A Father’s Love

Let’s give a warm welcome to one of my favorite months of the year, June! And man is it coming in hot! It’s hard to believe sweet summer time is already here. For me, summer has always been associated with rest and relaxation, specifically by the pool, soaking up the sunrays. I live for the long, sunny pool days, accompanied with delicious grill outs, competitive games of cornhole, bonfires, stargazing, and time with family and friends.

Sharing My Birthday
The month of June is also extra special to me, because it’s my birthday month. I am blessed to have countless fun memories of celebrating my birthday with my family and friends over the years, and there are milestone birthdays I will never forget. I was born on the first day of summer and Father’s Day. Whenever my birthday falls on a Sunday, it’s joined with Father’s Day. As a child, I didn’t really appreciate this all so much; However, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown to realize that being born on Father’s Day and sharing my day with my father is truly a special gift. 

Learning From My Mom and Dad
Working in mental health over the last 6 years, I’ve learned a lot about the importance of relationships. It’s our relationships and the experiences we have within our relationships that have the biggest impact on our beliefs about ourselves and our beliefs about others. It’s in our relationships where we learn whether the world is safe or dangerous. And the most critical relationships in forming these beliefs are those with our caregivers: our mother and father.

If our mother and father are present and attend to our basic needs with love and care during our early stages of development, we are more likely to believe that we are safe and we can trust others. If our mother and/or father are not present and don't attend to our basic needs, we can easily form the belief that we are not safe or secure, others can’t be trusted, and we need to react accordingly to survive. Ultimately, our relationship with our mother and father sets the stage for how we engage with the world around us.  

Lies About Our Heavenly Father
In 2020, I was in a small group at church, and I remember one specific session when we discussed our perceptions and beliefs about our heavenly Father. We were given a handout with all of these lies one may believe about God, and we were to identify the lies that we personally believed. I remember looking through the list and thinking, “I’ve never thought any of these things about God”. As others began sharing with the group the lies they identified with, I remember feeling so confused and surprised that others had multiple lies they had been believing about their heavenly Father, and I just couldn’t relate. Later on, the leader went on to explain how we tend to perceive our heavenly Father similarly to how we perceive our earthly father. Then it all started to make sense.

Never Questioning His Love
Overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude, I realized the positive view of my heavenly Father was influenced by the positive relationship with my earthly father. My father has always been there for me when I’ve needed him. He’s the prime example of provider and protector. He would do whatever it takes to care for his family without expecting anything in return. My father taught me forgiveness, gentleness, and the power of feeling and showing the uncomfortable emotions this world teaches us to hide.

Of course my dad is human not perfect, and just like all relationships, he and I have definitely had our moments of conflict (especially in my hormonal teenage years). But it’s evident how the qualities of my earthly father have influenced my beliefs of my heavenly Father, and to say I’m grateful is an understatement. I’ve never questioned my dad’s love for me, and I can say the same about God.

When the Walls Go Up
Unfortunately, there are many individuals who have not had a healthy relationship with their father and many that haven’t had a relationship with their father at all. We can let our defensive walls come up to protect our broken heart and lie to ourselves and say this doesn’t affect us, but it does. It’s easier to say it doesn’t bother us, than to accept the reality that the one who gave us life, hurt us.

We live in a broken world and we have all been hurt in relationships at some point, with far too many of us having been hurt by our caregivers. These emotional wounds change how we view ourselves, others, and ultimately how we view God. The truth that we struggle to realize and believe is that our heavenly Father is the only one that won’t hurt us and the only one who can truly satisfy our deepest needs and desires. 

What’s In our Way?
If we want to have a deep relationship with our heavenly Father, we need to identify what’s getting in our way. Are you holding onto false beliefs about yourself or about others, that you are projecting onto God? Have you been hurt, betrayed, or rejected by a significant relationship that was supposed to be safe, loving, and secure? If trust has been broken in your earthly relationships, it makes sense as to why you may struggle to trust God. We all have emotional wounds that need to be attended to, and the good news is there’s a heavenly Father longing to comfort and heal us with His loving presence. 

