understanding how to communicate in advance of saying yes to your house guests is key, and boundaries are a must!  What’s mine is yours and yours is mine often does not float well when a bunch of adults are under one roof together.  Set some clear boundaries and draw out some specific expectations beforehand to avoid confusion and hurt in the relationship later.  And finally, determine an end date before you even get started.   Leaving the stay open-ended can be a sure-fire means to destruction in many homes and relationships. Having a vision for how long something is going to last helps to give everyone the mental strength to endure when things get challenging.  Put a date on the calendar even if you are unsure of what is next for your house guests. That way you have the opportunity to revisit the situation and honestly evaluate whether or not this is still working for the host.

The value of family is incredibly important, and we want to protect it and keep it that way. We don’t want families to have a sour taste in their mouth for one another because of blurred boundary lines or unspoken resentment. We want to raise our kids to be self-sufficient and responsible adults.  When we have done this well, we can avoid challenging overstays that seem to become endless intrusions on our lives. Minimize the family drama and maximize the family experience by leading well during these times.     

Click HERE to listen to Episode 152 of Rock Solid Radio, Will They Ever Leave?

Click HERE to watch Episode 152 of Rock Solid Radio, Will They Ever Leave?

Start Young

On this week’s episode of Rock Solid Radio, Episode 151- “Do you want a child centered home?”, we shared with our listeners and viewers why a child centered home is a recipe for disaster. We layed out the biblical model for a strong and healthy home-God, Marriage, Children.

This approach to parenting and family starts young, usually at the fun stage we like to call the “terrible twos”. You know that season of parenting when our little ones begin their quest for autonomy and independence. It’s a pivotal season for parents as they decide and model the authority in the home. It can definitely be an exhausting battle as the toddler exercises his/her new found voice and strong will, but it’s one that parents MUST be intentional about if the kids have any chance of success later in life.

If you are a single parent and are tempted to give in or give up the fight because it’s too hard, please keep reading. It can be done, and it is so worth the energy now to prevent bigger headaches later. 

I’ve worked with children for over 30 years and I get it. There is no foolproof method and no easy ride. Our children will find every way possible to push our buttons and wear us down. We’re not going to get it all right and our kids are not going to either. This is a parenting journey not a destination, and please don’t expect this season to go perfectly. You’re going to blow it. I know I did...many times, but I got back on the horse and stayed the course. Here are a few priceless lessons your children and grandchildren will quickly learn if we fight for a God Centered home instead of a Child Centered one:

1. “You’re not the Boss”- Kids quickly get the message that mommy, daddy, and anyone else responsible for their care are the boss. The respect for authority starts from the moment they can walk and talk. Learning this important lesson early and reinforcing it at every stage of development equips your child for the real world and sets them up for success later on. We will always have people in authority over us in life-teachers, bosses, police, etc. It’s better if we get used to it early.

2. “No Manners, No Way”-Even at the young age of two, our granddaughter already knew that manners were a must. It was “Yes, please” and “No thank you” if she had any chance of getting what she wanted. Even getting up from the table after a meal required a polite ask to be excused

3. “Waiting not Whining”-Whether it’s entertaining themselves before dinner or waiting in the check-out line, patience is a learned behavior. Throwing fits should never get a child what they want. 

4. “We’re A Team”-Serving should start young. Everyone in your home should have a job. It may be picking up toys, throwing a diaper in the trash, or putting dishes in the sink, but even a two year old can help.

5. “You are Loved”-There’s not a day that should go by that your child doesn’t hear you say, “I love you”. But words are not enough. Children can pick up on your mood and emotions. Be careful disciplining in anger. Make sure you always circle back around and reassure your child that they are loved. It makes a child feel safe and secure.That way they don’t equate discipline with rejection. 

6. “Follow Me”-None of the lessons above mean anything unless they are practiced as well as taught. The old saying of “walking the walk not just talking the talk” is so true. The apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 11: 1 says, “Follow my example as I follow the example of Christ.” Whether you like it or not, your child is watching your every move and will learn best by what is modeled around them.  When in doubt, look to the example of Christ. He is the ultimate role model. If you don’t respect and obey his authority, most likely they won’t either. If you don’t serve others with a generous heart, how will they ever learn to? As a parent if you don’t regularly remind them how much they are loved, they will go searching for someone who will and chances are it won’t be in a positive way.

I know none of this is rocket science, so why aren't more parents doing it? Respect for authority, manners, serving others are just a few character qualities that are becoming extinct in society today. So many parents have disengaged. Giving in seems so much easier to an exhausted dad or overwhelmed mom.  Tablets and smartphones with instant gratification have replaced parenting and patience. 

Let’s turn the tide in this next generation. I'm so thankful for the many young parents who are setting some healthy boundaries and basic life rules in their family. Let’s get back to those virtues and qualities that not only make our home one of peace and love but our world a much better place to live.

Click HERE to watch to Episode 151 of Rock Solid Radio, Do You Want a Child Centered Home?

Click HERE to listen to Episode 151 of Rock Solid Radio, Do You Want a Child Centered Home?

Taming the Tantrum

It doesn’t seem to matter if they are 3, 13, or 23; kids know how to push their parents’ buttons. Don’t they? In my 30 plus years of being a parent, I have never felt like I was going to lose my mind or my hair more than in a parenting situation with one or more of my five children. I remember more than once backing out of my driveway with children in the backseat and slamming on the brakes so firmly trying to grab their attention and jerk a knot in their chain. Yes, that’s right! We hadn’t even gotten out of the driveway yet. I thought for sure I would need brake pads a lot sooner than normal because of it.

