Lean In and Look Up

"We are at the end of our 25 year rope. Can you help save our marriage?" Those were the words Jon and Anna used just one year ago when they reached out to Rock Solid Families for help. Even after twenty-five years of marriage and five children between the two of them, Jon and Anna felt consumed by past baggage and present life stressors. The storms of life were trying to take them under. When they came to Rock Solid Families in June 2019, they felt empty, bitter, and exhausted.

So many couples like Jon and Anna walk through the doors of Rock Solid Families every day ready to give up. Satan uses things like distraction, discouragement, and distorted thinking to destroy the lives of individuals, couples, and families. Satan tries to pull them away from the things that really matter through distractions like busyness or success? He has used the recent headlines of COVID, racial unrest, political division, economic depression to pull marriages and families under with fear and anger? The distortion of God’s absolute truth has been a very popular tactic of the enemy lately. Just look at the way the enemy’s lies have caused despair and chaos in our world today.

Jesus tells us how to weather these life storms in Matthew 7:24-27.

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.  But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.

What are you building your life and family on? Is it what society says is “true” and “good”? Are you basing your happiness on your own self serving motives and feelings? All those things are sinking sand. They can not hold you up when the storms of life hit. We’ve all experienced storms in life whether you call it infertility or infidelity. Maybe you’ve experienced the devastation of death or divorce. Whatever it looks like, you will always have storms hit your home. Then what?

For Jon and Anna today, they are in a much better place. They believe the Lord used Rock Solid Families and a ministry called Retrouvaille to save their marriage and equip them with the tools they needed to not just survive the storms but thrive during them. They have found community and accountability through Celebrate Recovery where they often share their story with other couples in crisis. Other couples have walked through our doors seeking help saying..."we are here because of Jon and Anna".

There is not one tear that God does not see and want to use for good. Jon and Anna's story reminds us of the hope and help found in God and God alone. They are a reminder of what happens when we lean in and look up. Jon and Anna had to be reminded, even after 25 years of marriage, that Satan is the enemy not their spouse. They have learned how to lean in and work together as one team. They have learned how to “mean what they say and say what they mean” in their communication, so that bitterness and resentment do not take root. They have learned how to truly listen to their partner, so that the other feels loved and heard.

Jon and Anna rebuilt their foundation from the ground up. Do they still have bad days? Sure. They are human, but it’s different this time. They have learned how to lean in and look up committing to each other and keeping their eyes fixed on the Lord. How about you? How can God use your pain and past for His glory? Maybe it's time to lean in and look up!

Help! Strong Dads Needed!

Have you ever seen someone stuck trying to solve a problem and from a distance you knew exactly what the solution to the problem was?  You think to yourself, “come on man, all you have to do is ...” The solution is crystal clear in your mind and it drives you crazy that the person you are watching can’t seem to see it.I didn’t say the solution would be an easy process;  I just said the solution is clear. This is where we get things messed up. We often want solutions to be obvious and easy.  The reality is that sometimes the solution is obvious, but the implementation is difficult.  

In this past year of running Rock Solid Families and the 20 years before that working as a school counselor, this is exactly how I feel about the many societal ills we face as a nation.  Whether we are talking about crime rates, homelessness, poverty, drug abuse, lack of civility, mass shootings, etc. The one common factor is broken families, and to drill a little deeper, lack of Strong Dads! The statistics are overwhelming! 

Poverty – Children living in female headed families with no spouse present had a poverty rate of 47.6 percent, over 4 times the rate in married-couple families. (Source: U.S. Census Bureau, Children’s Living Arrangements and Characteristics: March 2011, Table C8. Washington D.C.: 2011.)