Healing Those Wounds
This year, Father’s day is on June 18th. For some, this will be a joyful day, for others it will be painful. And for some, it will be a mixture of all kinds of emotions. My prayer is that you invite Jesus into whatever emotion you’re feeling when thinking of this day. I pray the Lord reveals any emotional wound that may be getting in the way of you having a deep, intimate relationship with Him, and that He would heal that wound with His love. And despite what your relationship is/was like with your earthly father, I pray that on this Father’s Day, you know and encounter your heavenly Father and His love for you in a new and powerful way. He loves you so much, and there’s nothing that you’ve done or could do to change His love for you. 

Meet our New Coach-Meredith Scudder

Over the past five years, Rock Solid Families has had the privilege of working with thousands of individuals, couples, and families. The phone continues to ring daily with folks desperate for HELP and hungry for HOPE. That is why Rock Solid Families is excited to announce a new addition to the team.

On June 1, 2023, Meredith Scudder will join the Rock Solid team as our new Assistant Director and Coach. As a licensed therapist, Meredith brings amazing training, tools and techniques to Rock Solid Families. She’s passionate for the Lord and wants to help her clients reach their goals and their identity and purpose in Christ. Meredith is currently scheduling clients and will be primarily working with teenage girls, young adult women, and single moms out of our St. Leon, IN office or via Zoom. To schedule an appointment with Meredith or any of our Rock Solid Families coaches, click HERE.

Where Meredith’s Passion Began
Meredith grew up in Bright, Indiana and graduated from East Central High School in 2011. She went on to earn her Bachelor’s in Psychology from Indiana University East. While working on her undergraduate degree, Meredith was working as a substitute teacher at Bright Elementary which is where her passion to help the youth began. Upon graduating college, Meredith started working full-time at Bright Elementary in the Special Education Department, helping students struggling academically, emotionally, and behaviorally. As a psychology major, she had always had an interest in understanding the human mind and why we do the things we do. Witnessing students continuing to struggle in the classroom, Meredith’s passion to understand “why” started to grow. 

“We were doing our best to help, but it seemed we were only managing the symptoms, when ultimately there was a deeper rooted piece that needed to be addressed”

— Meredith

She writes, “Despite implementing appropriate interventions and some students taking prescribed medications, many continued to struggle daily. We were doing our best to help, but it seemed we were only managing the symptoms, when ultimately there was a deeper rooted piece that needed to be addressed.” This inspired Meredith to learn more about the brain, how they are wired, and how this impacts our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. When she learned that our brains have the ability to be rewired, she desired to learn how.

Dealing with Her Own Anxiety
Hungry to learn more, Meredith pursued her Master in Social Work at IUPUI. Two years of grad school came with a lot of knowledge and growth, not only academically, but personally and spiritually as well. “When you’re studying mental health, you don’t realize how much of your own stuff is going to come up. The things I had struggled with most of my life really started to rise to the surface. I had always struggled with anxiety and it was such a normal state of living for me, I didn’t realize how bad it was until I was living outside my comfort zone: new city, new school, new friends, new challenges and stressors. I was raised a Christian, attended Bright Christian Church growing up, and can recall many memories of praying to God to help me through the things I didn’t talk about. When my anxiety spiked in grad school, I turned to the one I had always turned to, God. It was in Indianapolis when my faith really started to grow, along with my relationship with Jesus.” After lots of late nights studying, lots of coffee, and lots of prayers, Meredith graduated with her MSW in May of 2019. 

Looking Through a Trauma Lens
While in grad school, Meredith focused on her interest in brain-based therapies and received training in Brainspotting, a therapy that helps access and release unprocessed trauma in the brain and body. Meredith also learned a lot about trauma, which would become a major influence in her therapeutic work. Upon graduating, Meredith worked full-time as a School Social Worker for K-7th graders, while also working part-time as a faith-based outpatient psychotherapist. Most of the students Meredith worked with in Indianapolis Public Schools and in private practice had experienced a lot of trauma. 

“Their nervous systems were constantly in survival mode, and unfortunately this would present itself as acting out or misbehaving in the classroom, which typically led to punitive consequences. I also recognized how impactful the students’ home life was on their mental health, and there was only so much I could do for a child without being able to help the family as a whole.” Although Meredith had the passion to provide mental health services in the schools, she struggled with not having the time and opportunity to do the deeper therapeutic work that was needed for the children and their families. 

