Wisdom from Grandpa's Old Sayings

When I was young my dad, Merrill Sr, used to say things that my siblings and I would either laugh at, ignore, or just shake our heads because we thought he was a little crazy.  As we got older, we started to pay more attention to his seemingly meaningless phrases and began to realize he was attempting to impart a little wisdom on us without a long and drawn out sermon.  My dad was the master of idioms. Seldom did he have a conversation where he would not resort to one of his favorite nuggets of wisdom. Maybe some of them bring back memories from your childhood too. Here are some of his favorites.

• Don’t worry about the mule going blind, just load the wagon!

• Do something even if it’s wrong!

• Stop spinning your wheels!

• Busier than a one-armed paper hanger!

• It’s hotter than the hinges of hades.

• Don’t let the cat out of the bag.

• Better to let a sleeping dog lie

• Dumber than a box of rocks

• Happier than a pig in poop

• Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while

• Make hay while the suns a shining

• It’s not rocket science

• A good run is better than a poor stand

• The straw that broke the camel’s back

• Grass is always greener on the other side

• Don’t count your chickens before the eggs have hatched

• We’ll cross that bridge when you come to it

• Burning the candle at both ends

I could go on and on, and I’m sure you can think of many more used in your house. So, what’s so special about all these old sayings? Just like the tune of a old song can get stuck in your head, so too can these words of wisdom.  Passing wisdom down from one generation to the next happens through a variety of ways- stories, songs, poems, movies, etc as well as old sayings and idioms.

As this holiday season approaches, you may find yourself surrounded by friends and family. Take time to ask questions and tune in to stories of those you love and care about. Listen closely to the wisdom they impart. Take time to think about how you have learned so many of the values that guide you through your life.  Maybe even write some of them down. Give credit to the people who passed those values to you, and think about how you want to pass them along.

My children are always talking about grandpa’s old sayings. Several years ago, my son and nephew were so inspired by their grandpa’s one liners that they gave him a recording device to capture his funny and interesting sayings. They asked their grandpa to set the device by his recliner and record his thoughts and one liners.  My dad thought it was kind of fun idea and took them up on their idea. Over the course of the several months, my dad would grab the recorder and share some of his favorites for his grandkids.  

Today, my dad is 89 and struggles to recall much of anything, but thanks to my son and nephew, we have an entire collection of grandpa’s sayings to pass to the next generation.  It’s such a blessing to close our eyes and listen to grandpa’s voice as he imparts nuggets of wisdom and timeless teachings about the things that really matter. That’s a gift to be truly thankful for. Thanks, Dad! We love you!

Being Canceled by Cancel Culture

There were no warnings given. No explanation offered. It was just another normal day at work a few weeks ago when Merrill opened his email to find he had been permanently deleted from Facebook. After several attempts to contact them, they refused to give him any chance to appeal their decision. After all, it’s a free platform and according to the terms and conditions you agreed to when you signed up, they don’t owe you any explanation. 

Mob Rule
Welcome to the world of cancel culture where you can be thrust out of social or professional circles at the click of a button. Maybe you’ve experienced it too? Whether it be online or in person, cancel culture is real but the attitude toward it is as vast as the world wide web. Cancel Culture is all about momentum, so the faster you build alliances with like-minded people, the more you feel protected by the mob. This momentum can be so powerful it can be like a tsunami wave crushing anything in its wake and taking you down a path you never imagined you would ever be on.

Greatest Target of Cancel Culture
The phrase "cancel culture" has been used to describe a wide range of behaviors, including intimidation, exclusion, and online shaming and bullying, but canceling people because of who they are or what they do is nothing new.  The most recognized person who ever walked the earth was a victim of cancel culture - Jesus Christ. He was falsely accused, publicly rejected, and ultimately put to death because he challenged many of the religious beliefs and practices of his day. He was a threat to the political and religious establishment of his time. Despite his physical death, Christians believe he was resurrected on the third day and his message of unconditional love and forgiveness continues to resonate in our world today.

Speaking the Truth in Love
Have you been publicly ridiculed for defending the name of Jesus or speaking God’s truth over a situation? As Christ followers, we are warned over and over again in God’s Word that we will face persecution just as Jesus did. We can only speculate since no warning or explanation was given, but maybe that’s why Merrill was permanently deleted from Facebook? At Rock Solid Families, regardless of what the cultural or political establishments say or do, we will continue to share truths from God’s Word in a way that honors God.

