Have you ever heard the story about the prodigal son? The wayward son took his inheritance and arrogance and went out to live his “best” life. The results were disastrous - trouble, brokenness, isolation, anxiety, and depression. Hardly, what any of us would consider a “best” life, but here’s the great part. When humbled, the son returns to his father who accepts him with open arms. The love of the father and the restoration of one’s life is what we call grace!
Sounds a lot like Jake’s story. Jake is a young man who began dreaming of all the fun and excitement he could have by doing his own thing. In 7th grade, Jake began experimenting with alcohol and drugs. His introduction to alcohol came through his friends’ older siblings. He describes that time as boys just hanging out having fun. He loved hanging out with those older guys and enjoyed the feeling of drinking and laughing with his buddies.
Fast forward into 8th grade when Jake had the opportunity to experience marijuana for the first time. Jake describes his first-time as euphoric which led him to seek it out over and over again. Jake’s marijuana use continued for years. When he got his driver’s license, his newfound freedom allowed him to get high almost daily. During this time, Jake withdrew from almost all activities that used to be part of his life, which we know is a huge red flag. Sports, family time, and school activities were replaced with hanging with friends that would smoke pot and working to buy more.
Jake has a soft heart and never wanted to hurt his family, but he could not escape the hold that euphoria had on him. In order to keep the peace, his avoidance and manipulation grew in order to hide his “dark side”. Jake became very sneaky and would use his charm to mislead others. He was very good at telling everyone what they wanted to hear but then doing what he wanted to do. As good as he thought he was, his mom knew something was going on. He would get caught and there would be consequences, but he would turn the blame on his mom, not himself. As a self-centered, arrogant young man, Jake only felt remorse for himself and would get angry about being caught. Nonetheless, his mom continued to show Jake tough love not tolerating his self-destructive and illegal behaviors.
Without working too hard at school and barely showing up, Jake was able to maintain a “B” average and graduate high school. To Jake, his decent grades only fueled his deception and pursuit of his addiction. Out of high school, Jake loved the life he was living and continued to enjoy the euphoric experience of drugs. He began to experiment with psychedelics and the likes of mushrooms and such. Jake knew he was taking his drug use to a deeper level, but he had fooled himself in thinking he could handle it. After all, he had graduated from high school while getting high every day.
All Good Things Must Come to An End
Two years ago, Jake hit a wall after a very bad situation with the law and found himself facing up to 15 years of prison time. His mother continued to love Jake through his ordeal, but knew she couldn’t save him from the consequences of his actions. Facing the possibility of 15 years in prison, Jake began to realize the seriousness of his decisions and how his life would be forever different. After his charm and sweet-talk fell on deaf ears, his attorney encouraged him to seek counseling and begin real-life change. This is when Jake reached out to Merrill Hutchinson and Rock Solid Families.
Merrill, President of Rock Solid Families, was formerly Jake’s elementary school counselor. When Jake reached out to Merrill, there was an instant connection and desire to help. Jake came for his first session and began to reveal all of his years since Merrill had known him as an elementary school counselor. Jake was painting a side of himself that Merrill had never seen. Jake appeared remorseful and mostly scared. He had a great deal riding on this and knew that he needed to do everything possible to prove to the courts that he was actively seeking a new and changed life.
Merrill’s approach to Jake was much like a coach. Jake was expressing all the trouble he was in and what needed to happen in order for him to improve his chances with the courts prior to sentencing. Merrill made it very clear that if Jake was just seeking out this help to get through the courts, then he really wasn’t interested in helping. He was not going to enable Jake to continue to manipulate the system and people to get his way. Merrill explained that this work would be intense and that Jake would be held accountable for his work of restoration. Merrill explained that he would not write any letters to the courts appealing for anything less than the maximum sentence unless Jake had proven himself committed to the coaching work laid before him. Jake agreed with Merrill’s approach and expectations and stated that it was time for him to make some serious changes with how he was living life.
Jake began working on multiple fronts. He came in for weekly coaching sessions, did his homework in between, and even began to physically take care of himself. He began working out in the Rock Solid Family gym and enjoying a more healthy approach to living.
Merrill recognized how thoughtful Jake truly was. His big heart and thoughtfulness began to show through and Merrill began to challenge him to use these traits for something greater. Jake and Merrill had many conversations about God and the Bible. Jake’s familiarity with the Bible was limited, but his desire to listen and learn about God was fresh. Many sessions involved Jake and Merrill walking through passages of scripture, and how they could help Jake build a better life. Among the most impactful awakenings, Jake had about himself was his heart for others. He first began to understand the depth of his mom’s love for him. How she never gave up on him even when he hated the things she was saying or doing. He realized how he was using and manipulating people only to satisfy his immediate selfish desires. Jake’s life began to change for the better when he saw the teachings of Christ’s love and grace come alive around him.
Jake began to make statements like: “Your habits create who you are; it’s time for me to change my habits.” “I used to spend my free time thinking about how and when I was going to get high. Now I think about who I want to visit, and spending time with my family.” “I never even gave thought to my body and what I was eating or how I was exercising. Now, I’m more conscious of eating right and adding exercise to my days. I’ve lost a ton of weight and stronger than I’ve ever been.” “I used to hang out with risky people willing to do risky things. Now, I hang out with people that build me up, or I can help build them up.”
The Return to Your Mother’s House
Jake’s sentencing date finally came after being postponed several times. But, these postponements ended up being a blessing as it gave Jake more time to continue his path of change. When the judge looked at Jake’s work and the progress made, he made the decision to move Jake’s felony charge down to a misdemeanor. His sentencing time went from 15 years in prison to 2 years of probation. Jake will be completing his two years of probation in a matter of months. He has a fresh start on the horizon.
Jake has been and continues to do the work of change. Sober for nearly two years, he has recognized the ways of his past and owned the choices he made. He now has a healthy relationship with his family and is attending college to get his Master’s degree in Social Work maintaining a 4.0 GPA. He is now intentional about capturing those negative thoughts BEFORE they get him in trouble. He can see the bigger picture versus living in the moment to get high. Jake is busy working two jobs and using his money to pay for school and even learning to save for retirement.
When asked what he would tell his 7th-grade self, this 22-year-old definitely had some things he wished he would have understood back then. For Jake, marijuana was a gateway drug. The scariest thing was how much he enjoyed it even using the term “euphoric”. He couldn’t get enough of it, and it led to many other destructive things. He wished he would have understood how his choices would have negatively impacted his life and the lives of his family. He wished he had his high school years to do over, as he blew every opportunity to be involved in sports and other activities. He hates to think of all the doors of opportunity that he shut on himself when it came to academics and college. He hates to think about how much money he lost because of the drugs and now defending himself in court.
His maturity and humility have created a whole new way of life for Jake. His understanding of personal responsibility and the need for Christ in his life have given Jake a fresh start. God is still writing Jake’s story, and we look forward to seeing Jake continue to grow and become the man God intended him to be. Living with a purpose far greater and more meaningful than serving his own desires.