“I thought God was sending me to Wisconsin to fulfill my dream job and advance my career; turns out He sent me there to renew my mind and transform my heart. ”

— Meredith

Chasing Her Dream Job
Following her passion to help individuals and families heal the root of their distress, Meredith moved to the middle of nowhere Wisconsin to be a Wilderness Therapist. As a nature-loving, trauma focused therapist, this was a dream job Meredith had been wanting for several years. During her time working in Wilderness Therapy, she continued to expand her knowledge on trauma, learned a lot about attachment, and the importance of healthy, safe relationships in order to help others regulate and heal. Similar to her personal experience when living in Indianapolis, Meredith learned a lot about herself, and her faith and relationship with Christ grew. “I thought God was sending me to Wisconsin to fulfill my dream job and advance my career; turns out He sent me there to renew my mind and transform my heart. The Lord took me through my own wilderness journey and showed me what healing looks like through Him. He helped me turn away from the things of this world that I was depending on for temporary happiness, comfort, and security, and instead helped me find true joy, peace, and identity in Him.” 

Jesus, the Ultimate Healer
Meredith loved her job as a Wilderness Therapist, and the healing and growth she witnessed in her students and families was so rewarding. As her knowledge in mental health increased, along with her personal experience with Jesus, Meredith couldn’t help but see mental health through a biblical, spiritual lens. “It is so hard to work with students suffering from deep relational wounds and trauma, and not be able to speak God’s truth into the process. I had a strong desire to help individuals and families heal, but with our ultimate healer, Jesus.” One of her favorite passages of scriptures that spoke to Meredith the most during this wilderness season was Ephesians 3:16-19.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being,  so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,  may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,  and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

““I quit my job and moved back home without knowing what was next, but I trusted God was leading me and would work it out. ”

— Meredith

Going Back to Her Roots
After lots of prayer, Meredith felt God calling her back home to Bright, Indiana to pursue this desire. “I quit my job and moved back home without knowing what was next, but I trusted God was leading me and would work it out. Four months later, His plans are starting to come together and make sense. A  key word for me over the years has been “roots”: Getting to the root of problems, being rooted in His love, and healing my deep rooted wounds. And now the Lord has called me back to my geographical roots to pursue the desires of my heart.  I couldn’t be more excited to be a part of Rock Solid Families and help individuals and families heal and grow, with Christ as the firm foundation. I can’t help but share the good news and share what the Lord has done in me and for me. I’m blessed to be in a position where I can help and hold space for others, to receive His healing love for themselves.”

If you or someone you know is looking for HOPE and HEALING through a faith based coaching approach, give Rock Solid Families a call at 812-576-ROCK (7625) or go to rocksolidfamilies.org

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
Colossians 2:6-7  NIV

New Beginnings for Ben and Emily

As we wrap up 2022 and welcome in the new year, we wanted to introduce you to two of our recent clients as they share some reflections from their time at Rock Solid Families and as they begin their new life together as husband and wife. Walking alongside engaged couples like Ben and Emily through our PREPARE premarital program is probably one of the favorite things we do. It’s exciting to meet couples like Ben and Emily who want to invest in their life together and put God as the center of their relationship. 

Even though they had dated for a long time and were looking forward to their October 2022 wedding, Ben and Emily still wanted to build a rock solid foundation as husband and wife. They wanted to learn new tools to grow deeper personally and as a couple. Rock Solid Families is here to help couples do just that. Meet Ben and Emily and hear a little bit more of their story…

1. Tell us a little bit about you two and how you met. Long story short, we met each other when we were kids. We met again later in life through mutual friends in 2013 when we were both 17 years old. 

2. What brought you to Rock Solid Families to start with? We were referred through our friend, David Vaughn. We knew we wanted to have the tools to build a solid marriage. We also wanted to grow personally as individuals and together as a couple. 