In Acts 4, Peter and John were called unschooled, ordinary men, but yet spoke with great boldness despite the opposition and threats they experienced. The bible calls all believers to “speak the truth in love”. (Ephesians 4:15).  We are told to “always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect”. (1 Peter 3:15). 
Four Guiding Principles to Remember

So how should Christians respond to today’s cancel culture? There is no easy answer or one size fits all response, but below are four guiding principles God weaves all throughout his word.

1. We all sin and fall short of God’s glory.  We all make mistakes, and we all say and do things we regret. We should be willing to forgive others, just as God has forgiven us, but this doesn’t mean that we will always be able to ever trust that person again. God does command us to get rid of anger or bitterness. That’s for OUR benefit. Forgiveness is not easy, but it is essential for our own healing and growth. 

2. We are not the judge-God is. We do not know the full story of someone's life, and we cannot know their heart. We should be slow to condemn others, and quick to offer grace and compassion.

3. We are called to speak the truth in love. We should not be afraid to call out injustice and harmful behavior. However, we should do so in a way that is loving and respectful. Our goal should never be rejection or hate but instead love and redemption. 

4. We are called to love and forgive others the way Christ loved and forgave us. This is God’s greatest commandment and it’s the key to overcoming cancel culture. When we focus on loving others, we are less likely to be offended or angered by their words or actions. We are more likely to be understanding and forgiving.

So the next time you feel excluded, shamed, or bullied or see it going on around you, step back and take a deep breath. Don’t react or join in on the mob mentality out of pressure, anger, or fear. Think about a way to respond that would be loving, compassionate, and Christ-like. Help to create a culture of accountability and respect where we can have open and honest conversations about difficult topics even when we disagree. Shine the light of Christ into that darkness and help make a difference in our world today.

We want to thank all our Rock Solid Families partners and sponsors for believing in our mission of strong and healthy families. You are helping to shine the light of Christ into the darkness. We live in a broken world in need of a Savior, and we are committed to offer that HOPE and HEALING to anyone who will listen. For a list of all our Rock Solid Partners, click HERE. Because of you, we can fight for those who can’t fight for themselves and stand for truth even when we are criticized or canceled.

Pleasure over Pain, Please!

How comfortable are you with uncomfortable conversations? How well do you handle stressful situations? Do you find yourself avoiding your boss at work, because he seems to only point out your flaws, rather than acknowledge what you’ve successfully accomplished? When situations get serious, do you tend to crack a joke to break the uneasy tension? How often do you scroll aimlessly through social media or binge watch a television series to escape reality? Of course we’d much rather receive praise over criticism, laugh instead of cry, and distract ourselves rather than ruminate on our daily stressors. Given the choice, we would choose comfort over discomfort every time. 

It’s a No-Brainer
Pleasure over pain, please! Oh the things we do to protect ourselves from feeling discomfort. This is such an innate reaction for us that we don’t even realize how often we are doing it.  Everyday we combat distressing thoughts and feelings through defense mechanisms. A defense mechanism is an unconscious means to decrease internal stress. We don’t even have to think about it, our brains just activate into protection mode. The limbic system plays a major role in this, which involves the part of our brain responsible for behavioral and emotional responses, especially when it comes to our survival instincts, such as fight or flight. We are literally wired to protect ourselves. 

Formed from Emotional Wounds
Although we all have this innate reaction to defend ourselves, the more emotional wounds we’ve endured, the stronger our defenses become. When experiencing frequent or repeated emotionally distressing events, defenses can become really strong in order to protect from feeling emotional discomfort or pain. Think of it as building this brick wall around your heart or wearing full body armor like a knight. You’ve been emotionally hurt to the point you refuse to let anyone or anything even have the chance to cause you pain. 

For individuals who have experienced a lot of hurt or loss, especially throughout their early childhood, defense mechanisms can become so hardwired that they present themselves in situations we rationally do not need defending. It’s as if our brain perceives a “threat” that actually isn’t there. An example of this would be if you’ve experienced abandonment in your past and you start to avoid your friend who hasn’t spoken to you in a few weeks. In reality, your friend has been busy with a new job, however your past abandonment wounds perceive she is leaving you, so your defenses come up to protect from the possibility of getting hurt. Although defense mechanisms initially serve to protect us, over time they can create major barriers in our relationships and hinder our personal growth. Ultimately, continuing to live from our defense mechanisms may be hindering our relationship with God and living out the life He intended for us. 

