I still remember the day it hit me. I had just gotten married and moved into our first home. It was a late summer evening when I decided to go for a walk in my new neighborhood. My husband wasn’t home at the time and as I walked alone in my new neighborhood, I remember thinking- “my mom would kill me if she knew I was out walking in the dark alone”. I still remember that glorious feeling though thinking to myself in that moment- “But, I’m an adult now, and I can do whatever I want.”
Through the years, though, I’ve learned another important life lesson the hard way- just because we CAN doesn’t mean we SHOULD. That’s the way I feel about the whole issue of screens. As an adult, I have a love/hate relationship with screens whether it be my phone, laptop, or TV. In our non-profit marriage and family ministry, screens are a necessary evil for the work that we do connecting with families through email, texting, and social media. We share our message online everyday through our blogs, posts, and podcasts. Let’s face it-screens are here to stay, but is there a healthy way to manage them so that they don’t control us? At Rock Solid Families, we’d even go as far to say screens are not just controlling us, but in some cases destroying us?
Did you know that the average adult spends ELEVEN hours a day in front of a screen? That’s the general adult population average regardless of what they do for a living. Wow! Eleven hours of screens doesn’t leave much time for much else before it’s time to call it a day and go to bed. What is that amount of screen time doing to our bodies, minds, and relationships?
A LOT!
As a pastoral counselor and life coach, I see the destructive consequences walking through our door every day. Look around you. You see it too. Couples sitting at the table day after day on their phones or in front of the TV only to wonder why later their spouse wants a divorce. Watching as folks in conflict verbally attack and assault one another because the only thing they have learned to interact with all day is a screen. Kids and adults who are used to getting answers at the touch of a button now too impatient to wait on anyone or anything.
Screen time reminds me of my love/hate relationship with junk food. Oh, it can taste so good, but it can be so bad for you. Both may be ok in moderation or special occasions, but if we don’t get it under control, both can do some serious damage. Yes, you are an adult and you can eat and do what you want, but how much junk food is too much? I want to share with you some unhealthy screen habits we see, and the healthy alternatives we encourage and recommend at Rock Solid Families.
Mental Health
Unhealthy: There is a significant association between TV/computer/phone usage and moderate/ severe levels of depression and anxiety. In this culture of 24/7 connections, we’ve never felt more isolated and alone and for some suicidal. It’s true for our children and teens and it holds true for adults as well.
Healthy: Turn off the noise. Find someone to hold you accountable in setting a healthy screen time limit for you-yes even as an adult. Decide as a couple, family or with a close friend, what’s a healthy amount for you. The experts recommend no more than 2 hours of recreational use of screens. What are some sites you just shouldn’t go to or shows you shouldn’t watch? Talk this through with a professional if you need to. For some Snapchat is overwhelming and unnerving. For others, Facebook takes their mind to a bad place. Are there sites that trigger destructive habits or negative emotions for you? If so, turn it off, block the site if you have to and get someone to hold you accountable. You have got to give your mind some whitespace every day to dream, relax, and decompress. We’re not doing that on a regular basis and it’s taking a toll on our mental health. We can get wound so tight we are ready to snap.
Relationships
Unhealthy: Screens are replacing people when it comes to relationships. We’d rather sit home on our phone than go out with our spouse or friend. And when we do go out with them, we often end up “phubbing” them. Phubbing is where we snub those sitting in front of us for a phone. We are disconnecting from those around us whether it be the man standing behind you in the grocery line or the mom sitting next to you in the stands. Screens are stealing quality and quantity time away from those we love and care about. Our spouse, friends, and children are beginning to feel like whatever you are staring at whether it be Facebook or Fox News is more important than they are. Is that the message you want to send them?
Healthy: Make sure you build in at least 15 minutes everyday of uninterrupted face to face time with every person in your home. Turn the TV off, put down your phone, and look that person in the eyes to show them you care and are listening. It is like taking a daily temperature read of your relationship. Are you ok? Are we good? Doing this daily helps you from missing something important that they were waiting for you to ask about.
Productivity
Unhealthy: Ask anyone how they are doing and the usual response is “Busy, so busy!” Why is that? I think it’s because of the hours of wasted time in front of screens. Think about it. We live in a generation with more gadgets and gizmos that make our life easier yet we are overwhelmed with the lack of time.
Healthy: Do a little honest evaluation on your screen time. Keep track for a week the amount of time you sit in front of a computer, phone, or TV. How much of that time is mindless nothingness? Make a commitment now that you will replace some of that time with more productive, healthy tasks such as making dinner, taking a walk, or reading a book.
Physical Health
Unhealthy: Just like junk food, an unhealthy amount of screen time, can lead to some serious physical issues. Screens especially late at night are keeping our minds awake and “doped” up causing sleeplessness, migraines, obesity, high blood pressure, anxiety, addictions, back pain, eye strain, the list goes on and on.
Healthy: Commit today to limit your screen time and watch your physical health improve. Turn off your notifications. Shut down the blue light from a computer or phone at least an hour before you go to sleep and charge your phone away from your bed. Set up some screen free zones such as the dinner table, bed, and car. Establish some screen free days where you unplug and unwind with no screens around. Every 20 minutes stand, stretch, and walk away from your computer or phone even if you work in front of a computer all day. Decide as a couple or a family-what is a healthy amount of screen time we should shoot for in our home.
As we said before, just because we CAN doesn’t mean we SHOULD. Our friends and family are watching. What’s the message we are sending to them? The benefits of a healthy balance of screen time will have positive and lasting effects on anyone regardless of our age. It’s time, as adults, we lead the way and show others how it’s done.