3. What were some of the things you learned about marriage, each other, about the importance of faith, etc during PREPARE?  When you have been with one another for so long, you might think that you know everything about the other person. And that may be true, but after diving in we found out more about ourselves individually and how we can best serve each other and God in our marriage. We learned healthy communication habits, how we wanted to work together for our financial goals, and how to keep "dating" each other even when you are married or have been together for as long as we have. The most important thing that we learned is to keep God at the center of our life.  

1. Any surprises about your work in PREPARE? Not any that we couldn't work through or talk openly about. That's the secret to a healthy marriage in our opinion - be honest and open with your partner. Even after being together for so long, there are moments in life that you can't anticipate on our own without some guidance. PREPARE was able to bring these situations to light and allowed us to develop the tools we will need to have later on to continue supporting each other through both good times and bad.

2. Would you recommend Rock Solid Families to others?   Absolutely! We were very blessed to have the opportunity to go through this program. We are also more than happy to chat with couples who may be on the fence! 

3. What would you say to any couple who are wanting to start a life together? Marriage is a team effort! Your team is best when you have support, good communication, honesty, and looking out for the others' best interest. Marriage isn't always easy and neither is life. But if you know that your teammate has your back at the end of the day, it makes the hard days a little bit easier. We would also say to invest in each other. That could mean pre-martial counseling, dating each other, financial planning, praying together, etc. Love is an action word! You have to show it, not just say it.  

4. What are you two looking forward to in 2023?  Spending our first full married year together! We also are on the hunt to become dog parents.  

Living His Best Life

Have you ever had one of those people in your life that makes you feel like the most important person in the room? That was Frank Pierce. Frank was a 2016 graduate of LaSalle High School who graduated top five in his class. He went on to the University of Cincinnati on a full ride academic scholarship but also competed as a Division 1 collegiate athlete.  Frank studied Mechanical Engineering and was able to complete his Bachelors and Master Degrees in less than 5 years. Frank was a hard working, determined young man.  After graduation, he landed his dream job and bought his first fixer upper home. Even in his own words, Frank would tell you, “Life was good”.  Despite all of those personal accomplishments, however, Frank Pierce would still make you feel like the most important person in the room. 

Life on Mission
Friends and family would say Frank lived his life on mission being intentional about connecting with others and taking the time to genuinely get to know you. He would regularly open up his new home to bible studies, mentoring, or just hanging out with friends. Frank was soft spoken, humble, and genuine but yet still confident, steadfast, and determined. Frank was a young man of deep faith who went to mass and prayed his rosary daily. Everyone who met Frank Pierce loved him, and they knew he loved them back. He wasn’t afraid to say it or show it.  

A Day Many Will Not Soon Forget
Which is why September 1, 2020 is a day so many will not soon forget. No one prepares you for a sheriff coming to your door to tell you your oldest son has tragically died in a car accident at the age of 22. No one is ready for that punch in the gut. No one prepares you for that diagnosis or phone call, but it still happens. Loved ones are left behind trying to navigate the sadness, denial, anger, and maybe even unforgiveness that comes with grief. Maybe that’s you this holiday season missing a loved one around the table. Maybe you are dreading the holidays as you hang those ornaments on the tree. That’s where we found Frank’s parents, Peggy and Tom Pierce, when they walked into our office back in the summer of 2022

Drifting Apart in Their Grief
As the two year anniversary approached of their oldest son’s death, Peggy and Tom Pierce found themselves drifting apart as they grieved in their own but very different way. Peggy wanted to talk about and celebrate Frankie’s life with those who knew and loved him. She wanted a partner to walk alongside her on the tough days. Tom, on the other hand, didn’t know what to do with his grief. He spent many days just mad at the world taking it out on the people he loved the most. He didn’t know what else to do with the pain, so he unknowingly shut down or lashed out at those closest to him.

Helping Each Other Grieve
When Peggy and Tom came to Rock Solid Families, they began to work through their grief together for the very first time. Yes, there were lots of tears but also laughter as they shared story after story about this amazing young man. They have spent hours working through the pain and discovering how they can help each other grieve in a healthy and loving way. Along with the stories, they have shared things others wrote about Frankie after he passed and words Frankie wrote himself.  