Drug and Alcohol Abuse – Fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse.    (Source:U.S. Department of Health and Human Services)

Education – 71% of high school dropouts are fatherless; fatherless children have more trouble academically, scoring poorly on tests of reading, mathematics, and thinking skills; children from father-absent homes are more likely to be truant from school, more likely to be excluded from school, more likely to leave school at age 16, and less likely to attain academic and professional qualifications in adulthood.      (Source: Edward Kruk, Ph.D., “The Vital Importance of Paternal Presence in Children’s Lives.” May 23, 2012.)

Crime -  A 1% increase in the proportion of single-parent families in a neighborhood is associated with a 3% increase in an adolescent’s level of violence.    (Source: Knoester, C., & Hayne, D.A. (2005). “Community context, social integration into family, and youth violence.” Journal of Marriage and Family 67, 767-780.)

Sexual Activity – Being raised by a single mother raises the risk of teen pregnancy, marrying with less than a high school degree, and forming a marriage where both partners have less than a high school degree.  (Source: Teachman, Jay D. “The Childhood Living Arrangements of Children and the Characteristics of Their Marriages.” Journal of Family Issues 25 (January 2004): 86-111.)

The solution is right in front of our faces.  In fact, if you are a man, you can look directly in the mirror and the solution will look right back at you. It is time to stop ignoring the “elephant in the room”, We need our dads to step up and do their job!  

 At Rock Solid Families, this is a primary area that we focus our efforts toward.  We are working hard to shine the light on the necessity for our men to step up and be the fathers they have been called to be.  Yes, the solution is easy, but the work is hard! Being a Strong Dad takes sacrifice, commitment, perseverance, and unwavering faith in the mission of fatherhood.  It means doing things that we don’t always want to do. It means giving time, money, effort, and our heart to something other than ourselves. 

 In an article written by David Peach, 11 Qualities of a Christian Father, David list 11 things that a father needs to be or do in order to positively impact their family and the generations to come:

1. Love God - living for your creator and recognizing that you didn’t create yourself, but were created with gifts for a purpose to serve

2. Love Others - demonstrate love through your willingness to sacrifice for others

3. Be a Mentor - understand your responsibility to coach, teach, and lead

4. Be Patient - learn to take a deep breath and step away

5. Be a Good Worker - show your family what a good work ethic is through your actions

6. Be Self Controlled - understand your emotions and keep them appropriate and healthy

7. Be Sober - avoid overuse of drugs and alcohol

8. Be Blameless - own your wrong doings

9. Be Worthy of Respect - your actions matter

10. Not a Lover of Money - understand the purpose and value of money 

11. Understand and Practice the Fruits of the Spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. 

How are you doing in these areas?  I know I struggle, but that struggle is with my selfish human nature and desires.  Understanding this is our first step to growing as a Strong Dad!

 If you are a father or plan to be one, I challenge you to take a good look at the men you have had in your life.  Emulate the ones that were positive and challenged you to be a great man. Learn from the ones that tore you down and make a promise to yourself and your family that you will not do this to your children. 

 If you have not been the father you know you need to be or are feeling convicted by this article, turn that conviction toward a positive change.  Start by making a commitment to your family. Make apologies and begin the healing and rebuilding process. Trust is a difficult thing to rebuild.  If you have not been trustworthy in the past, don’t expect that everyone will begin trusting you the minute you tell them you are a newly committed father.  Trust is developed by actions, not words. Show your family that you are the father and leader of your home. Be the man God called you to be and your family needs you to be.  Die to your selfish boyhood self and rise as the STRONG DAD positively impacting generations to come!  

 I challenge you to listen in to our weekly podcast called Strong Dads and follow us on this journey as iron sharpens iron. We don’t claim to have all the answers,but we trust in the One who does, Our Heavenly Father. You can listen to all our episodes by searching “Strong Dads” on Spotify, IHeart Radio, Apple Podcasts, or on our website rocksolidfamilies.org/podcasts.  If you or someone you know needs help or more information on how to be a Strong Dad, contact Rock Solid Families at 812-576-7625 or contact us through our website rocksolidfamilies.org.