How to Let Your Guard Down
Awareness is key. We can’t change something if we aren’t aware it exists. What are common defense mechanisms you may be using? Avoidance, distraction, deflection, denial, or humor? Click HERE to check out our handout of defense mechanisms and see which ones stand out to you. Once you’ve identified your go-to defenses, be curious why these defenses are coming up for you. What are you attempting to protect yourself from?  What emotions are you feeling when these defenses arise? Are there emotional wounds you haven’t dealt with yet? 

If you are thinking to yourself right now, “Psh, I don’t have any emotional wounds”, I gently encourage you to reference the “denial” defense mechanism; Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world and we ALL have been hurt at some point in our lives. After you’ve identified your defenses and start to uncover where they stem from, I encourage you to seek trusted support to process through your emotional wounds. The world teaches us that being emotional is a weakness. “Suck it up and move on.” The truth is, until we allow ourselves to sit with our emotions and process through them, they will continue to control us.

From Defensive to Defended
This fallen world has wired us to defend ourselves, but this isn’t the life God intended for us. God is our defender, shelter, shield, and our rock. The Lord guards our hearts and our minds (Philippians 4:7). We are hidden in Him (Colossians 3:3), and we are more than conquerors through Him (Romans 8:37). We aren’t meant to carry our burdens (Psalm 55:22), and we aren’t supposed to fight this battle on our own (Deuteronomy 3:22). “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:14). I want to encourage you to take off the armor you’ve created from the hurts of this world, and put on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6). Seek His help and comfort in times of distress, and allow Him to heal your emotional wounds of the past.

Are You An Insecure Parent?

Recently, a divorced mom came to see me wanting help with the relationship with her adult children. The more we talked, the more she began to realize just how insecure and anxious she was as a parent raising her children as a single mom.  She lived in a constant state of anxious “what ifs”.  She also struggled with guilt from the divorce and not being “good enough” as a parent.

After our first session, I gave her some homework and asked her to begin reading the New York Times Best selling book, Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. At our next meeting, she shared with me how one line in the book stopped her in her tracks and opened her eyes. She even sent the quote to her adult daughter and asked her…”is this how I made you feel growing up”? This is what she read in that book that was so impactful for her… “To rescue people from the natural consequences of their behavior is to render them powerless.”― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

Does that quote describe you?   Are you parenting out of fear and insecurity rescuing your son or daughter from the natural consequences of their behavior?  I have to admit for a long time that was me too. It was my own insecurities and fear that drove many of my decisions as a parent. Thankfully, I am married to an adventurer and risk taker, who helped me see exactly what Dr. Henry Cloud was talking about in his book, Boundaries. I didn’t want to hold my children back from being all that God had designed them to be. 

Here are our Five Insecurity Busters that I learned the hard way in becoming a healthy, secure parent. I hope these five tools help empower you and your children to be all that God created them to be. 

1. IDENTIFY your own fears AND how they influence your parenting decisions. What in your background or past are you running or hiding from? What happened to you that you have never healed from or dealt with that you are now trying to protect your children from? We can’t heal from something we don’t acknowledge. If you don’t know where to start, seek wise biblical counsel to help you see past your blinders. 

2. EQUIP your Children for Difficult Times. I’m sure you’ve heard the old adage,  “Give a man a fish, he eats for a day, teach him how to fish and he eats for a lifetime.” Let’s face it, your children  will have difficult times. Don’t try and save them from difficult things. You leave them ill equipped and unprepared to face difficulties.  In other words, you render them powerless.

3. TEACH your kids how TO  assess “Risk vs Reward” when making any decision and then let them reap the reward or consequences of those decisions. Remember what Dr. Henry Cloud said in the book Boundaries, we don’t want to rescue our children from the natural consequences of their decisions. Help them learn this now while they are still under your roof.

4. ENCOURAGE your kids to build up their resilience muscles.  When they get knocked down, encourage them to get back up. Acknowledge and have empathy for their pain, but don’t protect them from failure or hurt. 