Why So Young?
As I poured through all the things Frank wrote and others wrote about Frank, I was blown away by the deep, abiding faith this young man had. I could see how much Frank loved God as well as his family and friends and how much others loved Frank. And then there are all those unanswered questions his friends and family still have. “Why Lord?” “Why Frank?” “Why so young?” He was only 22. But then I found something. Something I think Frank would want us all to know about his life AND his death. It was tucked away in a talk he gave to young men and women at a retreat just a year before he passed. 

A Message of HOPE
So as this holiday approaches, give these words a chance to sink in. Let this message of HOPE be a healing salve on any festering wounds or unhealed brokenness in your life. Let the good news of Christ be the key that unlocks those chains of grief or unforgiveness. Frank knew that it didn’t matter how many times he went to mass or how often he prayed his rosary. In his short 22 yrs, Frank discovered a truth that many will go their entire life and never learn. It was at the core of who he was and why I believe God put him on this earth in the first place. It’s a message I think he would want everyone reading this to receive and hold close in their heart. And it’s this…

God’s Free Gift
God’s grace is a free gift- for you and for me. God sent his one and only son, Jesus, to die for our sins.  Our sin debt is a debt we can never repay on our own, and no matter how successful or talented Frank was, he would never deserve it or earn it. That’s why it’s called a gift. Paul writes in Ephesians 2:8-9,  “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God not by works, so that no one can boast.”

As one college friend wrote about Frank after he passed away, “The way that he lived and encountered others was born out of the free gift of God’s grace; a grace that Frank sought after relentlessly and pursued with such

trust, diligence and discipline.” That’s who Frank Pierce was. 

Living His Best Life
God calls us all to so much more than just what we DO’; it’s about who we belong to. In his short but rich life, Frank finally came to that important truth for himself. Frank knew he couldn’t fix himself by himself. We are all broken people in need of a Savior.  Freedom and peace come only through God, His Son Jesus, and his amazing gift of grace. That’s where Frank’s identity and purpose came from and where ours could come from too; no matter how many years we have left on this earth.  That’s how Frank Pierce found freedom in Christ. He allowed the Holy Spirit to come alive in his heart and mind. He surrendered his way for God’s way and experienced a peace that passes all understanding. It’s why Frank is now experiencing eternal life and freedom in heaven.  Frank Pierce is living his best life for ever with his Heavenly Father, and he can’t wait for you and I to get there.

Greatest Humanitarian Crisis since WWII

With all that is happening in our world today for literally millions of Ukranian families, problems in my life seem so insignificant. How about you? Have you taken the time to pause and reflect? For me, personally, I’ve decided it’s time for a shift in perspective. For our family, we’ve been in the middle of some home remodeling projects that have left our house in disarray. It’s been unnerving to have things in chaos around here, until I started watching the news. My heart breaks watching families pack up just enough to carry or wheel behind them and leaving the place they used to call home. I can’t even imagine leaving my home and not having any idea where I was going and not knowing if I would have anything to come back home to.

Doesn’t Compare
It seemed like such an inconvenience to be displaced from our master bedroom and into a spare room until I started watching the news. Children holding on to their stuffed animals in one hand and their mother’s hand with the other. Moms clinging to their children pressing their way through the train station trying to get out of Ukraine. Being displaced from my bedroom seems so ridiculous compared to the millions of refugees displaced from their homes and nation. Mothers and children nestled up together trying to stay warm and safe on subway and train station floors. 

Saying Goodbye
We recently traveled to visit our adult sons and their families on the east coast. Our sons are in the military, so saying goodbye and being apart have become part of our way of life over the past 10 yrs. However, our separation and farewells don’t even compare to what Ukrainian families are going through right now. I turn on the news and realize how blessed I am.  I can’t even imagine kissing my husband and adult sons goodbye and leaving them behind to fight a war they didn’t ask for. My heart breaks for those children who hugged their dads and brothers as they boarded those trains out of Ukraine maybe for the last time.

First World Problems
What have you been focusing on lately? I know the news can be hard to watch sometimes and there are times we do need to turn it off, but I don’t think this is one of them. It's too easy to stay in our own comfortable life and deal with our insignificant “first world” problems. I just heard a report on the refugee crisis where they estimate there could be 4 million people displaced looking for a home before this is all over. These are not just folks looking for a hot meal and an overnight stay. These are women, children, and families that will need a place to call home for months, maybe years to come. What is God calling us to do in this crisis? The war in the Ukraine is creating the greatest humanitarian crisis since WWII. 