Tantrums-Natural Part of Development
This week on Rock Solid Radio, we add some more tools to our Rock Solid Tool Box as we unpack TANTRUMS in our kids. As we described on this week’s Rock Solid Radio podcast, tantrums are a natural part of a child’s development as they test and then develop their emotional regulation. They are learning how to express and manage their feelings, and that’s where we as parents come in. As parents, our job is to help our children navigate their feelings in a healthy, age-appropriate way, so they learn to self regulate and manage their emotions as they grow older.

If Not Handled Now, Then When?
A huge problem in our homes today is that more and more parents are not handling the tantrum when the child is young. For whatever reason, the child has grown up with the notion that a tantrum gets them what they want. So why not throw a fit if eventually you can wear down mom or dad and get your way? Some parents have given in to the tantrum because they feel overwhelmed themselves with the stresses of life and can not handle one more battle. For other parents, emotional self regulation wasn’t something they saw growing up, and they themselves struggle with keeping their emotions under control. So that’s what their kids have seen modeled in the home and imitate themselves.

Stuck In The “Terrible Twos”
As a result, we are seeing a generation of teen and young adult children who are not emotionally prepared for the real world. They are stuck in the “terrible twos” where they want their way and will throw a fit until they get it whether it be at home, in school, on the field, in a mall, or for some, even at a job! As we discussed in this week’s show, what may be a normal and natural reaction for a 3 yr old is not so normal and healthy for a 16 yr old.

When It Gets Out Of Control
Every week at Rock Solid Families, we have parents coming in with difficult stories of their teen and adult children throwing tantrums. Parents are dealing with older children and even adults throwing child-like “tantrums” that include yelling, cussing, slapping, punching, throwing things, and even more serious threats to self or others. If you are a parent and this is your current situation, please don’t keep kicking the can down the road. Now is the time to get some help.

Learn Tools For The Tantrum Now
Ignoring the problem or brushing it under the rug isn’t going to make it go away. As a matter of fact, giving in to a tantrum sends the message that your son or daughter’s immature response is ok, and it will get them what they want. If you are a parent of a toddler or smaller child, take the time to listen to this week’s episode of Rock Solid Radio. Learn the tools today to help your child grow and develop in an emotionally healthy way. Our society desperately needs more strong and healthy parents willing to deal with the tantrum TODAY, so that we don’t create more problems for our world tomorrow. Check out Rock Solid Radio Episode 146 Temper Tantrums to learn some practical tools to do just that.

Click HERE to watch the Rock Solid Radio episode 146 Tool Box Series-Temper Tantrums

Click HERE to listen to the Rock Solid Radio episode 146 Tool Box Series-Temper Tantrums

Making Memories

It was only seven miles down the road but to our youngest, it was the “coolest place ever”. Recently, our family was invited to a friends house for a day of swimming, eating, and fireworks. It was such a fun day filled with lots of memory making moments. Little kids and big “kids” alike spent the day playing volleyball, cornhole, and swimming in our friend’s pond. Some brave souls including our 13 yr old were even jumping off a high diving platform doing dives and flips into the water. Then there were a few crazy kids like our son who dared to climb up on the “BLOB” and wait for someone to catapult him high up in the air and into the pond below. They even had homemade ice cream you could help churn (and then eat of course) before settling down to a great fireworks show. It was such a fun day with lots of new experiences and memories made.

Reflecting Back
When we reflect back on our childhood, often times, some of the best memories we have come from holidays and vacations spent with family and friends. The value and importance of those fun times and special memories can not be denied.  It’s easier living out the day to day grind when we can reflect back and remember those special times of the past.  We strive to recreate that good feeling again and again by dreaming about and planning for future trips and get togethers. 

A Book Full of Memories
Take vacations for example. The experiences, adventures, sights, and even mishaps can turn an average week into an incredible book of memories. Traveling to different places and getting out of the normal routine help these experiences become more deeply entrenched memories.   These memories are like having game film to go back to and review over and over again. (And if you’re anything like my wife, it usually involves lots and lots of pictures just in case she forgets.)  These new and different experiences help us cling to what is good and inspire us to create more positive memories for the future.  We start to see these special times as valuable and crave them even more. As parents, we can often get wrapped up in the busyness of life and lose sight of the value of new experiences and spending time together.  Vacations, family celebrations, and summer fun give us opportunities to create new memories that give us hope for the future.

Not on the Itinerary
If we’re being totally honest, however, many of our best memories have come from things NOT on the itinerary. They were things that we didn’t intentionally plan for or think about. You know things like getting caught in a rain shower while hiking on a trail.  A sudden rainstorm wasn’t in the plan, but the memory of that day is definitely etched in our minds as we all jumped and splashed in the mud puddles like little kids. Or how about going camping and waking up to a family of raccoons eating our morning breakfast.  Our little visitors were NOT on the agenda that weekend, but it definitely made that year’s camping trip quite a memorable one. I’ll never forget the constant belly laughs coming from our children as they got knocked over by the ocean waves over and over again. It’s like they couldn’t get enough.

Plant the Seeds
We can’t always plan when they’ll happen, but we can plant the seeds. You know, provide opportunities for memories to be made. When was the last time you took a break from the routine? When was the last time you lived in the moment with family and friends and enjoyed what God has blessed you with?  This is where the fun and memories are made.   

Time to Rethink
If you have brushed off the importance of taking a vacation or doing something different with your family, maybe it’s time to rethink it.  You and your children will never have a shortage of difficult times in life.  One of the best ways we can drive through challenging times is to be able to reflect on the good memories of the past.  Don’t let another season go by without adding a little more JOY to your family. Go out and make some memories!