5. MODEL a dependency on God for your strength, comfort, and direction. A healthy dependence and trust in God is the greatest insecurity buster ever. Knowing God is bigger than anything they may face in life is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give your children. Teach them to “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”  Matthew 6:33.

We all struggle at times with our own insecurities, but as parents, we must try NOT to pass them along to our children. They will have enough natural ones on their own as they grow and mature.  If we truly want to help the next generation we must give them the tools they need to handle the challenges of life rather than hide and shelter them from them.

Reasonable risks and adventures are healthy and necessary for your child to grow to their greatest potential. Again, let’s stop handicapping our kids out of our own fears and limitations. Let’s teach and equip our children  how to overcome the challenges they will inevitably face in life and set them up for great success. 

God has NOT given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

2 Timothy 1:7

For more information on Insecure Parenting, check out Episode 232 of Rock Solid Radio that airs April 17, 2023 or click HERE for more good stuff on Faith, Family and Personal Wellness.

Breaking Free from Abuse

Hanging on the wall in my office is one of the sweetest gifts I have ever received from a client. We’ll call her Natalie to protect her and her family. Natalie gave me this beautiful hand painted picture a while back of two girlfriends standing side by side to thank me for walking alongside her during some of her darkest days. It’s a gift I will always treasure as a reminder of HOPE and God’s healing power.

Feeling Like There’s No Way Out
I have had the privilege of walking alongside so many women over the past 30 years who like Natalie are dealing with very difficult and sometimes abusive situations. Made to feel worthless and unlovable through their abuser’s power and control over them, these women often stay in very unhealthy relationships thinking there is no other alternative. Most often it’s coming from a spouse, but I’ve also seen this kind of unhealthy abusive relationship with a parent, boyfriend, or even a sibling.

Seeing Yourself Through God’s Eyes
My goal is to help women see themselves as God sees them instead of only through the lens of their abuser. It’s hard for women coming out of abusive relationships to break free and find their inner voice and identity in Christ. That was true for Natalie. After leaving her abusive husband, this young mom had to be super intentional about surrounding herself with healthy women who would speak the truth in love to her. This was NOT the time for her to jump back into dating again or get emotionally caught up with another man. She had a lot of healing to do. She had to first receive God’s love and find her worth and value through God’s eyes, not another man’s. 

Breaking the Cycle of Abuse
It’s important for all of us to learn what healthy relationships look like, but it’s especially important for those in abusive ones. Otherwise, the cycle of abuse continues and is passed down to the next generation. At first, the abuser is usually very charming but persuasive slowly exerting more and more control over their victim. After a while, the abuser may try and isolate their victim convincing them to quit their job or pull away from family and friends. If a victim pushes back, an abuser will often use their kids or other family members against her to make her feel guilty or crazy. This is called “gaslighting”. It's hard for women in abusive relationships to not just “give in” and go back into those unhealthy patterns without any help or healing.  They have spent years, sometimes even decades, under the power and control of their abuser to a point where it becomes “normal” and in a strange way even “comfortable”.  

Creating New Healthy Patterns
It’s hard for both the abuser and victim to understand, but it’s near to impossible for help and healing to occur after abuse while both are under the same roof. Most often, a physical separation and a considerable amount of time is needed for new, healthy patterns to be learned and trusted. Often, the most dangerous point in the relationship is when the woman says she is leaving. Feeling his power and control slipping away, the abuser will often escalate things to dangerous threats and physical violence trying to convince the victim to stay. 

Feeling Safe and Loved Again
Natalie shares, “I was finally able to break free from all those years of not feeling worthy of being loved. I am now able to receive love and see myself the way God sees me. I have learned how to use my voice in a positive, healthy way and surround myself with a circle of healthy people. I have slowly learned how to be vulnerable again with safe people. When I look at the mountain of blessings God has given me since breaking free, it gives me hope for tomorrow. Even when the enemy tries to worm his way in, I have hope because God is fighting my battles for me and he has already won.”

Need to Break Free from Abuse?
If you need help breaking free from an abusive relationship, please reach out. You can contact us at 812-576-ROCK. If we can’t help you directly, we will connect you with someone who can. If you are experiencing physical abuse or feel unsafe in your home, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline immediately at 1-800-799-7233. There is HOPE and HELP available.