Love in Action
It’s hard to know what to do living so far away from the conflict, but God’s word gives us some direction. 

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good.  Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.  When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.  Romans 12: 9-13.

• PRAY. The number one thing we can do for our Ukrainian brothers and sisters is pray. God tells us to be “patient in trouble and keep on praying.” 

• GIVE. Another way we can help is to give. Displaced families are in need of so much and there are already great organizations mobilized on the ground to help. Giving to an organization such as Samaritans Purse ensures it is direct relief to the Ukrainian people in Jesus’ name. 

• BE. As a Christ follower, I am called to BE the hands and feet of Jesus Christ not just in my home and neighborhood but to the world. How about you? Be patient. Be ready to help. Be eager to practice hospitality. That’s what Romans 12 tells us to “be”.

What Are You Focusing On?
What is God asking of us in this crisis? I believe he’s telling us to do exactly what Romans 12 tells us to do; put our love for him into action.  I don’t exactly know what that looks like for you, but I know for me it’s a mindshift away from my trivial first world problems. I can’t dwell on my petty inconveniences when people are running from mortar shells and not knowing where they will get their next meal.  It’s focusing on praying regularly and fervently for the families in Ukraine. It’s giving generously to the humanitarian work being done to help them in Eastern Europe. It’s being open and ready to help in other tangible ways such as meal packing or even opening up our home to those being displaced. Whatever God calls me to do, I need to be ready to put my faith and love into action. 

5 Steps to Finding Your Identity and Purpose

She could hardly look up at me, as I we sat in my office on that hot summer day. She was so weighed down by the guilt and shame from her past, she had no idea how to even answer my questions. “Who is Dawn*, and why is she here?” All she could do was cry…and cry…and cry. It was an ugly cry. It was a couple sessions of ugly cries, but after she had a chance to let the pain go, it was time to begin the healing process. It was time to discover the answers to those two all important questions that would change her life forever-”Who are you?” and “Why are you here?”

Identity and Purpose
I don’t know what the weather is like where you are right now or where you are in life, but I want to talk to you for a moment about two things that are important in any season of our lives- Identity and Purpose. My husband and I have worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and families over the past 30 years who have struggled with one or both of these things. Honestly, identity and purpose are so closely connected, it’s hard to even separate the two. It’s hard to have one without the other.

What About You?
I didn’t just ask Dawn those two questions on that hot July day. I’m asking you, too. “Who are you and why are you here?” It doesn’t matter your age either. You can be an 18 year old young woman and have a very clear vision of your identity and purpose, or you can be a 50 year old man and have no idea. If we were sitting in my office together right now, and I asked you those questions, what would you say?

Not Enough
I can still see the look on one teenage girl’s face not too long ago when I asked her those same two questions. Her answers made my heart sink. “Who am I you ask? Well, I’m not pretty enough, smart enough, or good enough”, she said. That’s all she could give me. No wonder she struggled with anxiety, depression, and hopelessness. In her mind, she couldn’t even think of a reason for her to still be here.

Don’t Leave Your Heart Unprotected
You see when we don’t know who we are and why we are here, we set ourselves up for disaster. We allow our minds and hearts to be unprotected and we get wounded and offended easily. We allow the world or someone around us to define us and determine our worth and purpose. Not understanding our identity and purpose is causing one of the greatest epidemics today especially in our children and young adults. It is what is causing this huge crisis in the areas of: gender identity, self harm, hate, division, divorce, suicide, depression, anxiety-you name it.

Starts With You
So what can we do to combat this crisis? How can we help ourselves and those we love from falling into this deadly trap? I’m glad you asked. It starts with YOU. You can’t give someone else something you don’t have yourself. So here are five easy steps to finding YOUR identity and purpose.

