Are We Bringing People to Christ or Driving Them Away?

Have you ever been turned off by someone's hard-driving fire and brimstone evangelism? It typically comes with great fervor and good intention, but the delivery leaves a lot to be desired.

We are currently living in a time when church participation is dropping and people are making their own “gods” to fulfill their needs. When asked about following Jesus or being Christian they make statements like, "I tried it once and it's not for me.” but If we dig down a little deeper, we often find that people had a bad experience within a church, or with "church" people, and they turn the other way for answers.

In The Great Commission, Jesus tells us to go and make disciples of all nations. Yes, we are to bring people to Christ, but as Christians, why are we finding ourselves driving so many people away?

The answer often comes down to the delivery of the content. When we greet non-believers and assume they already know the way of Christ, and that they are willing to jump right onto the path, we are ignorant of their readiness to make such a leap (or life change).

In bringing people to Christ, we often come across as Pharisees who are moving at one speed. We think everyone else should be keeping up with us and when they don't, we often get impatient and begin to act with contempt in our hearts and think things like, “Why can they be more like me?” or “Why aren’t they as passionate about this as I am?”

In episode 286 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda discuss how to approach people as Christ himself demonstrated time and time again - with gentleness, kindness, and respect. He met people where they were and encouraged them to move to someplace better. He helped quench their thirst with the "well of living water". This is a thirst that all of us have…. It’s the desire to quench our understanding of our purpose and how it fits into the universe.

If we truly want to bring people to Christ, we must not get trapped in our own pharisaical, self-righteous delivery of the greatest message concerning the greatest man that ever lived. We must learn to meet people where they are and move them to a better place with gentleness and respect.

So as Christians, how do we love people where they are at?
Merrill and Linda give us a few tips to help guide us:

• Hate the sin, not the sinner:

  1. We are not meant to cast people out or identify them by their sin. (Mark 2: 16-17) We are all much more and much bigger than the sins we commit.

• Base your decision-making on God's word.

  • Try to leave your opinion out of it. This one could be difficult if you are trying to teach the word of God to a non-believer. But this is where the gentleness and love come into play…. Don’t be condemning or judgmental.

• Wrap yourself in the definition of “Agape Love”.

  •   Agape love is God's love. It is unwavering, it is of God and From God, whose very nature is Love. You can wrap yourself in agape love by showing that you care and by putting others first. Remember, you don’t need to “like” someone to show agape love.

• Know the difference between acceptance and agreement.

  • People tend to think that if we don’t accept them, we reject them. But that simply isn’t the case. Accepting is that you understand where they are in life, and you comprehend what they are doing and what they have going on.

The Bible may contain the words, but we are to deliver the message. It is our responsibility to spread the good news and grow God’s kingdom for His glory! If you need encouragement or further instruction on how to deliver God’s word with love and gentleness, we encourage you to read 1 Corinthians 13: 4- 8.

For more content like this, check out our Rock Solid Families Podcast on YouTube!

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Bring Out the Best in Your Spouse

Marriage was created by God and it is meant to be a blessing. Some days marriage can be harder than others, but scripture instructs us on how to be the best spouse we can be, even when it is difficult.

Merrill and Linda dive into the books of Ephesians, 1 Corinthians, James, and Matthew to teach us different ways we can bring out the best in our spouse, which ultimately brings out the best in your marriage. If you listen to episode # 284 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, you may even get to hear them banter back and forth about their own marriage experiences as well. ;)

Here are 6 ways you can bring the best out in your spouse:

1.) Recognize you are on the same team and are equal players in this endeavor. Ephesians 5 tells us to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Every husband must love his wife as himself, and every wife must respect her husband. You are in this marriage together, on one team. Without love and respect, the team can’t collaborate effectively.

2.) 1 Corinthians 12 states just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. You must focus on your spouse's strengths. You have a choice on what you will focus on when it comes to your spouse, and If you choose to focus on their shortcomings and weaknesses, that is all you will see. Praise them for the good they do, for their strengths. After all, what is praised, is repeated!

3.) Effective communication - James 1:19 says everyone should be quick to listen and slow to speak. Merrill and Linda recommend having a conversation with your spouse for at least 10-15 minutes a day. During that check-in you should validate that you are hearing your spouse by acknowledging what they say and do not give advice unless you are asked for it. Instead ask, “How can I help?” or “What do you need from me?” Once that check-in is over, you should be able to walk away with a sense of HOW your spouse is truly doing.

4.) Be your best! Instead of focusing on what your partner is or is not doing, focus on what you can do better to be the best version of yourself, not just for you, but also for your spouse. When focusing on being the best version of yourself, access yourself in the following 3 categories:

- Spiritual Growth - Are you practicing to be more Christ-like?
- Physical Growth - Are you taking care of your body? Are you healthy? Are you fit? Do you like what you see when you look in the mirror? Are you attractive to your spouse?
- Personal Growth - Are you stretching and challenging yourself in your desires and gifts? Practicing a hobby or taking a new class?

5.) Love them the way they want to be Loved, and learn what makes them feel respected and valuable. This is easier when you know your partner’s Love Language. Is it acts of service? Words of affirmation? Getting gifts? If you don’t know your partner’s love language, we highly encourage you to find out.

6.) Build your life and your relationships on something that is ROCK SOLID. Without a firm foundation that is solid or unshakable, you run the risk of things falling apart pretty quickly. You tend to look out for #1 and focus inward on yourself.  It’s like building your life on sinking sand. The first wave hits and suddenly things are washed away. What are the values you are building your marriage and family on? Is it a strong Christian faith? Even if you are not a person of faith or a church-goer, we still challenge you to give it a try. Start building your life and relationships on something solid like integrity, honesty, faithfulness, kindness, dependability, good work ethic, etc. It not only will bring out the best in your spouse, but yourself as well.

With Christ as the cornerstone of your relationships, you will have a common and firm foundation. Just like the wise builder in Matthew 7, with a foundation built on Christ, your house will not fall. As you grow in your relationship together, we encourage you to pray together and practice forgiveness and grace, just like God does with the Church.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH the Rock Solid Families Podcast episode on Bringing out the best in your spouse here.

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