Five Steps to Finding Your Identity and Purpose

1. Stay Away From the Lies. Make sure you don’t fall for the lies of identity. These are some common lies we all are tempted to believe when it comes to who we are. They are all sinking sand…

   • I am what I have

   • I am what I do

   • I am what other people say or think of me

   • I am nothing more than my worst mistake

   • I am nothing less than my best accomplishment

2. Commit to an Abundant Mindset-Commit to healthy, positive self talk for yourself and those you care about. Don't be a victim of your circumstances and focus on what you don’t have. Live in an abundant mindset and focus on what you do have. Fix your eyes on being content and grateful for what God has given you and what he has already done in your life. God can take the ugliest of circumstances and create some of the most beautiful victories. 

3. Build on a Strong Faith Foundation-Build an identity and purpose on something that doesn't change like the lies mentioned above. This is where a faith foundation can be critical to a healthy, positive identity and purpose for your life. God created you on purpose for a purpose! Build on His truths.

4. Surround Yourself With Healthy People-Surround yourself with people who will help you. Maybe it’s a mentor, pastor, coach, counselor, healthy friend, someone who will walk alongside you in this journey of self discovery and awareness. Let go of relationships who hold you back from your true identity and purpose. 

5. No More Excuses-Decide today to make this the year you find your identity and purpose in life. Stop floundering and letting everyone else decide who you are and why you are here on this earth. Once you discover who God has created you to be and the amazing plans he has for your life, it won’t matter the circumstances around you. You will have built your life on something that is unshakable even in the middle of the most intense storm. Once you start to understand who you are and why you are here, you will experience a contagious peace and joy that can never be taken away. That, my friends, is the kind of pandemic we need in our world today! 

   *Name changed to protect confidentiality

The Secret Weapon to Preventing Divorce

This past weekend we helped lead a marriage enrichment weekend with an amazing group of married couples from our local area. It was so encouraging seeing couples there married more than 40-50 years as well as just a year or two. There were couples representing first marriages, second marriages, blended families, you name it. It was truly a melting pot. We laughed together, prayed together, and grew together. We were encouraged to see so many men and women wanting to strengthen and protect their marriage and family. In our time together, we shared with them the secret weapon to do both.

The Secret Weapon
Do you want peace, power, and protection for your marriage and family? Do you want the secret weapon in preventing divorce with over 99% effectiveness? Then pray together! Yep, that’s right. Less than ONE PERCENT of couples who pray together on a regular basis divorce. I don’t know of any tool that can rival that statistic, but unfortunately not many are tapping into the power.  Family Life surveyed thousands of Christian couples and found a sad and alarming statistic. You’ve probably heard one out of every two marriages end in divorce, but have you heard the statistic isn’t any better for Christian couples? Why is that? Maybe it’s because only 4% of Christian couples actually pray together on a regular basis.

Helping You Get Started
Why don’t more couples pray together? Every couple is different, but here are some suggestions that may help you get started:

1. BE POSITIVE- No throwing your spouse under the bus. Thank God out loud for your partner. Pray blessings and protection over your family. Focus on why you love them and thank God for them. It will fill the heart of your spouse and draw you closer to the Lord and each other.

2. BE BRIEF- Keep it simple and to the point. Make sure whatever routine you begin you can sustain. It’s not the time to show off your big vocabulary and flowery prayers. You want your spouse to feel comfortable with you praying out loud.

3. BE CONSISTENT - Find a daily time that works with you both and stick to it. Consistency is important but so is flexibility. If your schedule gets crazy and you have to mix it up, no worries. There are no rules.

4. BE TRANSPARENT- Don’t be afraid to share your heart with God in front of your spouse. Praying out loud alongside your spouse builds spiritual intimacy and creates a bond that cannot be easily broken. A mealtime prayer is always a great family practice, but it isn’t exactly the best time to build intimacy or transparency. You need time and privacy as a couple not a growling belly worried the food is getting cold.

5. BE PATIENT- Building spiritual intimacy takes time, but it is so worth it. God can do beautiful things with folks who seek Him above all else.

Seeing Into Your Partner’s Heart
So there you have it. My top five suggestions for praying together as a couple. After hearing those startling statistics mentioned above almost 20 years ago, my husband and I began praying together almost every evening before bed.  I’ll admit. It was awkward at first. We were used to praying rote prayers as a family not heartfelt ones out loud privately. As the spiritual leader in our home, my husband goes first and prays for me, our marriage, our family and anything else laying on his heart that day. Then I do the same. Often, we’ll share things in that prayer time we haven’t mentioned all day. It’s like seeing into the heart of my spouse. It’s also hard to harbor negative feelings and unresolved issues when we’re praying together on a regular basis.

So why not grab your spouse and start today? What do you have to lose? It may just be the tie that binds you together and draws you closer to each other and to the Lord.

Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecc. 4:12

Click HERE to watch Episode 159 of Rock Solid Radio, Why Should I Pray?

Click HERE to listen to Episode 159 of Rock Solid Radio, Why Should I Pray?

This is How We Fight Our Battles

I’ve never been a fan of horror movies. Even as a teen on a date, horror movies were not my thing. Watching people get bludgeoned to death by an ax murderer or heads spinning because of ghosts just gave me the creeps. I know a lot of people get a huge adrenaline rush by haunted houses, scary movies, or creepy novels, but we’ve got to be careful. Why you may ask? Because my friends, the battle for our mind and heart is real!

The Real Enemy
If you haven’t listened to our two recent Rock Solid Radio podcasts (Episodes 157-158) on spiritual warfare, I highly recommend you do so as soon as you are done reading this article. You can find them on our website or on any podcast platform you use. Every day, we have clients walking in our Rock Solid Families office in what they think is a battle with their spouse, adult children, boss, even an ex...you name it. Their emotions are high and their stomach is in knots over a conflict with someone. They are angry, sad, frustrated, and sometimes feeling hopeless that anything good can come out of their situation. Can I just stop you right now and tell you with 100% confidence; they are not the enemy! Now don’t get me wrong. People can hurt us and let us down. They can frustrate us and step on our toes, but they are not the real enemy in this story. The apostle Paul reminds us of that in a letter he wrote to the city of Ephesus.

For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against the mighty powers in this dark world, and against the evil spirits in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12 NLT

Looking For Someone to Devour
Oh, there’s an enemy alright, but he’s not made of flesh and blood! The apostle Peter warns us about the great enemy. Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8 NLT

My friends, we can’t get complacent. Satan and his demons are very real, and there is a real battle going on for our hearts and minds. He wants to distract, discourage, and destroy us. He wants our marriage, our family, even our life. He wants us to believe there is no other way out but through him. Isolation and shame are two of Satan’s favorite weapons for our heart and mind. If he can shame us with our mistakes and make us think we’re all alone, he’s got us right where he wants us. Every day, we see men and women walk in our office feeling weary and hopeless as they fight against this shame and isolation. It’s exhausting when we’re fighting the battle alone.

This is How We Fight Our Battles
So how do we fight against the enemy in this spiritual battle for our mind and heart? Let’s go back to what Paul taught us in Ephesians 6:10-17. We’ve got to suit up in the full armor of God to take our stand against the devil’s schemes.  It boils down to:

1. Truth-Believing in and speaking God’s truth in love. (vs. 14)

2. Integrity-Doing the right thing when no one is looking (v. 14)

3. Peace-Resting in and leaning on God’s strength even in the middle of a storm. (vs.15)

4. Faith-Trusting in the Lord even if we don’t understand. (vs16)

5. Salvation-Accepting the free gift of salvation that God offers us through His son, Jesus’ sacrifice. (vs 17)

6. The Bible-Knowing and living by the truth of God’s Word. It’s our only offensive weapon against the enemy. The Bible is alive, active, and sharper than any double edged sword.  (Ephesians 6:17, Hebrews 4:12)

7. Prayer- Crying out to the Lord activates the armor of God and calls on the power of the Holy Spirit to protect and intercede for us.  (vs18)

There’s no question that Satan's schemes are very real and very evil. As we drift away from these seven things identified above, the world gets darker and darker. But we are promised in 1 John 4:4 that “the one who is in us is greater than the one who is in the world.”  Let’s not be overcome by Satan’s schemes or tricked into believing there is no such thing as spiritual warfare. Stay alert and put on the full armor of God today. This is how we fight our battles!

Click HERE to watch and learn more about spiritual warfare on Rock Solid Radio

Click HERE to listen and learn more about spiritual warfare on Rock Solid Radio